There's apparently some kind of name-changing epidemic going around. Already, two people have been claimed by It's cruel harshness.
Before you know it, you'll come down with all the symptoms! You'll begin to consider calling yourself strange things that sound like something from the Lord of the Rings, like "Flagodirt" and "Grempkin"!
Eventually, you'll begin to include the names of random people and things from movies and-or boy bands!
Ex.: "Good Aragorlotte."
After that, you finalize your new name and post it on !
Then you die.
DISCLAIMER: I'll give you three guesses as to what I should say here. Go on, guess.
HARRY POTTER: SIMPLIFIED BOOK 1 THE SORCERER'S STONE
HARRY: Well, now that we know that the three-headed dog that nearly dismembered us was standing on a trapdoor, we can automatically assume that that is where the funny little package from Gringotts is hidden.
RON: Um....right.
HERMIONE: Well, let's try and figure out why the package is down there!
HARRY: How?
RON: Let's do the NOODLE DANCE!!!!!!!! Noooodle, do the noooodle daaaaance!
HERMIONE: Never again, Ron.
RON: Sorry. It's all...uh...Neville's fault!
NEVILLE: Why are you always blaming everything on me?!?
HARRY: Because, Neville, we don't like you.
NEVILLE: That's not true! You're only saying that because the writer of this fanfic is forcing you too!
Hey! Shush, you!
NEVILLE: You shut up, Mr. Stupid Narrator Guy! I've always put up with you, but not this time! You're always calling me "Vegetable" and making fun of me! Well, not anymore! You're going down!
HARRY: Um, Neville?
NEVILLE: What?
HARRY: Exactly how do you plan on destroying a disembodied voice?
NEVILLE: ..................um.....well....
That's what I thought. Now, let's continue.
RON: I really don't care about that funny package. All I want to do is get back at that Malfoy kid!
HARRY: Luckily, today during breakfast, I will get a chance to do just that.
HERMIONE: How do you know that's going to happen?
HARRY: Um...It's an inspired guess.
Later, during breakfast:
During the arrival of the mail, several screech owls carry a large package to where Harry and Ron and Hermione and Neville and Seamus and Dean and Upholstery and Wood are sitting.
The package is for Harry, so he opens it.
RON: That's a-
HARRY: Bundle of clean underwear! Hooray, It's here!
Then, several more screech owls carry a different large package to where Harry and Ron and Hermione and Neville and Seamus and Dean and Upholstery and Wood are sitting.
HERMIONE: Who's Upholstery??
UPHLOSTERY: I am.
HERMIONE: Oh, okay.
The package is for Harry, so he opens it.
HARRY: It's a Nimbus 2000, a very fast racing broom that will give me the edge in a game of Quidditch, but unfortunately it will be smashed by the whomping willow in a later book, so I will be given a Firebolt instead by my godfather, Sirius Black, who can turn into a black dog, but I'm not supposed to know any of this so never mind.
RON: Um, yeah. What he said.
MALFOY: A nimbus 2000, eh Potter?
HARRY: Yeah! And my broom is betta than yours!
MALFOY: Crap. That's unfair.
HARRY: Yes, I know. Nyah Nyah Poo Poo!
At seven O'clock that night, Harry went off toward the Quidditch fields to learn how to play Quidditch. Oliver Wood would be teaching him.
WOOD: OK, Potter. Yer wastin my valuable time, so let's get this over with.
HARRY: Alright.
WOOD: The first of the four balls is called the quaffle. The chasers on each team try to throw the quaffle through one of the opponent's three hoops. Let's pretend your head is a hoop, Potter.
WHACK
WOOD: Got it? Good. The next 2 balls are called bludgers. They race around and try to knock you off your broom. Let's pretend you're on a broom, Potter.
THUD
CRACK
HARRY: My nothe ib bleedig, Wood.
WOOD: That's supposed to happen. It's a good thing.
HARRY: okaaay...
WOOD: The last ball's called the golden snitch. Since you're a seeker, your job is to catch the snitch. Usually, if you catch the snitch, you win. However, the snitch is very fast. Let me demonstrate It's speed.
BAM
HARRY: Wooud, ah dow veel so goood....
Harry faints and wakes up in the hospital wing. Once he regains feeling in his face, Harry rejoins Ron and Hermione in Charms class. Hermione rubs her talent in everybody's face.
HERMIONE: Hey, look! I can make this feather float! But see that Ron kid over there? He CAN'T make HIS feather float.
After class, Ron made Hermione cry by saying she had no friends. She ran and cried in the bathroom while everyone else had a Halloween banquet.
While they were eating, someone burst into the hall! It was--- Dubya!
DUBYA: Hooray! Four more years! Four more years!
SCHOOL IN GENERAL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then someone ELSE burst into the hall! It was--- Quirrel!
QUIRREL: There's a troll in the dungeons.
DUMBLEDORE: Rock on.
HARRY: Hermione doesn't know about the troll! We have to warn her!
RON: Aw, man. Do we have to?
HARRY: No, but let's do it anyway.
They left the great hall and scurried along the castle until they reached the girl's room. But when they got there, they saw that the troll had left the dungeons and was approaching the bathroom.
HERMIONE: EEEEKKK! A troll!
TROLL: You're not so pretty yourself, girl.
Harry bursts into the bathroom, wielding his wand.
RON: Harry, you're not supposed to go in there. That's the GIRL'S bathroom.
HARRY: Oh. Troll, can we continue our battle out there?
TROLL: Go yourself.
RON: OOOOO! He said an uh-oh!
HERMIONE: Help! I have no wand and am about to be killed by this horribly ugly troll!
TROLL: Well, I say! What a nasty girl!
RON: Wingardium Leviosa!
Ron yells the spell at the top of his lungs and DBZ music comes on. The bathroom stalls collapse as well as all the sinks.
RON: YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ron's bright red hair turns yellow and sticks straight up in the air!
RON: Hah! Meet... RON-KU!!!!! KAMEHAMEHA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ron blasts the troll into oblivion, then turns back to normal.
HARRY: Well, Ron. That was...interesting.
McGonagall comes in and gives them 5 points for Griffindor, then leaves.
HARRY: Hoorah!
HERMIONE: Are you "Hoorah-ing" because we just got 5 points?
HARRY: No, I'm just glad McGonagall left. She smells funny.
HERMIONE: Oh, okay. Now we're all friends!
RON: Um, we were already friends before this happened.
HERMIONE: I know, but in the actual book, we don't become friends till now.
End of chapter 10.
There you go. Chapter ten. Yeehaw.
Probably not another update again for a while.
School's awful. Somebody help me, I'm failing Math.
Before you know it, you'll come down with all the symptoms! You'll begin to consider calling yourself strange things that sound like something from the Lord of the Rings, like "Flagodirt" and "Grempkin"!
Eventually, you'll begin to include the names of random people and things from movies and-or boy bands!
Ex.: "Good Aragorlotte."
After that, you finalize your new name and post it on !
Then you die.
DISCLAIMER: I'll give you three guesses as to what I should say here. Go on, guess.
HARRY POTTER: SIMPLIFIED BOOK 1 THE SORCERER'S STONE
HARRY: Well, now that we know that the three-headed dog that nearly dismembered us was standing on a trapdoor, we can automatically assume that that is where the funny little package from Gringotts is hidden.
RON: Um....right.
HERMIONE: Well, let's try and figure out why the package is down there!
HARRY: How?
RON: Let's do the NOODLE DANCE!!!!!!!! Noooodle, do the noooodle daaaaance!
HERMIONE: Never again, Ron.
RON: Sorry. It's all...uh...Neville's fault!
NEVILLE: Why are you always blaming everything on me?!?
HARRY: Because, Neville, we don't like you.
NEVILLE: That's not true! You're only saying that because the writer of this fanfic is forcing you too!
Hey! Shush, you!
NEVILLE: You shut up, Mr. Stupid Narrator Guy! I've always put up with you, but not this time! You're always calling me "Vegetable" and making fun of me! Well, not anymore! You're going down!
HARRY: Um, Neville?
NEVILLE: What?
HARRY: Exactly how do you plan on destroying a disembodied voice?
NEVILLE: ..................um.....well....
That's what I thought. Now, let's continue.
RON: I really don't care about that funny package. All I want to do is get back at that Malfoy kid!
HARRY: Luckily, today during breakfast, I will get a chance to do just that.
HERMIONE: How do you know that's going to happen?
HARRY: Um...It's an inspired guess.
Later, during breakfast:
During the arrival of the mail, several screech owls carry a large package to where Harry and Ron and Hermione and Neville and Seamus and Dean and Upholstery and Wood are sitting.
The package is for Harry, so he opens it.
RON: That's a-
HARRY: Bundle of clean underwear! Hooray, It's here!
Then, several more screech owls carry a different large package to where Harry and Ron and Hermione and Neville and Seamus and Dean and Upholstery and Wood are sitting.
HERMIONE: Who's Upholstery??
UPHLOSTERY: I am.
HERMIONE: Oh, okay.
The package is for Harry, so he opens it.
HARRY: It's a Nimbus 2000, a very fast racing broom that will give me the edge in a game of Quidditch, but unfortunately it will be smashed by the whomping willow in a later book, so I will be given a Firebolt instead by my godfather, Sirius Black, who can turn into a black dog, but I'm not supposed to know any of this so never mind.
RON: Um, yeah. What he said.
MALFOY: A nimbus 2000, eh Potter?
HARRY: Yeah! And my broom is betta than yours!
MALFOY: Crap. That's unfair.
HARRY: Yes, I know. Nyah Nyah Poo Poo!
At seven O'clock that night, Harry went off toward the Quidditch fields to learn how to play Quidditch. Oliver Wood would be teaching him.
WOOD: OK, Potter. Yer wastin my valuable time, so let's get this over with.
HARRY: Alright.
WOOD: The first of the four balls is called the quaffle. The chasers on each team try to throw the quaffle through one of the opponent's three hoops. Let's pretend your head is a hoop, Potter.
WHACK
WOOD: Got it? Good. The next 2 balls are called bludgers. They race around and try to knock you off your broom. Let's pretend you're on a broom, Potter.
THUD
CRACK
HARRY: My nothe ib bleedig, Wood.
WOOD: That's supposed to happen. It's a good thing.
HARRY: okaaay...
WOOD: The last ball's called the golden snitch. Since you're a seeker, your job is to catch the snitch. Usually, if you catch the snitch, you win. However, the snitch is very fast. Let me demonstrate It's speed.
BAM
HARRY: Wooud, ah dow veel so goood....
Harry faints and wakes up in the hospital wing. Once he regains feeling in his face, Harry rejoins Ron and Hermione in Charms class. Hermione rubs her talent in everybody's face.
HERMIONE: Hey, look! I can make this feather float! But see that Ron kid over there? He CAN'T make HIS feather float.
After class, Ron made Hermione cry by saying she had no friends. She ran and cried in the bathroom while everyone else had a Halloween banquet.
While they were eating, someone burst into the hall! It was--- Dubya!
DUBYA: Hooray! Four more years! Four more years!
SCHOOL IN GENERAL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then someone ELSE burst into the hall! It was--- Quirrel!
QUIRREL: There's a troll in the dungeons.
DUMBLEDORE: Rock on.
HARRY: Hermione doesn't know about the troll! We have to warn her!
RON: Aw, man. Do we have to?
HARRY: No, but let's do it anyway.
They left the great hall and scurried along the castle until they reached the girl's room. But when they got there, they saw that the troll had left the dungeons and was approaching the bathroom.
HERMIONE: EEEEKKK! A troll!
TROLL: You're not so pretty yourself, girl.
Harry bursts into the bathroom, wielding his wand.
RON: Harry, you're not supposed to go in there. That's the GIRL'S bathroom.
HARRY: Oh. Troll, can we continue our battle out there?
TROLL: Go yourself.
RON: OOOOO! He said an uh-oh!
HERMIONE: Help! I have no wand and am about to be killed by this horribly ugly troll!
TROLL: Well, I say! What a nasty girl!
RON: Wingardium Leviosa!
Ron yells the spell at the top of his lungs and DBZ music comes on. The bathroom stalls collapse as well as all the sinks.
RON: YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ron's bright red hair turns yellow and sticks straight up in the air!
RON: Hah! Meet... RON-KU!!!!! KAMEHAMEHA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ron blasts the troll into oblivion, then turns back to normal.
HARRY: Well, Ron. That was...interesting.
McGonagall comes in and gives them 5 points for Griffindor, then leaves.
HARRY: Hoorah!
HERMIONE: Are you "Hoorah-ing" because we just got 5 points?
HARRY: No, I'm just glad McGonagall left. She smells funny.
HERMIONE: Oh, okay. Now we're all friends!
RON: Um, we were already friends before this happened.
HERMIONE: I know, but in the actual book, we don't become friends till now.
End of chapter 10.
There you go. Chapter ten. Yeehaw.
Probably not another update again for a while.
School's awful. Somebody help me, I'm failing Math.