1Okay...so it's been awhile since I last wrote anything, but I'm back now so...be happy. Please enjoy the story.
Chapter 8:
"Kagome, where have you been, child? I've been worried sick about you," Kagome heard Sakura exclaim as she entered the large study her mother used as an office.
Seated with her hands neatly placed and her eyes just barely lighting upon her daughter Sakura was the picture of a perfectly composed lady. Kagome's grandfather was seated less formally in a corner great chair closer to one of the three grand windows that graced the south end of the office rising almost the full 12 feet to the ceilings with deep maroon drapes flowing effortlessly to the plush carpets below. The windows gave off a dismal pale color that reflected the dull grays rain and clouds had created outside. With the colors of the sky and the intimidating sheen of the maroon drapes shadowing Kagome's grandfather he seemed to give an appearance of dread, as though he was wilting under some unseen pressure or emotion.
"Sango and I decided to stay after school for a little bit so I could...become better acquainted with the campus," Kagome lied, allowing not even a glance further at her mother as she sat so elegantly listening to Kagome speak.
"Oh...well that was nice of Sango to do. Do thank her for me. I'm afraid I'll be stuck in my office for quite some time today," Sakura explained, sitting back slightly in her chair to show her more mellow position now that Kagome had explained her self.
"...If there is nothing else I would ask that I may be allowed to-"
"Oh...um...Well there is something else, actually. I've been meaning to discuss it with you for some time," Sakura interrupted not sensing Kagome's struggle to escape from the scrutiny of her mother's eyes.
Continuing confidently after she saw her daughter seat herself rigidly in a hard backed wooden chair with a stiff maroon velvet cushion Sakura explained, "You'll be attending the Komodo ball on Friday."
Sakura's voice was given in finality as she addressed her young daughter. It seemed there would be no question as to her daughter's where-abouts upon that particular night. Kagome seemed to grow more morose at the mention of the Komodos (particularly her extended family) rather than her mother's steady and commanding voice.
"Yes, so it would seem," Kagome finally responded, a tinge of her sullenness in her response.
Her tone did not go unnoticed by the two other avid observers in the large office. While Sakura raised a dark elegant brow in simple lady-like response Kagome's grandfather took that opportunity to cough aloud and shift uncomfortably in his chair, a clear indication of his own discomfort with the whole Komodo ball idea.
One could never mistake Kagome's sardonic tones with that of impartiality, but it seemed Sakura felt that would be the safest route to indulge upon. It would be far better that her lovely young child would only be disinterested in the "boring" event of a ball where she'd be surrounded by family members she'd never met as opposed to the rather lamentable opposite: Kagome abhorring the idea of ever meeting the extended family because she hated their less than reputable past with some of the Takashi members. The latter was, naturally, the very reason in which Kagome chose to use such foul undertones to evince her full opinion on that particular subject. To Sakura that thought was almost unfathomable in itself. That Kagome would even know such details was of the most unbelievable sort seeing as in how Kagome hadn't really been with the family for more than a week.
No, the very idea that Kagome would hold contempt towards a group of people, her family members, in which she'd never met was quite unprobable. Keeping in mind that Kagome did still seem to harness a harsh bitterness for Sakura, who was her own biological mother, a mother who'd "abandoned" her daughter and husband to ensure they're safety from the cruelties of the Komodo life. It seemed that Sakura's own selflessness kept coming back to bite her in the ass at every turn in her life. No matter what she did to save her family the contempt continued to grow. The denial Sakura had begun to use so frequently seemed to be advantagous in keeping her satisfied and allowed her to continue on her overzealous quest to keep her down trodden and broken family together. It gave her that much needed push and the naivete that she needed to become as pushy on touchy subjects such as these.
'Nothin' to hold that woman back but some unshed tears and the idea of ruining her pristine life style in the face of her public,' Kagome mused ruefully to herself as she fell back into her stiff wooden chair in a fashion limper than her previous manner which reflected her growing ire in the situation.
"Yes, you seem to be. I realize a ball, especially one in which you will most certainly be a topic of discusssion and much long awaited interest, does tend to overwhelm one," Sakura began to continue with the zeal of an overly determined woman trying to connect with her broken child while still maintaining her sociably acceptable air of elegance.
"God, Sakura! Could you be anymore brutal to the child? I think she's had about all she can take of this business. Kagome doesn't need her own mother pressing the issue into such a fine layer of powder that she begins to feel it's unobtainable," Kagome's grandfather finally managed to exclaim in a subdued rage. Kagome didn't quite know where the emotion came from or why her grandfather had made such a metaphor for the situation (fine layer of powder) but at that moment she thanked God for him and asked so many blessings upon his head that she was sure he would surely suffocate or collapse under the weight of all the blessings he was to receive due to her.
"Father, you know I would never wish to shield any child of mine from a reality such as this," Sakura complained in a whining response.
"Oh please. You've been shielding Kagome since you left her father all those years ago," Kagome's grandfather spat out as he leaned further in his already teetering chair. In his eyes loomed a rage soiled in years of pent up laxness for not only his daughter's actions but also his extended family's.
Sakura's body seemed to go completely rigid at her father's outburst, a clear acknowledgment of her own uneasiness on the subject just breached. Kagome, though still seated, seemed to be more poised and alert upon the disturbance which had rendered her mother immobile at that moment. Though Kagome doubted Sakura was completely unaware of her daughter's knowledge of their family's long, violent past she did finally realize her mother's naivete had begun to cloud her perceptions of the real world and the one she wanted her family, her self even, to live in. Sakura wasn't making judgements for her family based on their happiness, as she tried to disguise it as. She was basing it all on survival and the only way to accomplish that was to play the part of the coy, rich mother who'd become so wrapped up in social events that she had no time to play at being the head of a family in any since other than name.
'Maybe this is her way of protecting me,' Kagome mused to herself. 'Then again, I never asked to be kept in the dark about this stuff. Truth be told, I'd much rather have faced the pain with my mother rather than without her...irregardless of the consequences.'
"He's right you know," Kagome finally responded. All eyes turned to the young teenager who'd stopped looking so much at their interaction and more at her hands which were now shaking nervously as each word left her lips in a new bold tone.
Looking up at her mother she decided to face her head on, to explain. "I know you were trying to protect me and I appreciate that, I really do. But did it ever occur to you that I would much rather see myself...no, all of us through this than be alone and afraid with hardly anyone at all to support me? Do you think I'd ever wish that upon you?"
Sakura's eyes seemed to glaze over as her daughter's words began to strike her mind with reality. Kagome wasn't stupid and she definitely wasn't trying to tip-toe around the facts right now. This was Kagome's opportunity to explain, to try and reach her Sakura in the fake world she'd built up to replace the reality she'd hid from for so many years.
"I may seem harsh and bitter, but who wouldn't? I grew up believing you never loved me or Dad and that's why you abandoned us. I couldn't help the thoughts, the poisons. But I always loved you, no matter what. I can never stop loving you...you're my mother," Kagome exclaimed in a hastened surge of emotion. Upon this outburst Sakura began to weep, her tears streaming restlessly down her already broken face.
"Did it ever occur to you that by leaving me, leaving Dad, you were helping them, the extended family, accomplish something they wanted to for so long? I know it's hard to admit, but this is real, Mom. I just want you to know that irregardless of the consequences I would have wanted to be with you, our whole family fighting this thing together, rather than without any of you."
Sakura sat, still allowing the tears to drench her reddened cheeks like a curtain falling endlessly to a shaken ground. It was suddenly all too clear, all too vivid. The memories Sakura had kept hidden, the nights she'd lied alone wishing for her husband, wanting to hold her little girl just one more time. All the pain came rushing back. And then it was as if nothing mattered. Sakura stood slowly, taking out a soft handkerchief from her suit jacket, and dabbed lightly at her soaked face in a poised manner. Then a smile spread weakly, her mask intact once more as she turned to her family, her daughter and father.
"Well now. I don't know where that came from. I do apologize for acting with such brazenness," Sakura stated all too happily and as if nothing was wrong. Turning exclusively to her daughter Kagome began commanded lightly, "Kagome, our cousin Yokoshima Tanjou will be comming by tomorrow after school to help prepare you for the ball. I realize this is short notice, but I expect that you will be there promptly so as not to mar your reputation with the stain of rudeness."
Sakura was chipper, excited, but lacked the liveliness she once possessed in speaking on social items. It was as if she'd reverted into her former self yet remained empty, like a shell only hollow and...emotionless. As Sakura said her goodbyes and asked her father and Kagome to leave politely Kagome wondered if this was the state to which she would be graced with from there on out.
"Kagome, you must understand something about your mother before you pass judgement," Kagome's grandfather interrupted suddenly as the two stood facing each other in the hallway that led them to the office they'd just exited. Looking up shyly, Kagome placed her hands in front of her in a crossed pattern at her lap and shifted her weight under the apprehension of what was to be said next.
Sighing more to himself in exasperation than in grief, he continued, "Sakura has learned to cope with all the pain by pushing all of her emotions, mainly pain into a little part of herself and telling that part of her to never come back out. I suppose you can't really call that learning when it come's down to the technical meanings, but it has always been her way of dealing with things. She hides behind this facade of a real career oriented woman who's social life is just as important as breathing."
"By lying to herself. I guess I'll never see the logic in hiding inside yourself to cope, but then again I suppose I react similarly...hiding the way I feel until it's too late," Kagome responded flatly, trying to seem sympathetic but knowing her grandfather could see her loathing.
"Now don't go beating yourself up. You're nothing like that. You've been driven by your emotions since the moment you were born and never let that go. It's just not that easy for Sakura. Kagome, she tries. She really does. For a moment there I could see her fears, her pain come back. But it's just too hard for her to handle," Kagome's grandfather exclaimed as he watched his granddaughter, pleading with his eyes for her to understand.
"You've grown through bitterness, understood emotions and expected some of the worst outcomes because of your past. Sakura had never experienced betrayal, hate, jealousy, or any of that in the powerful waves that it hit our family upon her marriage and your birth. I just want you to keep that in mind while you sit there and judge her," her grandfather exclaimed, then added a bit more softly before he moved away, "You were once just as lost, emotions and all. Love can be a funny thing, a funny thing , indeed."
Kagome stood where she had during the whole conversation trying to sort through what her grandfather had just said, trying to fathom Sakura's reality. Was she being too critical on her? Was Kagome pushing her mother away as some sort of outlet for her own problems? It was all too much for Kagome to understand. In that sense she was retaining some of her mother's qualities already (TOO MUCH TO HANDLE).
"Feeling a bit empathetic, dear sister?" inquired a stoic, solid voice from behind Kagome's already rattled form. Oh, the apprehension Kagome felt as she recognized the voiced and dreaded the idea of turning to meet its owner.
Okay so that was the end of that. Please tell me what you think and give me some suggestions. I'm still trying to decide if I want Kikyo to turn out to be a bad guy in the end who turns into a good guy or if I want her to stay good and be the victim just like everyone else...--...utter confusion.
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