Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lily stared at the canopy above her bed, unable to sleep. She didn't want to sleep anyway. In the past two nights, she had obnoxious dreams that ruined, in her opinion, her entire life.

She felt so alone. Granted, she had been alone for four years at Hogwarts, but ever since that morning Potter had sat with her and conversed with her, she felt this void and emptiness that only a friend could fill.

She hated admitting it, but she missed James Potter. He was the only one who had taken the time to get to know her, though he was also the one who destroyed what they had built.

And now that he was trying to start anew with her, she felt herself pushing him away.

Why?

Was she afraid of losing a friend again?

No, James wouldn't let go of her this time. She knew that for certain.

Then why? Why was there this part of her telling her to run the other way every time he came near?

Pathetic, really, when someone hates someone for a reason he or she doesn't even know.

Why was her first month at Hogwarts so…so…distant? Blurry? Lost…

A wave of nausea swept over her and she closed her eyes.

The sun was rising. How she knew that was a mystery. She almost felt the movements of it.

Giving up on sleep completely, she threw her covers off and pulled the drapes away.

The other fourth year Gryffindor girls were gone to their families for the Christmas Holidays.

Funny, Lily always used to enjoy the time of year when no one was there to intrude on her privacy. Now she saw it for what it really was.

It wasn't privacy, it never had been. It was downright being alone.

Alone, loneliness, loner.

Those three words were the basis by which Lily had built her teenage years.

Companionship had never been a favorite of hers; she always pitied those who needed someone at all times. They had no individuality, no independence.

But now she longed for it, ached for it.

For four years, she deceived herself into thinking she was better off alone, that she performed better solo.

Friendship and love just get in the way a third year Lily Evans had once told herself.

Why had she wanted to be so…

ALONE?

Remembering her muggle-schooling, she looked back on how much she used to laugh.

And she realized the first real laugh she had in those many years of loneliness was merely a day before.

With Potter.

Why did all these thoughts lead back to Potter? She knew he had something to do with it all, but if only she could remember WHAT.

What had happened? What could have caused Lily Evans, a sociable, friendly, lively 11-year-old Lily Evans to become who she was reflecting upon right now?

Literally, that is.

The mirror in front of her had given up giving advice years before. Lily had become a lost cause to it.

But it spoke.

"Lily, darling, it really has been too long," the mirror mumbled.

Lily didn't say anything.

"Your loneliness shows Miss Evans," it said.

She ignored the comment.

"Your eyes have no more fire."

Lily looked at her eyes. They looked vacant, almost dead.

"You have wrinkles."

And of course, she did.

"There are bags under your eyes."

How could she not have noticed those before?

"Sweetie…" the mirror hesitated. "You've lost your ability to smile."

"Well I'm going to get it back," Lily whispered. "I promise you that."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remus was lying in the hospital wing. It was nearly eight in the evening. The sun had long since set, but the moon was not expected to come out for another two hours.

He was safe, for now.

Remus heard someone come into the hospital wing, but was far too weak to investigate. There were hushed voices and, after nearly 10 minutes, Madam Pomfrey with Lily Evans came by him.

Lily grabbed Remus's hand, an action that surprised him.

"Miss Evans here," Madam Pomfrey beamed, "has been kind enough to spend her entire day researching werewolf antidotes and buying the supplies needed. She was even kind enough to brew it."

Remus looked at the smiling Lily. He vaguely remembered the night before, but knew that he had almost attacked her.

Madam Pomfrey gave him a potion in a silver goblet. "You will still transform, but you will still maintain your human state of mind."

"Thank you," he stuttered.

"Oh don't thank me," she said. "Miss Evans here did everything."

"Remus smiled at Lily. "Thank you," he whispered, though he felt a simple thank you did not express the intense amount of gratitude he felt. "I'm lucky to have a friend like you."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lily walked through the deserted corridors, beaming with happiness.

Remus had called her his friend.

She, Lily Evans, who remained solitude for so many years, had a friend. It seemed like something minor, something that was no need for celebration. But if those people who criticized her had spent all their teenage years so far alone and desolate, they would be smiling a smile as large as Lily's was.

That smile that just would not fade.

"Evans," an icy voice hissed from behind. Lily groaned. She was having a good night; she didn't need THIS.

When she turned around, it was to face Lucius Malfoy, Severus Snape, and several of their goons. Lily wasn't sure just when Snape and Malfoy became such great friends, yet there they were, her two most hated enemies working together.

"What do you lot want?" Lily snapped, seeing their wands grasped in their hands and attempting not to panic. Her wand was still missing.

"Well, aren't you going to pull your wand out?" Snape asked.

"Why bother? You lot can't do anything to me within castle walls. What do you want anyway?"

"To get rid of the filthiest mudblood I have ever met," Lucius replied smugly.

"Good luck with that," she yawned and turned around to walk away.

"Drop the act, Evans, we know you don't have your wand," Snape laughed. Lily's blood went ice cold. Without a second thought, she ran for it, screaming for the person that came to mind.
"POTTER!"

Why him, she didn't know, nor did she care. All that mattered was that she said it just a moment too late, as always. A gag formed around her mouth and ropes tied around her ankles, tripping her. Pretty soon, her entire body was tied up.

She knew how a fly felt now, wrapped up and unable to escape, at the mercy of a heartless and hungry predator.

She tried to scream through the gag, shocked that they were actually attempting to murder her, right on school grounds.

"In case you're wondering," Lucius said maliciously, "they're all going to be told that little Miss Mudblood went for a midnight swim and some grindylows happened to find her."

Lily began shouting muffled curses and profanities at them.

"Or," Snape drawled, "she could have ventured off into the Forbidden Forest, where the unknown lurk."

Lily gave up swearing at them.

The one day something GOOD happened, the one day someone had considered her a friend, and she was going to die.

Her only hopes were that the lake was either too frozen to throw her in, or all the creatures in the Forbidden Forest were hibernating.

That is, if evil even hibernates.

To her horror, the lake WAS frozen, but there was a hole in the ice, large enough for a 14-year-old Lily Evans to fit through.

The binds were gone, but they had placed an immobile curse on her and threw her in. Lily's last thought before she went under was of James, 11-year-old James laughing with her.

And that's when everything went black.