Chapter 15 – Talent Show

Everything was peachy in Wonderland.

I was getting along very well with an entire family of homicidal maniacs, and dating the nastier, most dangerous of them. I was happy, and it was all good.

But that couldn't continue forever.

After a week or so, I reminded myself of the reason why I was there. Besides the irresistible craving for Otis, that is. I had to prevent the Fireflys from being killed. I knew exactly how their future was going to be, and I had to stop the tragedy somehow.

I had to do something about it rather sooner than later... it was time to move on.

I also had gone there with a secondary mission – trying to turn them into good people, save their souls – but I had abandoned the idea; I didn't think it was going to work.

So I decided to concentrate on the main mission. One day I joined Tiny, sitting on the rocks by the creek, and we stayed there for hours, comfortable with each other's silence. While throwing little rocks on the water, I plotted and studied the possibilities, and tried to come up with the best plan I could. It would have been very helpful having someone to talk to... but I didn't have that luxury.

One thing was for sure: I could not avoid the dreadful task of scheduling a family meeting and having a frank conversation with them.

I didn't see how that was going to work. They would not believe me; they were going to kill me by trying to convince them of a half-sci-fi, half-fairy-tale story. But not if I was smart. Somehow, I had to convey to them that I came from year 2005, with the exclusive mission of altering their destinies and saving them from death, all the while sounding convincing. Once they were convinced, I would probably have to come up with a plan – but I was going to worry about that later.

We were going to have that meeting the next day, before dinner. The whole family, including Spaulding.

But first, I had to have a little talk with Sheriff Wydell.

It won't be risky if I am careful, I told myself. I had to find out as much as I could, especially what the police knew so far. Did they suspect the Fireflys already? If not, solving the problem was almost too easy. And if they suspected them, did they have evidence? Were any bodies found? Was there any reason why the Fireflys should immediately move out of state, or simply readjusting a few things would do the trick?

One way or another, the investigation would be a proof of my commitment and my seriousness. I would be able to back up my claims with facts, and the Fireflys wouldn't think I was crazy or a liar. Being against the police and on their side. Yes, that would definitely make them believe me, and we'd have enough info to change the future in a snap.

Looking at Tiny still silent beside me, I smiled happily. "Hey big boy, we should have an especial family dinner tonight. What do you think?"

I wanted that last night to be especial – just in case that my plan failed and I wouldn't live for another dinner.

The whole family was gathered at the dinner table – me, Otis, Baby, Mama, Rufus, Tiny, and even Spaulding, who I had insisted to be invited over. We had fried chicken (Spaulding's courtesy) with rice and salad, and plenty of beer. Everybody was animated, Spaulding was stealing the show with his hilarious clown jokes, and we laughed and talked more than ate. Afterwards, a bottle of vodka was passed around, and the alcohol got the best of me pretty quickly.

Rising, I ding-dinged the spoon against the nearly empty bottle. "Can I have everybody's attention, please?"

As the talking quieted down and everybody had their eyes on me – which was probably a surprise for them, since I rarely put myself as the center of attention – I started my little cheesy speech. "I have a couple of things to say. First, I am very happy for being here with you all tonight. I have been having a wonderful time living among this unique family. It's being a true privilege, and I want to thank you all for putting up with me."

"Oh no, a tearjerker speech! Somebody shoot her!" Baby yelled, and everybody laughed.

"Don't go fucking crying on us, girl!" Spaulding shouted above the loud noise.

"I also want to thank you for not having killed me yet!" I added, causing another explosion of laughter around the table.

"You're welcome, darling" mama laughed, raising her cup in cheers. "But don't thank us just yet; we may do that any time!"

I was drunk enough to find that hilarious.

"The other thing is... tonight is a very especial night" I continued. "Before you ask, it is especial because I say so – and to celebrate, I propose that we make a fucking talent show!"

Baby jumped in her chair, clapping hands. "A talent show! I like that!"

"We didn't have one since last Halloween!" mama exclaimed, animated. "Good idea, Laura!"

"Everybody has to participate, no excuses!" I went on. "You can sing a song, recite a poem, dance, play an instrument, tell a joke... anything artistic that you feel like doing. If you are interested, raise your arm!"

The majority agreed, and after a half-hour break to get prepared, our personal crazy show started.

Baby was one of the most enthusiastic participants, all dressed up in some wacko shiny red dress, added to some poorly done makeup that made her look like a scary doll. She demanded to be the first, and no one argued. She played Helen Kane's "I Want to be Bad" on her cassette player, dancing sensually and pretending to sing it.

"When you're learning what lips are for
And it's naughty to ask for more
Let a lady confess, I want to be bad!"

Oh, if it's naughty to rouge your lips
Shake your shoulders and shake your hips
Then, let a lady confess, I want to be bad!"

Getting enthusiastic applause from all, especially mama, Baby left the stage all giggly, taking a seat with us.

Rufus volunteered as the second participant. He walked heavily to the stage, curving his back a great deal in order to reach the microphone. Tapping at the mike to test it, and holding a note, he began, not wasting words: "I wrote a verse:

Roses are read

Violets are blue

I'll kill you fucking dead

If I don't like you."

He stood straight, silently looking at us and waiting for a reaction. We all just stared at him. That's it? I held back laughter, finding it so damn funny how he was making a fool of himself. As we started to clap for him, however, we realized that his presentation wasn't over: the huge man reached for something on the ground, behind the wall, and yanked it forth for us to see. He held the dead body of a woman, by the hair, whose neck was twisted unnaturally, obviously broken.

I guess he hadn't liked her, therefore the inspiration for the verse. Or was it the other way around? Anyway, he got an ovation.

Captain Spaulding came next, doing what he did best – making us all laugh with his uncomfortable, disturbing jokes. Otis had to verbally kick him out of there, eventually, otherwise the show would go on all night.

On his turn, Tiny went up the stage, watching us silently for a few moments. Then he displayed a large drawing he'd made in the half-hour break: it seemed like some random, nervous scratching.

"That is just precious, Baby Boy! What is it?" mama asked encouragingly.

He just said one word: "Fire."

They all laughed, making a few lame jokes on Tiny's obsession with fire. I didn't find it the least bit funny; much on the contrary. It reminded me of his horrible fate that must be avoided; my personal mission. Tomorrow, I told myself. Don't let that spoil tonight.

Otis was the one reluctant to go when it was his turn. Knowing him better, I knew that he wanted to; but didn't want to admit enjoying a silly game. So I physically pulled him onstage, amidst laugher from everybody – of course he let me – and we all cheered for him and asked for him to show us something. Otis finally conceded, faking a little exasperation.

As he pulled his notebook, Spaulding yelled "If you didn't have the intention to participate, why did you bring that damn book?"

We all laughed once again, yelling "busted!" and encouraging Otis to go on.

"Shut up!" he yelled, not able to hold back a smile. "It's my damn turn here, so keep your fucking mouth shut."

Of course, that only caused Spaulding to shout some insult back, and pretty soon everybody was involved, exchanging treats involving graphic, colorful ways to kill each other. I freaked out a bit, but I realized it was all fun – it was a family thing, they would never hurt each other.

When peace was reinstalled, Otis made his presentation, consulting his notes and giving us a long-winded, passionate speech about... well, it had something to do with "understanding of the principles of the cosmos" and "the levels of human conscience", mixed with "blood as the eternal keeper of primordial art". Don't ask me to elaborate; I had no idea what he fuck he was trying to say. (It's that kind of conversation that I mentioned before; that I shared with Otis countless times, and could actually reply to with philosophical bullshit.)

Considering the audience's facial expressions, their heads were hurting already, and I held back laughter. I walked up the stage and gently touched Otis shoulder; he interrupted his speech for a moment and I whispered in his ear: "Honey, why don't you start wrapping it up? I don't think they can take much of that at once."

Otis followed my suggestion, ending it after a few more minutes. Then it was Mother Firefly's turn. She was bizarrely dressed in what resembled a Las Vegas girl outfit. She played a wordless striptease-sounding song in the cassette player, and began dancing around – without stripping, thank God!. She was trying to be sensual, but the overall effect was plain odd – she looked like a maniac.

As mama received her enthusiastic hand of applause and left stage, it was my turn as the last of the participants. Drunkenly, I stepped onstage and announced that I was going to sing a song. Clearing my throat, I held the microphone and began destroying one of Abba's songs:

"I have a dream, a song to sing

To help me cope with anything

If you see the wonder of a fairy tale

You can take the future even if you fail..."

I was caught by my own enthusiasm, practically yelling it on the microphone, eyes closed and feeling the lyrics.

"I belieeeeeeeeeeeve in angels

Something good in everything I see

I believe-"

Opening my eyes and shutting up immediately, I had just realized that the audience was staring at me, in bewildered expressions that demanded "What the fucking hell is that?"

I was definitely not being popular. "Ah... bad choice of song, I guess" I giggled, embarrassed.

"I wanna go again! I have something that I want to sing!" Baby yelled, motioning to ran towards the stage.

"No, wait a minute! Let me try something else." Trying to quickly think of something adequate, my glance reached Otis. Yes, I smiled to myself. I know exactly what I am going to sing.

Pausing for a second to remember the lyrics, I started, not taking my eyes off of Otis and willing my voice to sound sexy.

"I've got you under my skin
I've got you deep in the heart of me
So deep in my heart, that you're really a part of me
I've got you under my skin"

I tried not to laugh, remembering that Otis was very much into getting under other people's skins...

"I've tried so not to give in
I've said to myself this affair never is gonna go so well
But why should I try to resist, when baby, I know so well
That I've got you under my skin"

That was so fitting, and I sang like I meant it. Holding the microphone, I slowly made my way towards Otis, who glared at me with a shiny expression. He was obviously taken aback – and he was liking it.

"I'd sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of having you near
In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night
And repeats and it shouts in my ear"

Once again – so damn fitting! Standing in front of him, I slowly sat on his lap, affectionately running the tip of my fingers down his face, and singing the last lines of the song:

"Don't you know you fool, you never can win
Use your mentality, wake up to reality!
But each time I do, just the thought of you
Makes me stop before I begin-"

His kiss interrupted me; as he bent me down sideways, holding my back and continue kissing me, we were reached by a big hand of applause and cheering.

"Don't they make such a cute couple?" mama cooed.

As he brought me back to a sitting position and broke the kiss, we both grinned and laughed, staring at each other lovingly. That was one of my happiest moments in that house.

"You two go get a room!" Spaulding shouted, laughing.