"I don't know Pipes…" Larry sighed, placing a carefully saran wrapped sandwich into a to-go lunch box. "This job sounds cool but, I think once you actually start you'll think it's majorly gross."
"Larry, don't be such a wet blanket." Piper slid the lunch box across the counter and began to zip it closed, giving it a congratulatory pat on the lid.
"I get it. You're 25, you wanna do something cool and adventurous but...does it have to be this?" He extended his hand to her hip, pulling her closer. She liked the way he always managed to smell like blueberry flavored coffee no matter how early it was in the morning.
"Why don't you just stay home and dance around on TicTac all day like every other blonde white woman in Brooklyn." Larry nuzzled his chin into the crook of her neck.
"I think you mean TikTok." She corrected him. "And, because I would like to do something for myself and not give the impression that I'm mooching off of you and your hard earned lawyer money...like your parents seem to think."
Piper turned to face him in their embrace and kissed his lips softly.
"Besides, extra money is always a good thing."
"Yeah, living people money. Not dead people money." Larry kissed her again. Piper pulled his arms away from her waist and grabbed her purse off the counter top.
"Technically it is living people money." She said. "I'm not taking the money of dead people. I'm making money off of dead people."
Piper slang her purse over her shoulder and grabbed her lunch box. Larry snagged her keys off the counter before she could grab them.
"Please just think about my offer." He made a heavy sigh, looking deeply into her eyes.
"Larry." Piper crossed her arms. "I'm not taking the secretary job at your father's law office. This isn't the 1950's. I'm much more than a mantle piece who sharpens pencils and answers phones all day."
"I know that, Pipes. I do. But, do you really want to do this? You don't have to take this job picking up dead bodies to prove a point to my parents or your parents or whoever else." Larry pleaded.
"No, I do not have to take this job for any of those reasons." Piper shook her head slowly. "But, I will not sit around the apartment all day making soaps with Polly when I don't think she's actually got her head in the game with the baby on the way. Not to mention, you've been working from home three days a week for the past four months and I love you, believe me Larry, I do. But, I cannot spend twenty-four consecutive hours with you more than two times a week. Not because-"
"Not because of me, because of your need for routine, I know." Larry cut her off.
"Exactly!." She smiled and slid her car keys out of his clasped hand. "Plus, it's only part time. Six hours, four days a week. Simple." She pecked him on the cheek.
"Fine." He sighed. "But when you come across a horribly disfigured, rotted body, and you throw up I'm gonna say I told you so."
"Deal." She said before leaving the apartment.
Piper was truly beginning to regret the conversation she'd had with Larry only two days prior as she looked at the scene in front of her. A three hundred pound man who had died in his apartment in the Brooklyn summer heat before being found four days later in his recliner by the maintenance staff.
"Jesus fuck." Piper covered her nose with the back of her wrist, struggling to take minimal breaths through her mouth to avoid the repulsive smell.
"Ah, this ain't that bad." Her coworker shrugged. Her coworker was a woman by the name of Nicky Nichols. She had a wild mane of blond curls on her head and wide, chocolate saucers for eyes. She had her hands placed on her hips as she scanned over the apartment, admiring the vintage decorations.
"Whatta guy, huh? Good music taste." She nodded, looking over at Piper.
"How are you breathing right now?" Piper asked in disgust.
"Look kid, I've been doin' this job for about two years now. Seen almost everything there is to see when it comes to death. You get used to the smell of decomposing flesh." She nodded her head towards the bloated body of the man they were here to remove from the premises.
"When?" Piper gagged.
"Ehhh….about two years in." Nichols laughed and clapped her hands. "Alright let's get this taken care of."
Piper fought back the urge to vomit up her breakfast and followed behind Nicky. There was a police officer on scene but he had chosen to stand in the hallway outside of the apartment. Piper envied him.
Piper had known the description of the job when she applied. Removal Technician for a locally owned funeral home, Vause Crematory and Funeral Services. She had never had the slightest interest in funeral services. Of course, she was curious about death, as most people are. But, she'd never put any thought into being a funeral director or anything of the likes. She'd gone to school for accounting but had dropped out three-fourths of her way through college to explore other options, much to the disdain of her parents. She'd always planned to go back, or at least gave the illusion that she did, but then she met Larry, and suddenly school was no longer a requirement.
When she applied she more or less did it just to see if she'd even receive a reply. It was a random notification that'd appeared on her Indeed app. Just the thought of actually picking up dead bodies for a living was an exciting one. She imagined getting the job, telling fascinating yet mortifying stories to friends at parties, and seeing the behind the scenes of funerals.
"Have you ever seen a dead body?" The Russian woman who'd interviewed her asked.
"Yes." She answered honestly. "My Nana, when she passed away in the hospital and afterwards at the funeral."
"Did you smell her?" The woman asked, lowering her glasses to meet Piper's eyes.
"Did I...Did I smell her?" Piper repeated.
"Yes. Did she pee on herself, release her bowels, vomit? Any of those things?"
"No..Not that I know of." She shook her head.
"Then what makes you so sure you can handle this job?" The Russian sat back in her chair, letting her glasses hang on her chest from their knitted lanyard.
"I'm not sure. But, I'd most definitely like to try." Piper said excitedly.
Of course, she did not consider the fact that she may have to pick up bodies that were way beyond her weight lifting abilities nor did she consider just how bad a rotted human body could smell. It was only her third day and she was already discovering the ungodly fluids and gasses that emitted from a corpse that was left to its own devices for nearly a week.
The first two days had been reasonably easy. Nursing homes with tiny hundred pound women who'd died in their sleep. Hospitals with people who'd died from heart attacks, but there was always a security staff to help her lower the body onto the cot from a pulley system specially installed in the morgue. But this. This was raw, hot, smelly, and absolutely stomach-churning.
"Alright. So get the cot, bring it to the foot end of the recliner.
Nichols had been the one at her side training her since the moment Piper had clocked in on her first day. She was odd and very eccentric, but Piper was fond of her. She was very patient and understanding, taking the time to explain everything Piper may need to know in things pertaining to the job.
Piper did as she was told and rolled their metal cot to the foot end of the dead man's recliner. The closer she inched, the stronger the smell became.
"I know kid, it's nasty, but it's gotta get done." Nichols pulled the velvet colored cot cover away and threw it onto the floor, unbuckling the black straps attached to it.
"I'm sorry, it's just-"
"It's alright. You'll get more used to it the more you see it. Now do me a favor and tie the toe tag around his big toe." Nichols handed Piper the already filled out tag from her pocket. Piper took it into her gloved hand and reached forward, trying desperately to avoid touching the corpse's grotesquely long toenails. She tied it as tightly as she could in her state of distress and stepped back, waiting on Nicky's next instruction. Nicky laid an unzipped body bag across the top of the cot.
"What we're gonna do, is we're each gonna grab an ankle. He's a big guy and he's been down a few days. So his skin might slide off. If that happens, don't let go, grab on tighter and keep pulling."
Piper grimaced at the thought.
"When we pull him he's gonna slide outta the recliner, onto the cot, on top of the body bag. That's when we'll zip him up, buckle him in, raise the cot up, cover him, and get the hell outta here. Sound like a plan?" She asked, running her tongue over her front teeth.
"Yeah." Piper nodded. "Sounds like a plan."
"Let's do it."
They each took a hold of one of the man's ankles. Piper on the left of him, Nicky on the right.
"1...2...3! Pull!" Nicky exclaimed.
They pulled with all their might, Piper straining as she did. Just as Nicky had warned, the man's skin began to slide off in Piper's hands.
"Oh god!" Piper cried.
"Yep!" Nicky replied.
Piper kept pulling, trying desperately to keep her cool and ignore the slimy, squishy texture under her fingers. As they pulled the man a gurgling sound escaped his throat and stomach acid began to pour out from between his lips, worsening the smell that was already so thick in the stuffy apartment. He slid relatively easily from the recliner to the cot, leaving a large black stain on the brown fabric of the chair.
Nichols zipped the bag with bloodied, puss covered gloves. Piper jumped in to buckle the black straps over the body bag. They threw the cot cover over the top of him, both panting heavily from the high intensity strength training they had just endured. Piper could feel strands of hair sticking to her forehead and when she peeled her gloves away from her hands, they were drenched as if she had just put them under the kitchen tap.
"Nice work." Nichols huffed, pushing her hands through her hair. "Let's follow through with the last step of the plan and get the hell outta here."
"Happily." Piper breathed and opened the apartment door, comforted by the feeling of fresh air, flowing in from the hallway.
They wheeled the cot out, turning carefully so not to tip the body over onto the ground. The police officer nodded his head to them.
"Have a good one ladies." He smiled.
"Yeah, thanks again for all the help man. Couldn't have done it without ya." Nichols said sarcastically with a small wave.
The two regrouped in the car. Piper was caught by surprise to learn that they would not be transporting bodies via a hearse. Instead, the bodies were transported in what looked like a large delivery van. The inside was customized with divots in the steel flooring to lock the legs of the cot into to avoid flipping a body over when hitting a sharp turn or stomping on the brakes. It also had no back windows, only a driver and passenger window to keep passersby from looking in and noticing the cargo in question.
"I tell ya man, those cops get lazier by the fuckin' day!" Nichols hit her hand against the wheel. "Do ya ladies need help with this three hundred pound guy? Yes? Oh, well I'm just gonna stand out here and jerk off while you two get fuckin' bodily fluids all over your pantsuits and then once I'm done beating my dick I'm gonna go home and beat my wife. Go fuck yourself!"
She rolled her window down and lit a cigarette. Piper wasn't one for cigarettes, but she appreciated the smell of the cigarette covering the smell of the cot in the back of the vehicle.
"Do they really never help?" Piper asked, rolling her own window down.
"The older officers gave up on helping the funeral homes out a long time ago. The new young guys are usually roided out douchebags who'd rather be off beatin' the shit outta some homeless guy in the park and are overall shitty that they even have to be in the presence of two women picking up a corpse. Every once in a while you get a baby faced kid fresh outta the academy wanting to prove himself to the big dogs who'll jump in and grab an arm or somethin' but usually, you're on your own. If you really want help, you're better off to call the fire department." Nichols shrugged.
"Wow. That's actually really shitty." Piper said.
"Yeah, it is." Nichols nodded, hitting her cigarette.
"You said, two women picking up a corpse. Is it always women doing this job?" Piper asked.
"If you count out the old white dudes who run every fucking thing beyond embalmings, no. If you're going off the numbers of people hired in the funeral industry in the past ten years, yes. The funeral industry is becoming female dominated, and hey, I'm cool with that." Nichols swerved, narrowly missing a teenager on a bike.
"Was your removal partner before me a woman?" Piper pressed.
"Uh, yeah. Yeah her name was Tricia." Nichols nodded.
"Why'd she quit?"
"Found somethin' better." Nichols slowed the van as they reached the funeral home. She backed the vehicle into the parking lot, opening a garage door. Once inside the garage, the two women exited the van, pulled the cot out of the car, and rolled it into the hallway.
Piper peeled her black blazer off her sweat coated body and threw it over the back of an office chair, trudging into the prep room.
The prep room is where each embalming and cosmetics takes place. With Vause Crematory and Funeral Services being a locally owned funeral home, the staff was very small. Besides Piper and Nicky there were only two other removal technicians, three embalmers, including Nicky, one dispatcher, and two funeral directors.
Piper was surprised to find that Nichols not only removed the bodies but she embalmed them as well. As she watched Nichols examine the decomposing body of the man they'd unloaded from the car only moments before, Piper thought back to her first day. It was strange to think that was only forty-eight hours ago as she'd seen and done so many things since those first six hours of her new career. Would she call it a career? Could part-time be considered a career? All she knew was that from the very first moment she laid eyes on a dead body, lying on a metal table, being worked on by Nichols, she was captivated.
Part of her wanted to vomit and run away back into the arms of Larry. Tell him he was right and this job was in fact too gross. The other part wanted to attach to Nichols' hip and watch every tiny detail of her work. She was gliding around the room in a blue surgical gown, using this sharp tool, and that sharp tool to cut an incision into the dead woman's neck. Digging deep into her flesh to find an artery and begin flowing embalming fluid through her discontinued system. Nichols had looked up from the body she was working on, cigarette hanging from her bottom lip.
"What's up?" She asked, nodding her chin to the timid Piper.
"Hi...I uh, I'm Piper." She introduced herself, sounding like a scared little girl.
"You're the new chick, huh? Removal tech?" She took a gloved hand and ashed her cigarette into a neatly placed ash tray on a shelf a few feet away from her.
"Yes. Can you smoke in here?" She asked.
"It's a locally owned business baby. You do what you want when you haven't sold out." Nichols chuckled. She grabbed a rubber hose attached to a metal sink in the wall and began streaming water over the dead woman's face, washing away dried blood trailing from her nostrils.
"Go ahead and have a seat. I'm 'bout done with this one and I'll give ya the tour."
Piper continued to stand, watching closely as Nichols inserted, pulled out, and reinserted a large pair of triceps into the woman's neck at a fast pace. This caused multiple large blood clots to spill out onto the table. The rubber hose pouring water flushed the blood away in a fast stream down the table and into a large circular hole at the end of the table that flowed into a drain in the floor. It had never dawned on Piper that embalmers simply flushed human fluids down the drain and into the ocean. Surely, they had some super special, environmentally healthier option? In fact, none of this had ever dawned on Piper at all. The fact that people saw and touched dead bodies all day every day. Stuck metal things into their necks to drain them of their insides and filled them back up with carcinogenic chemicals. Then she thought about her Nana. Her Nana had been on one of these metal tables. She'd been flushed down the drain into the ocean. Piper started to breathe heavier.
"Ready for the tour?" Nichols asked, snapping her latex gloves off her hands loudly.
"Oh! Yeah." Piper pulled her black blazer over her body tightly and followed after Nichols who stripped off her gown. Underneath the gown was a short sleeved white t-shirt and black slacks. She'd had her hair up in a loose bun to embalm but now she let it down, letting her curls bounce beautifully as they slowly walked away from the embalming table.
"Well, since you've made it all the way back here, I'm guessing you've met Red." Nichols asked, pushing her hair out of her eyes.
"Red? I met Mrs.Reznikov if that's who you mean."
"Haha, yeah." Nichols chuckled. "She always makes new people call her Mrs.Reznikov. Everybody calls her Red. She's our dispatcher."
"Dispatcher?" Piper asked.
"Yeah. If we get a call about a body needing picked up, a casket being delivered, anything really, it goes through her. She answers the phones, all that good stuff. Think of her as a secretary, really." Nichols gestured her hand towards the front of the funeral home where Red's desk sat, near the entrance door. "Red holds down the fort. I'm Nicky. Everybody calls me Nichols. I'm an embalmer, slash removal technician, slash whatever fuckin' else they need done around here. I change lightbulbs n' shit sometimes, it's whatever."
That made Piper chuckle.
"Overall, there's like seven of us who work here. Me, Red, Lorna, Tasha, Poussey, I know it's a real stupid name but don't make fun of it or she gets touchy, the big boss, and then you." Nichols continued walking towards the entrance of the prep room. She nearly collided with a short woman entering the room.
"Ah speak of the devil!" Nichols exclaimed.
"Poussey?" Piper asked.
"Are you kiddin' me?" The woman asked, chewing on a piece of blue bubblegum. "If that were my name I'd kill myself."
"This is Lorna." Nichols gestured to the woman. "She does removals and cosmetics."
Lorna stuck a perfectly manicured hand out to Piper. Piper shook it, smiling at her.
"Nice to meet you. I'm Piper."
"Cute name. You're the new tech?" She asked.
"Yes ma'am."
"Well, hopefully you stick around. The last few were such sissies they ducked out a month in." Lorna scoffed and brushed past Piper into the prep room, throwing on a gown hanging from a hook on the wall.
"There's two in the back room for ya, Lorn." Nichols said, leading Piper into the hall. The hallway was lined with two caskets on each side, bodies placed neatly inside them with their hands folded over their chests. Up close, they truly did look like they were sleeping.
"So do you guys get pretty busy then? With the bodies?" Piper asked.
"Ah, not really. It's been an unusually busy week. This isn't the norm. We've had an influx of bodies being shipped out to other parts of the country. Gang deaths, you know how it goes." Nichols said casually.
"Uh, yeah." Piper agreed, not understanding a single thing Nichols had just expressed. "So, the big boss." She changed the subject. Is that Mr.Vause? Does he come here often? Should we be extra careful when he's around? What's that dynamic like?"
"Well Mrs.Vause is here damn near everyday. She's just gone the next two days for a business trip." Nichols answered, turning the corner into an office.
"Oh. Mrs.Vause." Piper corrected herself.
"Yeah, she's 'bout as cool as they come. Real laid back, as long as you get your job done. One of those, don't start no shit and there won't be no shit types. She's a hard worker."
Nichols pointed at a desk in the corner. "That's the removal tech computer. All the info about decedents is in there so if you ever need anything that's the place."
The sound of a garage door opening interrupted Nichols.
"Ah, the girls are back. Come on." Nichols ushered Piper back down the hallway, past the prep room to a doorway at the end of the hallway. The door swung open and in came two women pushing a cot with a body wrapped in white sheets riding atop it. The smaller of the two women was in the front. She smiled widely and gave a wave.
"Hey. You're the new tech?" She asked.
"Yes. Hello. I'm Piper." She extended a hand.
"Ah, you don't want that. Not until I wash them at least. We ran outta gloves in the van cause somebody," She shot a look towards the prep room where Lorna was humming away as she applied lipstick to a woman's lips. "didn't replace them like I asked."
"Sorry P, it was 5:00 and you know I've got Zumba after work." Lorna said, not looking up from her project.
"So you just uh...touched the body with no gloves on?" Piper asked, tilting her head to the side.
"Gotta do what you gotta do man." The woman shrugged. "I'm Poussey. Nice to meet you Piper." Poussey rolled the cot into the prep room, leaving the larger woman standing in the hall.
"Welcome to the team, Piper." The woman extended a hand. "I did wear gloves so you're safe to shake my hand."
"Hello. Thank you." Piper smiled and shook her hand. "So you must be Tasha?"
"Yes ma'am. Tasha Jefferson." She nodded, folding her hands and looking to Nichols.
"I was just giving her the tour of our world renowned funeral home. I've got a couple bodies to get prepped. You mind showing her the rest of it?" Nichols asked.
"No problem. Come with me Piper." Tasha pushed forward towards the door that had originally led Piper to the hall that contained the entrance to the prep room. They headed back up front near Red's desk and made a right turn towards a double set of doors.
"This is our chapel. This is where services are held." Tasha explained.
"Wow." Piper looked up in awe. A massive chandelier hung from a ceiling painted with cherubs and clouds. "It's beautiful."
"Miss Vause had it done herself." Tasha commented, admiring the work as well. "If you follow me this way it'll take you to our reception area. This is where families can mingle after a service."
Tasha led Piper to an even larger room that looked very nearly like a ballroom. Extravagant tables were placed strategically throughout the room with center pieces made of fake roses.
"This is massive." Piper said quietly, mostly speaking to herself.
"I know, right. Impressive for a little local joint." Tasha nodded. She kept walking, circling out of the reception area, back through the chapel, and past Red's desk who gave her a nod as she slouched into her desk reading through a romance novel.
They walked up a staircase to an upper floor that contained only three doors. One was marked STORAGE while the other two read TASHA JEFFERSON FD and ALEX VAUSE FD/GENERAL MANAGER.
Tasha opened the door to her office, gesturing for Piper to take a seat in front of her desk. She sat in her own desk chair and let out a deep sigh, laying her hands on the desk.
"That's about the gist of our little funeral home." She said kindly. "Do you have any questions for me?"
Piper thought for a moment.
"So, who exactly, is my boss here?" She asked.
"Well technically that would be Alex, our general manager. But, if you have any questions or concerns you can always come to me. Nichols is also a very good source."
"Can you tell me what duties everyone around here has? Nichols does removals and embalmings. So does Poussey do that as well? Do I need to be able to do that? Because I don't have a license for it…" Piper asked cautiously.
"No, don't worry about that." Tasha chuckled. "Alex, Nichols, and myself are the ones who embalm. Nichols and I went to school for it. Alex learned from her mother. Lorna does removals but she has a knack for cosmetics and went to beauty school so she does that as well. Poussey doesn't have a degree so she sticks to removals and other small things that need done. You're on the same level as Poussey if that helps you see what responsibilities you'll have on the job. Again, because we aren't a corporation, we're a little bit more relaxed on rules. If Alex, Nichols, or I see some potential in you, we may very well take you under our wing and give you some mentoring in embalming and funeral directing if you had any interest in that."
Piper perked up.
"I've never really thought about it but, seeing it definitely attracted me."
"Well I'm happy to hear it. Welcome aboard."
Piper watched Nichols unzip the black body bag containing the large man from the apartment. He was bloated and purple. His face was so badly swollen that his eyes were closed.
"It's like seeing a train wreck right?" Nichols commented, throwing on a gown. "You wanna look away so bad but you can't."
"Yeah, really." Piper said in disgust. She held a clipboard in her hands, observing the body.
"Hurry up with that ICA, that guy smells like the world's nastiest fart." Lorna said from across the room as she curled a woman's hair.
"I'm trying, sorry." Piper apologized. "You know, I always see these papers in crime shows but I didn't think they were real." She looked over the paper on her clipboard. It showed a blank figure of a body with its arms spread. This was the Initial Condition Assessment, otherwise known as an ICA. This is where she would record any markings, injuries, or other physical traits about a body she'd removed. She learned that on her first day and didn't let Larry hear the end of it either.
"Yeah, there's a lot of shit they don't tell you about the funeral industry." Nichols commented, holding a tape measure to the dead man's slimy arms.
"Elbow width is twenty one inches."
Piper jotted it down.
"Height is five foot ten, livor mortis and decomposition on the entirety of the body. Make sure you check the box that says odor, too."
"Definitely the box that says odor." Lorna commented. Nichols chuckled at that.
"Rigor mortis in the arms and legs. That's about it. Let's get him in the cooler."
Piper quickly wrote down what Nichols had communicated and zipped the body bag closed again. She rolled the cot across the prep room to the large steel door in the wall. Nichols opened it and Piper rolled the cot into the cooler, carefully steering as not to hit the few other bodies currently residing inside of it.
She pushed the cot into an available spot and turned to leave, accidentally bumping into another cot and knocking the clipboard containing paperwork off of it.
"Shit." She bent over to collect the papers when the cooler door slammed shut.
Piper stood straight up and briskly walked to the door, setting her hand onto the cold door knob. She pushed it. It wouldn't budge.
"No." She gasped. "No no no." She pushed it with both hands to no avail. Piper turned her back to the door and tried to push on it with her feet planted onto the tile flooring. She hadn't realized the body bag that held the decomposed man had leaked onto the cooler floor, causing her feet to slip out from under her, sending her to the floor. Piper landed on her back, feeling cold moisture seep through her black blouse onto her back. She gagged and sat up, looking at her surroundings. Half a dozen cots with bodies on them. Bodies covered in white sheets with their feet sticking out at the ends. The coolant fans in the ceiling made the sheets ripple over the faces of the bodies, giving the illusion that they were breathing. Piper's chest began to tighten.
"Hey!" She shouted, beating her fist against the door of the cooler. "Nichols!" She yelled.
Her breathing began to fasten. The cots looked like they were beginning to move. Were they moving? Wait, the body bag is crinkling. Oh god.
"Lorna! Poussey!" She yelled louder. The panic in her chest was worsening. "Fuck, please no." She closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands, kicking her foot against the door. The heels she was wearing gave her toes no protection from the cold steel but she didn't care.
"Please! Let me out!" She was on the verge of tears. Her body lurched forward as the door was opened. She fell into someone before she stumbled backwards, catching herself on the doorway of the cooler.
"Woah, you alright?"
Piper steadied herself, looking up at the tall woman. A mane of black hair fell naturally down her shoulders, her glasses framing captivating green eyes. She had her hands held out in front of her, palms facing Piper. Her toned arms showing under her button up white blouse. The sleeves were rolled much farther than they were made to be, flashing her rose tattoo on her upper right bicep.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." Piper breathed, pushing a tuft of blonde hair off of her forehead.
"Was it the doorknob? God damn it, Nicky! I told you that thing needs greased." The woman turned to face Nichols and Lorna across the room who were lost in their own conversation.
"Wha-Oh shit, Piper. I'm sorry. Lorna was trying to show me something. I completely forgot that door gets stuck sometimes. That's my bad, friend." Nichols said, looking genuinely sorrowful.
Piper took a deep breath and smoothed out her pants, trying to ignore the cold, damp touch of whatever it was that was now soaked into the back of her shirt.
"I'm sorry. That's such a shitty way to introduce you to my funeral home." The woman smirked and shook her head. She extended a hand to Piper. "Alex Vause."
"Piper." She smiled and took her hand. "It's nice to finally meet you Miss Vause."
"Miss Vause is my mother. Call me Alex." She smiled.
"Okay." Piper hadn't let go of her hand. "Alex."
Their eyes stayed locked onto each other for a split second longer than what Piper would have called casual. Alex let go of her hand to look to Nichols who was now headed their way.
"My man." Nichols threw an arm around Alex's neck, straining to meet her height. "How was Vegas, huh? Any gamblin'?" She shot a glance back towards Lorna. "Any ladies?"
"I heard that, Nicky." Lorna said, not looking up from her magazine.
"No you didn't." She shot back, winking at Alex.
"Gambling, no. Ladies, no. Getting my ass chewed out by a bunch of old dudes telling me about finances and how to cut back costs by using only a certain brand of embalming fluids and not allowing my employees lunch breaks? Yes. Plenty of that." Alex nudged Nicky off of her.
"Bummer." Nicky said simply, placing her hands on her hips. "Speaking of unpaid lunch breaks. You guys wanna go out? It's about that time."
"I could go for lunch." Lorna agreed.
"Sounds good to me." Alex shrugged, looking at Piper. "You coming with?"
"Oh uh, I was actually gonna stop at home. See my fiance." Piper made up an excuse in an attempt to be able to go home and change out of her soiled blouse.
"Oh come on. I'll pay. It's the least I can do after accidentally locking you in that scary ass cooler." Alex offered.
"Come on Pipes...It's happy hour." Nicky did a shimmy, her curls bouncing as she did.
"Well…" She smiled.
"Piper, come on!" Lorna pushed.
"Fine. Fine, I'll go." She laughed.
"Let's roll!" Nicky nodded towards the door.
"Shouldn't we grab Mrs. Jefferson and Poussey?" Piper asked.
"Poussey and Taystee never come along." Nichols waved it away.
"Taystee?"
"Oh, right. Mrs.Jefferson." Nichols chuckled. "Yeah, Mrs.Jefferson doesn't do lunch, and Poussey doesn't do anything without Mrs.Jefferson."
The women found a small Italian place down the street from the funeral home. Alex and Nichols sat next to each other while Piper slid into a booth with Lorna across the table from the other two women. While Alex and Nichols spoke Piper looked at Lorna as she studied the menu.
"So, you and Nichols?" She asked.
"What about us?" Lorna answered, not looking up from her menu.
"Are you guys together?"
"No." Lorna set her menu down onto the table and folded her hands. "Why do you ask that?"
"Oh well I was just-"
"So! Piper!" Alex said, interrupting their conversation, much to Piper's delight. "What do you think of the funeral home?"
"Oh! It's beautiful!" She answered honestly. "Truly, it is."
Alex smiled brightly, her eyes closing as she did.
"That's fantastic to hear."
"I love the paintings in the chapel. Your mother had that done?"
"Yeah, before she passed, she hired a guy to do it. It was something she always wanted to do for the place." Alex nodded, sipping her glass of red wine. At this point, Nichols and Lorna had strayed off into their own conversation.
"Your mother passed? I'm so sorry to hear that." Piper said, looking over Alex as she said it. Alex shrugged, setting down her glass.
"That's life, unfortunately. People die everyday."
"So did you...I'm sorry that's not an appropriate question." Piper shook her head.
"You can ask, it's okay." Alex reassured her.
"Did you have to embalm her?"
"I couldn't have even if she'd have wanted me to." Alex shook her head, taking another drink of her wine. "Mom wanted a natural burial. So that's what we did."
"Can I ask what that is?" Piper pressed.
"We wrapped her in a white sheet and lowered her into the ground. Took turns shoveling dirt onto her."
"I'm sorry." Piper couldn't think of anything else to say.
"Don't be. Death happens to everyone, eventually." Before Piper knew it, Alex had downed her glass of wine completely. She ordered another with her meal.
"So...Tell me about you, Piper." Alex asked, sticking her fork into a salad.
"Well, I live with my fiance. I went to school for accounting." She answered.
"Then what are you doing picking up corpses?" Alex laughed.
"I don't know." Piper smiled. "Looking for an adventure."
"Well you're certain to find that." Nichols replied, stealing a ravioli off of Lorna's plate. Alex pressed on.
"And what does your fiance, uh.."
"Larry." Piper interjected.
"And what does Larry think about your new endeavour?"
Piper sipped her own glass of wine.
"He thinks it's gross. He really didn't want me to take the job, honestly. He's still kinda shitty about it."
"You haven't even seen the worst of the worst yet. Wait until you come across a burn victim. Then we'll see what's gross." Nichols said.
"Or a baby. Those always ruin my day." Lorna said sadly.
"I still fucking hate organ donors. Ugh." Alex said, taking a bite of her salad.
"Really? You guys still have ones you can't stand the sight of?" Piper chuckled.
"Oh for sure." Lorna answered. "There's just some things you see in this job that stick with you. I mean, my first day, I unzipped a body bag to help Nicky get a guy on a table. He'd blown his brain out with a shotgun. He only had one eye left and the other side of his head looked like a flattened basketball. Fucked up my sleep schedule for weeks."
"Jesus." Piper shook her head.
"My first burn victim was a woman who'd committed suicide via car crash. Burned so bad she was nothing but hips and legs. Her top half was burned so horribly she twisted into herself. They had to identify her by a tattoo on her foot." Nichols said, sipping her beer.
"What about you, Alex?" Piper asked. Alex thought for a moment.
"Okay, I've got one. Back in the early 2000's, this guy told his kids he wanted to build a fort with them. So he got this big cardboard box and had both of them jump inside of it, all excited and everything. And then he took a claw hammer and just beat them to death through the cardboard box. Mom showed up on the scene and at this point I was helping her pick up the bodies in the summer while school was out. There was blood everywhere. The guy who did it was gonna kill himself but he pussied out and called the police on himself instead. Wasn't the coolest thing ever to see as a fifteen year old."
"Wait. She took you to a scene like that when you were just fifteen?" Piper asked.
"I was born into the funeral business. I used to nap in the caskets when my mom worked late. Trust me, it wasn't the worst thing that I could've seen." Alex laughed.
"I think the grossest thing I've seen so far is that guy we picked up today, honestly." Piper shrugged.
"Yeah, wait on it kid." Nichols finished off her beer.
On the walk back to the funeral home, Alex and Piper walked behind Lorna and Nichols. Piper struggled to keep up next to Alex who took big strides. Her pinstripe pants flowing in the breeze. She wore black sunglasses, hiding her lioness like eyes from the world. Piper kept catching herself having to tear her gaze away from her boss to avoid walking into a street sign or passerby.
"Piper, listen." Alex said, facing her as they walked. "Don't let your fiance ruin this opportunity for you."
"What do you mean?" Piper asked.
"Just, don't let him convince you it's too weird or too grim for you. I've had plenty of girlfriends who lost interest simply because of what I do and because they find it too mortifying or sad. It's just another job and the traumatizing ones honestly are slightly rare nowadays. If you're actually passionate about this, stick with it. I've seen way too many removal technicians leave here after only a month on the job because they let the job get to them." Alex said sincerely.
Piper nodded, smiling.
"Don't worry, boss. I plan on sticking around."