That Ye Shall Live
I. Full House
He stares
it's been ages since I moved
he watches nothing, sees nothing, knows nothing, but would notice anything--
Nothing happens. Nothing happens. Nothing happens.
he twitches
If there were something to move for, he'd move. Lord, how he'd move.
Nothing happens. He twitches. He thinks.
still thinking or not thinking, if you were thinking you'd do something
madness
there's no starting point starting point starting
nothing happens. He exists. Is that doing anything? If you exist and nothing happens, have you got anything done--
He stares.
Nothing. Happens.
He puts his hands over his ears to drown it out.
II. Reasons
He used to hate them. He rejected their philosophy. He fled them and defied them and broke their oldest laws. And when they caught him, he told them he was proud of it.
He used to hate them. They exiled and abandoned him, barely noticing when he saved them from doom. They mocked him, reviled him, held his remaining lives hostage. They were rigid and passionless and deeply corrupt. And he broke away, and defied them again.
He used himself mercilessly. He tried to redeem them.
He still hates them.
Because if they had listened, they wouldn't have died.
III. And End All
In the beginning, he couldn't stay away.
The actual incident, ironically enough, was sealed off by the planet's blasted temporal grace. He could only arrive, again and again, at the moment when the shield had gone down, long after everything organic had been seared out of existence.
The first time, he drifted in space for several months, watching the sun consume itself. The next sixteen times, he studied the disaster from different angles. He had little excuse for the rest of his visits.
Eons later, primitive astronomers dutifully noted the strange blue haze obscuring their view of the exploding star.
IV. The Last Best Hope
"You know," mused the Doctor, "a long, long time ago, maybe eight hundred years, all I was after was to make my ship work properly and just to pop around and put everything right. Then all I was after was to get myself recognized and have some official standing, because it's so much easier if people listen to you. Then all I wanted was to get them all to sort things out for me. And sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't, and I still don't know what I'm for, do I?"
He stared out over the water.
"Except time..."
V: That Ye Shall Live
I saw it coming.
I saw it build, error upon error, flaw after flaw. I watched it happen. I interfered -- as a blind pawn in an unimaginable crisis. I saw the nightmare become real.
I never believed it. I still don't. Even now. Even here, in the ruin, the graveyard of my soul, the devastation that the mind cannot conceive nor the spirit comprehend.
The universe runs on choices. Consequences. Change. And I shall change this. Even if it changes me. Even if no one will ever know.
They tell me I'm the last.
I deny it.
I choose life.