Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or co. If you haven't gotten that in your, head you're crazier than I am.
Warning: There will be Shounen-ai in this chapter. That means boy on boy love. There will be drinking, cursing (not that much), and suggestive themes in here. In other words, the Naruto characters are going to get drunk. Oh, and that is going to make this OOC but only in places where I think is right.
Rating: It will remain PG-13 I hope, not really.
To all my wonderful reviewers I thank you for bothering to give me constructive criticism and/or praise. I thank you all! I apologize to all you unfortunate people that had to read my horrible work. I can and will explain. When I wrote and typed the first chapter I was high on coffee, sugar, several alcoholic beverages, and some thingy I found on my floor. I was also sleep deprived. In the last days I've slept 3 hours each day and drank 15 cups of coffee. I'm not kidding. So again I so very apologize to you poor unfortunate readers. That is why I was so horrible. I'm not saying I'm great, but I'm saying that I'm not that horrible is all. See this paragraph sucks! That is because I can't write but I still do because I want to get better so thank you! Oh and I also thank you if you read my ranting and babbling in this paragraph. Hmm I bet I'm going to get an ulcer when I'm 20, crap. T-T I'm still a bit out of it but I'm better I slept for 8 hours, straight! Go me!!!!!! And I have a beta, my friend Dani!
Like I said this fic is dedicated to my friend, Dani! (glomp) Oh, and one more thing. I hope you all (who read this) aren't too offended by my horrible attempt at humor! This is my first ever humor fic. EVER! Ok now on with the story!
I've Never 2 Sasuke and Naruto arrived at Naruto's apartment in record time. Naruto opened the door and went inside, throwing his keys on the floor. Shedding his jacket off, Naruto plopped down on a slightly torn couch and put his feet on a small coffee table that was in front of it. Sasuke looked around the apartment. It was just like he imagined it would be. Ramen cups littered the floor, the counter, and just about everywhere else. The sink was full of dirty pots and pans. On the couch where Naruto was laying there were several clothes and various other items. Sasuke just stood where he was, looking around with a smirk on his face.
"You have a messy apartment."
"Yeah I do." Naruto responded, looking around and shrugging. "Well, we better get everything ready!"
"We?"
"Can't you help me?" Sasuke sent him glares.
Naruto got up; he grabbed the coffee table and moved it to the end of the room, shoving several things lying on the floor along with it. When he had a small area of the living room clean, he went into the kitchen and opened a bottom cupboard. From inside he took three bottles of sake.
"Where did you get sake? Dobe, did you steal it?" Sasuke said with raised eyebrows.
"Not really...a drunken guy gave them to me." Naruto shrugged again. Sasuke sighed, shaking his head.
Naruto set the bottles on the space of floor he had cleared in his living room. Then, he went back into the kitchen to get mugs; he set those down next to the bottles. Just then, there was a knock on the door. Naruto jumped up and ran to get it. On the doorway stood Sakura, Ino, and Shikamaru.
Sakura and Ino pushed past Naruto when they spotted Sasuke. They practically ran towards him, pushing each other in the process. Sasuke shook his head and leaned on the counter, ignoring the bickering girls.
"Ino-pig, Sasuke-kun doesn't like you, he likes me!" Sakura shrieked when they stopped in front of said Uchiha.
"You think Sasuke-kun likes your wide forehead, Sakura-wide-forehead?" Ino smirked evilly at the girl.
Sakura's hands flew to her forehead immediately, "Shut up Ino-pig."
The girls continued their shouting over Sasuke, who obviously didn't want anything to do with either of them.
'Why the hell can't they shut the fuck up?!' Sasuke thought angrily, his left eye twitching slightly.
Naruto started after the girls, but then remembered he had another guest still standing at the door. He turned to the black-haired boy.
"Hey Shikamaru, come in." Naruto exclaimed excitedly, jumping so that the boy could enter. Shikamaru entered, mumbling something that sounded like, "how bothersome."
Naruto closed the door, and was going to show Shikamaru where to sit when loud rapid knocking interrupted him. Naruto opened the door and there stood Rock Lee in all his spandex and legwarmer loving-ness.
"Hey Lee, come on in!" Naruto squealed excitedly. He had never had so many people over at his house.
Naruto showed them to the living room where they were going to sit. Lee sat down excitedly next to a grumbling Shikamaru. Lee turned to Shikamaru and started a very long and bothersome conversation about exercise and the wonders of spandex. (1)
'Oh god, why can't he shut up?! What is he even talking about? This is so bothersome. Damn Ino for dragging me here.' Shikamaru thought, sighing heavily. Lee didn't notice the lack of conversation from the dark haired teen.
Naruto went over to where Sakura and Ino were yelling. Sasuke wasn't even looking at them. He had his head turned away from them with his eyes closed. A small vein popped out on his forehead and his jaw was clenched tightly.
"Hey, what about me? I'm still single, fight over me!" Naruto shouted, a grin on his face, though on the inside he was thinking, 'He will never like either of you!'
The girls didn't seem to notice him, or bother to. Naruto's grin disappeared and his face was visible sadness. Even his blonde quills seemed to droop a little before all was well and his smile came back. Naruto glared at Sasuke for no apparent reason. Sasuke caught him glaring so naturally glared back. Naruto opened his mouth to yell something at the raven-haired boy when there was knocking again. Naruto closed his mouth and went to answer the door. Outside stood a happy Iruka and an obviously irritated Kakashi.
"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto yelled and a bit of ceiling fell.
"Hi Naruto." Iruka said elbowing Kakashi in the ribs. Kakashi nodded towards him in greeting. (2) Naruto bounced out of the way so that they could enter.
Iruka walked in and noticed Sasuke, Sakura, Ino, Lee, and Shikamaru. Kakashi staggered in behind him. His one eye drooped even more so that it was almost closed.
Naruto sniffed the air and realization struck him. "He's drunk?"
"Um, yeah." Iruka replied, a bit awkwardly.
"Oh, ok. Then it will be ok for us to drink." Naruto grinned. Just then Sakura went over to him and punched him.
"What the hell?! You invited Kakashi and Iruka-sensei?!!" She screamed, punching him. Though when she saw the two older ones staring at her, she turned to smile at them innocently.
"It's ok, it'll be fine." Though deep down Naruto didn't trust a drunk Kakashi so close to Iruka. 'Who knows what he might do!' "Ok, now that everyone is here, let's start! Everyone come sit on the floor."
They did as they were told, some less willing than others. (coughsasukecough) Naruto sat down on Sasuke's right.
"Hn." Sasuke said as Naruto sat down next to him.
"Ok, Sasuke will start first, and then me, and so on and so forth." Naruto said, hoping to embarrass the Uchiha.
"Hn." Sasuke grumbled but decided to play along in hopes of embarrassing Naruto. "I've never been hated by an entire village."
"Argh Sasuke-baka!" Naruto growled, filling his mug and drinking. Everyone else filled his or her mugs. Kakashi was going to drink his, but Iruka saw him.
"Not yet, Kashi!" Iruka said slapping his hand. Kakashi pouted but put his mug down.
"My turn! I've never been chased by a horde of rabid fan girls." Naruto had his vulpine grin on.
"Hn," was all Sasuke said before taking a swig of his drink. To everyone's surprise Kakashi also drank. They all stared, except Iruka.
"What? I was a heartthrob when I was younger." He said, and then lowered his voice so only Iruka could hear. "And I still am." Iruka blushed at he comment directed at him. No one noticed what was going on with the teachers.
"My turn. I've never peed standing up," Sakura giggled. All the boys drank, obviously.
"I've never dyed my hair," Ino smirked looking pointedly at Sakura. Muttering something that sounded like 'pig,' Sakura drank. Sasuke and Kakashi also drank. Naruto, Sakura, and Ino's eyes nearly popped out. Sasuke just shrugged indifferently.
"I've never had any motivation to work," Shikamaru said.
Everyone drank.
"I've never gotten tired," Lee exclaimed, tone very proud-like. Everyone drank, again.
"I've never listened to any boy bands," Kakashi slurred, badly.
Sakura, Ino, and Lee drank. Everyone looked at Lee, even Shikamaru.
"It's great work out music!" Many eyebrows were raised at the comment.
"I've never worn pink," Iruka said a bit slurred as well. (3)
Sakura, Ino and Shikamaru drank.
"Don't ask." Shikamaru shuddered.
Naruto snorted. Shikamaru glared at him.
They played for about an hour, and they were all pretty trashed. So far they had discovered that Sasuke wore a thong and high heels. Naruto has put make-up on, worn women's clothes, and kissed a dog. Sakura has had braces and stuffed her bra. Ino has eaten off the floor, stuffed her bra, and seen her grandma naked. Shikamaru has worn pink, worn a dress, and has been harassed by a 50-year-old lady. Lee has streaked and gone skinny-dipping. Kakashi has seen his parents have sex, seen cows have sex, and has been chased by a pig. (4) Iruka hasn't really done anything.
"Oh ok, my turn! I've never worn fuzzy feet pajamas to sleep." Sasuke slurred badly.
Naruto, Sakura, and Ino drank. They were all too drunk to care enough to ask.
"Ok my turn. I've never had sex!" Naruto stated so proudly. Kakashi, Iruka, Shikamaru, and Lee drank. Or course they weren't drunk enough to let that pass.
"I was harassed," Shikamaru stated.
"I had sex with a hooker," Lee said excitedly. Everyone stared.
"Uh...ok...I've never..." Sakura's eyelids drooped and she passed out.
Naruto saw her; and in his drunken state thought it was the funniest thing ever. He laughed until he fell over. Sasuke raised a slender brow and kicked him.
"Shut up, dobie." Sasuke said. It took him a minute to get what he had snapped. When he finally realized the comment said, he laughed his head off. "Dobie...what a stupid thing to say."
Naruto, who was nursing his bruising arm, kicked him. The kick shut Sasuke up. Ino passed out, her head thumping the floor loudly.
"I guess it's my turn. I've never made out with my own sex, uh... twice." Shikamaru said, holding up three shaky fingers.
Kakashi, Iruka, and Sasuke drank. Before anyone could ask, Sasuke held up his hand.
"Curiosity killed the Uchiha." His Sharingan activated. "No, more like Itachi killed the Uchiha." He roared.
"Uh, before anything happens, I'm next. I've never fallen in love with my best friend." Lee said.
Sasuke and Naruto drank.
'Damn I wonder who his best friend is,' Everyone conscious thought.
"I've never made out with a girl!" Kakashi giggled loudly, falling over. (5)
Iruka drank.
Kakashi stared, and then burst out crying hysterically. "Waa, Iruka likes the vagina!" Kakashi cried, his shoulders shaking badly. His visible eye spilling tears comically.
"Shh, Baby, it was once and it meant nothing." Iruka cooed. He placed his hands on the older man's shoulders, looking him in the face, or what could be seen of it.
"Really?!" Kakashi said while rubbing his nose with the back of his hand.
"Yeah." Before anyone knew what was going on, Iruka was being pulled on top of a very happy and drunk Kakashi to be snogged senseless. Kakashi's mask was in his left hand, and his right arm was wrapped around Iruka's waist, pulling him closer. Iruka's hands were kneading themselves in Kakashi's silver hair. Both of them kissed the other with drunken passion. Kakashi sipped his tongue into Iruka's mouth, Iruka sucking on the older man's tongue gently. Kakashi moaned against the schoolteacher's mouth. Kakashi's right hand, which had previously been around the younger man's waist, made its way down his back to land on his ass. Kakashi squeezed the left cheek gently, yet meaningful. Iruka blushed at the request.
Naruto's eyes were bugged out, his hands on either side of his face, and his mouth agape in a silent scream. Sasuke looked to him with mild amusement, his smirk returned and his Sharingan gone.
"Bonehead, you should have known they were together; it was so obvious." Sasuke shot at Naruto, though looking at the two men kissing.
"They are together?!" Naruto screamed. Sasuke sighed, exasperated.
"Yes."
"Oh, well, that wasn't what I was shocked about...but now I am." Sasuke raised both eyebrows.
"It's that Kakashi has his mask off!" Naruto pointed at Kakashi's left hand where he clutched said mask. Sasuke stared too.
"Ooh, we get to see Kakashi-sensei's face." Sasuke drawled sarcastically, though he really did want to see.
Naruto, Sasuke, and Shikamaru crept closer to try to get a glimpse of the usually masked face. When they were a foot away from the kissing couple, they noticed that Lee wasn't with them. They turned around and saw Lee in a conveniently placed dark corner. He was doing God knows what, though anyone could bet they wished he (God) didn't.
They shuddered uncontrollably, then shrugged it off and continued on their 'journey'. They were really close now, but before they could see anything, Iruka's hair came lose. The hair fell around both of their faces. (6)
"Fuck." Naruto muttered trying to look. Sasuke also grumbled. Shikamaru just looked bored.
They crept closer, almost touching the moaning and kissing couple. A second later, Iruka pulled back abruptly. They were done making out. Kakashi's mask was in place before anyone knew what was going on.
The boys jumped apart, startled and upset.
"Aww, we were gonna see his face!" Naruto pouted, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
Everyone sat at their appropriate seats.
Naruto spotted Ino and Sakura lying on the floor, unconscious. He went over to the kitchen and filled a large pot with water. With a grin, he dumped it over the sleeping girls. The instant the water was splashed on them, they woke up sputtering. He accidentally got Sasuke drenched too. Naruto looked at him with a grin, though it was a big mistake. Sasuke's shirt was clinging to him, and his rock hard abs was showing through the wet material of his shirt.
Naruto couldn't take his eyes off of Sasuke's abs. Nobody knew, but Naruto had a secret fetish for abs. By now, Naruto was drooling slightly.
'I wonder how his abs would feel under my fingers.' Naruto thought. 'What?! Did I just think that?!!' He shook his head to rid himself of those thoughts. He clapped his hands together,
"Well, now that everyone is awake we can play truth or dare!" He said, grinning and never taking his eyes off Sasuke.
Owari
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(1) WTF?! Wonders of spandex?!
(2) Kakashi is irritated 'cause Iruka wouldn't give him any! And Iruka is being mean 'cause Naruto is like a little bro to him.
(3) Our dear schoolteacher can't hold his alcohol. He only drank like... twice. lol
(4) It seems Kakashi had a very disturbing childhood. (shudder)
(5)Remember, Kakashi has already drank, so he is PISS drunk! He is so super drunk, like you wouldn't believe!
(6) Let's just say that Iruka's hair grew?! (nervous chuckle) Ehehe.
Yes, I know there were a lot of numbers. Yes, I would be pissed too. (dodges flying objects) Ok, well you can review now! Tell me what you think! I don't mind flames. ('Well maybe a little.') Come, you know you want to review! Just click the little button! Oh yeah one more thing. I know that I too wayyyy too long to update. Hehe its just that between like 5 friends b-days plus my own and tennis lessons I found It a bit hard to write and type this.I finnally did get this out so umm yeah annnd If you review I could type faster!
Shameless advertising: Please go read my other fic! It's a Harry Potter one!
(Runs around screaming and smashes into a wall) That was for your entertainment! (passes out)