A/N: Thanks for sticking with me through all the depression! Things will be happier now . . . But, be forewarned, it's only for a little while. Remember, our characters are still at war. Thank you for reading and reviewing! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

I don't own Harry Potter.

Talking It Out

James felt the anger pounding through his veins as he stumbled out of the building that housed girls' flat, rather glad that Lily didn't know he had only managed to Apparate to a point just outside her door. He was far too emotionally charged to try to go farther. He paused to lean up against the main door of the building, half wanting to go back inside and apologize for his outburst. But his pride wouldn't let him. All that he had said was true. Now it was up to Lily to deal with it.

Lily.

Just the thought of her, alone and in tears, was enough to kill James. How could he leave her like that? But, then again, how could he go back up there? She needed to realize that the way she was acting was wrong. Then again. . . He shook his head. He knew that he couldn't be alone at the moment. He was beyond the point of rationalizing his decisions. He needed help. He reached into his pocket, and fumbled for his mirror.

"Sirius Black!"

"James?" Sirius' face appeared with a confused frown. Judging by the noise and number of people behind him, he was still at the Auror Academy. "Where are you? Why aren't you with Lily?"

"Can you meet me at the Leaky Cauldron?" James asked miserably. "I'll explain everything there."

"Sure," Sirius replied. "I'll see you in five minutes."

Fifteen minutes later, James and Sirius were seated in the Leaky Cauldron with drinks in front of them. James had poured out his tale of misery, and was watching his best friend expectantly.

Sirius sighed, and ran his hands over his face. "It's been a long time coming, mate."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You've been trying too hard to be the perfect boyfriend ever since the attack," Sirius explained. "You've done brilliantly, but it's been killing you every step of the way. How many times in the last month did you sit up late with Remus and I talking about everything? And let me tell you, we've both noticed that you've gotten progressively more fed up with Lily. It was only a matter of time before you exploded."

"That doesn't excuse what I did," James said sadly, guilty feelings overwhelming him. "She's mourning the loss of her parents. She needs me to be there for her, not to attack her." He dropped his head down into his hands. "I'm a horrible person."

"I feel like we've had this conversation before," Sirius said, a hint of a grin floating across his face.

"I know," James sighed. "I'm sorry, Padfoot. I keep dumping all this on you, and I know that you have plenty of your own stuff to worry about right now."

"If I didn't care about your problems, I'd be a pretty sorry best friend," Sirius replied. "And, yeah, I've got stuff going on, but nothing like this. My girlfriend is fine. Her current dilemma is the same as yours: dealing with someone who's completely seeped in depression. Believe me, the girls have been suffering right along with you."

"I should go talk to Liv and Dana," James said suddenly. "Maybe the three of us could commiserate."

"Bad plan," Sirius grinned. "Right now, they're probably getting an earful about what an awful boyfriend you are."

James shook his head. Maybe he was an awful boyfriend. "Padfoot, I'm going to tell you something, but please don't tell me I'm being ridiculous."

"I won't – unless you are being ridiculous."

James shook his head. "Of everything that's happened, the hardest thing for me to take is that Lily won't even consider wedding plans anymore. When we first got engaged, she and the girls were practically out of control about it. Remember when I told you that you were going to have to take me drinking to deal with them?"

Sirius grinned. "Yeah, I remember."

"Well, anymore, she doesn't want anything to do with planning the wedding. She hasn't even mentioned it in ages, and I didn't want to bring it up for fear of upsetting her. But it's been a long time now, and she still hasn't said a word about it . . . It's almost like she doesn't want it to happen." He paused, and looked down. "Sirius, I'm afraid that she doesn't want to marry me anymore." He looked up again, his eyes betraying his fears. "I'm terrified that she doesn't love me anymore."

"Prongs, listen –"

"No, really, think about it," James said. "How would you feel if Olivia suddenly didn't want to talk about your relationship? If she suddenly stopped wanting to visit you? If she suddenly didn't talk to you like she used to? What if everything changed?" He looked away. "I've loved her since I was a little kid, Sirius. I don't know if I can live without her."

"You're never going to have to find out if you can or not," Sirius said firmly. "Lily loves you, James. She's been with you ever since seventh year, and, if we're going to be honest, I think her heart was yours long before that. She agreed to marry you."

"Engagements can be broken."

"Not yours. You two have been through too much together to end it now."

"Sirius, I pretty much told her that I didn't want anything to do with her unless she left her flat."

"Good! She needs to hear that! She does need to get out of there. She's becoming a hermit, and I think tough love is what she needs to snap her back into life."

"But she doesn't need to have me screaming it at her." He reached up to clutch his hair. "Lily is the single most important thing in my life, and I've managed to drive her away with one fit of anger!"

"You haven't driven her away. Not that easily. You and Lily have a far stronger relationship that that. One fight isn't going to break you up." Sirius put down his drink, and looked directly into James' eyes. "You're a powerful wizard, James. You're one of the most powerfully magical people I know. So is Lily. But no matter how strong you and Lily are individually, you're infinitely stronger when you're together. You two belong together, and nothing is going to change that."

After finishing their drinks, and the shot of firewhiskey that Sirius insisted they take, they returned to their own flat. The candles that James had lit before his departure were quickly burning themselves out. He sighed, and waved his wand to extinguish them.

"Wow," Sirius muttered as he looked around. "You and Laura did a really great job. This is an impressive setup."

"Yeah, and it would have been even better if Lily could have been here to see it," James said bitterly.

"Well, it's making me fall in love with you," Sirius grinned. "Take me, James, I'm yours! I'll never love another man for as long as I live!"

"Oh, shut it," James said, a reluctant smile spreading across his face.

"Ha, I got you to smile," Sirius grinned. "Look, mate, if you're that miserable, why don't you just go apologize to her? You two can make up, and everything will be fine again."

"No," James said stubbornly. "If she wants to make this right, she can come and find me. You're right, and I was right. She needs to get out of that flat. She can't spend the rest of her life there. If I mean anything to her, she can come here to fix our relationship." He paused, and looked at his friend. "Besides, you're hardly the one to preach about a quick-fix apology. Exactly how long did it take for you and Liv to start talking again after that whole 'I love you' episode?"

"I really hate you right now," Sirius sighed. He picked up the Floor powder from its spot on the mantle.

James looked at him curiously. "Going somewhere?"

"No," Sirius replied. "I'm calling for reinforcements."

With a grin, he threw some of the powder into the fireplace. "Laura Bond!" he yelled into the flames.

Laura's head appeared in the fire. "Sirius? What's up?"

"Hey, Laura. Is Remus there?"

"Right here." Remus' head joined Laura's in the fireplace. "What's wrong?"

"Moony, you'd better get home," Sirius sighed. "Prongs needs us."

"Give me five minutes."

"See you then."

Less than five minutes later, Remus Apparated into the sitting room. He gave both of his friends a look.

"This had better be good," he said. "I'll have you know that Laura was going to . . ." His voice died in his throat as he looked at James. "What happened?"

"Do you want the long version or the short?"

Dana Apparated into the girls' flat with a faint pop, already planning what she would wear to go out for dinner with Aidan. She was muttering to herself as she walked through the sitting room on her way to her bedroom. The sound of a muffled sob stopped her. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw Lily sitting on the couch, hugging her knees to her chest as she tried to stop crying.

"Lils!" she exclaimed in surprise. "What are you doing here? Look at you! You're a mess. What's wrong?"

Lily took a gulp of air. "James Potter is a bloody bastard, and I don't care if I never see him again!"

In one moment, Dana's evening plans changed. Without even thinking, she crossed the room to sit down next to Lily.

"Tell me what happened."

Before Lily could even get out the first sentence, a crack sounded in the room. Olivia appeared, her eyes sparkling.

"What did you do to James?"

"What do you mean?" Lily exclaimed indignantly. "He's the one who's acting like a psycho-path!"

"He just used his mirror to call Sirius home from the Academy. Judging by the fact that he was highly upset, in addition to the fact that you're still here instead of at the guys' place, I'm guessing that the two of you had a fight. What was it about?"

"She was just about to tell me," Dana said. "Have a seat."

Olivia sat down, and looked at Lily expectantly. Lily glared at her.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you already believe that it's entirely my fault. You have to listen to what happened before you go jumping to conclusions."

"Fine," Olivia sighed. "Just tell us what happened."

"Well," Lily began, her eyes already sparkling in anger, "about an hour ago, James showed up here. He didn't call or anything first, which is extremely rude. He just showed up in his dress robes, and announced that we were going 'out.'"

"Let me stop you for two seconds," Olivia said. "Since when has James – or anyone else, for that matter – needed an invitation to come over? We agreed when we moved in that we had an open-door policy with visitors."

"Liv, you are truly killing my story," Lily said, her face a cross between anger, annoyance, and amusement.

"Well, hopefully, I'm killing your anger," Olivia replied with a cheeky grin.

Lily gave her a death look, and turned back to Dana. "Anyway, James appeared out of nowhere, without calling first," she gave Olivia a pointed look, "and said that we had to go out. Then he qualified it, and said that we were going to his place for dinner. It was just like the first time he asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him all over again! He didn't even ask – he just told me what was going to happen, and expected me to jump up and do whatever he wanted! Erg!" She gave a little shriek of annoyance, balling her hands up into fists, and squeezing her eyes closed. "I hate it when he does that! Would it kill him to just ask?"

"So you refused to go with him because he didn't ask politely?" Dana asked with a confused frown.

"No," Lily replied. "I didn't go because I don't want to go out. And when it comes right down to it, James should know that."

"Because you haven't been out in ages?" Olivia asked with just a touch of irritation.

Lily looked at her for a moment. "You don't need to get snippy with me."

"I'm telling the truth! Be honest, Lils: When was the last time you left this flat to go somewhere other than church?"

"Liv, that's not even fair," Lily protested, her eyes betraying the pain that was still raw in her soul. "Do you have any idea what I've been going through?" She turned to Dana. "Tell her, Dana. You understand."

Dana shook her head. "I can't pretend to understand, Lils. I still have my mum. You lost way more than I did. And everyone grieves differently. I wanted to keep myself busy twenty-four hours a day, just so that I wouldn't have to think about what had happened. You're different."

Lily sighed, and pressed her hand against her forehead. "I can't concentrate on anything other than what happened. James knows that. He's been here with me every step of the way."

"Maybe you need to concentrate on something else for awhile," Dana said carefully, praying that Lily's temper wouldn't flare again. "That's what James was trying to do by getting you out of here. He wanted to take your mind away from what happened, and to let you be Lily again. You're right; he's been here to support you every step of the way. He knows what you're going through. He's just trying to help you."

"And you haven't exactly made it easy for him," Olivia said bluntly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lily cried. "He knows that I've appreciated all that he's done for me! And now he shows up with this idea that he knows what's best for me, and I should just jump at his words?"

"I'm just saying, Lil, that I agree with Dana. James was trying to help you! Do you realize how much time he spent planning this dinner for you? He had all of us in on it! He and Laura both took half days today so they could get everything ready for you. According to the plan, she helped him cook dinner and decorate the flat. Sirius and Remus were going to clear out tonight so that you and James could have some privacy." She sighed. "He wanted to give you a special night, Lils, and you took that from him."

"I don't want a special night," Lily whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

"What do you want, then?"

She shrugged, her eyes filling with tears. "I don't know. I just want this to be over, and everything to be like it was before."

"You can't have that, Lils," Dana sighed, taking Lily's hands in hers. "The past is over, and none of us can get it back. You have to look at the future, and make it better than the past."

"James said something like that," she said softly.

"What did he say?" Olivia asked.

"He said that I was abandoning our future to live in my past, or something like that." She looked at her friends with wide, teary eyes. "Is that what I'm doing? Am I driving James away?"

"I think you're slowly killing him," Olivia said gently. "He's been so patient with you, Lils, and he's been so supportive, but he's also been neglecting himself."

"What do you mean by that? I've seen him every day. He's fine. He's back at work, and he hasn't been ill."

"He's fine physically, but emotionally, he's falling apart."

"No, he isn't. We talk every day. I'd know if he was falling apart."

"Would you?" Olivia asked. "What do you talk about when you see him?"

Lily frowned slightly. What did they talk about?

"Lil?" Dana asked. "Are you all right?"

Lily shook her head slowly. "I don't know what we talk about. I guess the things we talk about don't mean anything, do they? Not if I can't remember them, they don't. I mean, he talks – he always asks how I am, what I've done during the day, and he tells me about his job, and about the guys, but . . . We don't talk about anything important anymore." Her tears were dangerously close to falling. "That isn't good, is it?" she whispered.

Olivia reached out to touch Lily's cheek. "He's been completely focused on you, Lil. He wanted to help you, and he thought that taking you out of here would be good for you. And, to be completely honest, I agree. You do need to get away from here."

Lily shook her head, and a tear made its way down her cheek. "I'm afraid to leave," she whispered. She looked down at her hands and forearms, realizing for the first time how pale they were. It looked as though she hadn't been out in the sunshine in ages – which, she reminded herself, was the truth.

"Oh, Lils," Dana sighed. "You can't spend the rest of your life in here just because something might happen if you leave."

"She's right," Olivia said. "You have two choices. You can go out and experience life again, or you can stay in here and die a slow death." She paused. "Look, Lil. We're all going to die. That's a fact of life. Whether we die in a month at the hand of a Death Eater, two years from now at the hand of Voldemort, or a hundred years from now at the hand of God and old age is completely irrelevant. The question is this: What are you going to do with the time you have left? Are you going to waste it in the dark walls of this flat, or are you going to use it to help others, your fiancé included? The choice is yours."

Lily looked helplessly from Olivia to Dana. Dana smiled sadly.

"She's right, Lils. We're all going to die. And, if you think about it, it's not so scary anymore. You and I both know that when we do die, we'll be reunited with our parents again. We're not alone, Lily, and we never will be. There are people who love us on both sides of the grave."

Another tear escaped from Lily's rapidly blinking eyes. "I guess I should go apologize to James."

"You're willing to go over there?" Olivia asked.

Lily drew a deep breath. "Yes."

"Do you want us to go with you?"

"No, I need to do this alone."

Olivia gave her a grin. "If Sirius and Remus are there, send them over here."

Lily managed to smile through her tears. "You just want to see your boyfriend."

"That's what you're about to do, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Well, get going already!"

Lily smiled wider, and stood up, preparing to Apparate. She reached up to wipe at her red, puffy eyes. "Do I look awful?"

"Do you think James will care?" Dana grinned.

Lily smiled again, and Disapparated.

Lily stood outside James' flat for a full ten minutes, debating whether or not to go inside. She knew that she needed to apologize to him. She had hurt him deeply over the past month. She had just been so consumed with her own grief that she hadn't been able to think of anything else. And that was exactly what she needed to tell him. She knew that much. She just didn't know how to do it.

Summoning all her Gryffindor courage, Lily knocked on the door.

"Honestly, James, I'm sure you guys will be fine."

"You don't know that for sure."

"Sure I do," Remus replied easily. "Look and Laura and I. We've been to hell and back over the course of our relationship. We've dealt with monsters and demons of all shapes and sizes. If Laura and I can overcome everything we've been through, I'm sure that you and Lily can handle this."

James shook his head, and ran his hand through his hair. "Remus, I don't think you've ever done anything to Laura quite like what I did to Lily. I basically told her to stop mourning her dead parents."

"No, that's not what you said," Sirius corrected. "You told her that she needed to get out of her flat, which is true. You never said that she needed to stop mourning. You just said that she needed to concentrate on her life, rather than her parents' deaths."

"That's a fine line, Sirius," James sighed. "I'm not sure she's ready to see the difference."

"James, you had to find a way to get through to her," Sirius replied. "She hasn't been herself in ages."

"I know that," James said mournfully. "She's barely even been a shadow of the Lily I fell in love with."

"You wanted to do something to help her," Remus said softly. "She needed a push to get past everything, and you gave her that push."

"You took a risk," Sirius said. "But aren't you the one who always said that the fun was in the risk?"

"Yeah, I guess so," James replied with a faint smile. "I just like risks better when they work out to my benefit."

A soft knock sounded on the door, and all three boys jumped. No one ever knocked. All their friends and family members just Apparated or Flooed into the flat. They each grabbed their wands, ready to defend themselves. Sirius inched toward the door.

"Who's there?" he called.

"It's me, Sirius."

Sirius opened the door with an incredulous smile. "Little Flower, what on earth are you doing? You know that you can just Apparate in."

Lily shrugged. "Muggle habit," she muttered.

"Well, come in," Sirius said, opening the door wider.

"Thanks."

"Lily," James breathed.

She had left her flat! She had gone outside again! She looked beautiful. Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, and her hair was a mess, but she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

"Hello, James," she said a bit awkwardly.

Sirius and Remus exchanged a look.

"I think I'll go visit Olivia," Sirius said quickly.

"Yeah, I'll go with you," Remus added.

Before James or Lily had time to say a word, both Remus and Sirius had Disapparated. James and Lily looked at one another for a moment; the awkward tension was heavy between them.

Lily knew that she had to be the one to break the silence that had fallen with Sirius' and Remus' departure. She was the one who had shown up on James' doorstep. She was the one who needed to make amends. Oh, why hadn't she rehearsed an apology before she left home? She took a deep breath before beginning.

"James – we need to talk."

"Yeah, I think we do," James said softly, running his hand through his hair. "Do you want to sit down?"

"All right."

Lily took a seat on the couch, half expecting James to sit down next to her. She felt a titch of disappointment when he sat down in a chair that faced her. He looked at her expectantly. Now was the time. She had to make her case.

"I talked to Dana and Olivia about what happened," she said slowly. "And they helped me realize that I needed to be here with you."

"Oh?"

What kind of a response was that? Feeling slightly irritated, she took another calming breath. "They told me about all you had done to prepare a special evening for me. From what they said, you worked really hard so that we could have a nice time, and I destroyed it all with my stubbornness."

"They said that?"

"Yes," she said. "They basically said the same thing you had – that I needed to get out. They said that I've been stuck inside for far too long, and that I need to start living my life again. And they said that you were just trying to help me."

"So, you'll believe this when Dana and Olivia say it, but not when I do?"

Lily gritted her teeth. He certainly wasn't making this easy on her. "That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean, then? I'm a little confused."

"Could you try being a little less stupid about this?" Lily finally exploded. "I'm trying to explain how I feel, and to apologize, but your moron routine isn't helping!"

"What are you talking about, Lily? I'm confused here!"

"James Potter, you are not confused! I know you're far brighter than you deserve to be, and I know that you know how to use that superior intelligence for good! So, put your brain cells to use, and start listening to me! I'm trying to fix this, and you're acting like you've never heard English before!"

To her surprise, James grinned. "There's my girl."

"What?" she snapped.

"Lil, do you realize that in the past month, you've become a shadow of yourself? You were going back to being the girl that I remember from fifth year at Hogwarts, who wouldn't talk to me, except to insult me. Finally, you're coming back!"

"Back in fifth year?" Lily asked, now feeling the confused look on her own face.

"Yeah, fifth year. And, really, every year before that. Don't you remember how much you hated me?"

"Hate is a strong word, James," Lily said with a slight smile.

In that one moment, James felt elated. Lily had smiled. For the first time since her parents had died, she had smiled. He forced himself to remember what they were talking about, and to continue.

"Well, you certainly didn't like me much. You can't deny that, can you?"

Lily smiled helplessly. James' heart soared to see that smile again.

"Under normal circumstances, I would have given up on you back then. But I couldn't give up. I was too enamored. I couldn't get over you then because I was a love-struck little boy, but now . . . God, Lil, I love you so much, but it just got to be too much for me. I had to do something." He looked down. "I planned this, Lily, to help both of us. I wanted to get you out, yes, and to remind you that you do have a life that you love. But, I also wanted to make sure that we still had something between us."

Lily looked at him in surprise. "What do you mean? Of course we do! If we didn't, why would you come to visit me everyday? Why would you waste your time sitting with me if there was nothing left between us?"

"Like I just said, I love you, Lily. I love you as much now as I did the first time I said it – maybe even more. But, with the way you've been acting, I wasn't sure that you still loved me."

Her face betrayed her horror. "How can you even think that?" she whispered.

"When was the last time we talked – really talked?"

She flinched, and a pensive look came over her face. "Dana and Liv asked the same thing – well, almost the same thing. They asked what we talked about when you came to visit." She looked down. When she raised her eyes again to meet his, they held a look of shame and guilt. "I don't know."

"Exactly! We never talk anymore, and you haven't said a word about the wedding in so long . . . I was scared, Lil. I didn't know what to do to help you, and you seemed like you had completely lost interest in our plans – in me."

Lily jumped out of her seat, and fell to her knees in from of James. She grabbed his face in her hands. "James Potter, I never want to hear you say such a thing again. I love you, all right? I love you! You are the most important person in the world to me, the person I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with, and I will never lose interest in you!" Tears filled her eyes. "I'm sorry, James. I'm so sorry that I've hurt you so much. I was in so much pain that I didn't even think about what you might be going through."

"I'm fine," James said with a sad smile. "Sirius and Remus have been great. Without them, I don't think I would have made it." He put his hands over hers on his cheeks. "I cared about your parents, too, Lil, and it hurt me to see what happened to them. But it hurt me even more to see you suffering. And when you wouldn't even think about the future . . . I was terrified. Aside from our future, I didn't know what you might do to yourself. You were in a bad place, Lil, and I didn't know how to get you out of it."

Tears began to escape. "Oh, James, I had no idea," she whispered. "Why didn't you tell me? We could have talked about it – I could have fixed it . . ."

"Could you?" James asked softly. "Lil, I asked you to leave your flat for one evening, and you when completely insane. How could you have possibly handled me pouring my heart out to you?" He shook his head. "You had more than enough to deal with on your own. You didn't need my problems on top of it."

"Oh, God, James," she moaned, the tears now cascading down her cheeks. "When will you stop being so damn selfless? When will you stop being so wonderful?"

James grinned. "You're wonderful, too."

"No, I'm not," she cried. "You've been torn apart inside, and I never even noticed! What kind of fiancée does that make me?"

James moved his hand to touch her face, brushing away her tears. "A fiancée who's mourning her parents," he whispered. "But maybe – maybe you're right. Maybe I should have told you. I'm sorry, too, Lil, for holding back so much. I was so worried about you, that I never even considered telling you what was going on with me." He sighed. "Here I am, accusing you of holding back from me, and I was doing the same thing."

She shook her head. "There you go again, being wonderful."

James smiled, and touched the tip of her nose. "I'm sorry about the whole yanking you out of your comfort zone thing, too."

"No, don't apologize for that," she said quickly. "If you hadn't, I'd still be curled up on my sofa, watching everyone else have lives."

"Are you ready to live again?"

She smiled slightly. "Liv told me something that I think really helped. I told her what I told you before – that I was afraid to leave home. I felt safe there."

James nodded. "What did she say?"

"She said that we're all going to die. We don't know when or how, but none of us lives forever. The questions of death aren't worth our time. The important thing is what we do with our lives." She took his hand in hers. "I love you, James. I want to have one hundred years with you, but if it turns out that we only have five, I want to spend them loving you. Whatever we do with our time, I want to make sure that we do it together."

"I want the same thing," James whispered, leaning in to kiss her.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, and she grabbed his shoulders, trying to pull him closer. As their kiss deepened, James fell out of his chair. Lily giggled as they landed in a heap on the floor.

"Well, this isn't exactly comfortable."

James grinned, and kissed her lightly. "We're together, though, right?"

"James – I'm so sorry."

"Would you stop apologizing? You're forgiven!"

Lily smiled. "So are you."

"Good." He glanced around at the remnants of the romantic evening he had planned. "You know, I had planned for us to spend tonight together. If you want, we still can."

Lily's eyes lit up. "All right – but only if we can talk about wedding plans."

James grinned, and kissed her again. "We can do whatever you want." Another kiss. "I'm so glad to have you back, Lil."

"I'm glad to be back. And I'm glad that you were the one to bring me back." She smiled against his lips. "I love you."

"And I love you."