Nar: DIE WONNA WONGA! JABBA DE HUTTO! PH334 M3! J00 got PWNZ3D! Hee hee hee… how is everyone doing this day? Wonderful! Hopefully this will cheer ya up some! Ryo's done with chap four, so here's Chapter five of our misguided fanfic of doom and terror! And I've decided to make things a bit more twisted… extremely twisted… and dangerously cheesy… like cheetos! LOL…

Look at the lightning!

THE MORNING AFTER LAST NIGHT, WHICH WAS THE END OF THE DAY BEFORE TODAY AND AFTER THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY, AND IS STILL TWO DAYS BEHIND TOMORROW!

Ed Elric woke up in a sweat, gasping for breath. He had been having the most horrible nightmare of his little brother and Narcissa being tortured. His bed sheets were all twisted, and one pillow had been thrown across the room. He sat up and rubbed his face tiredly, shoulders sagging. "If it's a question of who means more to me…" Ed thought tiredly, "Then…." He quietly remembered when he last saw his little brother, at the train station. He had smiled at Al and told him, "Don't worry, Big Brother will always protect you." Ed quietly gritted his teeth and stared at the bed sheet and his clenched fists, one human skin and one metal. "I'm sorry, Narcissa… I have to protect Al."

Narcissa woke up suddenly, an evil chill running down her spine. She shivered slightly, then slipped out of bed in a baggy white wife beater and baggy black and silver shorts. She padded barefoot down the hall and paused outside Ed's room, then peered in. He was wearing straight leg slightly baggy blue jeans with a silver chain and a dark red tee shirt, and was buffing his automail arm. She smiled, as his back was turned, and tiptoed in. Right as she was a foot behind him, he whirled around with a small dagger in his hand and snapped it up against her throat. She froze, eyes wide, and stared at him. He glared at her, then coldly said, "What do you want," still keeping the dagger at her throat. She swallowed softly and said, "Nothing…" in a quiet voice, then turned around and left. He stared after her, then transmuted the knife back into his arm and went and sat on his balcony.

Nar was sitting out in the hall next to her room, vacantly staring at the wall when Ryo came running down the hall, wearing a long, dark red skirt with a slit up the side, black tube top, black choker, and several black bracelets on her right arm, cackling madly. Hiei's voice could be heard yelling "WHY DID YOU STUFF MY PAJAMAS INTO THE TOILET WITH YOUR SMOKE BOMB YOU DIPWIT?". Nar didn't even blink when Ryo ran past and into her room, slamming and locking the door so hard that the sign on it flipped over and read, "Ryo's Room: KEEP OUT!" then in small print at the bottom "For your own safety Narcissa". Hiei pounded on Ryo's door for a while, then scowled and stalked down the hall into his own room, muttering about stupid women and their stupid games. Ryo peered out a few minutes after Hiei slammed his own door shut, and blinked twice at Nar. She reached behind her, grabbed her bag of super high bouncy balls, and started winging them at Narcissa. After Ryo's bag was empty, Narcissa turned and looked at her and said quietly, "What." Ryo blinked twice and said, "What's wrong with YOU?" then bounded down the hall and started poking Nar in the head. Nar scowled and walked into her room, shutting the door quietly. Ryo blinked twice, then tiptoed towards Ed's door. It slammed shut in her face. She flipped it off, then went downstairs and popped "My Best Friend's Wedding" into the DVD player and vegetated. Hiei, meanwhile, snuck out of his room and down the stairs, murder in his eyes…

Narcissa stared morosely at the wall, then went over and looked at her closet. (A/N: Two ways I could go about this…) She idly flicked through the rows of clothing, then an outfit wrapped in a bright red bag caught her attention. She pulled it out and stared at it, then smiled and carefully slipped it on. It was a bunny girl outfit top, the short black vest and little white lapels with a black bow, but it had no sleeves. The black bow had a medium/large golden bell attached to it that let out a faint "tinkle" noise when it moved. From the forearm down to the wrist was an incredibly baggy black gauntlet that overhung the bottom band and covered part of her hand. The vest top was a crop top, revealing her tummy, and then there was a somewhat tightly fitting black miniskirt below that. Chunky heeled black lace up knee-high boots over thigh high white socks over black fishnets that were barely visible completed the ensemble. She closed her eyes, and her black cat ears and tail popped out, adding the final finishing touches. (A/N: Yeah, I put a lot of thought into this outfit but hey, I like it a lot.) She smiled at her reflection in the mirror, then started to change back into her regular outfit… until she heard a scream from downstairs. She hurriedly yanked the gauntlets back on, then ran out and down the stairs to see what was wrong, praying for whoever it was's sake that it was good as a blush crept up her face.

Hiei was in the kitchen, holding Ryoko by her ears as she tried to twist/run away. She kept on letting out high-pitched yelps to try to distract him, but it wasn't working. He finally grabbed her around the waist, pushed her facedown on the floor, held her hands on either side of her and sat on her back. She growled, glaring at him with one eye, then got a pouty look. He scowled at her, and said, "I told you if you broke my katana again you'd pay to fix it yourself! Now fork over five hundred dollars!" She frowned, and said, "If you let me go I'll go collect that money for you," then fluttered her eyelashes at him. He scowled darker, and snapped "How much of a fool do you take me for?" He stood up and pulled her up by one wrist, gently though. She glared at him, breathing deeply, and said, "If you don't let me go, I'll scream." He snorted, then said, "Scream away." She breathed deeply a few times, then opened her mouth and screamed a scream that could have broken windows fifty miles away. Hiei winced and covered his incredibly sensitive ears, and Ryo took that chance to run outside. A deep rumble was heard, then she shot away on her motorcycle. He glared after her, muttering and rubbing his ears, and heard a clatter behind him. He spun around, then froze, staring at Nar. She was blushing, and looked around the kitchen with a look of extreme annoyance. "Who screamed and why?" she snapped. Hiei stared at her, looked her up and down slowly, then smirked and said, "Turn in a circle… and I'll tell you." Nar blushed deeper, then spun in a rapid circle and said, "Happy?" Hiei smirked slowly and said, "Ryo broke my katana again, and I told her last time that if she did it again she'd have to pay and now she wont ante up."

Narcissa sighed. "Ryo ryo ryo when will you learn?" she muttered quietly, as she walked over to the cupboard and pulled out the money jar. She pulled out five hundred dollars and handed it to Hiei. He smiled down at it, then looked at her and said, "You look nice in that outfit…" She blushed again, and spun around as Ed walked down the stairs. She blushed deeper, then leaned against the counter nolanchantly. Ed blinked twice at her outfit, then turned to Hiei with a deadly glare. "I need to see you outside Hiei." He said coldly. Hiei blinked twice at him, with a small frown. "I'm sorry, Ed, but my katana is still broken. I can't spar with you." Ed smirked extremely evilly, then said, "That just makes my job all the easier." He advanced quickly towards Hiei, alchemizing his arm into a sword as he moved. Hiei blinked twice, staring at Edward as though he could not believe what was happening. (A/N: Payne will be happening now… cheezit! --U) Narcissa blinked twice at Ed, then stepped between the two and put her arms out. "Stopit!" she snapped at Ed.

Ed glared at her, halting two feet away. "Get out of my way." He said in a deadly voice. She shook her head "No" very quickly, bracing her legs to get rid of the tremor in her knees. He scowled, and shot a look of pure evil at her. "Do you know how many women and children I've cut down? Now GET OUT OF MY WAY." Ed said in an icy voice. "No one will die in this house as long as I'm here to protect them." Narcissa said quietly. Ed gritted his teeth. Koenma's words rang through his head… "If anyone gets in your way… terminate them… if you ever want to see your little brother alive again…" He swallowed hard, then whispered, "Fine then." He gritted his teeth, closed his eyes, and slammed his knife-arm forward into Nar's stomach. She stared at him for a few moments, then dropped to her knees, blood starting to trickle out of the side of her mouth. She stared down at the hole in her stomach, then covered it up with her hands and closed her eyes as she slumped sideways against the cupboards, breathing shallowly. Ryoko rode back up on her bike and stepped into the kitchen, then froze and stared at the scene before her.

Hiei was staring down at Nar's motionless body, shock rising in his stomach. He looked up at Ed, anger starting to show in his eyes. "How could you!" Hiei yelled. "She liked you! She trusted you! You were nice to her! What the h is wrong with you?" Ed was simply staring down at Narcissa. He blinked twice, swallowing hard, and looked up at Hiei, eyes starting to harden. Ryoko whimpered twice, then slid to her knees against the counter. Suddenly, Nar opened her eyes again and looked up at Ed. She struggled back to her feet, and stood in front of Hiei again with her arms out. "I… said," she said, with much effort, "No one… will die in this house… so long as… I'm here…" Ed stared at her, then reached out and grabbed her gently by the throat. "Woman, you're more trouble than you're worth." He said quietly, then threw her off to the side. She slid across the floor, leaving a trail of blood, and stopped right next to Ryoko. Ryo stared down at Nar, then back up at Ed with an extremely angry glare. She stood up and marched up to him, then shook her finger in his face and said, "How dare you! You loser! She finally opened up to someone and it turns out that he's an absolute jerk?" He glared down at her, and grabbed her wrist. "It's Koenma's orders." He said coldly. "It's my little brother's life." Narcissa blinked twice, lying spread eagle on her back on the floor. "Koenma's orders? Heh… looks like I'm paying a little visit to Lord Koenma." She thought, then held her hands over her stomach. They glowed slightly, and the skin healed. She sat up gingerly, then closed her eyes and chanted an old and mystical sutra. Suddenly, there was a bright flash, and the world froze. Ed was glaring at Ryoko, one hand around her wrist, the other dripping with Nar's blood, face frozen in a sneer. Ryo had one finger up, and was trying to get her wrist out of Ed's grasp with an expression of annoyance. Hiei was staring at the two with an expression of surprise. Narcissa walked over to Ryoko and unfroze her, and then they walked outside, spread their angel wings, and flew to Spirit World.

Koenma was sitting at his desk, staring at a screen and watching Teletubbies™. He sighed blissfully, knowing that his faithful right hand alchemist was carrying out his dirty work and exterminating the annoying little fire demon Hiei Jaganshi. (A/N: He wishes...) He glanced at his video monitors of the human world, smirking slightly, then turned back to the Teletubbies™. He suddenly froze in his sucking of his pacifier, then turned back and stared at the human world monitors. They were all frozen at the exact same moment. Nothing moved. Koenma frowned, then scowled as he stared at the door. Very few humans knew the mantra to access Spirit World with the rest of the human world frozen in time. There were suddenly several very loud explosions outside, then his doors flew open and Ryoko and Narcissa walked out of the cloud of smoke and into Koenma's office. He stared at them nervously as the door slammed shut again. They stalked up to his desk and glared at him. "Why are you having Edward Elric kill Hiei Jaganshi?" Narcissa snapped, slamming her hand down onto his desk. Ryo glared angrily at him. "What do you two care if Hiei dies? It's none of your problem." Koenma said evilly, glaring at the two girls. "I CARE! IT'S MY HIEI-KUU!" Ryoko snapped, anger crackling in her voice as her eyes glowed and turned yellow. "If someone dies in our inn then it will reflect badly upon us!" Narcissa yelled. "Now tell us why he has to die!" they snapped in unison.

(A/N: Hmm… why oh why would Koenma want the foursome dead? Hmm… .) (makes a few more sigs and avvies) (mm kay I have a reason) Koenma sighed and stared at the two girls. "I ordered Mr. Elric to kill Hiei because I wish to obtain the turf that his gang rules in Spirit World." Koenma said sourly. "My father and I have been running the front for a long time and have most of the property in Spirit World. However, Mr. Jaganshi and his friends, Mr. Yuske Urameshi, Mr. Kazuma Kuwabara, and Mr. Suichi Minamoto managed to capture a large portion of our turf. We wish to get it back." Koenma sighed. "Happy now?" He asked. Ryoko stared at him. "Couldn't you just get him to sign over a paper saying that you now owned his turf?" Narcissa asked. Koenma frowned. "I suppose… but it's Hiei we're talking about. He'd probably snort at me and say no." Ryoko smiled slightly. "I'm sure we can convince him." She said slyly. Nar nodded and said worriedly, "If Hiei signs the papers…" "Ed will be free." Koenma said with an air of authority. Narcissa nodded, closed her eyes, and concentrated. In a sudden glow of light Hiei appeared next to Ryo. He blinked twice and looked around. Ryoko shoved a paper and pen in front of him. "Hiei, sign on this line so that your turf will go back to Koenma so that Ed wont have to kill you!" she said in a rush. He blinked twice and stared at it. "So that's why he's trying to kill me?" Hiei asked slowly. "Yes." Koenma said affirmatively. Hiei suddenly started laughing. Everyone looked at him, surprised. He smirked, signing the paper, and said, "We were actually looking to return the turf when you attacked. We're freelancers, we have no need for land." He then handed back the paper. Koenma examined it, and then nodded. He waved his hand, and everything flew back to the way it was.

A/N: I JUST WENT ON VACATION FOR A WEEK SO FORGIVE ME IF THIS NEXT PART FLOWS ALONG A DIFFERENT LINE.

Nar blinked twice from her spot, leaning against the cupboard, smear of blood leading towards Ed. Ed blinked twice and shook his head, frowning. He let go of Ryoko's wrist, and took two steps back, clutching the sides of his head. Hiei blinked twice and looked around, then looked up at the ceiling innocently as his hand reached out and grabbed the counter to see if it was real. When he realized it was, he coughed quietly and stuffed his hands in his pockets. Ryoko was rubbing her wrist, and smiling happily. Koenma suddenly appeared in front of Ed. "Edward Elric, your mission has been completed. The murder of Hiei Jaganshi is no longer your objective. You are free." Koenma said, then disappeared in a fluff of smoke. Ed blinked twice, looked around the kitchen without meeting anyone's eyes, then ran upstairs to his room. The sound of a door shutting echoed through the house. Ryoko walked over to Nar and knelt down next to her. "That's a neat trick, healing yourself." Ryo said with a grin. Narcissa grinned back, but it was a pained grin. "It only healed the skin." She said quietly. Ryo frowned, then her eyes widened as she realized what that meant. Hiei walked over, and together they carried Nar to the hospital, where she was hooked up to machines and healed. The doctors wanted to keep her overnight darn useless doctors, so she smiled at Hiei and Ryo and told them to go home. They left, hand in hand, not seeming to realize that they were holding hands.

THE END!

No… no luck for you…

When Ryo and Hiei got home, the blood on the floor had been cleaned up and there was a note on the counter. Opening it, Ryo read: "I'm sorry to have caused you this trouble. Ed" Inside was that month's rent money. Ryo sighed and stuck the rent money in the money jar. He left without saying goodbye to Narcissa… Ryoko thought quietly, then went and put Resident Evil into the DVD player. Hiei came in and quietly sat next to her on the couch, popcorn bowl in his hands. He carefully placed it on the couch between them, and grabbed a handful. Without looking, she reached out to grab her own handful, and their hands brushed. He continued to stare at the movie, absently munching on his popcorn, as she turned and looked at him sideways. When the popcorn bowl was almost empty, about midway through the movie, he reached his hand in again. Ryo quickly slipped her own hand into the bowl, and they grabbed each other's hands. Hiei smiled quietly, then turned and looked at her, still holding her hand. She blushed a bit. He quietly raised their hands into the air, and said, "Your hand is so small…" She blushed a bit deeper as he carefully spread their fingers so they were palm to palm. His hand was larger than hers, and he smiled softly as he slipped his fingers between hers and laced their hands together. He then gently reached out his other hand and cupped her cheek with it. He opened his mouth to say something, but she gently reached up and put her finger over his mouth. He closed it, blushing at her closeness, and looked off to the side. She smiled, leaned forward, and gently kissed him on the mouth.

What the… what am I doing? Hiei thought to himself. She's a human! He quietly studied her as she pulled back, blushing. I… I should not be doing what I am doing… but… he thought, and then leaned in and kissed her again. They kissed for several moments, then Ryoko blinked twice and pulled away. Hiei frowned, slightly confused. She jumped up and ran up the stairs, and he heard her door shut. He quietly plopped back on the couch, staring at the movie without seeing it. He raised one hand and put it to his mouth, feeling the warmth still on it, and frowned to himself. Am I that bad of a kisser? He wondered. Shaking his head, Hiei clicked off the TV and went to take a cold shower. (A/N: Mua ha ha! Hiei wondering if he's "That bad of a kisser"… that's a riot...)

Ryoko sat alone in her room near the window, staring out at the night. She was puzzling over the little fire demon who seemed so tough but could be so nice and… loving? She frowned and rapidly shook her head back and forth. NO no NO! Bad Ryo! Do NOT fall for him! She thought angrily. She glared at the mirror on her dresser for a few moments, then sighed and dropped her head into her hands. Who am I trying to fool… I've already fallen for him, hook, line, and sinker… she thought silently (A/N: although I hope a thought would be silent). Suddenly, the "Wanta Fanta" dancers went through the whole house, causing much ruckus. Both Hiei and Ryo stuck their heads out their doors and stared after them as they left. They then looked at each other, blushed, and ducked back into their respective rooms.

Narcissa stared at the sliver of moon showing through the window as she lay on her hospital bed. It was incredibly quiet at the hospital, and she was on the thirteenth floor. She sighed quietly, and closed her eyes as she heard footsteps down the hall. Stupid doctors…coming to check on me again… have they never heard of going home for the night? She wondered irately, breathing slowly and deeply so as to fool the doctor. The door clicked open, and the footsteps softly entered the room as the door clicked shut. Nar's back tensed automatically, and she had to put an effort to keeping her breathing steady. Whoever was in the room with her, it was not a doctor. Doctors did not wear boots and… squeak squeak leather pants… and click ever so softly? The footsteps stopped right next to her bed, and she heard a soft sigh. She slowly opened her mouth, and turned her head to the side. If they tried anything, she would scream as loudly as she could.

Ed stared down at Nar as she slept. The sliver of moon that was shining through the window lay on her face, and she looked incredibly peaceful. He quietly sighed. I told myself that I wouldn't come back… that it would be too painful… for both of us… so what am I doing here now? He quietly wondered to himself. He gently reached out one hand and held it right next to her cheek, not quite touching her skin. Pulling his hand back, he looked down at her stomach. Bandages covered a pretty good chunk of it. He walked down and picked up the doctors clipboard. Cut diaphragm, stomach, liver, intestines… I really hurt her…he thought sadly, and replaced the clipboard. She shifted quietly in her sleep, and he tensed up. "Ahh… Ed… where are you…" she quietly muttered in her sleep. He walked up next to her, then looked around the room. He carefully picked up a metal vase from the corner, and closed his eyes as he transmuted it. From beneath her eyelids, Nar watched him, surprised at the sadness on his face, especially when she said his name "in her sleep". He walked over to her bedside table and gently put something on it, then left with his hands in his pockets. She opened her eyes and looked at it. It was a rose, made of metal and perfectly sculpted down to the last drops of water on the petals. She gritted her teeth, yanked out her IV tubes, ripped open the door, and started running barefoot down the hall after the footsteps.

Ed looked back over his shoulder, hearing a soft pattering noise from behind him. His eyes widened in shock as he saw Narcissa, one hand holding her stomach and the other shoving open doors and shoving carts out of her way as she ran full tilt after him. He turned around and ran down to the elevator and desperately hit the button. The door opened, and he jumped on and shut the doors as she ran up. Hitting the elevator button in frustration, she scowled and started sliding down the rail of the stairs. As she ran out on the ground floor, the elevator dinged and Ed stepped out of it, hands in pockets, head bowed. She ran up behind him and hugged him tightly. He gasped and stiffened. "I… I understand that you had to do it because of Koenma threatening your little brother! Please… don't leave… I… I…" she cried, then faltered. He sighed quietly, then turned around and looked at her. He had dark lines around his eyes and looked very sad. Her eyes teared up a bit as he said roughly, "I can't stay." "Why not?" she questioned softly. He bit his lower lip and looked off to the side. She gently but firmly grabbed his chin and turned it so he was looking her in the eyes. "Please… it would mean a lot to me." She said softly. He looked pained, and placed one hand on her stomach. "Do you really mean that?" He asked quietly, hope starting to show in his eyes.

Told you it was getting cheesy.

Shrug Anyways.

Nar nodded, and hugged him. He sighed happily, and buried his face in her shoulder. "I thought… I thought you'd hate me…" He whispered. "Never…" she whispered in return. He escorted her back to her room, and stayed in the chair by her side all night.

FINALLY! NO MORE CHEESE! It hurt me as much to type that as it did you to read it. But it was necessary, no? Do not by a long shot think this is the end… LOL… your not getting off so easy Ryo chan… now for a bit it's gonna be freestyle create your own plot… so here's a bit of a start for ya.

Ryoko sat up the next morning, blearily rubbing her eyes. She stared around her room, then flopped back into her bed. She suddenly froze, then sat up with one green eye staring at the foot of her bed. Rando was sitting there, cross-legged, leering at her. "I've been hunting you for a long long time now, little miss Ryoko…" he said evilly. "I plan to ruin your life as much as you ruined mine."

READ AND REVIEW! GRACIAS! Ducks some blows from Lance for using gracias personal joke nevamind