Author's note: I've counted the reviews! Today's topic is… 'Nice Shark!'
BritishRose: Thanx for liking! And for cuddling Lenny… Ha! Lenny's got a girlfriend and her name is BritishRose!
Insane Pirate Dragon: I'm glad you fell to the ground… laughing of course. Action does speak better than words… go action! And once again… fikidoo!
Please note that I was hyper while typing this. On wit' da story!
Lesson Five: You Are a Nice Shark, Not a Mindless Eating Machine
'Ay, Don Lino here with your next lesson on 'How to Become a Don.' Thank you, Bruce, Chum, and Anchor, for coming up with this phrase. Because if you want to be a don, you cannot be a 'mindless eating machine.' And Lenny, if you come into this lesson like you did with the last one, you're gonna get hurt.
Today's Lesson: Stop Eating ya Dummy!
Feel the peace flowing through your lungs. Can you feel it, can ya feel it? Good. Now, imagine that you are floating through the universe, that some alien dude is your tour guide. Now, chant with me. 'Oh universe! I am not a mindless eating machine! I shall control my hunger! Fear me and my mighty powers to control my eating, O creatures of the sea!'
(Don Lino comes in his office and sees Lenny)
Lenny: Uh oh.
Lino: Lenny, out!
Lenny: (swims out door)
Now for the real lesson…
This is probably one of the most important lessons you'll ever hear. Being a don is hard; you have to manage the mafia, like trying to keep the peace, and making sure that everyone has enough to eat… but how can you make sure that everyone has enough to eat if you keep eating everything in sight?
Being a don, I have to say, you get some pretty tasty treats. Shrimp in cocktail sauce, baked tuna marinated in white wine and fish chunk brownies…
Lenny: Or in my case, a delicious garden kelp salad topped in vinaigrette and triple chocolate kelp truffle brownies.
Lino: Don Fienberg!
Fienberg: (comes in room) I'm gonna sing the Titanic theme song!
Lenny: NOOOOOOO! (swims out door)
Fienberg: What's his problem? Doesn't he appreciate good singing?
Lino: That's just it. He appreciates good singing.
Fienberg: (gets the message) Oh yeah, well, well… I don't like you anymore! (swims out door crying)
All right… now that that's over…
As I was saying, there are a lot of great things to eat. But that doesn't mean you can gobble up everything in sight, both edible and inedible foods alike. You've got more important things to do than sit in your office all day and sample treats. Most dons you see are muscular, like me. Their stomachs aren't the size of Fat Albert plus the Cosby Kids. It's much smaller. Why? Because they don't go around popping Twinkies in their mouths every few minutes. If ya wanna become a son, you have to be calm, yet fierce, not small, yet super sized big time! You're also supposed to be in shape and exercising, not sitting on your couch all day eating a big Mac and watching 'Whose Line is it Anyway' marathons! That's just lazy, and dons can't afford to be lazy.
Lenny: (comes in) So in other words, get off your fat butt and stop eatin' ya lazy bum!
Lino: Lenny!
Lenny: Sorry pops, but I couldn't help it!
Lino: No, I was going to say that what you said was perfect for this lesson!
Lenny: Really?
Lino: Yep.
(Father/Son moment music plays)
Lenny: So you aren't gonna kick me out of your room?
Lino: Oh, I'm still kicking you out my room.
(Record scratches.)
Lenny: That's messed up. (Swims out room.)
Now, what've we learned today?
Lenny: We learned that you should get off your lazy couch potato butt and head over to the YMCA for some exercise!
Yeah, that too, but I was gonna say that we learned to not be a 'mindless eating machine' like most people think we are.
That's it for this lesson. See ya' next time.
Sorry if it was lacking in humor. I have writer's block and an extreme case of sugar highness. Curse you writer's block and sugar highness!
Writer's block and Sugar highness: Mwahaha!
For now it's time for…
Pin the tail on the donkey!
Just kidding!
It's really time for…
Reviewer's Choice!
What should the next topic be?
A. Happy Birthday!... oh wait, this is a funeral.
Or
B. Sugar is not your friend
So that's it. R&R please!