AN: Another chapter with a flashback that is in italics. Thanks so much for the reviews. I'm so glad there are people out there that are enjoying the story. : )

Chapter Seven: Remembrance

Sam led Jack through the French doors leading outside to the back terrace. He followed her as she walked along a path illuminated by the lights shining from the back of the house. The stone path led down into a terraced garden overlooking a large pond with a waterfall. As they approached the pond, Sam motioned for Jack to take a seat on a wooden bench that overlooked it.

"Nice pond…got any fish?" Jack asked mischievously.

"Actually…there are a lot of fish in it…but not the kind that you go fishing for. It's stocked with Koi. Emma and I just come out here to feed and watch the fish. She loves fish… wants to be a marine biologist, actually."

"Better than mine. I've only seen one fish in all the time I've spent there."

Sam smiled in the memory of her first trip to Jack's cabin, the day they both saw the fish he was referring to. "Still haven't caught anything?"

"Nope," Jack answered, a sad expression passing over his face. "But then…I haven't been up there in a long time. Too many memories…"

Sam instinctively knew why Jack hadn't been to his cabin much in recent years, and it pained her to know that she was the cause. "Do you remember that day at your cabin?"

He sighed sadly. "How can I forget? It was the day you broke my heart."

Jack was standing on his dock looking out over his pond and skipping stones on its glassy surface. Sam was late. She was supposed to meet him here a couple of hours ago and he was beginning to get worried. It would be getting dark in a few minutes and he didn't like the idea of Sam driving along the winding country roads that led to his cabin at night.

Just then he smiled as he heard the crunching of gravel under tires as she drove up to the cabin in her rental car.

Jack grinned crookedly at the sight of a very rumpled-looking Sam getting out of her car. "How was your flight?" he called out as he walked over to help her with her bag.

Sam let out an exasperated sigh. "You wouldn't believe it…there was a two-hour delay for take-off." Sam was clearly tired and upset, so Jack merely took her bag in one hand and put his other arm around her waist to guide her inside.

Once inside, Sam flopped down on the couch, taking off her shoes and curling her legs underneath her. Jack carried her bag back to the bedroom and returned a minute later with a couple of beers, one of which he handed to her as he took a seat next to her.

Leaning her head back over the sofa, Sam took in a deep breath of air and then let it out in a long sigh.

"Sorry you had such a bad day…but I'm glad you're here now," Jack stated as he pulled her feet into his lap and began to massage them.

Sam shifted on the couch so she was lying down and voiced her gratitude. "Oh…Jack, that feels good."

"I aim to please, ma'am."

Jack's obliging hands moved upwards to rub her ankles and legs. As he continued soothingly massaging her feet, Sam struggled to keep her eyes open. The feel of Jack hands completely relaxed her – just as they always did. She didn't know what it was about his hands, but whenever he touched her she immediately felt safe and at ease.

Jack looked up at Sam's face, not at all surprised to find her eyes closed. He couldn't resist – her face was completely relaxed and her lips were parted temptingly. He leaned over to kiss her gently, deepening the kiss as her eyes fluttered open and she responded.

"No going to sleep just yet, Colonel," he whispered teasingly.

Sam wrapped her arms around his neck and ran her fingers through the edges of his short hair. "Jack…let's go to bed," she murmured as his lips nibbled along her cheek and down to her neck.

He chuckled lightly as he continued exploring all the most sensitive places on her neck. "We haven't even eaten yet."

Sam grinned impishly. "Well…you are definitely being very naughty, General. I think you need to go bed without your dinner," she argued.

"Only if you come too."

"I think that was the idea."

Jack quickly stood up and gathered her lounging form into his arms. Sam contentedly buried her face in his neck as he carried her to the bedroom.

The next morning, Sam awoke to an empty bed. She looked at the clock on the bedside table and realized that it was really, really late in the morning. Jack had obviously seen how tired she was the previous evening and had decided to let her sleep in.

As she lay there in bed staring blankly up at the ceiling, intense feelings of guilt and sadness overwhelmed her. As the tears built in her eyes, she covered her face with her hands and worried over how she was ever going to accomplish what she had come here to do.

Initially, she had planned to tell him up front that it was over. The plan had been to not even set foot in the cabin…to simply tell him and then get back in the car and drive off to the nearest hotel. But the plane had been delayed and she hadn't arrived until sundown. And then Jack had been so happy to see her, so warm and welcoming.

When he kissed her, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. She couldn't let him go just yet. She longed to feel his lips on hers, to feel his arms engulfing her as she slept. She had never wanted to be with anyone as much as Jack. His emotional and physical presence made her feel safe and truly loved for the first time in her life.

So she convinced herself to wait…to allow herself the guilty pleasure of one last weekend with the man she loved so much. When it the weekend was over, she would break his heart and her own. They would both move on and Jack would be safe. And keeping him safe was the most important thing to her right now. She wouldn't be able to bear it if something happened to him.

But until Sunday, she was going to enjoy every last second of being with him.

Sam got up and quickly dressed in a t-shirt and jeans. She searched for Jack and finally found him exactly where she knew he would be. He was sitting on his dock, snoozing in the sunlight, with a fishing pole lazily hanging in his hands. Sam gazed at him for a minute, imprinting the image in her memory. This was how she wanted to remember him – peaceful and completely content, sitting in his favorite place in the whole universe.

Sam busily went about fixing lunch, suddenly remembering that she hadn't eaten since the afternoon before. By the time she had finished, Jack had woken up and made his way to the cabin.

"Hey, sleepyhead. Did you catch anything?" Sam asked mischievously, knowing full well that Jack had never caught a single fish in that pond in his entire life.

"Funny…who are you calling sleepyhead, by the way? I was up bright and early. You, on the other hand slept like a log all morning."

Sam frowned slightly. "I know. I guess I'm just really tired. Work's been a bit stressful lately."

Jack looked at her, somewhat concerned. "Anything you want to talk about?"

Sam shook her head resignedly. "No. I just needed to get away for a bit and relax…and think."

Jack came up behind her and wrapped his arms gently around her. "Think? Sam…don't you remember? This is a think-free zone. The only thing you're allowed to do up here is rest and have fun. You do enough thinking at work."

Sam smiled as he reminded her of the number one rule they had established for their trips to the cabin. "I promise…no more thinking. At least not today," she added, an indiscernible hint of sorrow in her voice.

They spent the rest of the day hiking around in the woods, followed by some more fishing by the pond. During the day, Sam took notice of every movement he made, every sound, every smell. She wanted to ingrain everything that made him who he was into her subconscious, knowing full well that it would a long time before she would be able to be with him again…if ever.

And then it was over. Sunday afternoon came, and Sam knew it was time to say goodbye. Only this time it would be a final goodbye…not the 'til we meet again' goodbye that they usually exchanged at the end of a romantic weekend.

Jack was once again seated out on his dock, relaxing by the pond one last time before he would have to drive to the airport and hop a plane back to Washington.

Sam quietly walked out to the dock and sat in the chair beside him. They both stared out over the water, neither saying a word.

Suddenly, Jack broke the silence. "Sam…you wanna tell me what's wrong? You've been acting strange all day. It's starting to worry me. Is it that thing at work that's stressing you out?"

Sam was surprised that he had noticed her change in demeanor. She had been struggling all morning to contain her anxiety and depression. She should have known that it would be impossible to hide it from him. He knew her too well.

With a shaky sigh, she answered him, "Actually, Jack, it's not. I told you yesterday that I had a lot of thinking to do. You see, I have a big decision that I have to make…and I finally made it yesterday."

"What is it?" Jack took off his sunglasses to look directly at her, not knowing whether to be curious or worried.

Sam faced away from his penetrating gaze. She pinpointed a tree on the far side of the pond, focusing her sight firmly on it, knowing the only way she could get through this was to focus on something else. She could not look him directly in the eyes.

"Jack," she stated quietly, "I don't want to hurt you. I would never want to hurt you. But… I've started seeing someone else."

Jack's mouth gaped open in complete shock. He had been expecting her to reveal something important, but he never imagined this.

She continued quickly before he could interrupt. "We hardly ever see each other, Jack. I think the distance between us, combined with our hectic work schedules…well it's just too much for our relationship to be successful."

Jack's eyes directed all of his anger and fury at her even though she continued to stare straight ahead, refusing to meet his gaze.

"Why the hell didn't you talk to me about any of this before? I thought you were okay with the long-distance thing. If you had just told me how you were feeling, I would have done something about it. Hell, I still can. I'll retire and move out to Nevada if it's what you want."

Sam looked down at the hands anxiously folded in her lap, her fingers fretfully entwined. "You don't understand, Jack. There's someone else. Until I got to know him, I had no idea what it was like to have someone like that in my life. We work together, we understand each other, and more importantly, he is there for me every single day. I can see myself having a family with him, growing old with him…"

Jack suddenly erupted. He stood up forcefully and grabbed Sam's shoulders, pulling her up to stand and face him. "Who the hell is he?" His eyes flared with jealousy.

"You've met him…Alec Colson." Sam's voice was small and tentative, her gaze still not meeting his own.

"The engineer who wanted to reveal the Stargate Program a few years ago?" Jack asked in disbelief.

"Yes. We've been working closely with each other at Area 51. With you in Washington, I was lonely and it's been very hard with all of the demands of work. He was there for me and was so supportive and caring."

The anger flashed in Jack's eyes, as his grip on her arms tightened. "I don't believe it, Sam. There is no way that you love him more than me."

Sam was close to breaking down and crying. It took all her strength to hold herself together. "It's not a question of more, Jack. I love him in a different way. And he's good for me."

"And I'm not?"

Sam sighed in frustration. "With you, I'm still living in limbo...just like I was when we were on SG-1 together. I don't feel like my life is moving forward in any way. You say you'll retire, but you know you don't want to. It's not who you are. You're General Jack O'Neill – and I just don't think I fit into your life…at least not anymore. I want more than you can give."

"And Colson can give you what you want?" Jack sneered.

"Yes." Sam looked down at her feet, tears welling in her eyes. She was desperately trying to be strong. She had known it would be hard, but she had never imagined just how anguishing it would be to break up with him.

Jack released her arms brusquely. "You were planning this all along, weren't you? You wanted to meet me up here to break up with me. Why, Sam? If you were going to dump me for some other guy, why did you come to my bed? Why did you let me kiss you…and make love to you? What was this whole weekend about for you?" His tone was angry, and yet bewildered.

"It was goodbye, Jack."

"It sure as hell was one crappy way of saying 'so long.'"

"I'm sorry, Jack…"

Jack collapsed back in his chair and ran his hands roughly over his face, trying to conceal the tears that no doubt were imminent. Sam longed to go to him and comfort him…to run her fingers through his hair and kiss him. But she couldn't allow herself that luxury.

Jack's voice was loud and accusing when he next spoke. "Get the hell out of here! I don't even want to look at you, Sam. Fly back to your brilliant scientist and leave me the hell alone."

Sam did not speak another word. She silently went back to the cabin and packed her belongings. As she was leaving the bedroom, she spied an old blue wooden yo-yo sitting on a shelf. It was Jack's first and favorite yo-yo. She nostalgically picked it up and impulsively slipped the object into her pocket. It would be her memento, her constant reminder of the man she had lost. She then strode out of the room with purpose in her step and exited the cabin. As she stood by her car, she looked back over her shoulder towards the dock.

Jack was now sitting on the wooden planks of dock with his feet hanging over the edge into the water. Even from this distance, she could tell he was crying. He blinked away the tears as he continued to stare off into the distance. She had never before seen such a forlorn look on his face. And it tore her apart to know that she was responsible for it.

As her own tears started, she got into the car and quickly drove off. By the time she reached the main road, she was sobbing uncontrollably. She pulled over and took some time to get her emotions under control. Searching through her pocket, her hand came to rest on Jack's yo-yo. She stroked its smooth finish, finding comfort in having it near. When she had recovered, she restarted the car and slowly made her way to the airport.

Jack stared at her accusingly. "You stole my yo-yo? I've been looking for that thing for years!"

Sam looked at him sheepishly. "Sorry…but it helped when I needed to feel close to you. Every time I thought that I couldn't get through another day without talking to you… without seeing you…I would just hold it in my hand and then I was okay. It reminded me of why I was doing all this…why I sacrificed so much."

"And why is that?" Jack looked at her, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"To keep you safe," she acknowledged without hesitation. "I know I hurt you and I know it's been difficult, but I also know that you're alive…and you've had the chance to move on."

"Move on?" Jack repeated incredulously. "Sam… when you left, it destroyed me. I haven't moved on… I live in a small apartment in Washington, alone and bitter. I work far too many hours and have far too few friends…and I've been that way for five years. You know why? Because it just wasn't worth it without you. Every time I tried to move on and be happy, your memory was right there hanging over me."

"I'm sorry…" Sam felt her remorse grow, feeling wretched for ruining his life so many years before. She knew the feelings would only get worse once she revealed the other reason for his presence here tonight. And for the first time she questioned whether it had all been worth it. They had lost five precious years together…and she doubted if Jack could ever trust or love her in the same way again.

"I still don't understand why you let me know you were alive, Sam. Why not just let me think you were dead along with everybody else who cares about you? What is it you want from me?"

"I let you in on my little secret because… I have something else to tell you." Sam looked into his eyes, her own filling with tears. She was scared at how he might react and sad that she had had to keep such an important secret from him.

"What? What else could you possibly say to me?" Jack's voice rose as his frustration grew. "You dumped me, you went off and married another man, you had a family with him, and then you let me think you were dead. Everything you've done with this plan of yours has ripped my heart to pieces. I know now the reasons why I went through all this pain…and I do understand...really. I may not completely like the way you handled the situation, but I do understand why you did it. So what other big revelations do you want to drop on me this evening?"

"Jack…I never married Alec."

"What?" Jack shouted. It was just one more outrageous disclosure added to the heap and Jack was unsure on just how much more he could take in one evening. "Just how do you explain that?"

"Well…we made a public announcement, we had pictures released…but nobody bothered to examine the records. They just believed what we told them," she explained.

Jack looked at her questioningly. "But you are together as a couple…I mean you have Emma…"

"I have never been with Alec, Jack. He's my best friend…but I don't love him in that way. And he doesn't love me that way either. Actually, he's been with Carly Turner for three years now. They'll probably get married now that I'm dead."

Jack's face and voice grew more agitated as he began to comprehend the full meaning of what Sam had said. "Wait a minute…if he isn't Emma's father…then who is?"

Sam paused and took in a deep, shaky breath. "You remember that last time at the cabin? I'm pretty sure that's when she was conceived."

At first, Jack did not say anything. Suddenly he recalled the photo in Alec's study – the baby picture of Emma with Sam. He realized why it had bothered him so much. As a baby, Emma bore an uncanny resemblance to Charlie.

Once this information had finally sunk in, he exploded. "My God…and you kept this from me! How could you, Sam?"

Tears were now streaming down Sam's face. She understood completely how much this hurt him. "By the time I found out I was pregnant, it was too late to turn back," she tried to explain. "I had to protect her and the best way to do that was to be here with Alec. If I had come to you and told you everything, they would have killed you. And it would have put Emma in danger."

Jack was furious with Sam for hiding this from him, and he was upset about another man raising his daughter for five years. "Why are you telling me this now?" he asked suspiciously.

"Because I needed you to know," Sam replied truthfully. "It's all coming to an end. The people on the Trust database no longer have anything to hold over me. They won't hurt you or anyone else, because to them I'm dead…it would serve no purpose. As far as anyone knows, Emma and I will remain dead. I'm taking Emma and we're going away."

"Where?" Jack demanded.

"Another planet perhaps."

"So you tell me I have a daughter just to take her away from me again. You can't do that…I won't let you."

"That's not what I want…but it's up to you." Sam stared at him, hope shining in her glistening eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"I'd like you to come with us, Jack. But if you don't want to, I understand…I will let you know where we are and you can come visit every once in a while."

Jack did not say a word. He was still too angry and too overwhelmed to make any rational decisions. His emotions were so conflicted. He was so very angry, and yet the only thing he knew at that moment was that he was once again a father, and it made him happier than he could ever remember being.

They sat there in silence for a few minutes before Jack softly and hopefully asked, "Can I see her?"

"Now?"

"Yeah…I'd like to see her before I leave."

Sam stood up and nodded. "Sure…she's asleep though."

"I won't wake her," he reassured her.

Sam led the way back to the house and guided Jack to Emma's room. The door was slightly open. Sam gently pushed the door open and motioned for Jack to go in. The room was illuminated by a nightlight that revolved around, softly imprinting colorful patterns of fish and sea life on the walls. The shelves and tables were crowded with toys and books.

Emma was sleeping soundly, snuggled comfortably in her bed. Jack quietly moved to stand beside the bed to view the girl more closely. As he stared at her delicate features, he could clearly see aspects of himself in her face – her hair, her nose. He also noted that Daniel had been right, for even in sleep her smile was identical to Sam's.

He couldn't help himself… he had to touch her. So he reached out one hand and barely glided his fingertips over her hair. At his touch, Emma's nose wrinkled a bit and she shifted ever so slightly in the bed. Jack backed away and turned to leave the room. As he looked back at his daughter, he spied something familiar on her nightstand. It was his old blue yo-yo. Sam had obviously given it to their daughter for safekeeping.

As Jack left Emma's room, he noticed Sam still standing in the doorway looking in. Tears streamed down her face, she was so overwhelmed at witnessing Jack meet his daughter for the very first time. Jack, too, was overcome with emotion and he instinctively took Sam in his arms and hugged her tightly. They held each other for what seemed like an eternity before they broke apart.

Sam motioned for Jack to follow her and then led him to the kitchen. Sam poured Jack and herself some coffee and they sat down at the kitchen table.

"Thank you," Jack acknowledged softly.

Sam was perplexed at his gratitude. He had every reason to hate her, not to be thankful. "For what?"

"Letting me see her."

Sam looked pensively out the window into the darkened back yard. "You know…you could stay over," she suggested. "It's late and you won't be able to get a flight until tomorrow anyway. We have plenty of extra bedrooms. Then you could spend some time with her tomorrow morning before you have to leave."

"That would be…nice." Jack smiled at the thought.

Sam smiled back, overjoyed that Jack would have more time to spend with his daughter…and she would more time to make amends. They sat there in silence, simply enjoying being alone in each other's presence for the first time in years. When they had both finished their coffee, Sam showed Jack to his room and retrieved some clothes from Alec for him to borrow for the night. As she handed him the pajamas, Sam lifted one hand to tenderly caress his cheek and bid him goodnight.

Jack watched longingly as she walked away towards her own room. "Goodnight, Sam…"

TBC