Hey, it's Emily here. Yes, I know, don't all cheer at once. Here is another chapter of Camp Happy Face just to make your weekend that little bit EXTRA special. Hopefully you'll ALL choose hugs over drugs. Teehee.

- 8 -

'Where'd you say you were from again?' Trent asked me as the four of us, Jason, Bruce, Trent, and I, were walking towards the main hall for our rule hearing.

'I didn't,' I replied popping a Skittle into my mouth. So we weren't allowed to have food due to all the kids here who had ADHD and were pretty handy with knives. Big deal. I was kind of famished from the bus ride here.

'So where are you from?' Jason asked, not talking to me much from my last statement about Suze and I having sex. He needed to get over himself. 'Or is it this big secret or something?' he restated.

I looked over at him and popped another Skittle into my mouth. 'It's no secret,' I said with just a hint of annoyance. 'I'm actually from . . . here, I guess. Seattle.'

'Then why did you get onto the FU--bus in Carmel?' Bruce asked.

Whoa, kid payed attention. I had a sneaking suspicion that Bruce was probably pretty brilliant. He just had an unfortunate disorder.

'Uh,' I stammered. I threw a Skittle into the air and caught it in my mouth. I am skilled. In more ways than one.

For those of you that didn't get that, I was making a sexual innuendo.

'Issues from my summer vacation last year,' I finally stated not wanting to say anything more on the matter. 'It's something I don't really want to go into any more detail about.'

Bruce shrugged and continued walking along with the rest of us. See, if I would have said that to Suze, for instance, she would have pressed me for MORE information. This is why I prefer talking to guys.

They're not really interested in the first place, and if you say you don't want to talk anymore, they're cool with that because talking is a big strain for us. We'd much rather be playing video games or playing guitar in our rooms.

Or having sex with certain girls who won't go out with you.

'That the hall then?' I asked, my mouth full of Skittle, gesturing towards the huge building in front of us.

'Yup,' Trent answered, since he was the only one of us who had been here previously. 'That's it. God, I don't know if I'm ready to handle more of Miffy at the moment.'

'Agreed,' I said. 'So what do you gander? It a girl or a guy?'

We all laughed and continued to make our way to the entrance.

'This sucks.'

Emily looked over at me. I was sadly looking in the mirror at my Camp Happy Face shorts. They were too TIGHT. Now I knew how Paul felt.

Mind, I was rather glad that his shorts weren't tight. I'd prefer not to know if THAT was the reason why he was so cocky - uh, I mean, arrogant.

But yeah, MY SHORTS WERE. I mean, I have a nice butt if I do say so myself.

But shorts aren't MEANT to be tight. They're meant to be comfortable and nice and cozy.

I think the person organizing the uniform sizes was a severely heavy drinker.

Emily sniggered a little. 'Wow, you like, have an ass or something,' she said jokily.

I glared. 'They're too small.'

'The guys won't think so,' she replied.

'That's my problem,' I said darkly, thinking of certain easily-hornyfied dickheads.

No names, Paul. Keep your eyes OFF my ass.

I sighed, and thanked God that he allowed me a little relief by making my shirt just long enough to cover tightness of a certain mediator's shorts. Then, I grabbed my flashlight, and was all, 'Okay, ready.'

'Finally,' Emily said.

'Oh, wait – ' I said, 'With the camp people going through out bags, does that mean they'll confiscate shaving razors?'

'Yup,' Em said.

'Oooh,' I scurried to grab mine. I would NOT have hairy legs for the rest of the camp. No way.

We set off to the main hall. It was warm, at four in the afternoon. There were a couple of flies buzzing around. The lake was glistening like crystal, reflecting the sun hotly. I had my Ray Bans on, so the glare didn't bother me much. Over the other side, I could see a bunch of guys coming over from their cabins.

One of them could have been Paul, but I couldn't tell; they all had their red or yellow shirts on. Mine was red, and looked all cheap and crappy on me.

I HATE uniform. It's either this, though, or pleated khaki shorts.

'So,' Emily said, 'Where you from?'

'Neptune,' I said tiredly. 'Recently Carmel.'

'Right,' she said coolly. She tossed her head, looking over at the guys who were almost around the lake now, and were going to be approaching us quite soon as we both neared the main hall, 'So, this is your first time here obviously.'

'Huh?' I stopped. 'You've been here more than once?'

She laughed proudly. 'Yup. Last year's offence was also due to my 'indecent exposure.' This is my third year here.'

I winced. 'Um, that's nice.'

WHAT IF SISTER ERNESTINE SENT ME BACK NEXT YEAR?

From behind me, I heard a random Tarzan yell. Then a scream. Then a stream of swear words. Then silence . . .

Uh . . . okay.

Upon seeing the four approaching guys closer, I identified one of them as Paul Slater. I tugged my shirt down nervously, and kind of hid behind Emily.

'Suze . . . ' Emily said slowly, 'Erm, what are you doing?'

I guess that the whole grabbing onto her arm, and shrinking next to her in my efforts to remain unseen were a little odd.

'Oh,' I said, 'Uh, you just . . . have a really cool elbow.'

Emily stared.

'Hey, Saddler!' someone shouted out. I didn't know who they were talking to until I saw Emily and Jason, that Goth guy I'd met at the service station, high-five.

Paul, however, had seen me. Oh, great.

I again tugged my shirt down, and looked around helplessly. Then, Jason nodded at me with a smile.

'Hi,' I said.

'BOOBS,' this guy yelled out. I jumped in alarm.

'Up to the old habbits again, I see,' Jason said to the girl with the pink hair. She was kind of hot. Suze was hotter though. She always is. 'What was it this time? More sports taking away money from the art department?'

Saddler nodded, and laughed embarrassedly, 'Yeah, something like that.' She then made her way over to me. 'You look new. First time?'

'Yeah,' I admitted. 'Paul Slater. You?'

'Emily,' she replied shaking my hand. Whoa, large hands for someone who was approximately 5'8'. 'Nice to meet you. '

I groaned, wanting so badly to shout out 'HE HAS PUBIC LICE. STAY AWAAAAAAAAY.'

But, um, I didn't.

Emily then jumped on the back of Jason and said, 'Alright, let's motor, Skippy.'

Maybe she's not the sanest of people either. Although, she DID give the ol' gnads a quick glance, so she can't be THAT insane.

The two set off laughing hysterically, and Bruce and Trent followed.

'You coming, Slater?' Trent asked. I guess he considered us sort of friends since I told off a nun.

'Uh, yeah,' I said, 'I'll catch up to you later then, okay?'

'Yeah,' he said and then ran after Bruce and Jason and Emily.

I think we're alone now, Suzie-Q.

Great, LEAVE ME WHY DON'T YOU?

I stared after her helplessly. I guessed that it probably wouldn't have been tactful to intrude on Em's and Gothy's reunion, but still, uhhhh.

I watched ruefully as the other guys that accompanied Paul also ran ahead. One of them yelled out 'SHIT SUCK' as he left.

I sighed, and again tugged down on my shirt, over my butt. I didn't really have anything to say.

I was leaning more towards kicking him in the nuts and skipping away Dorothy-style, but I thought better of it.

'Er,' I said, 'Nice guys.'

Unlike the one I'm with now.

'Considering,' I added reasonably.

'They're not as bad as I thought they could be,' I said, swinging my arm up and around Suze's shoulders, 'well, except for that Jason guy. He's kind of psycho.'

I winced, and pulled away kind of sharpish. 'No touching,' I said gruffly.

I'm trying to elongate my shirt so my stupid shorts don't show.

I glared at him. 'Jason's cool,' I said a little defensively. 'A little . . . horny,' I shrugged, thinking about his Playboy magazine and his Paris Hilton lust, 'But cool.'

'Suze,' I stressed, placing my hands in my pocket, 'you can get the EXACT same qualities in me, and I look better. Come on.'

I gave him a scornful look. 'What? I never said I was going to MARRY him or anything,' I snapped, 'I just said he was cool. More than I can say for you.'

A huge horn sounded, probably indicating for any cabin dwellers to get their ass into gear and move to the main hall. I saw that Emily and the guys up ahead had made it in.

Behind, there were two girls screaming and were shoving each other. One fell and rolled into the lake. The other started swearing at her.

'Um,' I pointed absently at them, wondering whether to help, but deciding against it. 'Anyway,' I said, 'I'm late.'

'I'll come with you then,' I said. 'We're at the same camp, Suze. Remember?' I began walking towards the building. 'Skittle?' I attempted lamely.

I shrugged. 'Whatever,' I said. I needed the sugar.

She accepted the Skittle, but only after inspecting it, as if I had poisoned it. Right. Because I was just the type of guy to poison a food, give it to the girl I want, and then screw her 'till the cows come home.

Oh, wait. I AM the type of guy who would do that. I mean, according to Suze. God, I'm not LIKE that.

I figured since she was so willing to take the Skittles, she might take this other offer I had.

'Friends?' I asked nonchalantly. Deep down inside, though, in the place where not many people think I even had, this meant a whole lot. See, if Suze didn't want me as a boyfriend, I at least wanted her as a friend. She'd learn then that I'm not the guy she has me made out to be.

I raised my eyebrows at him. 'You gave me a Skittle, Paul. Quit while you're ahead.'

I looked up at the hall where Miffy was standing at the door still, glaring out at everyone. Two girls streaked past me and Paul - clothed, guys, not like, Emily's type of streaking - swearing their heads off at each other. I looked in slight astonishment.

'I really don't belong here,' I groaned. 'You, maybe. But not me. I mean, I at least make an effort to keep my near-insanity to myself.'

'I belong here?' I asked, keeping my pace steady even though I just wanted to drag Suze off and deck the hell out of her. God, why was she so frustrating? What did I have to do to make her realize that I'm NOT that homicidal guy she thinks I am? At this point, she liked Jason better than she did me. And HE'S the one making the statement of cutting.

'What exactly have I done that would merit invitation to this loony bin?' I asked Suze, my tone completely calm. It was the one thing I KNEW I could do well. Keep calm, I mean.

'Cussed to a nun . . . tried to kill me . . . left your brother in the Sh - ' I began, but he cut me off, very indignant.

'ALWAYS the same story with you, isn't it, Suze?' I asked, getting angrier by the moment. Miffy was sweeping people into the main hall. Gosh, Suzie and I might be late. 'Why can't you just accept the fact that a guy can change? Why can't you accept that I"VE changed?'

I tossed my Madagascar red hair, and shrugged him off. 'Right,' I said.

I dropped my hands down to my side, and my shoulders slumped. 'That's not an answer, Suze,' I said, finally showing a tiny bit of angry emotion.

'YOU TWO, GET IN HERE!' Miffy roared ferociously.

I blanched nonchalantly, as we reached the foot of the stairs. She/he/it was glaring down at us in abject fury. She kept looking at Paul's pants. God, if she looked at mine and saw how tight they were, I'd freak . . .

I tugged the top down once more.

'Our apologies, Miffster,' I said in the most dignified tone I could muster. God, she kept EYEING my crotch. Is this how Suze feels when I look at her in that way? Disgust? Or is it flattery?

Who cares?

'Anyway, we better get in there. Don't want to miss anything. It being our first time and all,' I said, grabbing Suze's hand and pulling her into the hall with me.

Okay, Miffy is really weird. She was still looking at Paul's pants as we went through the door - WHY IS PAUL HOLDING MY HAND?

I yanked it away, and was just about to snap something about personal space, when I saw the room full of kids.

Uh . . . ours wasn't the only bus, obviously.

'Um,' I said. 'That's a lot of head cases.'

'Yeah,' I said stopping from my light jog. There were eight long tables each completely filled. The incessant chattering caused a dull roar to fill the room. I could just imagine. This WHOLE experience was gonna put the FU in FUN.

'Where do you think we should sit?' I asked looking around.

We.

Eww.

Wincing, I looked around. Emily and Jason's table was packed, save one seat. There were two tables at the back.

Lonerize Paul, and sit with Em? Or go with him to the back benches?

I looked up at Paul. 'Um - '

It didn't actually matter WHERE we wanted to sit because at that moment, two camp counselors came rushing at us as if they were practicing some football defensive move.

'Do the two of you have nametags?' the first counselor asked.

'Uh, no,' I answered for the both of us. I figured Suze didn't have one either.

'Okay, then. W-What is your name?' the one asked me.

She was standing at least five feet away from me. Ha, this was great. She thought I was gonna pull a knife out at any moment. Pfft. Like I even have one.

Oh, wait. Yeah, I do. Pocket knife.

'I can help you, Miss,' the other, slightly uglier counselor said to Suze.

'Paul Slater,' I said loudly over the talking of the other camp kids.

Hurriedly, the counselor, whose name happened to be Hillary, passed me the name tag which said, Hello! I'm: Paul Slater. I've learned to give hugs, not drugs

God save us.

'You have to sit over at that table over there,' Hillary pointed out to me.

I turned around and saw the table she was talking about.

'You are all alphabetized. That table is for R's-T's. There should be a little name card at your spot.'

'Thanks,' I said, making my way over towards the table. I was hesitant to leave Suze, but what was I going to do? We both had last names beginning with S anyway

'I'm Suze Simon,' I said, mortified.

My one said Hey! I'm: Suze Simon. Boozers are losers.

A bunch of people were looking at the both of us. Everyone was now looking at MY shorts, in disgust. Oh, God . . .

We got to a table, where there were three spaces available. S. Simon, P. Slater and G. Seaton.

'He's not coming,' a girl, who saw I was staring at the tag, said matter-of-factly, 'He offed himself.'

'Um,' I said, freaked. 'That's NICE.'

However, Emily kind of grumpily appeared next to me. 'They caught me sneaking to another table,' she said with a slight grin. She sat in G's spot.

Eww . . . G's spot . . .

G spot.

Uh . . . ignore me.

'Hey, Saddler,' I said as she took the seat next to Suze's. Maybe I could use Emily as a device to make Suze jealous. Ha, right. As if Emily would make Suze jealous.

Worth a shot though, right?

Emily shot a kind of, do-I-know-y...oh-YOU look at Paul, before nodding happily.

The chatter was so loud by now. 'How you know Jason?' she asked me.

'We met outside the bus,' I said. 'While he was buying porn.'

Emily looked over at him proudly. 'Aaah,' she grinned. 'That's m'Jase.'

'So what exactly goes down at these meetings?' I asked Emily. I looked around and noticed no one was getting up on the stage yet to address us or anything. Failures. 'You've been here before right?'

'Certainly have,' Emily answered smugly over me. I was in the middle of both of them and all.

'They attempt to tell us what we can and can't do on camp,' Emily went on, tossing her light brown ponytail back, 'Even though no one listens. They assure us that they'll exact punishment for the law-breakers - but we're delinquents. We actually know a thing or two about not getting caught, you know?'

I laughed a little.

'THEN,' she went on, 'They introduce the gay-assed counselors that are working us through our issues. I made mine cry twice last time,' she sniggered.

'Paul made a nun cry,' I felt it necessary to mention. He went a little red.

Emily looked impressed. 'Whoa . . . ' she leant over to see his name-tag, '. . . Slater. You're worthy of a shine. A NUN?'

'Uh,' I shifted in my seat uncomfortably, and scratched at my neck, 'yeah,' I finished with an insincere/uncomfortable grin.

'I,' I tried to get into the habit of gloating about my many mistakes, 'caused half of my school to crash down overnight. And I decapitated the statue of Junipero Serra in our Mission.'

What? So what if that wasn't ME, so much as me making a loser ghost so bad that THEY did it?

Em looked in awe. Her eyes lit up. 'I think I'm in love,' she linked arms with me.

. . . Again, with the lesbian tendencies . . . I laughed a little uncomfortably.

I sighed in mock bliss.

'Yeah,' I said wrapping my arm around Suze's shoulders too, "me too. Suze is just one of those loveable people.'

Now Paul was acting like a lesbian too. My God.

My face went blank in mild disgust. Um . . . please get off of me, humans.

I mean, human and Paul.

Before she could protest, or cause slight swelling to my forearm from hitting it, a camp counselor, who was DEFINITELY male, walked up onto the stage, tapped on the microphone, and said cheerily, 'Hey, all. Is this thing on? Can you hear me?'

A hush began to sweep through the room, but not before an obnoxious kid could shout an obscenity involving shutting his mouth.

He was hauled away from the table and probably taken to the guidance office or something.

When the guy on stage was given the thumbs up sign, he continued on what I knew was going to be this long, pointless spiel about friendship and love.

'Good, good,' he said, clapping his hands together once. 'Alright then, I am Counselor Martin, the head of Camp Happy Face, and I would like to welcome you all to another fun-filled, relationship-building year.'

Emily retrieved her arm, rolling her eyes.

'Now,' he continued, 'I trust you all realize that the reason you have been sent here is because you have done something that was out of line, harmful, or just plain dangerous. Hopefully, you all regret your actions.'

A light murmur of laughter started. One guy from the A-C table even shouted, 'YOU SUCK!'

'Not suck, Benninger,' Counselor Martin said, chuckling lightly. 'But achieve. I strive to

achieve self-actualization, and strive to be the BEST person I can be. That's what we do here at Camp Happy Face. We make it so then you, as an individual, strive to achieve self-actualization instead of chaos. And for the past thirty-five years this camp has been active, we have achieved this in some individuals. Others--' he chuckled again. All his chuckling was pissing me off. '--just seem to take a little more time.'

Snoooooooooooore . . .

Some more talking began to take place, and I rested my head in my hand that was attached to the arm I had resting on the table. This was going to be boring and gay.

Just like de Silva.

'Okay, now, I realize that a lot of you are becoming restless and want to get going with our fun activities and other things, but there are some rules that need to be gone over.'

Multiple groans and a, 'This is BULLSHIT!' were heard above the rest of the buzz that was talking.

'Rule number one,' Counselor Martin began, pacing the stage with the microphone in hand. 'The counselors, therapists, and Marine personals are your authority while you are here. You are to respect all of them especially the Marines that will come here occasionally. I trust that no one here will have to be punished by the Marines.'

'Rule number two: no drugs, needles, knives, food, razors, metal, sharp edges, etc. are allowed to be kept on hand. Visit the main administrative office for a complete list of what can and cannot be held.'

Can guys hold their penises at all on this camp? Jeez . . .

I mean, what if Paul wants to masturbate? Do they REALLY want to stifle his becoming of a woman?

'Rule number three,' Martin continued, 'there are to be no guests of the opposite sex in the cabins at ANY time. If you are found out to have had one, the consequences will be SEVERE.'

Emily will be content with that. It's discriminating against homosexuals, after all.

WHAT IF SHE GOES BOTH WAYS?

Lordie . . .

I gave a seductive wink to Suze, and then turned my gaze back towards the stage.

Eww . . .

'Severe consequences,' I reminded him harshly. 'If THEY don't castrate you for sneaking into my dorm, I certainly will.'

'You would never castrate me, Simon,' I whispered back her way. 'You like them too much.'

HUH? SAY WHAAAH?

'Rule number four: no sexual interaction with ANYONE at ANYTIME.'

No sexual interaction? What kind of lame rule is that? Half the people have STD's anyway, so what does it matter?

'Rule number five: camp uniforms must be worn at ALL times. The only times it will be acceptable to not where them is during 1.) swimming, but even then, the uniform swimming suit must be donned, and 2.) the end of camp formal dance,' Martin droned on.

WHAT ABOUT SLEEP TIME!

'No streaking for you,' I whispered to Emily solemnly. 'You won't be able to take your clothes off. Pity.'

She snorted.

One of the counselors ran up to Martin and whispered something in his ear. He laughed, 'Oh, yes. I forgot. Sleep wear is your choice. And speaking of sleep, rule number six is no one is to be out of their ASSIGNED cabin after lights out which is 8 o'clock. Routine cabin checks will be every night where the other counselors and I will search each cabin to check that you all are sleeping peacefully.'

Thank God. If I have to SLEEP in these shorts, ears will be severed.

'Rule number seven,' he stated, 'if you are out at night, make sure you have a traveling buddy.'

Traveling buddy?

I turned back towards Suze, and rubbed my hand reassuringly on her thigh. Maybe it was a little higher than was polite, and maybe it wasn't exactly reassuring, but what did I care?

'Don't worry, Suze. I'll be your traveling buddy,' I said sensually.

She had NICE legs.

I looked sideways at him in shock. 'Wh - '

'We'll be good for each other,' I continued, also continuing with my running my hand up and down her thigh. I saw her kind of seize up, letting me know that I was indeed having an affect on her. She gritted her teeth, trying to stare ahead ignorantly. I dipped my hand lower, and I actually saw her shiver.

Nice one, Slater.

'We'll comfort each other when we're scared. We'll protect each other when we're in danger. Or, you know, protect each other when we finally screw each other senseless. Oh, and of course, we'll have each other's back. You know, if you're in need of sexual pleasure, I'll be there. And if I'm in need of a good blow, you'll –'

Previous to that last statement, I was kind of wordless, due to the horribly good sensations that were rocketing my nervous system. However, on THAT line, I too got feisty beneath the table.

I balled my fist, and punched him really hard. In a certain place.

'Aww, pity, there's nothing left to blow,' I snapped under my breath.

Note to self: CHOP OFF HAND ASAP.

His knee bashed upwards in pain.

Emily looked over at him, one eyebrow raised.

I let out a pathetic whimper, but forgive me, I mean, my gnads had just been abused for NO good reasons except that Suze was finding them hard to resist.

'Oh, fuck,' I hissed kind of loudly. Excuse the obscenity, but if you don't have a penis, you have no idea what it's like. 'Shit, why did you have to punch me TH--'

Did I mention my voice kind of was a bit squeaky? Thanks a LOT, SUUUUUSIE.

I smiled lightly, looking ahead.

Paul looked the picture of constipation, then. 'Keep your hands to yourself,' I told him.

'Same to you,' I bit back. You can ONLY have your hands there when you're NOT trying to pulverize my manhood, Suze.

'What's going on?' Emily asked in confusion.

'Nothing,' I said.

I started paying attention again up the front. ' . . . Number eight, no endangering the life of another camper.'

'Yeah,' I scowled at Suze.

His penis was his life? Oops, my bad.

'Rule number nine: Remember the four C's: Courtesy, Consideration, Cooperation, and Common Sense, guys! And rule number ten?' He drew himself up tall, 'wear your happy faces!'

Miffy burped loudly.

One of the therapists started to clap, and grudgingly, everyone else followed on.

'Okay, campers! Half an hour, and we want you back here for your first meal okay?'

No one listened, as suddenly a chorus of screeching chairs accosted the air. I stood up very quickly, and moved away from Paul, hoping that my thigh would from now on remain un-pleasured when I was trying to listen to – well, ignore – the person speaking.

Jason joined me and Emily again. 'Oi, Saddler, you told our newbie about the CHF ghostie?' he grinned.

'Oooh!' Emily looked perky, 'Nope, not yet.'

Hands suddenly slid around my waist, and I twisted my head and saw that they were – MIFFY'S.

Kidding, Paul's.

'What are y – '

'Ghosts?' I overrode her with a smirk. What? I was playing up for Jason, after all. Help him keep his suicidal eyes off of my girl. 'Go on?'

Suze went kind of still, in a stiff way.

Emily laughed. 'Our camps haunted. If you've been here before, you'll know. Apparently a long time ago a woman died on these grounds. She was a witch, and she was burnt for it. And to this day, she wants to exact her revenge against the one who accused her of such crimes.'

'Even though she WAS one,' Jason shrugged.

'Right,' I said weirdly. 'Paul, let go pl – '

'How you know all of this?' I asked a little skeptically. I mean, I'd be a bit more impressed if I couldn't already SEE the dead.

'Seen her,' Emily said.

'Have you?' I asked Jason a little scornfully.

He didn't answer for a second. 'Uh, yeah,' he muttered. 'Just the, uh, once.'

'She was all white and smoky,' Emily assured me. 'And she was going, "Braaaaaaaains . . . braaaaaaaaaaaaaains . . . " and – '

'She was not.'

'It's just a gh –'

'Were you not listening to Counselor Martin at all, Mr. Slater?' Miffy asked, walking over to our dysfunctional little posse. She yanked my hands off of Suze, to my dismay; Jason's pleasure, and said, 'No sexual interaction at Camp Happy Face.'

She then stalked off giving me another glance.

THAT was sexual interaction?

. . . My God.

'She's good for something,' I said in disgust to Paul.

AFTER she'd walked away, that is.

I shook my head, and distanced myself once again from Suze, and tried again. 'It's just a ghost story though, right?' I asked. 'Emily, you could have seen anything. And you--' I said motioning towards Jason. '--well, you're one of those pessimistic/out of their minds type people. Who knows what the hell you saw.'

Jason raised his eyebrows in affront. 'Whatever,' he responded, adding something under his breath.

'Whatever,' Emily shrugged. 'I know what I saw. But I think the scariest thing about this camp is when we go swimming and a chick has her period and tries to get out of it, Miffy makes them prove it.'

'So what exactly do we do for a half an hour at this place?' I asked no one in particular. I looked around. A couple kids were playing with a hackey sack. Some others were trying to shove another kid into a garbage can. And if I weren't distracted by some counselors freaking out on Bruce, I might have noticed the shimmer of something materializing just a few meters away.

Was that a -

Nah.

'Well,' Jason began with hostility. He was I guess still angry about my previous statement, 'those of us that are not going after girls who OBVIOUSLY are not interested, we usually just take a walk, or start a game of "Annoy the Counselors".'

God bless Jason Martnik.

Jackass.

Why did he even feel the need to interfere in a situation that was definitely between just Suze and I? It didn't matter though, because I was going to be the mature one in the situation. I was going to be the man. I was going to be passive aggressive.

'Alright then, why don't we go for a w--'

It was at that moment that I heard the distinct sound of splintering wood.

I cut myself off mid sentence and looked around. Sure enough, above us was some sort of ghost using her unearthly powers to break the roof right above Suze.

I had only mere seconds to act and think. The roof collapsed, and before it could claim Suze, I rushed into her, placing both of us out of harms way.

Oh, yeah. And me on top of her.

Uh, okay . . . WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR? I was just standing there, when Paul totally leapt at me and knocked me to the ground. Granted, he'd kind of cradled my head with his hands so it didn't bash against the floor, but STILL -

Then, I heard a tremendous crash.

Oh.

When everything settled, the whole room was quiet. Then some people started cheering.

'Do it again!' this guy yelled.

I blinked up at Paul in complete alarm. 'Ghost?' I whispered, to which he nodded very discretely. 'Damn.'

I cupped her face with one of my hands.

'You okay?' I asked frightened for somebody else for once. 'I didn't mean to come at you so quickly, it was just the r--'

But I never finished my compassionate thought. Because Miffy roared, 'PAUL SLATER!'

And then, I swear to God, I was being LIFTED up and off of Suze by the back of the neck of my shirt. And MIFFY was doing the lifting.

'Mr. Slater, do you ENJOY disrespecting authority?' it asked, still hanging onto me by my shirt. I was nearly choking.

'Uh, NO,' I tried to choke out, but the Miffster interrupted me again.

'Then again, shoulda known. Once a nun disser, always a nun disser.'

I violently removed her hand from my shirt. Finally, air.

'In case you haven't noticed, SIR, the roof just caved in. I was saving a girl's LIFE.'

'You, Mr. Slater,' Miffy hissed, actually spitting at me in the process. I flinched and wiped it off my face. 'Are in direct violation of rules numbered one, four, and eight. It's off to the isolation chamber for you.'

'Isolation WHAT?' I flipped. 'God, what don't you understand, I didn't DO anything wrong!'

'Shut it, Slater,' Miffy commanded, and I just did.

I tried to kind of protest, as I stood up shakily, 'That thing could have killed me!'

Miffy looked unbothered by this. 'This isn't a very safe campsite,' I tutted. 'My mother won't be very happy with the lack of safety that this camp has to offer. I mean, she's a reporter. She thrives off mistakes like that. And I don't think she'll appreciate the fact that you are blatantly punishing someone who just saved me from being crushed to death - '

'Suze Simon,' Miffy read my nametag angrily, 'Shut your mouth.'

. . . Well, I tried.

It was at about that time, I heard the faint sound of laughter. My blood boiled at this time, and someone had the nerve to LAUGH at me? I turned around and looked for the laughing jerk who was cruisin' for a bruisin' as I was being carried away.

Sure enough, it wasn't anyone ALIVE doing any of the laughing. Because right above the fallen roof floated the ghost of a witch.

I glared furiously at Miffy. 'But that's not f - '

Then, I saw Paul staring at something. I looked past Miffy . . .

Nothing there. Paul had looked away, and was glowering.

There wasn't much I could do at the moment because, uh, Miffy was holding my hand and dragging me along to the isolation chamber.

I decided to remove all thoughts of Suze, the ghost, this damn camp, and focus on more IMPORTANT things.

Like for instance, besides masturbating, what can a guy do by himself for four hours in isolation?