/{DISCLAIMER WE DONT OWN HARRY POTTER OR THE CHARACTERS OKAY AND WERE NOT SPONSORED BY FOUR LOKO OR ANy OF THE COOL BANDS WE LIStED))))

Chapter 1: Captive Master on the Wind

Harry sat awake on his bed, all sad. He couldn't sleep, as usual. Living in this hecking heck-hole of a household was absolute torture. Privet Drive. Ugh. He wished that his friend, Ronald, would come save him in his dad's cool car that flies.

"Boy, I wish my friend, Ronald, would come save me in his dad's cool car that flies," Harry sighed.

Harry winced as he heard the distinct sound of a slow Dudley fart coming through the paper-thin walls of that heck-hole they called a house.

"That stinx," sighed Harry.

All Harry had wanted this whole entire summer was a friend and a Four Loko to call his own. Fat chance. He was thinking wholeheartedly about how much fun his friends, Roland and Hermoioned were prolly having without him. With magic and cool wands and cool sweaters that Ronald's mother had knitted them. And maybe drugs like whip-its. But enough about that. Back to Harry.

Harry tooted in fright when he heard a pretty serious sounding loud old crash from somewhere. Who knows where?

He got up to go use the restroom like a big boy ought to because he felt it would be improper of a boy his age and stature to not go to the restroom after such tooting had occured. Even though he never knew his dead mum, he knew that she would had told him to go toot in the toilet bowl, and not on his pillow, therefore giving him a ripe case of pink eye like my friend Jessica has.

Upon sitting unto the toilet, Harry noticed some hemorrhoids. He noted, with pleasure and chagrin, that his friend, Hermione's name was very close to hemorrhoids.

"Get ye back in there, ye pesky hemorrhoid," Harry said through a sigh. He popped em back in and left the bathroom. I mean restroom. Sorry.

Bored as heck, Harry went ahead and scrolled through Tindr lackadaisically. Seeing all those desperate heckboys made Harry sigh with disappointment. None of them were really his type. Fourteen year-old Harry wasn't sure WHAT was his type!

Harry laugh-sighed when he saw that he had matched with a girl named Trisha Furry Star 67. What a silly goose this girl must be. But alas, not his type tbh. She's wolf-kin, he's not. She's a Gemini, he's a Leo.

Trisha Furry Star 67 was a girl of very average proportions. She had a normal height and weight and brown hair. Her boobs were a little small. Her parents recently got divorced, and she's sad about it. She got on Tindr because she thought it would give her a sense of community. Instead, she just felt a sense of being crying.

Harry heard a loud crash again. From somewhere, probably outside. He didn't toot this time, so we can finally find out what it was. Harry sighed and slowly but surely walked at a Daniel Radcliffe snail's pace over to the barred window of his room. He leaned on the window sill of the window and looked out of the window upon a silly sight!

"Who the heck are you!?" sighed Harry.

Harry was looking out upon through the window bars a silly sight of some sort of silly looking creature with big ol ears and big ol eyes and a big ol heart probably but he wasn't sure about that JUST YET…

This creature, who was probably a house elf that Harry had been told about when he went to Hogwarts, his school. Was tiny and little and a little hairy but not much and had big eyes and looked meek. He was decidedly male, despite his androgynous fashion-sack that he wore upon his bod much like a toga would be worn in either ancient Greece or a frat house party. Instead of a belt, he wore an old piece of floss around his waist. You could see some chunks of corn from whosever teeth had been flossed with it. The belt was doing nothing for the house elf's figure. Also, he was driving a really cool flying car that flies! It looked exactly remarkably like Roldands dad's cool flying car! It must have been a replica! Wow!

"Harry Potter," cried the house elf,

"Dobby heard that you, the chosen boy, were all alone and on tindr and didn't find a person that you liked, especiallly not Trisha Furry Star 67. Dobby came to save you from this stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid place that you hate and do not have fun at!"

All this was a bit much for Harry to take in at the moment. He decided to not reply. He did what he always did when he was overwhealmed and needed to think. He fingered his Rubik's cube thoughtfully, and a little provocatively. Dobby's eyes lingered a bit too long on Harry's fourteen year old elegant pianist fingers, then looked deeply into Harry's eyes.

"Dobby is here to spring you."

Without a moment's notice or warning, Dobby, in one fell swoop, tore the bars off Harry's heck hole of a window with his cool car, and grabbed Harry by the wrist. It wasn't altogether unpleasurable. Dobby hoisted Harry up out of the window room sill house and into his hot shot ride and propelled him directly into the passenger's seat.

"Dobby got ye a present," Dobby pleaded happily as he reached under his seat and revealed a Four Loko. He gave it directly to Harry Potter, the chosen one.

"Oh Boy! A Four Loko! It's even black cherry, my favorite treat!" sighed Harry. Dobby floored it. Harry couldn't help but feel a little vulnerable with his life in the tiny, withered, weakling arms of a small tiny greyish house elf who was presumably already smashed on a Four Loko of his own.

"Dobby, who are you and how do you know about me? And also where are we going? Also is this your car? And do you have any napkins? I seem to have spilt my black cherry Four Loko NON-alcoholic beverage all over me hands and a little bit on my inner thigh!" sighed Harry.

Dobby said nothing, either because he was too cool or too far gone to respond. Instead, he gestured with his one free hand (the other being draped cooly over the steering wheel like a cool man driving a truck or a dodge charger) over to the glove compartment of the flying vehicle. Harry took this as a signal to check the glove compartment for some napkins. Harry opened the glove compartment, and much to his chagrin out tumbled about seven Four Loko cans already drank and crushed by Dobby's forehead. Out spilled a Blue Hurricane Four Loko, a Strawberry Lemonade Four Loko, an Uva Berry Four Loko, two Coco Loko Four Lokos, a Watermelon Four Loko, and another Uva Berry Four Loko. ALL EMPTY! Dobby was indeed McShwasted. Harry was about to McFreakin lose it, when he caught a glimpse of the sultry brown crepey paper of a withered taco bell napkin hiding among the glistening Four Loko cans. AT LAST! Sweet releif from the sticky, gummy, sugared, sucrose, saccharin, dextrose, sweet and non-alcoholic juices that had evaporated at this point upon his fingies and inner thigh. Unfortunately, the juices had all but dried up on him to form an impenetrable layer of sticky juices from Four Loko.

"Aw, the juices have dried," sighed Harry.

Dobby chimed in, "Spit on it, Harry Potter!"

"WHAaaaaaa?" sighed Harryd.

It was then that Harry realized that Dobby was instructing him to spit on the Four Loko juices, and NOT anything eltz.

"Here. Pick one." Dobby said, shoving a wad of CDs into HArry's lap. Among the selection was Daughtry, the Blink182 Bhudda album, Andrew WK, Skillet, Nickleback, three copies of the same Three Doors Down album, and Lana del Ray. And others.

Harry went with the second of the three copies of the same Three Doors Down album. The album was entitled "Us and the Night". Harry thought it fitting.

Hey guys and girls and everyone else! Thanks for supporting our very first Fan Fiction EVER. We have never before written a fan fiction, especially not about a boy that we stalk. NEVER. NEway, stay tuned to see what happens next on Dobby and Harry's silly adventure! You never know where the the world will take you!

"Where there is love there is life." -Ghandi