A/N: Unfortunately, this chapter isn't as long as the last one. It was actually going to be at least twice this long, but I decided to break it into two chapters. I hope you like it!
Oh, Manny2003 – the Evanescence CD was my soundtrack for this chapter, and part of the last one! I've been listening to it the entire time I've been writing!
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Enjoy!
I don't own the Harry Potter universe.
People swarmed all around her, asking questions, searching for answers about the attack. James answered their questions. He had been there with her. He knew as much as she did. He kept the Aurors from asking her any questions.
He never left her side.
Through all the questions, all the expressions of concern, James never left Lily. He sat next to her at the picnic table, patiently dealing with everyone. He held her hand, rubbing his thumb across it in a comforting gesture. Lily stared straight ahead, not even acknowledging his presence. He wanted desperately to take her away from all this, but knew that he couldn't. They needed to be there. Even if they had left, the Aurors would have found them. They needed answers so they could put the pieces of the attack together. Aside from all that, Lily needed medical attention. After all that she had been through, James planned to make sure she saw a Healer before he let her leave.
"How are you guys?"
James looked up as Remus approached, his eyes full of concern. "As well as can be expected," he replied.
Remus turned to Lily. "Lil? Are you all right?"
Lily continued to stare straight ahead, not giving any sign that she was aware that Remus had joined them. Remus' eyes flicked from Lily to James, who shook his head.
"James?"
James looked up, and saw his father beckoning him. He turned to Remus, a bit of desperation showing in his eyes.
"Remus, can you . . .?"
"Of course." Remus sat down on Lily's other side, and put his arm around her, gently rubbing her back.
"Thanks." James gently removed Lily's hand from his, and stood.
"Don't leave me."
James nearly jumped, and looked down at Lily in surprise. Her green eyes were full of tears.
"Don't leave me," she said again.
"Lily, I'm just going over there," James said gently, touching her face and hair. "I'll be right with my dad. You'll be able to see me the whole time. And Remus is here with you now."
"I'll stay with you, Lily," Remus said softly, continuing to rub circles into her back.
Lily nodded slowly, even as her tears began to fall. James took that as consent to leave, and leaned down to kiss the top of her head before joining his father. He sighed as he walked toward the older man. He had answered so many questions already. He didn't want to deal with any more.
"How's Lily?" Mr. Potter asked.
"In shock, I think," James replied, rubbing his hands over his face. When he looked at his father again, his eyes were full of pain. "He put the Cruciatus on her, Dad. That bastard used an Unforgivable on her."
"Be glad it was the one she could recover from," Mr. Potter replied, putting his hand on his son's shoulder. "He didn't force her to do anything against her will. He didn't kill her. For Voldemort, he was merciful."
"Why was he here?" James asked. "Why on earth would he show up at Petunia's wedding?"
"What better place to cause death and destruction than a Muggle wedding attended by wizards?" Mr. Potter replied. "From what we've been able to gather, the Death Eaters have been attacking weddings just like this one. They look through the papers until they find wedding announcements that include families that are both Muggles and wizards, and, if you will, crash them. The attacks aren't always as messy as this one was today – I think that the resistance you and Lily put up was a bit of a surprise. And I'm certain that Voldemort doesn't show up for most events." Pride filled his voice and expression. "You and Lily did incredibly well before we came, James. No one could expect more of you. You defended yourselves and quite a few Muggles. You encountered Voldemort, and you lived to tell the tale. Do you realize how few people can say that?"
"I'm sure the Death Eaters were thrilled by the fact there were Squibs here," James said almost to himself, almost as though he hadn't heard his father's praise.
"Squibs? Who's a Squib?"
"Lily's parents."
"I didn't know that."
"Yeah, they just told her yesterday. She was still reeling from that, and now this happened at the wedding, plus taking the Cruciatus . . . No wonder she's so messed up."
Mr. Potter's expression grew serious. "James, does Lily know about her parents?"
"What about them?"
"James, we found their bodies." His expression changed again, now holding as much sorrow as an Auror was allowed. "They were both hit with Killing Curses."
"What?" James blinked. He felt his throat tighten. "Both of them? Lily's parents are both gone?" Tears began to sting at the corners of his eyes. How could that be true? How could they be gone?
"They're gone." Mr. Potter confirmed, tightening his grip on James' shoulder. "She needs to know, James. Do you want me to tell her?"
James blinked again, and swallowed hard. "No. No, Dad, she needs to hear it from me."
"Are you ready to do this?"
"No," he replied honestly. "But will I ever be?"
"James, listen. Just be really gentle about how you tell her, and –"
"Look, Dad, I know that you're the expert, and that you give people this kind of news all the time, but . . . Lily's my fiancée. I love her more than anything. She knows me better than anyone in the world, and I'd like to think that I know her just as well. So, thank you for the advice, but I want to do this my way."
Mr. Potter nodded. "You can do this, James."
"Thanks."
James waited for his father to release his shoulder so he could go talk to Lily, but instead of letting him go, Mr. Potter pulled him close. He had nearly lost his son – his only child. His family had nearly been ripped apart. He felt tears of his own pressing the back of his eyes, and tried desperately to recover his composure. An Auror wasn't allowed to show emotion like this at a battle scene.
At first James was surprised by his father's show of affection, but he quickly realized how good it felt to be locked in his arms. He was about to give Lily the devastating news that her parents had died, but it could easily have been the other way around. His parents were Order members, and his father was an Auror. Their lives were in danger every day. As the thought went through his head, James tightened his hold on his father. He was so lucky to still have his parents with him. After today, he would never take them for granted again.
Mr. Potter released his son, and patted him on the back several times. "If you need help, I'll be here."
"Thanks, Dad," James said again.
He turned and began his impossibly long – and short – journey across the yard. He glanced to one side, and saw Sirius working with Moody as he questioned a captured Death Eater. Across from him, Olivia was with Frank, modifying the memories of several wedding guests who had already been questioned. Peter and Laura were helping Order members assess the wounded, and escorting them to Healers. He couldn't find Dana. He wondered where she had gone. Then all thoughts of Dana flew from his mind. The only person who matter right now was only a few steps away from him.
Lily was leaning on Remus' as James reached the picnic table. Remus looked up at him. "Did your dad have more questions about what happened?" he asked.
James shook his head, and knelt down in front of Lily. "No, he had some information for me." He reached out, and took Lily's hand. "Lil, I need to talk to you."
Lily turned to look at him. "Do they know why this happened?" she asked hoarsely.
"Sort of," James replied uncomfortably. "But we can talk about that later. Right now, we need to talk about – about what happened today. About the – the casualties."
Lily nodded slowly, an invitation to continue.
"Lil, my dad and the other Aurors have been all over the house and the yard, looking for Death Eaters, talking to witness, and . . . finding survivors. You've seen all that they've done. While they were working, they found – they found your parents."
A spark of hope jumped into Lily's eyes. "My parents are all right?"
"Lily, I . . ." Tears filled his eyes. "In a way, yes, your parents are fine."
"What do you mean, 'in a way?'"
Remus' hand stopped rubbing Lily's back as he realized what James was about to say. He put his arm tightly around her waist, trying to stop her from falling when she heard the inevitable.
"Your parents are fine, Lil, because they'll never feel pain again. They'll never be sad, or cry. They'll never be tired, or feel worn out just thinking about all they have to do. They'll never see the destruction that Voldemort is causing in our world. They'll never have to worry again. They'll never feel panic, or fear. They'll never be sick. They'll – They're happy, they're safe, and . . . they're with God and their families." A tear slid down James' cheek. "Your parents died, Lily. They were both hit with Killing Curses. They're gone."
Lily's eyes, which had grown wider with each sentence James spoke, snapped shut. She forcefully shook head. "No, James, no – you're wrong – oh, God – NO!"
As she shrieked the last word, her eyes flew open again, and tears spilled down her cheeks. "NO! NO, JAMES, THEY'RE NOT GONE!"
"Lily, I'm so sorry – I wish there was another way – I wish I was wrong –" One hand still clutched hers, and the other reached up to touch her cheek and smooth her hair.
"Oh, God!" Lily started to fall forward, but Remus caught her.
James jumped up, and pulled her close, into a standing position. She sobbed against him, burying her face in his shoulder. When her spasm of tears was spent, she took gulping breaths, trying to calm herself down, and to gain enough air to speak.
"I saw him," she whispered.
"Whom did you see?"
"My dad." Her voice was so low that James hoped he had misheard her.
"You saw your dad?"
"Right after the – the curse hit him. I was with Petunia, trying to keep her safe, and she screamed – when I looked, my dad was on the ground. I ran over to him, to try to help him. It was just like Moody kept saying – he just looked surprised. I knew then, James – I KNEW! But I couldn't believe it. I couldn't let it be true! Why did you have to make it true, James? WHY?"
"Lil . . ."
"But I didn't see my mum. I heard Petunia scream again, but I couldn't look – I didn't want to know . . ." She looked up at him, her face tear- streaked. "Can I see my mum?"
"I don't know where she is," James confessed. "But if you want, I can find out."
Lily nodded. "I want to see her."
James nodded a bit reluctantly. He didn't know how this would go. "Are you sure?"
Tears slipped down her cheeks again. "Yes," she whispered. "I need to see her, or I won't believe it."
James looked at Remus, who was still hovering nearby uncertainly. "Will you stay with her for a moment?"
Remus nodded, and stepped closer to Lily. When James released her, Remus caught her in his arms. Lily looked at him.
"I can stand."
"No, you can't. Aside from everything else, you're still recovering from a Cruciatus curse" Remus said. He loosened his grip, and Lily swayed. "See?"
She tried to smile, but more tears fell. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. You have nothing to apologize for. Just cry."
She turned her face into Remus' shoulder, and James left them. He knew that he could entrust Lily to Remus' care. He would take care of her. Now he had to find his father. He looked around, and saw him talking to someone.
"Dad!"
Mr. Potter turned away from the Auror trainee he was talking to, and looked at James. "How is she?"
James shook his head. "She wants to see her mum's body."
Mr. Potter nodded. "Of course. I wouldn't let Moody have them moved to St. Mungo's until she had seen them."
"You expected this?" James asked, wide-eyed with surprise.
"Of course I did. Most people can't believe that a loved one is gone until they can see the body."
"That's what she said – she said she wouldn't be able to believe it until she saw her mum. She knew about her dad – she saw his body right after the curse hit him."
"Well, she can see them both if she wants – they're together."
"Where?"
"Over there." He pointed to the tent James had seen Peter and Laura taking people to for help. "They have a section where they keep the victims' bodies until they're transported."
James nodded. "Thanks, Dad." He turned to go.
"James, wait."
"Yeah?"
Mr. Potter stepped closer. "I was watching you – when you told her. I couldn't hear everything, obviously, but from what I could see – you did a great job."
James smiled sadly. "I just wish I didn't have to."
"So do I, James. Believe me, so do I."
With a nod, James left his father. Remus had moved Lily back onto the picnic bench. She was collapsed against him, her shoulders still shaking. James sighed. Was this really a good idea?
"Lil?"
Lily looked up at him. "Did you find them?"
"Yeah. Come on, I'll take you over there now."
She nodded, and allowed James to help her to her feet. Remus looked at them uncertainly, but remained seated. This was something they needed to do on their own.
They walked across the yard in silence, unaware of the stares that followed them. Moody and Longbottom watched them with undisguised pride. They had trained these two new members of their Order. They had watched them change from children to adults. The change had been abrupt, and had been forced upon them perhaps faster than it should have been, but they had handled it well. They had fought Voldemort and lived– something very few could claim. In that moment, without ever discussing it, the two Aurors knew that James and Lily would be instrumental to their cause. They didn't know exactly how or why, but they knew that they needed them to defeat the Dark Lord.
Lily wiped away her tears as they approached the tent. She didn't want her mother to see her crying. She didn't want her to know how lost she felt.
James swept the tent flap open, and ushered Lily in ahead of him. A Healer looked up from the bedside of a Muggle – one of Vernon's relatives.
"Are you hurt?" she asked.
James shook his head. "We understand that her parents are here."
"What are their names?" the woman asked.
"Paul and Brenna Evans," Lily choked out.
The Healer's eyes widened, then filled with compassion. "Of course," she whispered. "They're right over here."
James and Lily followed her across the tent to a section that was partitioned off, separating it from the rest of the room. She paused at the entrance, and looked at Lily.
"Are you sure you're ready?"
Lily nodded, her face set with determination. The woman nodded, and looked at James.
"Are you going in with her?"
James turned to Lily, who nodded again, tightening her grip on his hand.
"Very well," the Healer said. "Take as long as you like."
James nodded. "Thank you."
Still holding tightly to one another's hands, Lily and James walked into the small room. When they entered, any sounds from the outside world stopped. James realized at once that a silencing charm had been put on the room. It made sense. Grief didn't need witnesses.
Two cots stood on the far side of the room. The occupants had sheets drawn up over their faces. Lily took in a sharp breath when she realized the significance of the sheets. She began to shake, and held James' hand even tighter.
"Are you sure, Lil?" James whispered. "We can leave now if you want. You don't have to do this."
"Yes, I do."
James nodded. "If this is what you want . . ."
She nodded, and made her way across the room. She stopped in front of the first cot, and dropped James' hand to pull back the sheet. She trembled again as she looked down at her father's still face.
"Daddy," she whispered. His eyes and mouth were now closed. She reached out to run her hand over his forehead. "You always believed in me, didn't you?" Tears slid down her cheeks. "I hope I made you proud. I tried. I wanted so much to please you. I know how excited you were about me being a witch." She drew a shaky breath. "With all that I can do, I couldn't save you. I'm so sorry, Daddy. I'm so sorry that I couldn't save you."
She turned her face into James' shoulder, trying to regain her composure. He rubbed her back, trying to help her calm down. After a moment, she looked back at her father.
"I'm sorry that you won't be at my wedding. I wanted you to walk me down the aisle. I – I'll tell my children all about you. You would have been the best grandfather. I know you were in denial about being old enough to have grandchildren, but now I just wish you could have been a little older. I wish you could have met them." She leaned down to kiss his forehead. "I love you, Daddy."
She straightened up, and picked up the sheet to cover his face again. But, as she looked down at the face she had loved since birth, she knew she couldn't do it. She couldn't cover his face, shutting out the world. She folded it over his chest instead. The Healers could do whatever they wanted once she was gone.
Taking James' hand again, she walked to the other cot. Once again, she released James' hand to pull back the sheet. Her hands trembled violently as she picked up the edges. James reached out to put his hands over hers.
"Do you want me to do it?"
"No," she replied. "I have to."
He nodded, and took his hands away from hers. She drew a deep breath, and pulled back the sheet.
Her mother lay before her as though she was peacefully sleeping. The Healers had closed her eyes and mouth, and charmed her face to take away the surprised look that had undoubtedly been there before. What had her face looked like? Had she been afraid when she saw the jet of green light rushing toward her? Had she recognized it for what it was? In that split second before it hit her, did she realize that she was about to die? Did she have time for any regrets? Lily closed her eyes for a moment, trying to steady her emotions.
When she opened her eyes again, and leaned over, reaching down to touch her mother's face. Tears fell from her own eyes, splashing on her mother's cheeks.
"Mummy," she whispered. "Mummy, I'm so sorry. This was my fault. If I had only been more careful, and paid more attention to what was going on, I would have seen that you were in danger." She shook her head. "But you would say that it's not my fault, and that I need to stop blaming myself for everything, wouldn't you? That's what you always told me. I protected Petunia, Mummy. She's safe, and so is Vernon. They can still have the life they wanted. And Petunia and I are friends now. Didn't you see us before the wedding? I know you did, and I know how happy you must have been. You've wanted us to reconcile for so long now. I'm just sorry that you didn't get to see it for more than a day. I'm sorry that it took us so long to learn to love one another again." She drew in a sharp breath to silence the sob that threatened to choke her.
James reached out to touch her back, gently run his hand up and down her spine. She shivered slightly, but was grateful for his presence and the silent comfort he offered.
"I'm so glad that you got to meet James, Mummy. I'm so glad that you got to see us engaged – to approve of him. I just wish – I wish you could have danced at my wedding the way that you danced at Petunia's." A sob escaped her throat before she could stop it. "I wish we could have had more time together." She leaned down, and kissed her mother's cheek. "I love you, Mummy. I love you so much."
James' hand stopped on her shoulder. She looked up at him.
"I can't leave her, James. I can't."
James nodded. "We'll stay as long as you need to."
"Thank you."
Lily reached down, and took her mother's hand. "You're so cold," she whispered. "Oh, God, why? Why did you let this happen? My parents are – were – good people! They don't deserve this! This wasn't supposed to happen!"
"Lil," James whispered.
She turned, and looked at him for a moment. For one frightening moment, the thought of losing James ran through her head. She couldn't deal with that. She just couldn't. As if it would keep him alive, she threw her arms around him.
James held her close, trying to still her shaking. He stroked her hair and her back, and murmured soothing words to her. He didn't really know what he was saying, but it seemed to make Lily feel better.
Time stood still as they held each other. Lily had no idea how much time had passed when she pulled away to look at James.
"Just another minute, please."
James kissed her forehead. "Take as long as you want."
She nodded, and turned back to her mother. "You made me what I am," she whispered. "Without you, I don't know where I'd be. Thank you, Mummy. Thank you for everything you've done for me for so many years."
As she had with her father, Lily folded the sheet across her mother's chest. She kissed her cheek again, then took James' hand.
"I'm ready."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. Besides, I'm sure there are so many people I need to talk to outside."
James nodded. "That's true. But, if you need more time . . ."
"No," she replied. "I'm ready."
James nodded, and steered her out of the makeshift morgue, and into the treatment area. As soon as they had crossed from one room to the next, two people rushed across the distance. Relief flooded through James as he recognized them. He knew that they would do everything in their power to help Lily. Perhaps, on some level, he had known that the two Healers-in- training would be here in the temporary hospital.
"Lils," Dana whispered.
She threw her arms around her friend. As soon as Dana embraced her, Lily began to sob again. She released James' hand to hug her, clinging to her like a lifeline. Dana held her tightly, rocking her back and forth slightly.
Remus moved closer to James. "How did it go?"
James sighed, and ran his hand through his hair. "That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life."
Remus nodded, and put his hand on James' shoulder. "You've done great today, James. You've been a rock for her, and that's what she's needed."
"I just hope I can keep it up for as long as she needs it."
"You will. And you won't be alone. We're all here to help you."
"I know." He tried to smile. "I'd be lost without you guys."
A shadow fell over the group as a tall man appeared in the doorway. James looked up, and recognized Dumbledore.
"Lily, I need to speak with you."
James looked at his former professor in shock. What could be so important that it couldn't wait until Lily had at the very least stopped crying?
Lily broke away from Dana, and looked up at Dumbledore. Her tears still fell, but she met his gaze. He took this as permission to continue.
"I have heard that Voldemort attacked you with a Cruciatus curse."
Lily slowly nodded without feeling. Yes, she had felt the pain of a Cruciatus Curse. Her parents hadn't been so fortunate. They were not alive to tell of the curse that had been used against them.
"You'll have to be checked over by a Healer," Dumbledore stated.
"It's not important," Lily replied. "I'm fine."
"We want to be sure," Dumbledore said, giving her a penetrating look. He moved closer, and took her hands in his. "Lily, you must understand that nothing that happened today was your fault."
Lily looked at him reproachfully. She was mildly surprised with herself. She had never looked at a teacher, or any person in authority, like that before. Even so, there was no way she could remove the expression from her face.
"I've heard many different things since the Aurors began questioning people, but the one thing that has stood out was that the Death Eaters attacked because this was a wedding that involved both Muggles and wizards," she said. "How that takes ANY blame away from me is a mystery."
James looked at her in surprise. He had not realized that Lily had picked up that tidbit of information. He looked at Remus, who shrugged.
"That's true," Dumbledore replied thoughtfully. "But would you have denied your sister the chance to get married because you are a witch?"
"No, of course not," Lily replied. "She wanted this. She loves Vernon."
"Exactly. And I know that you've spent a good deal of time with her this week. Would you change that?"
"No," Lily said slowly. "We've become closer in the past week than we've been in the past eight years. But, still, sir, I don't see how this removes any of the blame from me. If I hadn't been here, my parents would still be alive."
"Not necessarily," Dumbledore replied. "The Death Eaters attacked because they knew there would be a wedding celebration today. They knew this because of an article in the newspaper. That article did not include a guest list. They would have attacked, Lily, whether you were here or not. As it was, you WERE here, and you and James managed to save quite a few lives. From what I understand, you saved your own sister."
"I couldn't let her die," Lily said softly.
"No, you couldn't. You put your own life in danger to preserve hers. You created a bond between yourself and your sister that is stronger than any bond you had before. You are connected now in more ways than you can know."
"But I couldn't save my parents."
James moved forward as Lily's tears began again, pulling her close. "Can't she please rest now?"
Dumbledore nodded. "I'll find a Healer to look her over, and we'll see about a potion for a dreamless sleep."
James nodded his agreement.
"I don't want to sleep now," Lily protested. "I'll let a Healer check me or whatever, but I don't want to sleep. I want to talk to my sister."