Title: Always
Author: Wereleopard
Posted:
Rating: PG
Email: PG
Genre: Crossover Angel/Buffy
Summary: All of Angel and Buffy.

Disclaimer: The characters in the Angel verse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made I am just poor.
Distribution: FSB if anywhere else please just let me know!

Feedback: Yes please!

Always

Chapter 9

Buffy looked up at Cordelia and smiled the shock on the brunette's face was entertaining, she never thought the day would come when she would get one over on Queen C. She wished it wasn't like this and she hoped that Cordelia wouldn't judge her, like she was afraid the others would. She shuddered at the thought of trying to explain Spike to Xander there was no way he was going to understand, Willow probably wouldn't either but she wouldn't judge her.

"Cordelia, it was uhh." Buffy wasn't sure how to start how to explain this to the ex-may queen she had enough trouble trying to explain it to herself.

"Wait right there don't move." With that Cordelia ran into the hotel grabbing her handbag and running back out again. She stopped, realizing that they would wonder what she was up to. "Buffy and I are going out. We'll see you later, it the apocalypse happens call me."

Buffy watched her not knowing what the other woman was thinking. "Cordelia?"

"We don't want to talk around here with vampires and their hearing and we also might get interrupted by the Scoobies, it's like grand central station here sometimes and you also look like you need to get away. I know the perfect place." Cordelia grabbed hold of Buffy's hand and pulled her into the dark street outside of the hotel. Cordy had first thought of taking her to some of the bars here and the AI gang went to but she knew that eventually they would get worried and look for her. She smiled they could be so protective sometimes.

The two of them walked the dark streets and Buffy would through quick side-glances to her companion. She didn't know why she decided to talk to Cordelia and fear was beginning to settle inside of her but she also knew that if she didn't speak to someone she was going to burst. Cordy walked in silence next to her, the seer's mind running a thousand questions that she wanted to ask the slayer, but deep down she knew she wouldn't Buffy just needed to talk to someone not be integrated. They stopped outside a small bar.

"Here we are." Cordy told her.

Buffy nodded and followed the brunette inside.

"Hey Cordelia." The barman said with a wave. "2 glasses ok." Cordy nodded in agreement.

Buffy looked around as they made their way to a quiet corner watching as people continued to say hi and smile at the woman next to her. The sat down and the barman came over and put down the 2 glasses on the table. "Wave when you want a refill Cordelia."

"Thanks Mac we will do." Cordy replied with a bright smile.

Buffy watched her staring at the woman opposite, she saw so much of Queen C the confidence was still there but there was so much more know, maybe it was something she missed, maybe it was something that Cordelia hid. She could see the heart, the caring, and the love. She also could see the horror and the pain that she had lived through, that they all had lived through. They were never going to have normal lives and anyone outside would never understand.

Cordy sat there waiting for Buffy to start talking, to tell her what was going on in her mind but there was nothing, the slayer sat staring at her for a moment and now she was staring at her glass of wine. Cordy finally had

"So you had sex with Spike then? What was that like?" She said with a smile making sure that Buffy knew that she wasn't being judged.

Buffy looked up sharply, panic written clearly across her face but a small smile appeared as she smiled at the ex-may queen. She didn't know if Cordelia would understand that Spike made her feel, anything.

"Cordelia I…." She stuttered. Cordelia reached out a hand and touched the other woman on the arm.

"Buffy it's Cordy and why don't you start from the beginning you know the why, the what, the how, ok we know the how, but you get my drift." Cordy said a twinkle in her hazel eyes.

"It started after I died, you know the second time, when they brought me back." Cordy nodded remembering how Angel was not there because he was rescuing her and then how he went away for 3 months. "They thought I was in hell."

"What?" Cordy said angrily, Buffy stared at her shocked. "You are kidding maybe that is what they told themselves but you save the world, you a hero why on earth would they think that you were in hell."

Buffy stared at her she had never thought of it that way and she couldn't ask Willow or Xander she was afraid what she would say to them. "What do you mean told themselves?"

Cordy played with the stem of her glass. "Buffy they," she paused for a moment. "They didn't know how to live without you, they couldn't say goodbye, so they did what they could to bring you back and in their mind it rationalized as you were in a bad place and they had to save you. Have you talked to them about this?"

Buffy shook her head. "No I can't I'm afraid of what I would say the only person who knows is Spike, he." Cordy put her hand up to stop her from talking.

"We will get onto to Spike but first things first. The brought you back." She waved her hand indicating for Buffy to continue.

Buffy smiled at the way Cordy had taken over and in a way it seemed comfortable, it reminded her of the way things used to be. "When I came back I felt nothing, I was just going through the motions. How could I tell my friends that they ripped me from heaven? How I finally had peace? How I didn't need to fight, I could finally rest?"

Tears rolled from Cordy's eyes and now she understood, she could see why Buffy came here and wanted to be back in the past. "Oh god Buffy." Cordy sniffed.

Buffy smiled at Cordy and reached out taking hold of her hand. It felt nice to have comfort of, well a friend. "The others can see there is something wrong that I'm not all there but they don't say anything, I can hear them making up excuses for me and none of them will confront me, none of them will talk about it. They try and pretend its not there."

"Yeah well I can't say a lot pretending and not telling people things I've done but that story is for another time. I guess this is where Spike fits in."

Buffy nodded. "Yeah with the whole chip thing he felt alone and we became friends, good friends. I bet people would laugh at that and ask how can you be friends with a vampire?"

Cordy did laugh at that. "Oh I think I understand my best friend happens to be a vampire."

"Oh god we have something in common." Buffy said in mock terror.

"The disaster another apocalypse is coming now we have something in common, oh wait there is one coming." The two young girls laughed, it was a carefree one and too other people that would have walked passed they looked like any other young women.

"There is something missing, I don't know I feel numb and before you say it's what you've been through, even Spike can sense it hell even his chip doesn't work on my I am not completely human anymore. Spike could attack me like that." Buffy held up her hand and clicked her fingers together. Cordy just watched the slayer waiting for her to finish. "Well we were fighting and we argued pushed each other around and oh my god we took a building down. We were slamming each other against walls and." Buffy started to cry. "It was the first time I felt something even if it was pain. I didn't feel alone just for a little while and after that he would keep coming back and I used him time and time again."

"So what does Spike say about this?" Cordy asked.

"He says he's in love with me." Buffy used her sleeve to wipe away her tears.

"And you in love with him?" Cordy said softly.

"I don't know but he was the only one I could talk to, well there is you now."

"Yeah there is me, if we survive of course. You need to figure out what you feel for him and hey you are crying you are feeling something so that is a start."

"I know but it is so difficult. Can uhh we talk about you for a moment I mean uhhh you know stuff about me so" Buffy waved her arm in the air.

"Ok ummm I came to LA to be an actress, which I really sucked at. Angel rescued me from a vampire."

"Stop uhh no I mean about you and Angel?" Buffy asked carefully.

"Ahhh me and Angel that's complicated and nothing can happen. I'm his seer." Cordy smiled at the thought of Angel, about his shanshu and of helping him.

Buffy stared her breath had been taken away by Cordelia's smile, she saw what Xander saw in her once upon a time, it lit a whole room, it warmed you from the inside out. "Why are you smiling?"

Cordy turned to her. "That will have to come from Angel it's his thing to tell."

"So these visions what are they?" Buffy asked in fascination.

"Well I see people in trouble, I see what ever a demon or vampire is going to do to them. I feel what the victim feels if they are burned I feel like I am getting burned and of course there is the mind splitting poor more hot lava through my skull pain but apart from that rather boring." Cordy said with a smirk at the end.

Buffy's face paled and she thought she had a bad time. This definitely wasn't the old Cordy. This was an amazing young woman who lived through hell time and time again but here she was still helping the helpless doing her part to make the place a better world. Who would have thought that they would have more in common? "Why? Uhh How?"

"These are my visions, we help people I've felt the horror and the pain in this world and I'm gonna do whatever I can too make it better even if it is only a little bit."

Buffy opened her mouth to speak when Cordy's mobile started to ring.

She pulled it out and put it to her ear. "Yeah, hmmm, ok." After closing it she turned to the slayer. "Well Wesley has found something and all hands on deck are needed for research." Buffy nodded and stood up but before she could head off Cordy grabbed hold of her arm. "This talk is not over yet. After the big fighty we'll escape and talk some more ok."

Buffy nodded a smile on her face. "I'd like that." She shook her head mentally because she actually meant it.

TBC