Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or settings used in this fiction. They belong to somebody with a much better imagination than me, and I make no profit from stealing their characters.
Pairing: That'd be telling…patience is a virtue, my friends. Although I should probably inform you that eventually it will be a f/f fic. If that bothers you, then you probably shouldn't be reading this. However, I will say, give it a chance…you might like it!
Jumping off the scene in Touched, where The First is talking to Faith. With a few changes. From then on, mostly AU.
Spoiler warning: Could mention anything from season 1-7, I'm not really sure where I'm going with this at the moment.
Reviews: would be appreciated, suggestions, comments, whatever.
One last thing: Yes, I realise that my characterisation is not wonderful; I just can't seem to get it quite right.
Chapter 1
" Deep down, you've always wanted Buffy to accept you, to love you even. Why do you think that is?"
" What, are you a shrink now?"
" You keep looking for love and acceptance from these "friends" of yours. They'll always think of you as a killer"
" Get out", replied Faith, her voice low and harsh. She was trying not to show that The First was affecting her more than it should be.
The First offered it's parting words: " They'll always be against you Faith, in everything you do."
Faith sat down on the unmade bed as The First flickered out of vision once again. She had not been expecting that, and was visibly shaken by what had just happened. She thought about how unlike herself she was acting. She wasn't supposed to be affected by things like this, and she sure as hell wasn't supposed to show it. She took a deep breath, releasing it slowly, and lay herself down on the bed, composing herself.
There was a sharp knock at the door, and Robin poked his head around it, saying, " I wanted to talk to you about weapons. Got a minute".
Faith was grateful for the distraction, and said, "Yeah, sure, come on in."
They spent a while discussing what weapons would be best to train the girls with for the upcoming battle, and then Robin excused himself, saying that he was tired, and everybody needed as much sleep as possible, in order to be alert.
Faith heard the words, but she couldn't really take them in. She certainly wasn't going to sleep easy tonight, not after that little visit earlier. The problem was, deep down, she felt like what The First was saying was true. She felt that it had made some sort of sense, in a screwed up way.
It was right, when it said she wanted to gain the acceptance, even love of Buffy. Only it wasn't just Buffy, she realised. It was all of them. She wanted to be a part of what Buffy and her friends had. She didn't want to be an outsider. Maybe she couldn't see it at the time, but she had been crazy jealous of what they shared. Her feelings had been exposed in a more than wrong way. She knew that she had screwed up. She'd always be a screw-up, and The First knew, Buffy knew, they all knew.
Faith realised how she was thinking. This feeling sorry for myself shit, that's not me. I can prove that thing wrong. It's underestimated me, that's for sure. Feeling that familiar resolve set in, Faith relaxed. Yeah, that's what she was going to do, she was gonna prove it wrong. She was willing to fight this thing, and bury it so far under the hellmouth it'd never be escaping.
Faith, hearing a noise outside, went to check on it. She swung the front door open, to see Spike stood smoking a cigarette.
" Oh, It's you", she said, with slight distaste. After what had happened with him earlier, he wasn't her favourite person in the world. It wasn't her decision to send Buffy away, in fact, she had told her herself that had not been what she wanted. She wasn't the kind of person who enjoyed responsibility, in fact, she was just the opposite.
Remembering her earlier promise to herself, she shook off these thoughts and looked again at Spike.
" So what are you doing here? Thought you went to find B", she asked, in a casual manner. She didn't like to appear to interested in other people. To her, self preservation was more important, and showing interest invited people a little closer. Faith and always been uncomfortable with closeness. Of the emotional type that is.
Spike looked at her, a just perceptible amount of anger behind his eyes. " Didn't know you cared, luv", her replied.
" I don't", she said, "but I know that you do."
Spike didn't respond, looking across the street. Faith realised what had caught his attention as she felt the familiar tingle that meant that Buffy was somewhere in the surrounding area.