Kiss
Chapter III- Silly, Stupid Love Songs (An Echo)
I don't know how to do this. How do you go up to a guy and ask him for a kiss? Me, especially. I'm one of those wallflower weirdoes whose first kiss was by some screwball in a dusty bookstore, whose last girlfriend didn't exist. I mean, how pathetic can I get? But James… he can change things. I'm not expecting him to waltz in and sweep me off my feet, with a rose hanging from his mouth like some sweet-smelling cigarette, dressed in some diaphanous, gauzy white blouse. No, Quidditch-playing, Snape-pranking, maddening, James Potter with an amazingly sexy body will be fine.
But, I can't help it. I want romance. I want white steeds and grand castles. I want the musicals, the silly, stupid love songs, the doves, the red roses, the whole flowery, frilly mess. Analytical, commonsensical Lily just leaped out the Astronomy Tower window, leaving this starry-eyed oddity in her place.
If this goes on, I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake, just to be different.
The three Gryffindor students were sprawled on the sweet-smelling grass, talking among themselves in soft voices and occasionally tossing the other a sweet. The sun cast them in a shadow as it slowly set, the sky exploding into bright colours of orange and pink while marshmallow clouds floated in the menagerie of colours.
"Lily, could you please explain to James, for the final time, that I am not going to fall in love with Sirius Black, of all people."
The voice issued from the gangly girl on the left, who was tossing Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans up in the air and attempting to catch them in her mouth, but failing by large distances.
The redhead, who was trying to wrestle a chocolate frog from the messy-haired boy in the center, fell back. She unsuccessfully muffled her giggles of glee in her jumper. "Black? James, have you finally gone daft?"
The messy-haired boy had the decency to look embarrassed. "What? It was a good point to make at the time!"
"Right…" Lily drawled, snatching her chocolate frog back. She shifted uncomfortably in her deformed orange jumper, which clashed horribly with her vibrant hair. Not that Lily cared much.
Things were still awkward between the two, but Elladora had patched them up, though clumsily. Sometimes, Lily could see that amazed look in James' eyes reappear, especially after she did something, usually a bit on the extraordinary side. Which she didn't do much often, mind you.
James' arm sneaked around shoulders, but she quickly rolled away before he could cop a feel.
"Hey!" James exclaimed, mockingly glaring at her, "You've seen me in nothing but a towel, and I don't even get a snog? What's the world coming to?"
Oh hell, he really didn't need to remind Lily of that.
She felt heat rush to her face as Lily remembered very clearly how delicious he looked in the aforementioned towel, which had been soaking wet, if she remembered correctly. Not to mention how every muscle was firm and defined, and how there was that tiny water bead that had trailed its way down his chest and under the thin scrappy towel, and how she had wanted so desperately to be that droplet at that moment. Then the catcalls began. Sirius Black, if she recalled exactly, was the one who started that.
Finally, Lily tore her mind away from James' body, and instead gave him the evil eye, which resulted in James sticking his tongue out at her. Elladora, during the while, was stealing Lily's hoard of peanut butter flavoured beans piece by piece, much to Lily's chagrin. Still exchanging bizarre facial expressions with James, Lily sent Elladora an annoyed look.
"Will you please stop taking my beans? Took me a bloody month to collect them all."
Elladora rolled her eyes, but discontinued her pilfering. Instead, she plucked a pumpkin pastry from the Honydukes bag that lay next to her and unwrapped it happily, already forgetting about the oddly coloured beans.
Indeed, the three were quite happy that evening. With the fading dusk warming them enough to keep them there, their stomachs full of sweets and the warm certainty of friendship engulfing them in its solid embrace.
Suddenly, a blast of noise was heard from beyond their sight, and four handsome figures clomped over to the resting trio, shattering their peaceful environment.
Sirius Black, as always, led the pack, grinning crazily as he seated himself beside Elladora, stealing her half-eaten pumpkin pastry, much to Elladora's dismay. Peter Pettigrew was quick to follow, his fine blond hair gleaming in the fading sunrays, lifeless eyes glimmering with cheerfulness. He plopped himself down beside the reclining James. Trailing after the energetic two, Remus and Kali followed, both pictures of poised splendour.
Lily noted with a shrewd eye that Kali once again was dressed in the bare minimum, a short black skirt and an elegant off-white chemise, but this time goosebumps freckled her bare legs. Her long glossy hair was neatly spun into a French plait, held together with a tasteful pearl drop tassel.
To her left, James was attempting to sooth an aggravated Elladora, who kept trying to keep Sirius' hands away from her bare legs. The pale-eyed youth was determined though, and persisted in trying to fondle any part of Elladora's body that he could get his paws on. Finally, Lily snapped, and slapped his hands away from Elladora furiously.
"Oh, for Merlin's sake, will you leave her alone? What in God's sake is wrong with that head of yours? What's with this sudden interest?" She muttered as she scooted between the feuding two, exchanging an exasperated look with Remus, who was watching the argument with a tinge of amusement dancing in his amber eyes.
Sirius instantly paled, and looked over to Peter, apparently looking for something in the boy's fleshy face. Finally, he replied tentatively, "Nothing Evans, why'd you think that?"
"Well, maybe because you won't bloody stop clawing at me?" Elladora responded, dusting grass off of her skirt. Her face was a bit red and her eyes glimmered with irritation.
"But I thought you liked me clawing at you?" Sirius exclaimed, eyes wide with surprise. He made a small claw figure with his hand and pawed at her tenderly.
Elladora hit him across the head for that gesture. Beside her, Kali tittered softly. Lily shook her head in amusement and turned her attention to James and Remus, who were talking about… her?
"-Well, she's quite lovely and all, Remus, but I'm not all that fond of her. She's got that bizarre voice, not to mention her eye twitch."
"James, stop being a wanker. She's wonderful, and that red hair! You love red hair! Plus that set of knockers, you can't lose, mate."
"But I think I'll just wait around for the real one to come around. How'd you find out about me fancying her in the first place?"
"You hide your diary in the most obvious places."
"It's a journal!"
"Whatever you say, James, whatever you say. Oh, hello Lily, where'd you come from?" A wicked grin accompanied this response.
James jumped, quickly spinning around in his spot to look at Lily with a wide-eyed, 'Oh-hell-no' look in his eyes. "How much did you hear?"
Lily wrinkled her nose, still trying to digest what the two had been conversing about. "The eye spasm thing. What was that all about in the first place?"
"Nothing." James quickly replied, his face heating up. Lily cocked her head, trying to suss out his bluff.
Really, couldn't he at least try to appear innocent? Instead, James' left eye was twitching, his posture was stiff and his face was nearing the shade of her hair.
.x.
"Well, if you weren't around, and you were with Elisabeth Walker, what do you expect me to think?" Lily cried shrilly, turning away from Robert's pleading face.
"Nothing happened," Robert replied sharply, his eyes glittering angrily.
"And how am I supposed to believe that?" Lily said quietly, her chin jutted stubbornly and her eyes furious.
She knew that he had shagged her. Everything in her head, heart and soul persisted with it. Why else would there be a faint red mark on his neck, why else would that minx smile at Lily knowingly every time she passed her in the hall?
How could it have turned out like this? They were supposed to be in love, supposed to be right for each other, compatible. Now, all this screaming and tears occupy everything, how is it supposed to be? Is it really going to end like this?
It shouldn't be like this.
"You just have to Lily, there's nothing else you can do." Robert said. His blue eyes were cold and intimidating. He was scaring her, daring her to leave him, to walk away.
Lily froze. Where would she go without Robert? He was everything, her boyfriend, her reputation. If this shattered, there would be nothing left for her to turn to, to cry with when the end of the world would come.
Then she remembered James. James Potter, who walked around as if he were the answer to the world's prayer for a saviour. That cocky, dark-haired youth with a wicked gleam in his dizzy eyes and that silky, smooth voice that could charm the most stubborn woman. Somewhere, somehow, Lily could see herself with him; she could feel his warm, firm arms around her waist and his breath on her neck.
And that gave her the courage, the spite, to give Robert the answer she had waited years to speak. "You're right Robbie," she said silkily, no longer nervous, relishing this moment of power. "I do have only one option left."
Robert grinned wolfishly. "You've finally come to your senses, my dearest."
Lily returned his grin, her eyes gleaming with assurance. "And that's why I have to tell you. I'm sorry, but this is your official notice, you've been dumped."
And the redheaded girl left the room, a satisfied smirk on her face.
.x.
"Excuse me?" Lily said, outraged at her friend's suggestion.
Elladora grinned in response.
"No. No way in bloody hell am I going to dress as a wench, not for James Potter, not for anyone," Lily maintained, her cheeks flushed.
Lily still couldn't understand Elladora's strange reasoning. Apparently, since James' eighteenth birthday was rapidly approaching, her friend had decided the perfect party she could throw would include Lily Evans dressed as a wench, hopping out of a birthday cake.
Lily reminded herself to never let her friend watch muggle late-night movies again.
Lily shook her head, before Elladora could even open her mouth. "I said no, don't even try guilt-tripping me into it."
"Well, then how else am I supposed to get you to do it?" Elladora insisted, throwing a velvety scarlet throw-pillow at her. Lily ducked, but was still brushed by the red fleece that flew past her head.
The two seventh-years were sitting cross-legged, across from each other on the common room floor, attempting to argue the other out of the current conversation.
On closer observation, you would notice those little details, how their smiles were nearly identical, how they both clutched a malleable cushion to their chest in nearly indistinguishable ways. But most importantly, how they seemed to understand each other, tune into the other's wavelength. It was impossibly easy to identify the two as the closest friends.
"By leaving me the hell alone," Lily laughed, as she struggled to pin up her long, tightly curled hair with two quills, but not quite managing. She wrinkled her face from the effort, her small, slightly up-turned nose looking quite comical. Apparently, Elladora thought that as well.
The messy-haired girl was writing something on her lap, words appearing so quickly on the white parchment that it seemed to be appearing by magic. This wouldn't be all that unusual or shocking, at all, especially at such a magical place such as Hogwarts. At last, her precariously balanced ink pot tumbled down her knee, and spilled magenta ink all over her patched, raggedy jeans.
Exchanging a few curses that would make a sailor blush with the ink pot, Elladora quickly waved her wand over the mess, whispering a few choice words. The mess quickly vanished, only leaving a faint spill-mark where once permanent ink was.
"Gah, Lils, could you take a swipe at my denims? I'm completely useless at Charms." Elladora pleaded with her friend, who was immersed in a copy of some ancient-looking book.
Lily looked up, annoyed with the interruption, but gave a swish with her long, elegant wand at the faded fabric, which now, after a few seconds, appeared perfectly new. Elladora smiled toothily, before collapsing back into a pile of padded, enormous pillows, bored with the proceedings.
"I'm bored." She declared, watching a good-looking, pale-haired fifth-year ward away a much taller boy by charming her ink blotter to chase after him.
Lily rolled her eyes, popping a lemon drop from the tin box she had received from Dumbledore as a present for becoming Head Girl. "No, you're repetitive and stating the obvious."
Elladora thought for a moment at that response. "I'm bored."
Lily had come up with a very clever response to this, but was much too bored to speak it. Instead, she forcefully shut the overfilled canister, glaring evilly at the contents. The barmy old codger had gotten her addicted to lemon drops.
"Lily?"
"Yes, Elladora?"
"Will you dress up as a wench for James' birthday?"
A sharp blow to her head with a cushion was her reply. Laughter soon washed away the unwise questions.
.x.
Sometimes she hated herself for being like this. No matter how hard she tried, Lily could never be perfectly happy about herself, it seemed as if it were some sort of curse, some demon's ill-fated wish.
Everything about her was wrong. From that thick, mushroom-cloud of reds, oranges and copper highlights that liked to call itself her hair, to her short, plundering legs. The bathroom mirror was foggy from her time-consuming, self-indulgent shower, yet Lily could clearly see every flaw, imperfection as if it were as clear as day itself.
Her mother used to call her beautiful. So did her father, come to think of it. She could remember coming home fifth-year, being the new host of broader hips, lush, suddenly developed breasts and all of her skinny fourteen-year old self suddenly went missing. She was at the peak of her hormonal emotions, so it was without a doubt she would constantly spend her summer evening sitting on the porch, sipping pink lemonade in cut-off shorts and watching boys her age, and many older, walk with their friends past her, laughing in all their pimply awkwardness.
It was the first time in her life that she started caring about how she looked.
Before long, all that confidence she had built up during the last years crumbled, leaving her a timid, bashful young girl. Suddenly, she noticed how hard it was to brush her hair without putting up a struggle, and how her clothing didn't fit her anymore like it used to. She started hating going clothing shopping, because of the new upped up sizes.
Gosh, how far away that seemed to be. Yet, still, the same insecurities remained; the same doubt overshadowed her brilliance. But her mother called her beautiful once. When that gorgeous, three blocks away, Simon Brown teased her about her bright red hair, calling her a strawberry-topped snitch, because she had ratted out on them for beating up some small eleven-year old.
She had been your typical pile of snuffling teenage angst. All curled up in her pale-blue comforter, clutching her stuffed elephant, red hair all over the place, was the way her mother had found her.
Her pretty, quiet mother who could make the best chocolate chip cookies Lily had ever eaten. Her mother, with soft, wavy red hair that never, ever misbehaved, and her soft hazel eyes that seemed to smile at you without a care about who you were, was one of the most elegant people Lily had ever seen. She had cuddled Lily, telling her that she had been called 'thunder-thighs' when she was her age, that her hair had been always lank and greasy and that all the boys thought she was a lonely wallflower, because she didn't have any friends.
Her mother knew how to comfort teenage girls who thought the world was over because of some bloke. Somehow, that helped.
Today, her mother wasn't around anymore, cancer had claimed her life far too quickly, but those words seemed to echo inside of Lily's mind.
Suddenly, her disproportioned body didn't look so bad. Her soft, flabby stomach was just another unique blemish and her hair seemed exceptional and beautiful. All those good qualities were just that, good qualities. Nothing worth obsessing, nothing worth adoring.
Wrapping a white, fluffy towel around her body firmly, Lily walked out of the steamy bath, smiling contentedly, yet knowing that tomorrow the same worthless self-pity would occur.
But that didn't seem to faze her either, at the moment. At the moment, she was at the peak of her life, and nothing was going to stop her from seizing the apple of her eye.
James Potter would never know what was coming.
.x.
It felt as if the world was crumbling, deteriorating before her eyes.
She had exited her dorm room with a sense of triumph in her self, thinking that she would, could confront James today, and tell him how she felt. Okay, she would never gather the courage to tell him, but maybe her lips could explain enough for him to catch on.
She had even prepared herself for victory. She had tamed her hair (With multiple bottles of Sleakeasy's Hair Potion), into soft, rolling waves, applied more than her usual dabs of makeup and had worn a miniskirt that actually made her legs and hips look attractive. She had worn a v-necked shirt with more than a hint of cleavage, something that she never worn in her life. It had been as present from Elladora, in an attempt to help loosen her friend up. It had finally worked.
She had even worn a necklace, of all things! But, then, all her hopes had been shot down so quickly that it was almost nearing pathetic. Two dark-haired, very handsome teenagers were standing in the corridor, nervously shuffling with their feet, and blushing like mad.
The female, a familiar, long-haired waif-like girl, was barely dressed. A skimpy, seductive red gown was hugging every curve of her bronzed, toned body. The straps that would normally be holding it up were sliding off of her narrow shoulders. James, as well, looked very sexy, yet he looked quite like he usually did, in tight stonewash jeans and a loose sweater.
She neared the couple, straining to overhear their conversation. Curiosity kicked in at the most annoying of times. Finally, the whisper of James' deep, baritone voice sifted through the empty corridor and into her hearing range.
"Look, Kali, I just don't-"
"-It is alright, I should not have come onto you like that. I am such a…Argh!"
Soothing. "No, it's fine, really. I was a bit harsh on you."
"Look, I am truly remorseful. Would you still consider my previous proposition, though? It would be a terribly lonely Hogsmeade visit without a companion."
Nervous. "Um, well, sure, I guess. I don't have anyone else to go with…" It was most obviously a lie, yet Kali decided to ignore that.
Lily only had to take one look at her foolish getup to see where she went wrong. Leaving Robert, befriending Kali, believing she could win James, all were idiotic mistakes. All of them were her mistakes.
Sadly, Lily walked away, not noticing how her footsteps echoed in the forlorn vestibule, not noticing how loud an echo can be.
Two dark-haired teenagers turned to face the noise, and both surveyed with scrutiny the small, sweet-faced redhead wander away. The male made a motion, as if he were going to go help her, but the girl quickly caught his wrist and shook her head sharply.
And, so they watched her walk away.
But both failed to notice the tears of a believed loss.
.x.
This chapter had barely any L/J interaction, but once the two overcome the awkwardness that is plaguing them, I promise there will be much more fluff (And snogging), and much less teenage insecurity and torment, later on.
I'm just sick of all the 'I'm-so-bloody-perfect' Lily. I'm quite sure that doesn't describe me, or any other teenager I would know. Her insecurities, physical and psychological, will play a big part in this fic, if you haven't noticed yet.
Oh, and about Kali. She's a very brief, passing character, who I'm just using for my own evil purposes. She's everything Lily wants to be; eloquent, drop-dead gorgeous and confident with her actions. Much unlike our clumsy tongue-tied Head Girl.
But, alas, it is a Lily/James.
Who would've thought?
Snuggles and Hugs,
Ria.
Well, you know what to do for an early update, don't you?