Warning: Mary. Sues. Abound.
Disclaimer: JKR. Not Mine. Got it?
Chapter Twelve: Dear Uncle Jack, Part Two
Dear Uncle Jack,
Merry belated Christmas! Thanks for the money and the chap stick! Both have been put to good use, I assure you. Holy crap—where to start.
I've been a good girl (relatively)—okay, as good a girl as I can possibly be, which isn't saying a lot. The good news is I'm down to 5 detentions a month! It's a new record for me! Most of the detentions have been with Snape. Here's the weird thing—I think the slimy git actually likes me! He's on my case every day, he rips apart everything I do, and he belittles me every chance he gets! In some sick, twisted way it's his way of showing approval—that's just wrong on levels I can't even begin to explain. So when I'm not getting detention in Potions I'm doing all right. We're doing Vanishing Spells in Transfiguration (the class where we change things—i.e. the flaming cat incident). We're practicing on toads, but so far I can only make the head and legs vanish, which you would think be funny, but really looks sad. It looks like a pulsating spleen. Divination still sucks (mostly because the teacher is a FRAUD), but I've been biting my tongue when it comes to Trelawney's predictions and inner eye crap. My Care of Magical Creatures classes are still a trip—mostly because of Hagrid and his love of exotic and quasi-dangerous creatures. I'll have to take a picture of a Blast Ended Skrewt and send it to you—they're really nasty little buggers. Herbology is still all right—I've managed to make it two whole weeks without killing any plants. As for Astronomy—well, at least I'm not falling asleep during the class. As much…
I got to play Quidditch a few months ago! I know I never wrote and told you about it, but it was a last minute thing. The Slytherins jumped one of the Beaters on the Gryffindor team and they needed someone to stand in for him. Ta-da! We won thanks to a particularly brilliant plan of mine (if I do say so myself. And I do…quite often). We were playing Slytherin and Malfoy is a Seeker on their team—long story short, Fred Weasley, Harry, and I ended up faking out Malfoy and got him distracted enough to not watch where he was going and he slammed into the teacher stands taking out a few professors with him. It was freakin' awesome, Uncle Jack—next year if I make the team you HAVE to come up for a game. That is, once I figure out where HERE is—no one really knows where Hogwarts is, exactly and come to think of it I don't think you'd even be able to get in. There's lots of wardings up so all Muggles see is a decrepit old castle. Be glad you don't have to come for parent-teacher conferences—that would've been fun.
So anyways…Harry ended up staying at school for Christmas and we had a blast. His godfather ended up coming up for the day and might I say, he's quite a character. He and Harry's dad were famous in their days for causing chaos that makes my antics look like harmless accidents—yeah, they were that bad. And you think I'm a handful—I took some notes and offered to burn candles as a form of worship, but he said it wasn't necessary. He gave me a few pointers and wished me the best—I'll keep you updated. Other than that, Harry and I spent most of the vacation catching up on work and just hanging out around the castle. We ended up playing a lot of wizard chess because I'm the only one Harry can beat—I figure it helps his self-esteem. Once classes started up again we got busy—especially since the O.W.Ls are coming up soon. That's the Ordinary Wizarding Licenses—so I can use magic and stuff outside of school and get registered for my N.E.W.T level classes next year (advanced classes to get ready for a career. Me with a real job—is that a trip or what?). The tests are supposed to be brutal and I won't get my results back until July. I'm going to be real fun company this summer, let me tell you. The tests start in June and we are up late every night trying to cram as much magical crap in our heads as possible. I swear I should be taking Headache-relief potion in an I.V. drip 24-7!
So when I'm not in class, the library, the common room, or vomiting from nerves in the loo (I like loo more than bathroom now—it just sounds cooler) I've been in Hogsmeade. Hey, do you think that Harry could come visit in London over the summer? I haven't asked him yet, but I thought I'd check with you first…maybe he could come stay with us for the last few weeks of summer before we go back to school? Trust me, his family won't mind.
Anyways, I can't think of much else to say for now. Ron's birthday is coming up and Harry, Hermione, his twin brothers (Fred and George), Ginny (his sister), me, and pretty much the rest of Gryffindor is trying to plan him a surprise party. Harry, Fred, George, and I are on distraction detail. I can hear you from here—NO I WILL NOT GET MYSELF EXPELLED. Detention maybe. At least here they don't use the paddle…or the rack. ;) Rules were meant to be bent and occasionally broken, Uncle Jack.
I'd better wrap this up and get back to some real work. Those potions won't explode themselves, ya know! Lots of love!
ReggieP.S.—If Aunt Sarah asks, I did get her letter.
P.P.S—Ron says I should tell Aunt Sarah to sod off, but I don't know what that means.
P.P.P.S—Scratch that. Ron says forget whatever he said, and please don't kick his ass for insulting your ex-wife.