A/N: Firstly if you haven't left any reviews I wouldn't bother with this part. Well in THIS special author's note, I would like to say THANK YOU TO ALL THOSE WHO'VE BEEN REVIEWING! I don't know if any have looked at my profile page thing, but yeah I really appreciate the reviews and they make me feel sooooooooo loved and just…great! It's nice to know my writing is appreciated.

Disclaimer If you don't know the drill by now I'm shocked! I do not own Harry Potter.

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James tried to sleep. He counted sheep, listened to his breathing, and even went to the point of asking Sirius to sing him a lullabye.

Nothing worked.

Midnight drew closer and he still tossed in his bed, attempting to find a position comfortable enough for sleep to claim him. He needed to sleep, had to get rest for the Quidditch match against Hufflepuff.

And still he couldn't sleep.

Occasionally, he fell into a half-sleeping daze, but would quickly realize it and jerk awake, cursing himself for several moments after.

12:01 AM, Saturday, January 22.

James stared ruefully at the clock, each passing second an eternity on it's own. Giving up, he threw the covers off and changed into his robe.

"Prongs?" Peter muttered sleepily as James walked by.

"I'm just going to go for a quick flight," he whispered, quietly closing the dormitory door and pulling his invisibility cloak over him.

James immediately remembered that Saturday over a month before, where he had covered himself with his invisibility cloak and was going to go to the kitchens for a snack.

Vaguely keeping track of where his feet were taking him, he mused about that first physical (so to speak) encounter with Evans.

The common room was empty (with a sink of James's heart-he had hoped for another surprise encounter) with the fire burning down to its dimmest embers.

Where WAS Evans? Seeing the common room so empty just didn't feel right. There was something wrong without Lily's thinking body lying on the chair with another book in her arms, too engrossed to notice anyone.

Except for James, that is.

It had been an eventful month, with a whirlwind of change and a tsunami of mixed emotions. He wondered why he was so patient with Lily, why he could take her catty remarks and hurtful sarcasm when, had it been anyone else, he would've lashed back at them.

But Lily never infuriated him. Hurt him-definitely, upset him-of course, but angered him-never.

She had a unique aura (so to speak) around her. Her sarcasm and temper kept people at bay, warning them that she could (and would) bite, and hard. She used her wit to reinforce those two qualities that made her desolate.

But James had taken that as more a reason to know her, and pushed that aside to reach for the woman within. After all, had it been anyone else that particular Saturday, he would have walked away and forgotten her.

But Evans couldn't be forgotten. Even with the curse his father had set on him, a girl with flaming copper hair and dazzling jade eyes haunted James's dreams. A woman whose face he had never quite been able to see, but whose personality left footprints on his heart had stalked his unconscious.

And he fell in love with her. He fell in love with a female from his dreams that he would presumably never find.

But I found her.

He knew she loved him back; she HAD to. Why else did she go on that flight with him, allow him to comfort her, kiss him with such a fire that James was thirsty afterwards?

And he slowly felt her falling out of love with him. James knew that, no matter how hard he tried to hold on, she was letting go.

Just friends, she wants to be nothing more than friends.

How he wished that his promises to wait for her could be empty, with no feeling left in them, only words uttered at a moment that they needed to be there. But he knew that, even if his vow hadn't been filled with truth, he WOULD wait for Lily, he would wait forever if he had to. No one was meant for him more than she was.

But she still was letting go, and James knew that if she succeeded he would be lost forever. He couldn't let go; his heart wouldn't let him. As much as he knew that there was a large chance her life would no longer involve him, his entire heart rotated around her.

She was slipping away…

James realized he was shivering, but not from the winter air. He watched for a moment as the snow slowly fell to the ground, and then summoned his broomstick.

"Accio broomstick," though he said it with no heart.

The ride around the Quidditch pitch helped quite a bit, and by the time James landed, his mind had no weight on it. He (almost gleefully) put on his invisibility cloak and walked towards the castle, deciding to go to the kitchens first.

Maybe, possibly, Lily's stomach had led her there too.

What WAS it about her that made her almost all he ever thought about? Every thought could be followed to her, no matter which path it took.

He got hungry? He remembered that time Lily force fed him Christmas pie. He felt tired? He remembered a time when Lily had fallen asleep in his arms. He felt stressed? He remembered the time Lily had scolded him for not having a schedule planned out. He felt afraid? He remembered that time Lily was lost underwater, and emerged half dead.

James wondered how different things would be if he had not gone to find Remus that night. Part of him screamed that it'd be better that way. But his conscious guilted him for thinking that he would be happy without Lily alive.

And his unconscious told him that had Lily died, a part of him would have gone with her, the part of him that knew how to love.

James heard whispers from inside the kitchens before he even walked in.

The two occupants of the table looked at the door but saw no one there and assumed a house elf had left.

James's heart froze.

Lily was smiling happily, her hands entwined with a jovial Amos across from her. The two weren't even eating the food before them. Instead they were laughing at each other's jokes or answering the others questions.

They looked so happy, so content to be in each others company that James couldn't ruin their moment, didn't have the heart to destroy the contentment they both possessed.

"It's getting late," Amos grudgingly said, giving Lily a quick kiss on the cheek and walking out the entrance.

There was a silence for a while, and Lily finally spoke. "I'm sorry Potter, I'm so sorry."