I'm sick. I have a fever. I have an exam only a few hours to go.

Yet I'm still awake at this ungodly hour…writing, using words to let out whatever it is that I feel inside.

I'm confused. I saw her last night. After so many days, I finally saw that face again. The face that keeps haunting my soul every second of my life. Instead of feeling the usual butterflies and immeasurable joy...I felt sad. I felt depressed. For one second, I was able to feel pain.

And I don't know why...

----

I'm tired. Of wasting precious hours of sleep, just to write stuff like these about her.

I'm tired of spending nights like this, reading books for the nth time because I wanted to keep her away from my mind, even only for a few minutes or so.

I'm tired of realizing that we'll never be friends again after all that happened.

I'm tired of convincing myself that I should move on with my life, yet I always fail in the end because my heart keeps opposing my brain.

I'm tired of looking for an excuse so that this feeling would fade away.

I'm tired of blaming myself for being a martyr.

I'm tired of feeling weird.

And I'm tired of feeling this way.

----

I guess I'm just bitter. I get bitter whenever I hear people talk about love, relationships, and all that sh-t. It's not that I don't care about my friends' love life...but rather, I don't need to hear those things right now.

They only make me depressed. And bitter.

They only make it worse.

----

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to say, I don't know how to act in front of her.

The past week, I've been giving her the cold shoulder. I've been ignoring her completely. As if she doesn't exit in my world.

How funny, how ironic. To her it seemed like she was only a small part of my life, where in fact, the truth is that...she is my life.

I thought that by trying to ignore her presence, the feeling would disappear. The madness would end. But no, I was wrong. It got even worse. It now came to the point where every morning, when I wake up, she's the first thing that comes to my mind. Not my mom, not my friends, not even my own self.

And then...

This afternoon...while I was out there in the rain, soaking wet, searching for her...I finally admitted that I am, indeed, in love with her. I can't help it. I can't deny how I feel about her. I can't lie to myself any longer.

And I am not afraid anymore. No matter what the consequences are...even if it means that I'll lose the friendship, I'll take the risk. Because I have to be honest with myself.

It's only really a matter of asking myself the ultimate question: whom do I love more? Her...or myself?

I guess the answer's pretty obvious, 'ne?

----

A phone rings somewhere on Juuban district.

"Ohayo gozaimasu, Mako-chan."

"Ohayo, Ames…"

"Listen, are you free tonight at seven, Mako-chan? I have something important to tell you."

"I'm not doing anything tonight, so I guess I'm free. Where would you like to meet?"

"The restaurant just a block away from your house seems nice."

"Yeah, I heard they serve the most delicious fish fillets in town. Is it dinner? Would you like me to dress up?"

"Iie, just wear something comfortable. Sorry to cut this off short, but my mom's asking for some help, I'll be going now."

"See you at seven."

"Hai. It's a date, then."

-Click-

A date! I'll be going out on a date with her!
But wait, should I bring flowers? Does Ami like roses to begin with?
I guess I'll just drop by first at the Tsukino residence…

Author's Note:

My first AmixMakoto one-shot. :)

Disclaimer:

Ami, Makoto, and the rest of the BSSM gang belong to Naoko Takeuchi. I'm just borrowing them for a little while.