Chapter 9 – Never Say Never

In her mind she envisioned what their reunion would be like. He would run to her, take her in his arms, and devour her with kisses, all the while smiling and promising never to leave her again. Instead she stood trembling in his anger and resentment. Her heart was shattered and quickly crumbling along with her hopes and dreams. She had devastated him and now he was devastating her.

Unable to face his glare any longer, she ducked her head and dug her hand in her pocket to find her keys. Moving down the steps, she stood in front of him and willed herself to lift her face to his. With trembling hands, she moved to take off his sunglasses. She had to look in his eyes even though her heart feared what she would see.

He jerked his head back, but she whispered, "Please Jack. If you won't talk to me, at least let your eyes tell me goodbye." She saw his jaw twitch just a hair and saw— or maybe willed herself to imagine—his face relax a little. He lowered his head but moved his hand up and slowly removed the glasses. Ever so slowly, she continued moving her hand toward his face and gently placed her index finger under his chin. Between the sensations of her hand shaking uncontrollably, the feel of his soft beard on her fingers, and his hot and ragged breath on her hand, she honestly thought she would pass out. Lifting his face, she finally looked into his eyes.

If a picture paints a thousand words, Jack's eyes wrote a book. They bombarded her with pain, anger, fear, hopelessness, sorrow, regret, tenderness, longing, respect, admiration, and—yes—love. She gasped for air and choked on a sob. He moved her hand off his chin with his touch causing that undeniable current to course through them both. But he dropped her hand and said with such sadness, "Okay, you've reduced me down to nothing. I'm on my knees.You win. Go move forward with your life. Goodbye, Samantha."

As he moved to walk up the steps, his words snapped her mind in gear. Suddenly filled with the need and energy to fight to the end for this man, she took a deep breath and said in a shaky voice, "You can't get rid of me that easily, John Michael Malone. I'm not leaving this cabin without you." Shaking his head wearily, he leaned against the porch post, crossed his arms and studied the beautiful woman standing defiantly before him. She watched his face relax a tiny bit more and convinced herself she was making progress. She knew he loved her like no other, but this was going to be difficult—especially after the blow up in the office with Martin. Kicking herself for letting foolish pride come to this, she stuck her chin out a little further and met his gaze.

After what seemed like forever, he finally murmured, "How did you find me?" She allowed a little smile as she tilted her head toward him and said in a conspiratorial voice, "Well, I do work for the Missing Persons unit of the FBI. And, I've learned from the absolute best in the business how to profile someone and track them down. It feels very good to find someone…especially when your heart is invested in the missing person." He saw the twinkle in her eye and felt stupid for asking the question, especially after her smart-assed response. Allowing a quick smile, he ducked his head, hoping she wouldn't see her ability to put chinks in his armor.

"Talk to me, please", she said.

Fighting the incredible urge to fall under the power she had over him, he moved away, gruffly saying, "There isn't anymore that needs to be said between us. We've said it all before and look where it got us." Feeling the sting of his words, she pressed on, following behind as he paced to the end of the porch and slumped into a chair, putting his back to her and staring off to the woods. Undaunted by his rebuff, she stood over him and put her hands on her hips. "Listen to what you just said, Jack. You just used the term "us" twice in a matter of seconds. And do you want to know why? Because that is what you and I are…we are "us." We have been for years. We aren't two separate people. Granted we've fought like hell against it and I can't answer why. But at the end of every trial, it always comes back to "us".

Unable to resist her rantings, he looked at her and said, "I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. Could you repeat that?" and then tried to hide a smile. Feeling like she had just won an Olympic medal, she punched his arm, and then crouched next to his chair. She laid her hand on his shoulder and said, "Why don't you go get packed and come home with me." When she said "home", something inside him clicked and he immediately sobered. Leaning away from her touch, he said, "No. That isn't going to happen."

With frustrations mounting from the emotional roller coaster ride, she asked why but got no response. After staring at him in silence for a while, without warning she leaned up and kissed his cheek. He snapped his head away and growled, "Do NOT do that again." She counted to five, and then did it again. He shot her his best 'go-to-hell' look and sighed with exasperation, then got up but realized he had pinned himself into a corner and had nowhere to go, so he perched himself on the porch railing, leaning back against the house. He looked over the edge and seriously contemplated jumping the five feet to the ground to get away from her, knowing full well his knee would collapse and the pain would last for days. But Motrin could dull the knee pain while nothing could dull the pain searing through his heart and the fire burning on his cheek from her kiss.

His mind reeled with how much he loved this gorgeous woman, but he refused to be the one to hold her back anymore. Not even if she tracked him down to a remote cabin hours north of New York. She read the battle going on in his eyes and softly said, "Talk to me Jack," and took his hand as she sat in the chair he just vacated.

Her pursuit, soft touch, and tender voice finally became his undoing and he slowly squeezed her hand and got lost in her eyes. He searched for any sign of regret or question and got none. Feeling the last bit of fight leave his chest, he closed his eyes, took a breath and struggled to ask, "Wha…Wha…..What about Martin? He would… take care of you and…and….be a steady influence and…um…..provide financial stability with his….. family ties." He realized he stammered through that little bit and it hurt like hell to hear himself say those words, but he had to get her to realize he was no good for her. He couldn't look at her when she answered, so he stared back out to the woods.

Feeling her heart being squeezed by this man's presence and listening to him lay his soul out with no holds barred made her feel things she had no idea she was even capable of feeling. She knew he would hang on every syllable of her answer, so she took her time and tried to form just the right words in her mind before saying anything.

TBC