You see the border of her coat is torn and stained with sand
And you see the corner of her eye twist like a crooked pin
Silence- Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight the withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan
Every streetlamp seems to beat a fatalistic warning
Someone mutters and the streetlamp gutters
And soon it will be morning
Memory- All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
"Grizabella" by Andrew Lloyd Webber, from Cats
Kairai stumbled down a dark hallway, feeling along the wall. Every few moments, her hands would come in contact with a door, and a familiar tingle would shoot up her arm. She knew this place, but she just couldn't remember. For some reason, the doors were missing their proper doorknobs. But she could tell what the designs carved into the doors were. Some of them had plaques in the top middle, but her fingertips couldn't quite make out the letters.
She stopped in her tracks when she heard a noise in one of the rooms. Oh, what now! she thought, half in worried bewilderment, half in fear.
Then she remembered. This was what Damian had given her. This is what they had shared all those years ago, when she had fallen so deeply in love, and when she finally heard him say he loved her in return. It was the night of the party her sister had thrown in celebration of successfully identifying the youkai gene.
Kairai hated her sister for her discovery. Once she had accidently stumbled upon one of the laboratories. That was her first glimpse of what she felt was true hell.
Kairai and Kozue were both of half-blood, born of the same youkai father, but of different human mothers. Kozue felt no remorse for whatever happened to their kind... but it truly made Kairai sick. Kozue would leave the poor creatures to the most awful conditions, and was very careless about feeding them. She saw them as mere animals.
Lights flicked on in the hallway, and suddenly Kairai was in the huge dining room filled with tables, chairs, silverware that glittered in the lamplight, crystal goblets bubbling with champagne, and... people. Oh, so many beautiful people! All celebrating the torture of Kairai's race! And there she was.
Kairai stared at the exact copy of herself in her dream. She wore a long, sparkling blue dress that left her creamy shoulders and arms exposed. Her hair fel in a graceful braid down her back, and she looked elegant and mature.
Then she saw HIM. She felt lightheaded as Damian walked purposefully through the crowded room to her dream-self. She had always thought he looked most handsome that night, in his perfect white tuxedo with his hair pulled back into a small ponytail at the base of his neck, his bangs framing his face in that just-right way that made his eyes seem mysterious and enchanting... His eyes. They still had their color back then. That absolutely gorgeous tint of melted emerald-sapphire-gold that made her insides turn to mush. She had fallen for Damian several years before, but this was the night... the night he noticed her. They talked for hours.
Kairai stood there watching her dream-self speak with Damian animatedly. She remembered every word of their conversation, and every action that would take place.
And there it was.
Damian slipped his hand around the dream Kairai's and leaned in close to her ear, whispering three sweet words.
"I love you."
Well, it was all downhill from there. She told him she loved him too, and they kissed several times and held eachother... He asked her if she wanted to come home with him and she said yes... And you can guess what happened next.
Kairai closed her eyes, and the next thing she knew she was watching her dream-self sobbing in Damian's arms. They were in his house, his bedroom, his bed. The dream girl was crying in shame and fear at her lost virginity while Damian stroked her naked back with gentle fingers and whispered sweet, meaningless words of comfort... She demanded the truth of him, and he admitted that he had intended to seduce her in cold blood to satisfy his lust.
"But..." he whispered, still holding her, ""I DO like you. We really should go out sometime..."
She nodded weakly and gave him a sad half-smile through her tears. "The ironic thing is... I really love you." she said quietly. She then got out of the bed and hurriedly got dressed before leaving.
She ran down the lonely street as it began to rain, nature's tears mingling with her own. She turned at different alleys, so many that she almost lost count. Well, almost. She had a destination, so she couldn't allow herself to get lost. Seventeen turns through Tokyo, Shinjuku sector, and she found the well-concealed portal to Makai. As she felt herself falling through into that other dimension, she felt a little satisfaction in the alone-ness of it. Damian... Kozue... Never again.
Kairai watched herself do all these things in mute brokeness. This was all the hell Damian had hidden from her at Kozue's command. She recalled the rest of the story: Kozue's discovery of the one night stand with Damian, her mad search for Kairai, the murder of Kairai's mother by Kozue... And when Kairai found out she was going to bear Damian's child. She was in Makai when she began to have the "symptoms"...
Then Damian had somehow appeared in the Makai about three months later. She had fled from him then. Ha ha. A four-month-pregnant woman running from Damian. He caught her easily and had to calm her before speaking. He embraced her and kissed her sweetly, as one would greet a lover. "I've missed you so much." he said. Then he laid one hand on her rounded stomach and raised an eyebrow at her. "Yours." she snarled, turning away, even as she felt tears stinging the corners of her eyes. He merely embraced her again, his chest to her back, and whispered two simple words.
"Marry me."
Again with the words! Why were the shortest sentences the only ones that could bring on such pain, wreak such havoc! But, of course, she had no choice. They were wed within the month. Five months later their child was born. A beautiful little girl, almost identical to her father. The child brought her parents together more than decades ever could have, and a new spark grew between the couple. Kairai finally forgave him, and they fell deeply in love. From then on, it seemed as if they would be happy.
But Kozue returned. She kidnapped the child and forced Damian to erase Kairai's memory.
Kairai covered her face with her hands and sobbed.
End Chapter Thirty Five
Koenma's eyes widened in alarm as Kairai began to convulse with violent sobs. He sat on the edge of the bed and shook her shoulders gently, calling her name. "Kairai! Kairai, wake up!"
Her eyes snapped open suddenly and she stared up at him through her tears. "K-Koenma... Koenma!" She sat up quickly. "Where's Hiei! Where is he!" she hissed.
Koenma bit at his lower lip. "He left... He'll be back, though. I need to talk to you."
Kairai pushed him back a little and jumped out of the bed, running for the door. Before she could escape, Koenma grabbed her arm and yanked her back. He embraced her, stroking her hair lightly. "I have to tell you something..."
Kairai hissed and squirmed, but could not get free. "It can wait!"
"No... I've already waited too long. You love Hiei, dammit. I should have told you before you fell for him...!"
Kairai froze. "Told me... Told me what?"
He pulled back to look at her face. "All this time you've been my friend... I've loved you. I love you..." he whispered, leaning down, lips drawing closer to hers.
Kairai slipped away and ran out of the room. She furiously scrubbed moisture from her eyes with her loose shirt sleeve as she attempted to reach out to Hiei with her thoughts...
End Chapter Thirty Six