Alright, little boys and girls! ...And those of you who would either classify as both or I just can't tell!
It's STORY time!!! YAAAAAAAAY!
Now, who wants to hear the story about the three little pigs?
KIDS: We do!
Once upon a time there were three little freakin' pigs. I hate them all. They each were equipped with an oozy and a standard submachine gun. Then along came the BIG BAD WOLF. HE WAS REALLY BIG BECAUSE HE HAD RECENTLY TAKEN AN OVERDOSE OF STEROIDS.
So the three lil' pigs blew the hell out of the wolf and they all lived happily ever after.
.......I have no idea why I wrote the above story just now. I may be going insane. I mean, more insane than I am already. I blame it on the fact that summer is ending and Im trying to have fun, but in the back of my head, there's this little thing saying, "SCHOOL WILL BE UPON YOU SOON! IT SHALL SMITE THEE! THOU SHALLT PERISH!!!!"
There are a lot of chemicals in the water where I come from...
DISCLAIMER: You know, it might be a good thing that I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, people would expect me to finish writing the books. If I did that, I'd just kill off all the characters and I would be hunted down by an angry mob.
HARRY POTTER: SIMPLIFIED BOOK 1 THE SORCERER'S STONE
Harry had never expected to meet someone he hated more than Dudley. But that was before he met Malfoy...As you could probably guess, Harry did not like Malfoy. And frankly...I don't like Malfoy or Harry. Or Neville. I hate Neville.
NEVILLE: Why don't you like me?
Because you are a vegetable.
NEVILLE: What?!? Am not!!
Are too.
HARRY: HEY!!! Back to my story!
NEVILLE: Why YOUR story? I'm just as important as you!
HARRY: What's the name of the book?
NEVILLE: ...Harry Potter and the-
HARRY: SEE? HARRY POTTER, not UGLY VEGETABLE.
NEVILLE: I'M NOT A-
Shut up, will you? Now, anyway, Harry realized that they would have their first flying lessons with Malfoy and the other Slytherins.
HARRY: Crap.
RON: Yes. But this is an excellent opportunity to test my skills as a Keeper, seeing as I will make use of them in the fifth book, when I become keeper for the Griffindor team and suddenly save the team in a brilliant display of talent.
But Harry doesn't listen. He is busy watching Malfoy snatch away Vegetable's weird red orb called a DontForgetOrWeWillPoundYourBloodyFaceIntoTheGround. But some people call it a Remembrall.
NEVILLE: Give me back my Remembrall!
MALFOY: Oh, just as soon as my hair stops being shiny from the excess of hair care products I use on it daily.
CRABBE &GOYLE: (Stupidly) No, still shiny.
MCGONAGALL: Give the little veggie back his Remembrall.
MALFOY: Fine.....but I'll be back.
Malfoy grabs his gun, hops on the back of a random motorcycle and drives off.
Later, out in the courtyard....or front lawn....or....field....or something......, they were starting flying lessons. Madam Hooch, the awesome yellow-eyed teacher, walked onto the court...field.....thing.
HOOCH: I HAVE A VERY FUNNY SOUNDING LAST NAME. ALMOST AS FUNNY AS "DINKLEHEIMER" OR "HICCUP." I ALSO SPEAK IN CAPS, JUST BECAUSE THERE IS NO RULE SAYING I CAN'T.
HARRY: I pick my nose for the same reason.
HOOCH: WALK OVER TO A BROOM AND SAY "UP." BUT SAY IT RIGHT BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO GET WACKED IN THE HEAD WHEN IT FLIES UP. IF YOU HAVE EVER SEEN A PICTURE OF SOMEONE BEING HIT WITH A BROOM, YOU WOULD KNOW THAT SUCH PICTURES ARE VERY VALUABLE. I PAID $20 FOR MINE.
Harry walks over to his broom and says up. The broom comes straight up to his hand. Ron, just for kicks, says down. He is hit in the head with a falling salmon. Malfoy's broom came to his hand as well. After they all had their brooms in hand, they were about to kick off from the ground.
HOOCH: KICK OFF FROM THE GROUND IN 5...4...3...2...BADGER. I DIDN'T SAY 1.
But at this time, Neville's broom soars off the ground. He flies around in Fighter jet strike patterns for a while before crashing to the ground.
NEVILLE: I feel....
HARRY & RON: Happyyyyyyyy!!!
NEVILLE: No, but I'm in incredible pain. I broke my wrist, I think.
HOOCH: WHILE I TAKE VEGETABLE TO THE HOSPITAL WING, NOBODY GET ANY CLEVER IDEAS, LIKE STEALING NEVILLE'S REMEMBRALL AND THROWING IT AT THE GROUND.
So as soon as Hooch leaves, Malfoy does just that. Except Harry grabs it before it hits the ground.
ASSORTED GRIFFINDORS: yaaaayyyyyyy Harry!!!!
MCGONAGALL: Harry P. Potter!!!!
HERMIONE: What's the P for?
RON: I....don't know.....
McGonagall took Harry over to one of the Defense Against the Dark Artists Classes. In this one, they were learning how to stop a rampaging Da Vinci.
MCGONAGALL: Could I see Wood for a moment?
Wood came out and introduced himself as Wood.
WOOD: I am Wood.
MCGONAGALL: Harry, you will become a Seeker on the Griffindor Quidditch team.
HARRY: I'm a whoosit on a querky bean?
MCGONAGALL: Shut up.
Later at the Great Hall (Which is like a Not-So-Great Hall, only Greater), Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat discussing how great Harry is, when the Malfoy and the two mindless thugs came over.
MALFOY: I challenge you to a wizard's duel! Tonight at midnight in the trophy room!
HARRY: If the plot of this story wasn't moving so quickly and I had time to contemplate my decision, I would decline.
MALFOY: Ummm, right. See you at 12.
They finished eating their lunch, interrupted constantly by that stupid idiot, Hermione. I personally think she's almost as bad as Vegetable.
That night, Harry and Ron went out through the corridors, making their way to the trophy room. Hermione, being stupid as usual, got locked out of the Griffindor common room.
HERMIONE: I come with now.
RON: No. You stay.
HERMIONE: You gay. I come with.
Halfway to the tropht room, they met up with vegetable. He came with them to the trophy room. But Malfoy wasn't at the trophy room. Instead they heard the voice of Filch, the annoying janitor-type person.
FILCH: Sniff around, Mrs. Norrisssss, they could be anywhere.
The four amigos edged down the hallway, trying to escape from Filch. But Neville, being the vegetable that he is, knocked over a suit of armor, so they had to
HARRY: RUN!!!!!!!
Running down hallways, they finally reached a door-but it was locked.
RON: FUINDMNSTUPID$$H0!EOHK!
HERMIONE: ALOHOMORA!
The door swung open and they all ran inside.
After Filch had passed, they looked behind them. They saw....NEVILLE!!!
HARRY: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!----Wait. You were already here.
Then they saw......A GIANT THREE HEADED DOG!!!!!!!
PEOPLE: ........................
I'm serious!!!!!!
PEOPLE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They ran all the way back to the common room, where Hermione asked them an important question.
HERMIONE: Did you see what it was standing on?!?
HARRY, RON, AND NEVILLE: ........No.
That's all for now. Chapter 10 up whenever. I have two days-sorry-one day left before school and I MUST HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!
It's STORY time!!! YAAAAAAAAY!
Now, who wants to hear the story about the three little pigs?
KIDS: We do!
Once upon a time there were three little freakin' pigs. I hate them all. They each were equipped with an oozy and a standard submachine gun. Then along came the BIG BAD WOLF. HE WAS REALLY BIG BECAUSE HE HAD RECENTLY TAKEN AN OVERDOSE OF STEROIDS.
So the three lil' pigs blew the hell out of the wolf and they all lived happily ever after.
.......I have no idea why I wrote the above story just now. I may be going insane. I mean, more insane than I am already. I blame it on the fact that summer is ending and Im trying to have fun, but in the back of my head, there's this little thing saying, "SCHOOL WILL BE UPON YOU SOON! IT SHALL SMITE THEE! THOU SHALLT PERISH!!!!"
There are a lot of chemicals in the water where I come from...
DISCLAIMER: You know, it might be a good thing that I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, people would expect me to finish writing the books. If I did that, I'd just kill off all the characters and I would be hunted down by an angry mob.
HARRY POTTER: SIMPLIFIED BOOK 1 THE SORCERER'S STONE
Harry had never expected to meet someone he hated more than Dudley. But that was before he met Malfoy...As you could probably guess, Harry did not like Malfoy. And frankly...I don't like Malfoy or Harry. Or Neville. I hate Neville.
NEVILLE: Why don't you like me?
Because you are a vegetable.
NEVILLE: What?!? Am not!!
Are too.
HARRY: HEY!!! Back to my story!
NEVILLE: Why YOUR story? I'm just as important as you!
HARRY: What's the name of the book?
NEVILLE: ...Harry Potter and the-
HARRY: SEE? HARRY POTTER, not UGLY VEGETABLE.
NEVILLE: I'M NOT A-
Shut up, will you? Now, anyway, Harry realized that they would have their first flying lessons with Malfoy and the other Slytherins.
HARRY: Crap.
RON: Yes. But this is an excellent opportunity to test my skills as a Keeper, seeing as I will make use of them in the fifth book, when I become keeper for the Griffindor team and suddenly save the team in a brilliant display of talent.
But Harry doesn't listen. He is busy watching Malfoy snatch away Vegetable's weird red orb called a DontForgetOrWeWillPoundYourBloodyFaceIntoTheGround. But some people call it a Remembrall.
NEVILLE: Give me back my Remembrall!
MALFOY: Oh, just as soon as my hair stops being shiny from the excess of hair care products I use on it daily.
CRABBE &GOYLE: (Stupidly) No, still shiny.
MCGONAGALL: Give the little veggie back his Remembrall.
MALFOY: Fine.....but I'll be back.
Malfoy grabs his gun, hops on the back of a random motorcycle and drives off.
Later, out in the courtyard....or front lawn....or....field....or something......, they were starting flying lessons. Madam Hooch, the awesome yellow-eyed teacher, walked onto the court...field.....thing.
HOOCH: I HAVE A VERY FUNNY SOUNDING LAST NAME. ALMOST AS FUNNY AS "DINKLEHEIMER" OR "HICCUP." I ALSO SPEAK IN CAPS, JUST BECAUSE THERE IS NO RULE SAYING I CAN'T.
HARRY: I pick my nose for the same reason.
HOOCH: WALK OVER TO A BROOM AND SAY "UP." BUT SAY IT RIGHT BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO GET WACKED IN THE HEAD WHEN IT FLIES UP. IF YOU HAVE EVER SEEN A PICTURE OF SOMEONE BEING HIT WITH A BROOM, YOU WOULD KNOW THAT SUCH PICTURES ARE VERY VALUABLE. I PAID $20 FOR MINE.
Harry walks over to his broom and says up. The broom comes straight up to his hand. Ron, just for kicks, says down. He is hit in the head with a falling salmon. Malfoy's broom came to his hand as well. After they all had their brooms in hand, they were about to kick off from the ground.
HOOCH: KICK OFF FROM THE GROUND IN 5...4...3...2...BADGER. I DIDN'T SAY 1.
But at this time, Neville's broom soars off the ground. He flies around in Fighter jet strike patterns for a while before crashing to the ground.
NEVILLE: I feel....
HARRY & RON: Happyyyyyyyy!!!
NEVILLE: No, but I'm in incredible pain. I broke my wrist, I think.
HOOCH: WHILE I TAKE VEGETABLE TO THE HOSPITAL WING, NOBODY GET ANY CLEVER IDEAS, LIKE STEALING NEVILLE'S REMEMBRALL AND THROWING IT AT THE GROUND.
So as soon as Hooch leaves, Malfoy does just that. Except Harry grabs it before it hits the ground.
ASSORTED GRIFFINDORS: yaaaayyyyyyy Harry!!!!
MCGONAGALL: Harry P. Potter!!!!
HERMIONE: What's the P for?
RON: I....don't know.....
McGonagall took Harry over to one of the Defense Against the Dark Artists Classes. In this one, they were learning how to stop a rampaging Da Vinci.
MCGONAGALL: Could I see Wood for a moment?
Wood came out and introduced himself as Wood.
WOOD: I am Wood.
MCGONAGALL: Harry, you will become a Seeker on the Griffindor Quidditch team.
HARRY: I'm a whoosit on a querky bean?
MCGONAGALL: Shut up.
Later at the Great Hall (Which is like a Not-So-Great Hall, only Greater), Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat discussing how great Harry is, when the Malfoy and the two mindless thugs came over.
MALFOY: I challenge you to a wizard's duel! Tonight at midnight in the trophy room!
HARRY: If the plot of this story wasn't moving so quickly and I had time to contemplate my decision, I would decline.
MALFOY: Ummm, right. See you at 12.
They finished eating their lunch, interrupted constantly by that stupid idiot, Hermione. I personally think she's almost as bad as Vegetable.
That night, Harry and Ron went out through the corridors, making their way to the trophy room. Hermione, being stupid as usual, got locked out of the Griffindor common room.
HERMIONE: I come with now.
RON: No. You stay.
HERMIONE: You gay. I come with.
Halfway to the tropht room, they met up with vegetable. He came with them to the trophy room. But Malfoy wasn't at the trophy room. Instead they heard the voice of Filch, the annoying janitor-type person.
FILCH: Sniff around, Mrs. Norrisssss, they could be anywhere.
The four amigos edged down the hallway, trying to escape from Filch. But Neville, being the vegetable that he is, knocked over a suit of armor, so they had to
HARRY: RUN!!!!!!!
Running down hallways, they finally reached a door-but it was locked.
RON: FUINDMNSTUPID$$H0!EOHK!
HERMIONE: ALOHOMORA!
The door swung open and they all ran inside.
After Filch had passed, they looked behind them. They saw....NEVILLE!!!
HARRY: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!----Wait. You were already here.
Then they saw......A GIANT THREE HEADED DOG!!!!!!!
PEOPLE: ........................
I'm serious!!!!!!
PEOPLE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They ran all the way back to the common room, where Hermione asked them an important question.
HERMIONE: Did you see what it was standing on?!?
HARRY, RON, AND NEVILLE: ........No.
That's all for now. Chapter 10 up whenever. I have two days-sorry-one day left before school and I MUST HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!