Changing Forms

Chapter 6 -

The Hole in the Wall

Tonks was awoken gently by the chirping of birds outside. Her beautiful alabaster-smooth skin felt cool against Remus' plain white sheet; all other blankets had been expelled last night due to the heat factor. Nymphadora raised herself up on her elbows, yawning and moaning as a smile met her face. She looked out the window to see a rain soaked forrest. Nymphadora then turned and lay on her back, sheet covering herself. She ran her fingers through her hair—now the beautiful shade of red, bounding with curls. She seemed to have an unusual weight lifted from her shoulders. She had finally become a little happier, coming closer to Remus, making love to him. Last night was a bit crazy, she had to admit. It all started on Remus' clock. He kissed her first. That made her so very happy.

Nymphadora sat up, wrapping the white sheet around her body, tucking it in so it would stay. She padded, barefoot, over to the door, which she quickly found was locked. She tried it again. Still, it would not budge. She quickly rummaged for her wand, which she found laying on the floor somewhere between Remus' jumper and her bra. With a simple "alohamora", the door opened. She descended the stairs, wand still in hand. She wondered where Remus was. She assumed that the rain had stopped before sunrise. She was sort of glad he didn't wake her—she was very tired from Auror business. She thanked heavens that today was a Saturday, remembering that she would not have to ask off for the day.

Her bare feet touched the old wooden floor of the first story. She quietly tiptoed around, looking for Remus, where she found him exhausted on the couch, naked as a jaybird. She looked at him and admired what she so miraculously enjoyed last night. Her mind quickly strayed to the previous night: his nimble fingers working at her clothes, his grace at taking off his own (along with her help), his lips on her neck, his sweet whispers in her ear as they made love—"I've dreamt about this" and "you are amazing", her favorites being simply her name, and the way he traced her bare body with his fingers when they lay in front of each other, free of shame.

Nymphadora rounded the couch and sat on it, close to his hip. She stroked his graying hair with her hand. He opened his eyes and was shocked when he saw her. His eyes, she noticed, were once again, wrought with exhaustion, rimmed in red. "My god, Nymphadora," he said, relieved, "I thought for a minute you were Lily."

"Oh," she said, not knowing what to say.

"No, no, no!" Remus added, sitting up. "Lily and I were never involved. Just confused when I woke up." He quickly smiled at her stroking her medium length hair. "You look beautiful." She sighed and closed her eyes, and quickly changed her hair brown, maintaining the length. Remus was shocked at the change he'd witnessed.

"I've never seen you do that before," he said, smiling.

"The past 24 hours have been a series of firsts for the both of us." Nymphadora added, matter-of-factly and sweetly.

"What do you mean by that?" Remus added, confused.

"Well," Nymphadora said at length, "our first kiss, first time you saw me morph, the first time we had sex…" She looked down at her want and buffed at a spot on the handle. "First time I had sex…" Slowly, she looked back at Remus, blushing.

Remus stared at her dark eyes. "Oh, Nymphadora, why didn't you say something?"

"Because I wanted what happened." She said reassuringly. "I wanted to make love to you, and I wasn't afraid. I have no regrets." Remus nodded.

"But I feel like a royal pervert," he said, "taking the virginity of a girl 14 years my youth."

"Girl?" Nymphadora said indignantly and quietly.

"That's not what I meant." Remus said, quick to defend himself.

"I understand, Remus," Nymphadora said, true to her word. She took his hair in her hand and gave him a passionate kiss, ignoring the awkward fact that Remus Lupin was naked on his couch, and she was dressed in his bed sheet.

She leaned back and looked truthfully into his eyes and said "I'm glad you were my first."

Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I need to get dressed." He gently pulled himself up, walking along the couch, using it for balance in his weakened condition. Nymphadora, concerned for him, followed him up the stairs, sheets gathered in her hands. She silently stood at the doorway as he dressed himself in his favorite muggle clothes, boxers and a t-shirt.

He began picking up his clothes, evidence that last night was filled with unadulterated and emotional passion. In his work, he began speaking, choosing his words carefully. A little too carefully, Nymphadora noticed.

"Nymphadora. I think, and I only thought this afterwards, that last night perhaps wasn't such a great idea. Not a mistake, but not a wise idea." He stopped at the last sock and put them all on his bed, sitting at the corner of it, grabbing her hand and making her sit as well. "I feel awful for taking that from you. I feel that… Nymphadora… I'm too old for you. I'm 14 years older than you. 37 years old—"

"I don't care." Nymphadora added, searching Remus' face.

"Reguardless." He continued. "I can't stand the fact that I was hurting you last night and you didn't even let me know. It's my last wish to hurt you. I'm not suited for you. I'm much too poor ('money is no object' she quickly interjected), I am a warewolf—I could put you in danger ('we saw last night that it wasn't a problem'), again I'm too old for you ('I don't care!')."

Remus pleaded with his eyes. "Nymphadora. I can't do this to you."

Nymphadora could tell he was being serious and steadfast in his decision. She stood from the bed and quickly began dressing, not caring whether Remus watched, though she felt very violated. She was well aware that Remus watched with sorrowful eyes. She gathered her wand and walked out the door and down the stairs.

"Nymphadora," Remus said, "please don't leave in this state."

Nymphadora stopped at the door, grabbing her jumper and looking back, tears falling down her face.

It was then that Remus felt the most remorse he'd ever felt. He felt remorse for saying all those awful things to her. He'd have taken them back if he could. But somehow he knew that Nymphadora would still be hurt. He believed all those things about himself and how he wasn't good enough for Nymphadora. But he wanted so badly for her to just slap him and make him believe that he was good enough. He wanted so badly to have woken up next to her, smiling at her incoherent "good morning". But as she turned and walked out the door, he knew the deed was done. He watched her Disapparate through the open door. He wanted to follow her, but unfortunately, Remus had no clue where she was going. He closed the door, and silently paced around his house before slamming his fist through the wall, repairing it, and watching his hand bleed, tears falling from his face.