"So how's the Jess situation going?" Lane asked Rory later that day on that Gilmore couch.
"The Jess situation? Makes it sound like a government cover-up or something," Rory said, smiling.
"Hm, I venture to guess that the smile on your face means that it's going well?" Lane reasoned.
Rory stopped smiling. "Jess is…fine."
"Um…details?" Lane asked.
"He gave me a Christmas present that was scarily similar to the present I gave him," Rory began.
Lane furrowed her eyebrows because Rory never mentioned giving Jess a present, but she didn't question why. It was Rory's decision. "So, what did you guys give each other?"
Rory exhaled the breath she had been holding when she mentioned the presents. She glad Lane didn't become crazed over it. "Books we didn't really like with notes in it."
Lane thought it over, "Personal."
"Yeah. It was sorta weird talking to him today, I wasn't sure what to say. I tried to keep the conversation superficial, but it was awkward. Maybe I shouldn't have given him the gift, maybe it was too soon for that," Rory said.
"Well, it's a little late for that."
"I want to be the Time Traveler in H.G. Wells' story," Rory whined lightly.
"What? Didn't that guy go into the future where there was cannibalism?" Lane was not following the reference.
"Yeah, but I want that basic idea. I want to go into the future to see how this whole thing will play out between me and Jess. Is there even a future? Or, better yet! I want to go into the past and figure out where it all went so wrong and why the hell he left for California…" Rory said, her voice growing ever so slightly angry.
"You know, Rory, there's a much easier way than building a Time Machine," Lane said logically.
"Which is?"
"Talk to him."
"I do talk to him."
"No, I mean, really talk to him. About the stuff that's bugging you," Lane said.
"No."
"Rory…"
"No, Lane. It's too early for that," Rory said assertively.
"Well, when will it be time?"
"I dunno. Later…never."
"Rory, you hafta talk to him. You realize that on the thirteenth of January you're going back to Yale and this will hafta be resolved by then. You can't go back to school and be depressed or worry about Jess," Lane insisted.
"So then I'll talk to him about it on the twelfth," Rory replied stubbornly, getting off the couch to pace the living room.
"Rory…"
"What am I supposed to say? 'Hey Jess, when you left, the pain felt like what I imagine being stabbed to near death feels like. And I didn't get over you like I promised I would. And I didn't have that sort of connection with anyone at Yale like I had with you. And I didn't even want to have that connection with anyone else because I wasn't over you and part of me didn't want to get over you. And now that you're here, it feels like…like….I can't even describe how it feels. But it confuses me, in a good way. And I wish that I could just hate you and move on but it's not that simple.' Lane, don't you hear how melodramatic that sounds? How completely pathetic?" Rory ranted passionately.
"I thought it sounded great," Lane replied.
Rory collapsed back onto the couch. "You're not helping," she grumbled.
Lane smiled sympathetically. "No, I'm just not agreeing. Honestly Rory, from what you tell me, it sounds like he's matured a lot. I'm really surprised, but I think you really should try talking to him about the harder stuff."
"Lane, what if I tell him all that and he runs away again?" Rory asked softly, rather scared of that notion.
"Then he was never really here to stay in the first place," Lane replied.
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"No way," Jess said adamantly.
Rory laughed. "I'm serious. This guy in my dorm wore his bike helmet everywhere. To classes, to the bathroom, everywhere. And he didn't even have a bike."
Jess shook his head. "What a weird guy…"
They had talked for the past five days at the bridge in the late afternoon and the awkwardness of their first conversation after Christmas gradually faded. Both were thankful that it seemed much like how it had been before Jess left, minus the hurt that was hidden below the surface of their conversations. What Lane said to Rory still plagued her mind, but she had shoved that conversation into a mental cupboard to be dealt with later.
"The bookstore I worked at had a bunch of weird regulars. But you get used to them. What I couldn't stand though were some of those college kids from around the area. They would spew this stuff they thought was literarily profound. Especially the guys. They would go on and on with material they probably got out of some textbook to impress the girls in bikinis with them. Those pseudo-intellectuals really got to me. I mean, if you talk about a book, talk about how you feel about the book, not about how some shmuck in a literary journal or whoever else feels about it," Jess ranted.
Rory laughed. "Did you become like Good Will Hunting at the bar and impress the Mini Driver-ish girls that were with those guys?"
"Sometimes I did."
She frowned momentarily at the thought of Jess with some girl. She realized she didn't even know if he had a girlfriend! What if he found someone in Venice who was amazingly wonderful? She panicked. She realized that Jess could be taken.
Then she felt completely ashamed that she didn't think about this sooner. She always focused on herself: how Jess' departure made her feel, how Jess' return made her feel. Selfishly, she never thought about what Jess must have been feeling leaving someplace relatively familiar for California to live with his father he didn't even know. Was he scared? Why did he do it after all…she would ask him that, eventually.
"Were…um…were there many Mini Drivers?" Rory asked uncomfortably.
Jess looked up into her eyes. They were filled with uncertainty and a touch of sadness. Inside he was jumping up and down at her interest in his personal life. She still cared about him. "No. I just made the guys look stupid and the girls thought it was cool. But there were no Mini Drivers," Jess assured her.
Rory smiled slightly. "How come?"
Jess shrugged. Should he tell her? Should he take the risk? Well, why not. He hadn't traveled the span of the country on a cramped bus to chicken out now, just when Rory was reaching out to him.
"I had already found her here," he said quietly.
Rory's eyes lit up at his words.
"Did you find anyone at Yale?" he asked her in the same quiet tone.
"You mean besides the helmet guy?" she joked.
Jess laughed. "Yeah, besides him."
"No. My Will Hunting was here too."
Rory looked away, cursing herself for saying something so sappy, but how true it was! Jess didn't seem to be faring much better with this new information. He fidgeted on the bridge and glanced at her, unable to find anymore words.
"Jess, I have so many questions..." Rory said softly, her voice trailing off more with each word.
"I know. But, I don't think I have all the answers yet. Can we talk about them another time?" he replied.
Rory frowned. Just when she was trying to start the big conversation, Jess didn't want to talk. That bothered her. She wasn't even sure she wanted to talk about all their issues, but at least she was making the attempt. Perhaps Jess wasn't any different than he was before, perhaps he was just the same little rebel who ran away.
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Author's Note: SO sorry for the long delay. I am now on Thanksgiving Break in my first year at college and so these past few months have been so hectic and I haven't been able to sit down and write something for the story. But I hope this is a decent update, get to see a little more Rory behind the "I'm OK" facade she usually puts up. Also, I haven't seen any of season 4 because TV is hard to access in college, so I will be doing my own thing and drawing from my own experiences. Hopefully you will enjoy it! Take care and let me know what you think!
