Yo. Me again. I know this is kind of random, but I just want to tell you all a serious fact that can no longer be denied! A fact that the world MUST KNOW! NOW!!! The fact is.....drum roll.....I HATE THE WHOLE FREAKIN' GOVERNMENT!!!!!! .........Now that I got that off my chest, here's something else:
I don't like the fact that you can never tell who you're talking to. You have basically no idea who the person looks like, anything about him/her, or anything except the pen name! I find that disturbing. A person reading this could be a total retard or a really hot chick. I say chick because I don't find guys appealing. I am a guy. Anyway, glad I got that off my chest as well. Well, actually, there's so much on my chest that I can't even find it.
Oh, yeah, one more thing: I'm going to try to make the chapters a little longer, like I was asked.
DISCLAIMER: I still no own Harry Potter.
HARRY POTTER: SIMPLIFIED
BOOK 1
THE SORCERER'S STONE
Harry woke early the next morning, thinking it was all just a dream.
HARRY: I'm awaking early this morning, thinking it was all a dream.
Will you stop that?
HARRY: Stop what?
Rephrasing everything I say!
HARRY I don't rephrase everything you say.
You're doing it now!
HARRY: I am not doing it now!
Oh, never mind. Harry thinks he's in his cupboard, hearing Mrs. Dursley tapping on the door.
HARRY: I think I'm in my cupboard, hearing Mrs. Dursley tapping on the door.
..............Deep....breathing....must not.......kill......Potter..........
HARRY: I guess I'll wake up....to find myself with Hagrid! Yay! And there's an owl tapping on the window! Yay!
.....I'm okay now. Harry opens the window to let the owl in, and it begins to attack Hagrid.
HARRY: Yay!!!!
HAGRID: Not yay! Better pay thu bloody bird fur bringin' me the paper.
Hagrid pulls out wizard coins.
HAGRID: These coins can be deposited in thu wizard bank, Gringotts. The bronze ones are Knuts, Silver ones are Sickles, an' gold ones are Galleons. Well, best be off to but yer school stuff. You 'ave plenty of money in Gringotts.
HARRY: No kidding. Hagrid, why aren't muggles allowed to know about us?
HAGRID: They would attack us with legions of angry pit bulls named Spike.
HARRY: Oh.
HAGRID: Well, here we are. Let's walk through thu streets of London until we come across a stinky old pub called the leaky caldron. Still 'ave yer letter?
HARRY: Yes. It says I'll need the following stuff:
Uniform:
?Robes
?More robes
?Hat
?Even more robes
?Gloves
?Cloak
?Live Cherokee Indian
Books:
?Standard book of spells grade1
?Magic for dummies
?History of magic
?Magical theory
?Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah.
Equipment:
?Wand
?Cauldron
?The rest I don't feel like writing.
Finally, they arrived at the leaky cauldron and everybody shook his hand.
HARRY: It's as if I'm famous or something!
HAGRID: No shit, Harry.
A strange stuttering man wearing a turban approaches Harry. (Hey, have you ever noticed how a lot of bad guys wear turbans? Take Al-Quida, for instance)
QUIRREL: M-M-My n-name is P-P-Prof-f-fessor Quirrel. I'll T-T-Teach you at H-H-Hogwarts.
Later on, Harry and Hagrid go out to the back. Hagrid taps the wall and it opens to reveal.....a doberman! Aaaaahhh! No, seriously, It reveals a place called Diagon Alley. Wizard shops as far as the eye can see!
First, they went to Gringotts, which is run by goblins. Harry gets his cash and Hagrid picks up a funny little package.
HARRY: Ha Ha. That's a funny package.
After that, they go buy lots of things. Hagrid buys Harry an owl for his birthday, Harry sees a cool broomstick called the Nimbus 2000, he meets a stuck-up snob called Draco Malfoy, and he buys a wand. But when he was at the wand-person's shop....
WAND-PERSON: Strange.....this wand that you will have has a brother.
HARRY: And a mom?
WAND-PERSON: It's a technical term. This wand's brother was carried by the same person who gave you that twizzler-Voldemort.
HARRY: Oh.
HAGRID: Well, time to go. I have to get back to Hogwarts. Harry, you can stay at the leaky cauldron until It's time for you to go on the train to Hogwarts. Here's your pass.
And with that, Hagrid was gone.
Well, that chapter's done. Time to do my homework. Eighth grade's a pain. Thank god It's almost summer.
I don't like the fact that you can never tell who you're talking to. You have basically no idea who the person looks like, anything about him/her, or anything except the pen name! I find that disturbing. A person reading this could be a total retard or a really hot chick. I say chick because I don't find guys appealing. I am a guy. Anyway, glad I got that off my chest as well. Well, actually, there's so much on my chest that I can't even find it.
Oh, yeah, one more thing: I'm going to try to make the chapters a little longer, like I was asked.
DISCLAIMER: I still no own Harry Potter.
HARRY POTTER: SIMPLIFIED
BOOK 1
THE SORCERER'S STONE
Harry woke early the next morning, thinking it was all just a dream.
HARRY: I'm awaking early this morning, thinking it was all a dream.
Will you stop that?
HARRY: Stop what?
Rephrasing everything I say!
HARRY I don't rephrase everything you say.
You're doing it now!
HARRY: I am not doing it now!
Oh, never mind. Harry thinks he's in his cupboard, hearing Mrs. Dursley tapping on the door.
HARRY: I think I'm in my cupboard, hearing Mrs. Dursley tapping on the door.
..............Deep....breathing....must not.......kill......Potter..........
HARRY: I guess I'll wake up....to find myself with Hagrid! Yay! And there's an owl tapping on the window! Yay!
.....I'm okay now. Harry opens the window to let the owl in, and it begins to attack Hagrid.
HARRY: Yay!!!!
HAGRID: Not yay! Better pay thu bloody bird fur bringin' me the paper.
Hagrid pulls out wizard coins.
HAGRID: These coins can be deposited in thu wizard bank, Gringotts. The bronze ones are Knuts, Silver ones are Sickles, an' gold ones are Galleons. Well, best be off to but yer school stuff. You 'ave plenty of money in Gringotts.
HARRY: No kidding. Hagrid, why aren't muggles allowed to know about us?
HAGRID: They would attack us with legions of angry pit bulls named Spike.
HARRY: Oh.
HAGRID: Well, here we are. Let's walk through thu streets of London until we come across a stinky old pub called the leaky caldron. Still 'ave yer letter?
HARRY: Yes. It says I'll need the following stuff:
Uniform:
?Robes
?More robes
?Hat
?Even more robes
?Gloves
?Cloak
?Live Cherokee Indian
Books:
?Standard book of spells grade1
?Magic for dummies
?History of magic
?Magical theory
?Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah.
Equipment:
?Wand
?Cauldron
?The rest I don't feel like writing.
Finally, they arrived at the leaky cauldron and everybody shook his hand.
HARRY: It's as if I'm famous or something!
HAGRID: No shit, Harry.
A strange stuttering man wearing a turban approaches Harry. (Hey, have you ever noticed how a lot of bad guys wear turbans? Take Al-Quida, for instance)
QUIRREL: M-M-My n-name is P-P-Prof-f-fessor Quirrel. I'll T-T-Teach you at H-H-Hogwarts.
Later on, Harry and Hagrid go out to the back. Hagrid taps the wall and it opens to reveal.....a doberman! Aaaaahhh! No, seriously, It reveals a place called Diagon Alley. Wizard shops as far as the eye can see!
First, they went to Gringotts, which is run by goblins. Harry gets his cash and Hagrid picks up a funny little package.
HARRY: Ha Ha. That's a funny package.
After that, they go buy lots of things. Hagrid buys Harry an owl for his birthday, Harry sees a cool broomstick called the Nimbus 2000, he meets a stuck-up snob called Draco Malfoy, and he buys a wand. But when he was at the wand-person's shop....
WAND-PERSON: Strange.....this wand that you will have has a brother.
HARRY: And a mom?
WAND-PERSON: It's a technical term. This wand's brother was carried by the same person who gave you that twizzler-Voldemort.
HARRY: Oh.
HAGRID: Well, time to go. I have to get back to Hogwarts. Harry, you can stay at the leaky cauldron until It's time for you to go on the train to Hogwarts. Here's your pass.
And with that, Hagrid was gone.
Well, that chapter's done. Time to do my homework. Eighth grade's a pain. Thank god It's almost summer.