Yes, yes, your eyes do not fool you, this is The Evincar with his second songfic ever. Don't worry, I probably won't make it a usual thing to make a random songfic with every mass update.
Or maybe I will, ahahahhahaha! It just depends on reviews. Apparently, Blindness didn't suck. Hopefully this doesn't suck either.
It's based on The
Smashing Pumpkins song, "Eye".
Let's start the
show…
Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL!
Commander Gendo Ikari shut his eyes, clenching them tight, feeling the shared warmth spread around him from within.
He groaned with his movement, staring at his own thrusting reflection in the mirror as Ritsuko Akagi lay under him, almost completely silent.
He stared at the reflection without emotion, continuing his actions in almost a robotic movement, predictable and persistent.
Suddenly his back arched and he stiffened as the body under him shuddered, making him grunt once, a dull sound, and then finally flip away to the side, his back hitting the cool blankets of the bed they were on.
Ritsuko seemed to be breathing hard, staring up at the ceiling, her eyes unreadable, a mixture of appreciation and deep depression.
Gendo's eyes were for once, completely discernable, without the glare of his glasses.
Those deep brown eyes were dull and apathetic, as if nothing had changed, nothing had happened, and nothing would change what had happened.
He simply spoke, not looking at the naked woman beside him.
"Leave me."
And he lay down there, waiting.
I lie, I wait
I stop, I hesitate
I am, I breathe
I meant, I think of me
He stared up at the ceiling numbly, having not moved since Ritsuko had left.
He felt that strange warmness ease over his face again, it felt good, if only because of the sensation.
Another tear came down his face, followed by many more.
Gendo Ikari made no move, continuing to stare numbly.
He considered it a waste function of his body, one had to empty out this waste water once in a while, like going to the bathroom, or like his meetings with Ritsuko.
It all came back to the fallibility and foolishness of the human body and human emotion. But soon he would transcend both, his own actions would lead him to it, there was no God-willing, indeed no God involved that he could recognize.
Those useless eyes, now emitting their waste, had once been useful, staring upon her. These useless hands, now clenching and unclenching had once been useful, softly caressing her.
He was little but an abomination driven by that, driven by the undeniable drive to discard his foolish body and meld with her. For his body was useless otherwise. For now he was unable to sleep, or move, his body stiff and his face grim.
My glance fell on a girl my age trotting past me, but it was too discreet for anyone to notice. Yui Ikari, beautiful by all standards and smart as well, she was no supermodel of course, but she had fair hair and a nice face that hinted at a patrician upbringing. Indeed she was simply the latest in a long stream of girls of similar nature and appearance that I have secretly admired, all through elementary school even. I felt my gaze wandering to her long legs, to her kind face, to her brown eyes, and wondered why I was so mesmerized by them. I could come up with simply hundreds of thousands of adjectives to describe them, but no words to explain why I felt this way. They were simple body parts, nothing more, why did I find them so sublimely beautiful? How did I even bring up my definition of beautiful? Perhaps this was what I've been programmed over the years to be mesmerized, by the media, by the people around me. But I supposed that that is how one defines oneself, by the entities and objects around themselves. She is certainly quite mesmerizing.
Is
it any wonder I can't sleep?
All I have is all you gave to me
Is
it any wonder I found peace through you?
Turn to the gates of
heaven, to myself be damned
Turn away from light
It's not
enough, just a touch
It's not enough
He sat there, staring at the screens around him, his hands folded in front of his face in a steeple formation, gloved in white. He covered his face, not letting them see all of it, it made him feel comfortable and in control, but in truth, he hated himself. He stared in hate at the people around him, knowing they hated him as well.
Technicians were rapidly typing on their consoles as another explosion rocked the control room, if ever so slightly.
"The final armor plate is fused!"
"It's no good; the main shaft is still exposed!"
"Isn't Unit 01 ready yet?"
"No! Dummy plug refused again!"
"It failed; no response.
Gendo's eyes almost bulged behind his glasses as he stared forward, suddenly dropping his hands, which were, incidentally, shaking.
Useless...
He spoke, his voice revealing none of the tension that was clearly palpable in the control room.
"Once more. Try it again from one-zero-eight.."
He peered forward now, his eyes dull and emotionless, his hands at his sides, limp.
"So, Mr. Rokubungi, I've heard you-"
"Ah, actually I've changed my name; you see…I am now Gendo Ikari…"
"Negative, the dummy plug has refused it again!"
"No response whatsoever."
Gendo stood then, quickly, staring almost wildly at the screens in front of him, although no one, not even the Sub-Commander, seemed to notice as he stood there, whispering to himself.
"What…are you doing, Yui?"
Suddenly the screens in front of him flashed with static, and then with a simple image, that of a familiar boy with dark hair and a melancholy face.
Unit 01's eyes almost seemed to flash with light in the distance, if only for a few seconds.
Gendo stared, confused at it, distressed, at first actually thinking it was a blurred picture of him as a child, and then realizing who the person was and what this madness meant.
"Yui…is this what you really…want?"
"Father"
Gendo's eyes quickly darted towards Shinji, and he glared almost with disgust and an almost underlying sense of jealousy at the boy, not having the time to collect himself into the proper emotionless glare.
"You…What do you want? Why are you her…here."
Why are you hers?
He stared grimly at the young boy as Shinji shivered with determination, not finding anything of Yui in him. Indeed, his deep eyes, perhaps something called kindness and love, but Gendo's eyes did not register that. All he saw in the boy was himself, and he despised himself indeed.
"I…I am the pilot of Evangelion Unit 01, Shinji Ikari! Only I can pilot it."
Gendo bit down hard, tasting the blood in his mouth, his lips quivering.
"Indeed…Indeed you are.
I taste, I love
I come, I bleed enough
I hate, I'm not
I was, I want too much
Gendo Ikari stood there, watching the Evangelion crash about the walls there, fighting the Messenger. The boy inside was screaming and clenching his fists, he knew that.
That boy…your son, Yui…
He stared at the Evangelion as it fought, no feelings of pride or even thoughts on the simple fact that this was the product of he and his greatest love.
He had clenched his eyes tight and flushed out those feelings long ago, they were irrelevant as long as she was gone.
"Don't be difficult….I'm leaving you with your uncle…"
"No! Daddy, please don't leave! Where's mommy!"
"She's dead, Shinji…"
"No! You're lying!"
"You saw it with your own eyes…you remember…"
He felt resolve through remembering his past transgressions. He was…comfortable this way. His pain fueled his work, and his work fueled the hope that she would return. She could not leave him, not in this godforsaken place.
Gendo's eyes opened wide as he felt the proximity and mutual warmth of their faces, slowly moving his lips closer and closer to hers, without really thinking about it, unconsciously, they edged closer, two chess pieces in the game of love.
Closer, and closer, he could feel her breath upon his lips, he could see her calmly shut eyes, for he, on the other hand, had his eyes wide open, astonished and mesmerized by her face and by everything that was going on now, inside and outside of him, beyond his control. He had tried to make everything logical and within his control in all his life, but here was something he could not comprehend.
Checkmate.
Gendo stiffened, almost offended by the reservoir of warmth and softness he found in the kiss, of love, of kindness, it scared him, and he, who was not afraid of death, was mesmerized by a simple girl. She was just a girl. Just a girl. Just a girl. Just a girl.
Gendo's mind shut down as his eyes shut down calmly, the kiss continuing, his face at peace with hers as those words echoed through his mind irrelevantly.
Just a girl…just a girl…
Gendo blinked numbly as the wave of blood splashed upon him, coating his body except for his left arm and head.
He did not even flinch against the liquid, standing with a blank face and turning away from the fight.
He touched his damp clothes, bringing up the liquid and smelling it.
It smelled like her.
Is
it any wonder I can't sleep?
All I have is all you gave to me
Is
it any wonder I found peace through you?
Turn to the gates of
heaven, to myself be damned
Turn away from light
Gendo Ikari stared numbly at the screens around him, in the heart of the control room, which depicted Evangelion Unit 01, now, finally safe in its restraints.
He did not flinch when he heard Kouzou's voice manifest itself behind him, the older man coming up behind him like some apparition.
"The awakening and liberation of Evangelion Unit 01. It took a lot to finally restrain her, and the pilot's status is unknown as he is trapped inside. She's dissolving it all with her own power, it is impossible to stop the Evangelion now that it has begun. You must realize that SEELE shall not overlook this."
Gendo Ikari simply stared at the video feed of Evangelion Unit 01, staring intensely at it, not answering.
"So, it has begun, hasn't it?"
Finally Gendo Ikari responded, his left hand twitching, ever so slightly.
"Yes, everything begins now."
And with that, Kouzou was gone, he could feel the old man's presence disappearing as he walked away.
Gendo Ikari stared at the video monitor for some time, completely alone in the empty control room.
He began to turn away, but then he noticed it, out of the corner of his eye.
The entry plug of Evangelion Unit 01 had opened, and within it he could see a woman's form in a white lab coat.
Gendo Ikari nodded to himself, completely numb, and began walking slowly and methodically towards the hold where they had the Evangelion restrained.
To all who saw him pass, his face was calm, emotionless, nothing awry or odd. But they could not see his brown eyes behind those glaring glasses, shut as tight as humanly possible, opening and then blinking occasionally.
It's not enough, just a touch
It's not enough, just a touch
It's not enough, just a touch
Gendo Ikari stood there, staring at the female form as it stood on the catwalk, staring at Evangelion Unit 01.
Those calm eyes, that soft brown hair and creamy white skin. There was no doubt of it. Gendo Ikari cracked. For that one moment, he was destroyed, utterly and completely, as he beheld what he had never truly expected to happen.
He had clung onto it, clung onto the pain, and he had become used to it and the numbing feeling it gave him when he dwelled on it long enough, in this case, for over a decade. Now that the reason of the pain was gone, he almost felt it leave regretfully, the pain had been familiar, it had been comfortable, he had grown used to hate and misery. It was not a horrendous thing, hate wasn't so very different from love, they were both passionate, obsessive emotions, laced with misery.
"Yui!"
He ran now, an awkward sprint down the catwalk as Yui turned dully, her calm brown eyes beholding him, her beautiful face twisting into a frown.
Gendo Ikari stumbled towards her, his eyes wide as she turned her back to him, her face suddenly callous.
He fell on his knees, the Commander of NERV, the most powerful organization in the world; a man with the power to annihilate the world, this man was on his knees behind this woman, shaking.
"Yui!"
He could not tell her of his love, of his longing, of anything, he could not express it, because he had wholly become the longing, the love, the lust, he had become the entity that existed to be reunited with Yui Ikari, so he could not express it, for he embodied it completely. It was in the salt of his tears, in his touch, in his face, in his stride and in his voice.
Yui shook her head, peering sadly at Gendo Ikari, her pale hand reaching down to caress his face, causing him to shudder and almost flinch away from the touch.
And then her soft voice wafted into his ears, laced with a tinge of horrendous abandonment.
"I am sorry, Rokubungi."
She touched his face, fleetingly once more, and then her eyes became red, her hair blue, her skin even paler, and her voice even softer and quieter.
Commander Gendo Ikari screamed, an agonizing sound, as if he were releasing a chunk of his rotten soul directly out of his mouth into the sky above; it was gurgling, inhuman, and full of misery.
It's not enough, just a touch
It's not enough, just a touch
It's not enough, just a touch
"Commander Ikari? I do not understand."
Rei Ayanami stared at the Commander, slightly confused with his uncharacteristic actions. She had only come to stare at Unit 01, feeling a great urge and need for Shinji to return, and had been standing there, confused at the odd emotions struggling within her pale shell. The Commander had run towards her, and had stood there for a good five minutes, his mouth whispering things she could not hear.
"Commander Ikari, are you ill? If you require assistance I recommend you go to Dr. Akagi."
Gendo Ikari glanced away, his eyes tinged with a deep, somber pain that Rei could not pick up or understand.
No…no…"Dr Akagi" is not enough…her "assistance" can never heal the illness here…Yui.
The Commander's face seemed suddenly serious, almost surprising Rei, if such a thing were possible, his face such a contrast to the loving and desperate confusion she had heard before.
"No…I'm fine…I'm fine…I'm…fine."
He spoke, his voice dull and grim, and then finally turned away, his gloved left fist twitching as he walked alone down the catwalk.
He sat there, staring at the screens around him, his hands folded in front of his face in a steeple formation, gloved in white
Nothing had changed.
At least…for now.
Well, that's it.
Too lame? Too short? Out of character? Stupid?
Argh…well, I hope it's not horrible.
Well, later, check out some of my other fanfics, although my mass updates seem to be completely ineffective.