Well, I was just about to start writing this chapter when I realized that this fic doesn't have enough action! No car chases, bombs, guns, codenames, grenades, matrix moves, monsters, machines, lasers, karate, explosions, evil geniuses, master plans, more explosions, machine guns, lightsabers, missiles, cannons, kung fu, slo-mo stuff, smoke bombs, giant robots, aliens, pistols, or anything!
So this chapter will not only have the plot of the story simplified, it will also contain large doses of action.
AN: This is a suicide, either it works or it doesn't. It probably won't. Oh well. I'll get over it.
DISCLAIMER: I own a set of toenail clippers and a comb, but I don't own Harry Potter. The original book. I mean, I own a Harry Potter book, but not THE Harry Potter book. The one I own is a copy. Of the original one. Written by J. K. Roweling. Rowlling. Rowling. However you spell her name. I mean, she wrote my copy too, technically. But I didn't come up with the idea. To write the book. She did. On a train. In England. Or something. Yah.
HARRY POTTER: SIMPLIFIED
BOOK 1
THE SORCERER'S STONE
It was the next day. Harry Potter, millionaire British wizard, was just awaking from his sleep. He glanced around the dormitories as one thought raced through his mind.
HARRY: It's quiet.
The curtains to another bed swing open to reveal Harry's magical sidekick, Ronald Weasly.
RON: Too quiet.
Suddenly, the other Griffindors wake up, holding cattle prods. Their eyes are gleaming white, as if they had been brainwashed.
HARRY: Their eyes are gleaming white, as if they have been brainwashed!
RON: Yeah. (Eyes narrow) That's right. This looks like the work of Dr. Severus Snape!
The Griffindor zombies approach, brandishing their cattle prods menacingly.
SLO-MO ACTION Harry and Ron leap out of their beds, doing matrix-type things while avoiding possible nasty third-degree burns.
RON: Look! Across the room, there is an anti-zombie ray! How fortunate that it got there!
Harry waves his wand, summoning the anti-zombie ray to him as the Griffindors come closer and closer, waving their cow-branders furiously.
HARRY: Prod this, zombies!
RON: Don't say that ever again, please.
Harry fires his ray and the Griffindor zombies computer-generatingly turn back into Griffindors.
SEAMUS: Thanks, Harry and Ron!
HARRY: No problem, Seamus! But we need your help! You and the other Griffindors must help us get to our classes! We need you to fend off the legions of Potter fans, as well as the insidious Slytherins.
SEAMUS: It's a risky business. But it seems this is the only way.
Halfway out the portrait of the common room, the convoy stumbled into the poltergeist of doom, Peeves himself!
RON: I'll take care of this!
Ron does a backflip, three cartwheels, and lands with his wand pointing at Peeves.
PEEVES: Oh, Ron! You really are too clever for the likes of me!
Peeves flies off, crying.
HARRY: Alright, let's go!
Finally, they arrived at their classroom after fending off an army of Potter fans, led into battle by the powerful axe-wielding cat, Mrs. Norris.
...They went through this ordeal many times a day, because there were many classes to go to. History of Magic, Herbology, Health class (As if we don't all have to go through THAT enough), Charms, Transfiguration, Defense against the Dark Arts, and worst of all, Potions class! Potions was taught by Dr. Snape the malicious.
SEAMUS: Good thing we don't have that today, eh?
HARRY: Yes. But tomorrow...(Close-Up) Tomorrow we do.
RON: GASP!
SEAMUS: What?!
ASSORTED GRIFFINDORS: Egad!!!
..........................................................................
The next day, Harry got a letter from the wise and noble Hagrid-San, asking him to join him that afternoon for tea.
HARRY: I will join you for tea, mighty Hagrid-San. But first, I have some unfinished business to attend to.
They fought their way to potions class, where they were finally able to confront Dr. Snape, whose class was in the dungeons.
SNAPE: Well, I'm pleased to see you made it this far. (Eyes glow) BUT NOW YOU WILL PAY!!!!
HARRY: What do you want from me?!
SNAPE: Answer....These questions!
HARRY: Never!
SNAPE: In that case, I will tell my hordes of Slytherin to attack!
HARRY: No! I'll...answer the questions.
RON: Don't do it Harry! It's not worth it!
SNAPE: Silence! FIVE POINTS FROM GRIFFINDOR!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
RON: No....not the points....anything but the points....
SNAPE: Harry! You must answer me these questions three! The first one....What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?
HARRY: Your mama.
SNAPE: No! Wrong! If you answer all three questions wrong, you lose the house cup!
Harry felt his face go pale. (Paler then it already was)
SNAPE: Question two! Where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar?
HARRY: Up your-
SNAPE: Wrong again! Number three....What...is the average airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
HARRY: African or European?
SNAPE: I...don't know....
HARRY: Ha! Then victory is ours!
GRIFFINDORS: YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SLYTHERINS: .................(Drool stupidly)
SNAPE: I...hate you, Potter!
HARRY: Likewise, Snape. We'll meet again some other day.
......................................................................................................
When Harry met with Hagrid-San, he was given some shocking news.
HAGRID: Here is the latest news from the Gringotts robbery, young grasshopper.
Harry stares at the paper, eyes widening.
HARRY: They were trying to steal that funny package that you took from the vault earlier!
HAGRID: Yes, grasshopper.
HARRY: So then, somewhere out there...a darker evil is approaching..............
END?
That's chapter eight. I'm kinda happy with the way it turned out. Although I should've added some Imperial walkers or something in there somewhere. Later.
So this chapter will not only have the plot of the story simplified, it will also contain large doses of action.
AN: This is a suicide, either it works or it doesn't. It probably won't. Oh well. I'll get over it.
DISCLAIMER: I own a set of toenail clippers and a comb, but I don't own Harry Potter. The original book. I mean, I own a Harry Potter book, but not THE Harry Potter book. The one I own is a copy. Of the original one. Written by J. K. Roweling. Rowlling. Rowling. However you spell her name. I mean, she wrote my copy too, technically. But I didn't come up with the idea. To write the book. She did. On a train. In England. Or something. Yah.
HARRY POTTER: SIMPLIFIED
BOOK 1
THE SORCERER'S STONE
It was the next day. Harry Potter, millionaire British wizard, was just awaking from his sleep. He glanced around the dormitories as one thought raced through his mind.
HARRY: It's quiet.
The curtains to another bed swing open to reveal Harry's magical sidekick, Ronald Weasly.
RON: Too quiet.
Suddenly, the other Griffindors wake up, holding cattle prods. Their eyes are gleaming white, as if they had been brainwashed.
HARRY: Their eyes are gleaming white, as if they have been brainwashed!
RON: Yeah. (Eyes narrow) That's right. This looks like the work of Dr. Severus Snape!
The Griffindor zombies approach, brandishing their cattle prods menacingly.
SLO-MO ACTION Harry and Ron leap out of their beds, doing matrix-type things while avoiding possible nasty third-degree burns.
RON: Look! Across the room, there is an anti-zombie ray! How fortunate that it got there!
Harry waves his wand, summoning the anti-zombie ray to him as the Griffindors come closer and closer, waving their cow-branders furiously.
HARRY: Prod this, zombies!
RON: Don't say that ever again, please.
Harry fires his ray and the Griffindor zombies computer-generatingly turn back into Griffindors.
SEAMUS: Thanks, Harry and Ron!
HARRY: No problem, Seamus! But we need your help! You and the other Griffindors must help us get to our classes! We need you to fend off the legions of Potter fans, as well as the insidious Slytherins.
SEAMUS: It's a risky business. But it seems this is the only way.
Halfway out the portrait of the common room, the convoy stumbled into the poltergeist of doom, Peeves himself!
RON: I'll take care of this!
Ron does a backflip, three cartwheels, and lands with his wand pointing at Peeves.
PEEVES: Oh, Ron! You really are too clever for the likes of me!
Peeves flies off, crying.
HARRY: Alright, let's go!
Finally, they arrived at their classroom after fending off an army of Potter fans, led into battle by the powerful axe-wielding cat, Mrs. Norris.
...They went through this ordeal many times a day, because there were many classes to go to. History of Magic, Herbology, Health class (As if we don't all have to go through THAT enough), Charms, Transfiguration, Defense against the Dark Arts, and worst of all, Potions class! Potions was taught by Dr. Snape the malicious.
SEAMUS: Good thing we don't have that today, eh?
HARRY: Yes. But tomorrow...(Close-Up) Tomorrow we do.
RON: GASP!
SEAMUS: What?!
ASSORTED GRIFFINDORS: Egad!!!
..........................................................................
The next day, Harry got a letter from the wise and noble Hagrid-San, asking him to join him that afternoon for tea.
HARRY: I will join you for tea, mighty Hagrid-San. But first, I have some unfinished business to attend to.
They fought their way to potions class, where they were finally able to confront Dr. Snape, whose class was in the dungeons.
SNAPE: Well, I'm pleased to see you made it this far. (Eyes glow) BUT NOW YOU WILL PAY!!!!
HARRY: What do you want from me?!
SNAPE: Answer....These questions!
HARRY: Never!
SNAPE: In that case, I will tell my hordes of Slytherin to attack!
HARRY: No! I'll...answer the questions.
RON: Don't do it Harry! It's not worth it!
SNAPE: Silence! FIVE POINTS FROM GRIFFINDOR!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
RON: No....not the points....anything but the points....
SNAPE: Harry! You must answer me these questions three! The first one....What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?
HARRY: Your mama.
SNAPE: No! Wrong! If you answer all three questions wrong, you lose the house cup!
Harry felt his face go pale. (Paler then it already was)
SNAPE: Question two! Where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar?
HARRY: Up your-
SNAPE: Wrong again! Number three....What...is the average airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
HARRY: African or European?
SNAPE: I...don't know....
HARRY: Ha! Then victory is ours!
GRIFFINDORS: YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SLYTHERINS: .................(Drool stupidly)
SNAPE: I...hate you, Potter!
HARRY: Likewise, Snape. We'll meet again some other day.
......................................................................................................
When Harry met with Hagrid-San, he was given some shocking news.
HAGRID: Here is the latest news from the Gringotts robbery, young grasshopper.
Harry stares at the paper, eyes widening.
HARRY: They were trying to steal that funny package that you took from the vault earlier!
HAGRID: Yes, grasshopper.
HARRY: So then, somewhere out there...a darker evil is approaching..............
END?
That's chapter eight. I'm kinda happy with the way it turned out. Although I should've added some Imperial walkers or something in there somewhere. Later.