You know what? I just had the strangest desire to dress up like a viking and sing about spam! Yes, It's me again. Please do not scream and/or run away. Continue reading.
Well, the reason I haven't updated in so long is because I was on vacation in Florida for two and a half weeks, with no access to a computer I was allowed to save documents on. But now I'm back, and I'm ready to finish writing this fic. .....Ok, not finish it. I'll just update it. It'll take me forever to finish it. I'll be eighty-one and still trying to finish chapter fifteen. So, here's chapter six.
DISCLAIMER: I own Harry Potter!!! No, just kidding. I don't own Harry Potter... or much of anything anyway. But I do own this fic. Kind of.
HARRY POTTER: SIMPLIFIED
BOOK 1
THE SORCERER'S STONE
Harry still had one final month to spend with the Dursleys (a.k.a. The Porky Dorks).
DUDLEY: Don't call me a porky dork.
HARRY: But you are a porky dork.
DUDLEY: Am not!
HARRY: As I recall, you still have a pig tail, porky pig.
DUDLEY: Shut up.
MRS. DURSLEY: Dudley! Get away from scary harry! He'll turn you into a frog!
HARRY: ....Scary Harry?
MR. DURSLEY: That's right, Dudley! Don't go anywhere near him!
The Dursleys scurry off the stage, leaving scary harry to dress up like a viking and sing about spam.
HARRY: I am not gonna sing about spam! Or dress up like a viking! And my name isn't scary harry!
Sure it isn't.
SCARY HARRY: Yeah, well I.....I....WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY NAME!?!
Nothing, scary harry.
SCARY HARRY: ENOUGH!!! Can we PLEASE just continue the fic???
Whatever. In that case, It's time for you to go ask Mr. Porky dork to take you to King's cross train station tomorrow
HARRY: Okay.
Harry does so, and Mr. Porky dork agrees. The next day at ten, they reach King's Cross.
MR. DURSLEY: You need platform nine and three quarters, huh? Good luck finding it!
The porky dorks drive away laughing, leaving Harry and his bags and his viking costume at the station.
HARRY: I'm warning you, disembodied narrator guy!
Sorry. Anyway, you're currently trying to find platform nine-and-three-quarters.
HARRY: Well, I see platforms nine and ten but I can't find my platform.
Suddenly, Harry hears someone say something about muggles. He turns around to see....A GIANT VIKING SINGING ABOUT SPAM!!!!!
HARRY: Seriously, cut it out! That joke's getting old.
Really? I still find it funny. Well, you turn around to see four boys and a mom-type person, all with bright red hair. There was also a small dweeby girl with red hair holding the hand of the mom.
HARRY:.........
Two of the boys that looked like twins walked up and went through the dividing barrier. So did the older boy.
HARRY: How did that just happen? They disappeared!
Harry calls out to the remaining three people.
HARRY: How do I get on to the train?
MRS. WEASLEY: You have to run into the wall. Is it your first time? It's Ron's first time too.
HARRY: I....have to...run into the...wall?
MRS. WEASLEY: Yep.
Harry breaks into a run and goes right through the wall. He sees the scarlet Hogwarts Express and the sign says "Platform nine and three quarters."
RED-HAIRED PEOPLE: Hey, you're Harry Potter!
HARRY: yeah.
PERCY: And I'm a stuck-up prefect who will desert his family in the fifth book!
RON: What was that?
PERCY: nothing.
FRED AND GEORGE: We'll help you with your bags!
HARRY: Thanks, strange perky red-haired people.
They got on the train and it left the station. Harry and Ron sat in one of the compartments. They talked a lot about magic, muggles, the world at large, and life in general. Their conversation started at the bottom of page 98 and lasted until the middle of page 105, at which point Hermione Granger, another stuck-up person, joined their conversation. They talked for another page before she left, then the two of them talked again till page 110. As you could guess, there was a lot of dialogue. At one point, they opened chocolate frogs. These things are, well, frogs that are made of chocolate. They have collectable famous witch and wizard cards inside each pack. They also talked about how someone broke into Gringotts but took nothing. They blabbed about quidditch, the game of magic people. At another time, they had a run-in with the stupid bitch named Draco Malfoy and his cronies named Crabbe and Goyle. Goyle was bitten by Ron's rat, Scabbers. Finally, the loudspeaker said they would arrive at Hogwarts. They did. They got their robes on and got off the train.
HAGRID: Firs' years! Firs' year come wit me!
HARRY: Hi, Hagrid!
HAGRID: Shu' up, Harry. Come wit me 'cuz yer a firs' year. All firs' year wit me!
RON: I think I'm a first year.
HARRY: You're bright, Ron.
Harry and the first years followed Hagrid down a dark path to a big lake. There were boats there.
HAGRID: No more'n four to a boat!!
They rowed across the lake and got their first sight of Hogwarts castle.
Well, the reason I haven't updated in so long is because I was on vacation in Florida for two and a half weeks, with no access to a computer I was allowed to save documents on. But now I'm back, and I'm ready to finish writing this fic. .....Ok, not finish it. I'll just update it. It'll take me forever to finish it. I'll be eighty-one and still trying to finish chapter fifteen. So, here's chapter six.
DISCLAIMER: I own Harry Potter!!! No, just kidding. I don't own Harry Potter... or much of anything anyway. But I do own this fic. Kind of.
HARRY POTTER: SIMPLIFIED
BOOK 1
THE SORCERER'S STONE
Harry still had one final month to spend with the Dursleys (a.k.a. The Porky Dorks).
DUDLEY: Don't call me a porky dork.
HARRY: But you are a porky dork.
DUDLEY: Am not!
HARRY: As I recall, you still have a pig tail, porky pig.
DUDLEY: Shut up.
MRS. DURSLEY: Dudley! Get away from scary harry! He'll turn you into a frog!
HARRY: ....Scary Harry?
MR. DURSLEY: That's right, Dudley! Don't go anywhere near him!
The Dursleys scurry off the stage, leaving scary harry to dress up like a viking and sing about spam.
HARRY: I am not gonna sing about spam! Or dress up like a viking! And my name isn't scary harry!
Sure it isn't.
SCARY HARRY: Yeah, well I.....I....WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY NAME!?!
Nothing, scary harry.
SCARY HARRY: ENOUGH!!! Can we PLEASE just continue the fic???
Whatever. In that case, It's time for you to go ask Mr. Porky dork to take you to King's cross train station tomorrow
HARRY: Okay.
Harry does so, and Mr. Porky dork agrees. The next day at ten, they reach King's Cross.
MR. DURSLEY: You need platform nine and three quarters, huh? Good luck finding it!
The porky dorks drive away laughing, leaving Harry and his bags and his viking costume at the station.
HARRY: I'm warning you, disembodied narrator guy!
Sorry. Anyway, you're currently trying to find platform nine-and-three-quarters.
HARRY: Well, I see platforms nine and ten but I can't find my platform.
Suddenly, Harry hears someone say something about muggles. He turns around to see....A GIANT VIKING SINGING ABOUT SPAM!!!!!
HARRY: Seriously, cut it out! That joke's getting old.
Really? I still find it funny. Well, you turn around to see four boys and a mom-type person, all with bright red hair. There was also a small dweeby girl with red hair holding the hand of the mom.
HARRY:.........
Two of the boys that looked like twins walked up and went through the dividing barrier. So did the older boy.
HARRY: How did that just happen? They disappeared!
Harry calls out to the remaining three people.
HARRY: How do I get on to the train?
MRS. WEASLEY: You have to run into the wall. Is it your first time? It's Ron's first time too.
HARRY: I....have to...run into the...wall?
MRS. WEASLEY: Yep.
Harry breaks into a run and goes right through the wall. He sees the scarlet Hogwarts Express and the sign says "Platform nine and three quarters."
RED-HAIRED PEOPLE: Hey, you're Harry Potter!
HARRY: yeah.
PERCY: And I'm a stuck-up prefect who will desert his family in the fifth book!
RON: What was that?
PERCY: nothing.
FRED AND GEORGE: We'll help you with your bags!
HARRY: Thanks, strange perky red-haired people.
They got on the train and it left the station. Harry and Ron sat in one of the compartments. They talked a lot about magic, muggles, the world at large, and life in general. Their conversation started at the bottom of page 98 and lasted until the middle of page 105, at which point Hermione Granger, another stuck-up person, joined their conversation. They talked for another page before she left, then the two of them talked again till page 110. As you could guess, there was a lot of dialogue. At one point, they opened chocolate frogs. These things are, well, frogs that are made of chocolate. They have collectable famous witch and wizard cards inside each pack. They also talked about how someone broke into Gringotts but took nothing. They blabbed about quidditch, the game of magic people. At another time, they had a run-in with the stupid bitch named Draco Malfoy and his cronies named Crabbe and Goyle. Goyle was bitten by Ron's rat, Scabbers. Finally, the loudspeaker said they would arrive at Hogwarts. They did. They got their robes on and got off the train.
HAGRID: Firs' years! Firs' year come wit me!
HARRY: Hi, Hagrid!
HAGRID: Shu' up, Harry. Come wit me 'cuz yer a firs' year. All firs' year wit me!
RON: I think I'm a first year.
HARRY: You're bright, Ron.
Harry and the first years followed Hagrid down a dark path to a big lake. There were boats there.
HAGRID: No more'n four to a boat!!
They rowed across the lake and got their first sight of Hogwarts castle.