Darkening
MysticShadowWanderer

Disclaimer: :is STILL the only one with her hand raised:

Chapter One: Shinzui

Light filtered into my room, waking me cruelly, a firm reminder of the world that was just outside my mind. Blinking quickly, I opened my eyes and stretched out of my sitting position on the floor. Muscles complaining only briefly, I padded off down the hall for breakfast.

I was greeted by Iizuka, which was a bit of a surprise, as he usually slept later than I did. I didn't say much as I sank down next to him, crossing my legs comfortably. Then again, I never said much, so I supposed that it didn't really matter. He was chattering, as he always did, making senseless conversation that did me no real good. I wasn't listening, anyhow.

They asked me how I felt sometimes. I was always fine, of course, what else could the Ishin Shishi's "prized" hitokiri be? But when I sat back to think about it, I realized that I didn't even know how I felt. The closest I could come to describing the feeling was "confused," or "lost." Maybe everyone who lost their parents at a young age and had to grow up too quickly was lost. How was I to know?

"Right, Himura?" Iizuka was directly addressing me now, but I didn't know what it was that he'd asked. I doubted that it was important, so I just nodded, if somewhat dumbly.

"Good, then!" Oh no. "Tonight at sunset, be ready."

Oh please, Kami-sama, don't let me have agreed to anything stupid.

Days were somewhat boring to me. I didn't really like to go out much, preferring to spend my time alone, only making the journey to the market when I needed something. That didn't happen very often. Some days, such as this one, I went to the temple.

People stared at me when I walked past, most likely because the long red hair and cold amber eyes were more than slightly noticeable. As was usual, I pretended to ignore them and strode on as if nothing in the world could possibly bother me. In truth, very few things bothered me, and the gawking of a few people on the streets certainly wasn't one of them.

Kneeling before the shrine, I tried to block out the rest of existence. The uselessness of the common human being was starting to get to me, just slightly. Respect I had for some, tolerance for others, but disgust frequently tinted my thoughts, more often than it used to, even. I used to want to help save people, but for the past few weeks, that idealistic notion had been slipping away. Not that I didn't want to aid society, but some people made me wonder if it was worth saving. It was strange, because I didn't feel superior to others, or enlightened, just more realistic, perhaps. Maybe to be able to understand life, one first had to distribute death. That made sense in the same way it was logical that in order to feel safe, one had to learn to kill. Still, nothing quite balanced out in the end.

I'd heard people talk about the equilibrium between light and dark, good and evil. That just didn't work out correctly, in my thoughts. There were too many shades of grey for something like that to be true. One always had to overpower the other, even if just slightly. It didn't matter to me, not really. Maybe it should have. Perhaps, because it was my job to end the lives of others, I should have been contemplating the morality of the world, which I also was losing faith in, and I should have cared deeply about whether the dark or the light held influence over me. But I didn't, not anymore.

Was I too young? That was something I heard a lot. I didn't think so, though. Youth was not a physical thing to me, it had to do more with mental awareness and spirituality, and maturity. So many of the men around me could be immature that I considered myself to be on their level. They may have seen more of the world and the way things worked than I had, but they didn't use that knowledge efficiently, and therefore were no older than I was. That was just the way things were.

I shuffled to my feet after a while, feeling like I had accomplished nothing more than getting a bit of exercise and fresh air. Prayer never felt sincere to me, as if I weren't being heard. I could understand why the gods would ignore someone like me. Someone who could watch another man's lifeblood pour out into the dirt, then step over the corpse and meld into the darkness. The shadows seemed to have more love for me than the gods did. It didn't bother me much.

This was what I was meant to do.

"Ready Himura?"

I nodded. For me, readiness was being fully clothed. Nothing else was overly important. Iizuka seemed to think that there was some great worth to the state of being ready. A difference of opinion, I supposed.

"Then let's go."

There was no other choice but for me to follow him, which I did in silence. It occurred to me that I must have been a lackluster companion, as I wasn't one for lengthy conversation. Practicality suited me better. Iizuka appeared to have already had more than a few drinks; it fell upon my shoulders to keep my wits about me, as usual. Normal routine was just fine with me.

"You'll like this place, Himura." All the talking had come from his end thus far, so I decided to humor him and join in.

"This is a less than reputable destination, I should guess," I said laconically, glancing around me. I wasn't good at humoring people.

I didn't get an answer, which was acceptable, as I hadn't expected one.

Being as young as I was, I knew that I was expected to be naive, perhaps even a bit of a dullard. Unfortunately, that was hardly the case. Though I may not have ever decided to partake in any of the more debasing activities of some of the other men, that was not to say that I didn't fully understand what was going on around me. Sometimes I thought that I was given far too little credit. Maybe it was because I was so introverted.

"Eh, Himura?" I wished that this wouldn't happen so often. That always seemed to happen to me when I wasn't paying attention.

This time I wasn't about to trap myself by agreeing to something that I hadn't heard. "What was that?" I asked, feeling slightly obtuse, if not downright stupid.

"I said," Iizuka repeated while rolling his eyes, "that you'd never been to this part of town before, right?"

"Oh, right," I replied. "I don't make it a habit to slink around these areas."

For that remark, I received a cold glare, and I had to fight down the urge to retaliate with a glower of my own, which I knew to be more than a just a little frightening.

"Don't worry, you're going to enjoy this."

An uneasy feeling was beginning to settle in the pit of my stomach, as if something was about to happen that was either very important or very bad, or both. My hand found its way instinctively to the hilt of my katana, resting there with little thought as we walked on. I couldn't shake the feeling, no matter how hard I tried.

Much as I expected, Iizuka had brought me to some sort of brothel. Not the place I wanted to be, of course. It was almost sad, how little he thought of women to resort to coming to this place. Not to mention what kind of opinion he must have held in regards to my honor. It just so happened that this kind of activity greatly displeased me. It wasn't that the idea of being with a woman was unappealing, but to pay someone for her body? It seemed wrong.

"Hello," her voice was soft, infinitely feminine, yet overly sensuous. I could tell that it was unnatural.

I greeted her politely, not looking up from the tea that I resumed sipping. I wanted nothing from her.

"What brings you here, young one?"

"A comrade."

She giggled, again, sounding unnatural. What did she want, besides possibly my money?

When she scooted closer, I finally looked at her. I didn't know what it was about her that was so familiar. Her bright blue eyes glittered as they searched mine, her lips pursing in thought. She was pretty, I would admit, but nothing overly spectacular so that she would stick out in my mind. So why was it that I felt I knew her?

"You do remember, don't you?" she said suddenly, her voice changed from the sultry drawl that it had been to a tone that was still soft and was quieter, a whisper almost, yet was now strong and self-assured. This was no whore, I realized.

"Who are you?" I ignored her question and asked my own.

"Kamiya Kaoru," she answered immediately. "You may know me, but likely not by that name. That, however, is information better left for later."

"How would I know you?" I was defiant now.

"From the carnal knowledge that you've retained, deep in your soul, engraved into your heart but hidden away."

Never in my life had I ever been given a stranger answer to a question. "What in the hell are you talking about?"

"What do they call you now?" She didn't even pretend to change the subject subtly.

"Himura." There was no reason not to tell her, I supposed. Besides, my instinct was telling me that she was trustworthy, and I was an excellent judge of character. "Battousai."

"A good, strong name," was her reply. "Tell me, Battousai, what's your real name? And how old are you?"

How did she know...? I opened my mouth to respond, but found that I couldn't. "I... don't remember..."

Her eyes lit up. "Good, good," she murmured. "So it begins."

"So what begins?" I raised an eyebrow at her, the only expression of curiosity that I would allow myself.

"You'll see," she said coquettishly, which I found frustrating. I liked to be answered straightforwardly or not at all. "Now is not the time or place to speak of things like that."

Leaning over, she pressed her lips to mine, flicking her tongue against the corner of my mouth briefly before she withdrew. My expression remained blank, and I didn't move, but my heart gave a jump and just the slightest touch left me craving more. Who was this woman?

"I'll see you soon, Battousai," she said, her voice once more taking on a false, promiscuous tone as she raised it to a normal level when she stood.

I was left sitting there in expressionless shock, and sat staring down at my now cold and forgotten tea until Iizuka found me there. He didn't say a word until we were out of the building.

"Who was the pretty girl that kissed you, Himura?" he asked with a wink.

"An old friend," I replied offhandedly, all the while unsure of exactly why I referred to her that way.

"Mmhm," his wordless sound indicated that he didn't believe me. "Since when did you make friends with prostitutes?"

"She's not a prostitute," I replied firmly.

He laughed openly. "You really are still just a kid... What else would she be?"

"I don't know," I said, trying to control my fury at being laughed at. "But I know she wasn't a whore."

"Aren't you the expert, then?" He made no attempt to hide his sarcasm.

"I may not consort with prostitutes, unlike some of the other people I know," I growled and glared at him pointedly, "but I do know people and I can assure you that Kamiya-san is no prostitute."

"Kamiya-san?"

"That's her name."

"Hm."

I didn't bother to further the conversation, as it was becoming pointless, if it hadn't been so from the start, and we lapsed into silence for the rest of the walk home. I could feel Iizuka's eyes on me every now and then, but I skillfully ignored him. With everything that had happened, the last thing I needed was him harassing me.

The shadows played across my wall in such an interesting way, I thought. I was losing sleep over the woman I'd met and the words we'd exchanged. That was not pleasing to me in the least, because I already didn't sleep much. Still, I couldn't keep myself from wondering about her.

Who was she? And if she wasn't a prostitute, why had she been there? Most of all, her words bothered me, the ones she'd spoken just after she'd stared into my eyes.

'You do remember, don't you?'

A/N: OO! What does Battousai remember? Damned if I know. Just kidding. More like damned if you guys know. It DOES suck to be the reader when I'm writing a story, doesn't it? I never really thought about how evil I was before... :shrugs: I'm still not going to change anything :grin: So, how do you like it so far? I think this is going to be a little faster paced than some of my other stories, I'm not sure yet. It depends on how the first few chapters develop, I suppose. Time will tell, as usual. Althought that's an interesting concept, since time really is nothing more than a convention created by human beings to measure their slow decay. Why does that sound familiar? I don't know... Whatever. Time doesn't exist :waves hands mysteriously:

...there is no spoon.

Translation: "shinzui" - "true meaning; mystery; quintessence; life blood; blah blah blah etc"