Thank you all for your reception of the last chapter! I was kind of nervous posting it because I was not sure it would work – but apparently it did. You guys have blown me away!

It is two days later before they finally get the chance to leave Rosstown. The flight back to New York is as unpleasant as the past days have been. Sam is sitting in a window seat staring out at the skies. But she is oblivious of the view. Some part of her feels guilty about Nick's suicide. She knew he would react strongly. She knows how violent a streak he had in him. And she hoped he would direct that reaction at himself, not Jack.

Sam rests her forehead on the window. She made a man kill himself. That knowledge will be buried deep inside herself only to be taken out in moments like this.

Her mind returns to Jack, kneeling on the floor, powerless.

She looks across the aisle to where he sits. She would have preferred them to sit together but the flight had been almost booked out. His eyes are closed. He looks like he is sleeping, his face a pasty white, his features drawn. He has not allowed her to reach out to him.

ooo

They come back to New York early in the evening. Jack called ahead and Vivien said they would all wait for them.

When they ride up to the 12th floor Jack's gaze is fixed on the elevator doors. He dreads the moment when they open. In a short time he will have to let Sam go, he will have to let her out of his sight and the thought of that is unbearable.

The elevator doors open and Martin is standing there. He is simply opening his arms and Sam throws herself into them.

"Wow," he says. "Baby. Samantha. God, it's good to have you back."

He holds her tight and rocks her gently back and forth.

For Jack that is the last straw. It is like a physical blow. He tries to recover, but he can not. The thought of her being with someone else has crossed his mind a lot these past days since he almost got her killed by forgetting to lock a fucking door, but now that moment is already here, full force.

He tries to keep up an outward composure.

After all, he found her, she is alive, she will heal. That is good enough.

Danny and Vivien are hurrying down the corridor and while Sam wanders from embrace to embrace and Danny tries to hide his tears, Jack quietly slips away to his office. Only Agatha notices and sends him a thoughtful look.

Jack draws the blinds and sits heavily down at his desk. In his mind he hears a question Vivien asked him two years ago:

"Once you find her, will you know how to go on?"

He knows now that going on means going on without her, it means moving on, leaving her to someone else.

He hears happy voices retreat into the bullpen. After ten minutes there is a knock at his door. He doesn't answer. The door opens and Vivien enters.

"Jack?"

"What is it, Vivien?"

"My god, Jack. What is wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Jack!"

"Vivien, please, just go away."

Vivien closes the door and faces him.

"Talk to me, Jack, please."

But Jack does not know what to tell her. He has never been good at expressing himself and the last four years have done a lot of damage.

"Sam will need a place to stay," he says instead. "Maybe she can be with you for a couple of days until we figure out what to do. And her mother is coming down tomorrow. Maybe you could set her up with a hotel room?"

"Jack…"

He merely looks at her.

"Of course she can stay with me and of course I will take care of everything, but Jack…"

"Vivien, go away."

Vivien is shocked. He has been blunt before but she has never seen him like this. She can not force him to open up to her. So she goes away.

ooo

Sam comes to see him half an hour later. Jack is still at his desk, apparently writing a report.

"Vivien will take me home," she says quietly.

Jack stops writing and looks at her.

"What about you, Jack?"

"I'll be going home soon. I'll just finish this."

There is silence. Tears are threatening in Sam's eyes. Jack looks at her with alarm.

"You see," she says, "I'm not sure I remember things the right way. You have to help me with that."

He puts down his pen.

"Okay?"

"We…I remember our time together."

She avoids the word affair. It is not the way she thinks about it, never has.

"It was wonderful. I know you were married and all that, but I remember it was wonderful. For me it was."

"For me, too," he says his voice so faint she can barely hear it.

"What happened afterwards?"

"I went back to my wife."

"I know that. But it did not last. You got a divorce."

Jack has no idea what she is trying to say.

Sam pulls together her courage.

"I don't understand why we are not together."

Jack exhales loudly.

"You were with Martin."

"Excuse me?"

"You were with Martin. You two broke up only a couple of weeks before you disappeared."

Sam shakes her head in disbelieve.

"Why would I be with Martin?"

Jack, of course, does not answer.

"I guess I still don't remember as much as I thought," she says.

She looks at him. He makes no move, says no word. He is just sitting there, hands clasped on a pile of files.

"I have to think about that," she whispers, „I better go now."

She turns and opens the door.

"You should take off that ring, Jack," she says.

ooo

When she is gone Jack looks down at his left hand. After being divorced from Marie for four years he is still wearing the ring. He pulls it off without thinking. It is far easier than he thought. He puts it down on the desk, looking at it as if he has never seen it before.

What do you do with discarded wedding rings?

He opens one of the drawers in his desk, rummaging around in its depth, pulling out a small box. He does not open it. He knows how the ring inside looks, a narrow band of platinum with a small diamond nestled in velvet folds. He bought it two days before Sam approached him with the idea of going undercover on the Colleen McGrath – Case. He thinks of all the things that prevented him from giving it to her.

What do you do with discarded engagement rings?

ooo

Vivien's kitchen is big, tidy and comfortable. Her husband and son have gone to the movies and left them alone. They settle down and she offers Sam a glass of red wine. Sam declines. Since her head injury, alcohol makes her feel disoriented. It also makes the headaches worse.

Wrapping her hand around a glass of orange juice instead, she looks at Vivien.

"Vivien, did I have a relationship with Martin?"

Vivien looks surprised.

"Yeah, you did. For at least half a year."

"I don't remember that."

"Now, that's interesting."

"What happened between Jack and me?"

"God, Samantha, I can not really answer that, but you wasted no time getting intimate with Martin when Jack moved to Chicago."

"But he didn't move in the end."

"Well, you were with Martin. You seemed happy enough."

Sam grimaces as if in pain.

"Was Jack in love with me?"

Vivien leans on the counter and swirls the wine around in her glass.

"Were you in love with him?"

"I don't know about then. It sounds as if I was not, although that seems wrong. I sure am now."

"Samantha," Vivien says, "I think that if you love Jack and if you want to be with him you have to tell him. I'm pretty sure he's not going to make a move, even if his life depended on it. Use words that he can not misunderstand. Spell it out if necessary."

"So you think he would want to be with me?"

"Samantha," Vivien puts down her glass, "This man spent four years trying to find you. Every minute he could spare he hunted down leads, one more impossible than the other. He collected the most unlikely information just because there was a remote possibility it might lead him to you. We had nothing to go on. You were just gone. I have never seen anyone that committed. He would never have stopped."

She looks at Sam's stricken face.

"He went through hell and back again. Don't you ever doubt his devotion or his love for you."

Vivien picks up her glass, swallowing deeply.

"You two…I sometimes think I got my heart broken watching what went on between you. Needed surgery to fix it."

"How are you Vivien?" Sam asks quietly.

"I'm good for now, but I want you to do something for me."

"Anything."

"Then take care of Jack. I want to see him smile again. I can not bear to see him like this any more."

"I don't know if I can."

"Well, what happened in Rosstown? Jack is an absolute mess. What went wrong?"

Sam shakes her head, tears in her eyes.

"Nick tried to kill me. He got to me while Jack was…not there. I…I…don't really know…"

She can not keep her composure any longer. She starts to cry.

"He saved me. He talked Nick out of believing that I was responsible for Eleanor's death."

Her voice is so clogged with tears, Vivien can hardly understand her words.

"This can't be the reason for him to act like this," she says. "To me he looks as if he personally put the trigger to your head."

Sam is still crying.

"Has he reason to feel guilty about anything?"

Sam takes the Kleenex that Vivien is offering her.

"I was angry with him afterwards for risking his life. I think he took that to heart."

"He retreated?"

"Completely. Sonia talked to us afterwards and I'm not even sure he heard what she said."

"This is bad. You know, I really think you should at least try to talk to him again."

Sam wipes at her eyes.

"I think you're right. I'll try. Will you take me to his place?"

"I'll take you to the office. It's a safe bet he's still there."

TBC