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Warning: How's "The Yankee II: Revenge of the Mary Sue" sound for a title? Fitting? Or should I be burned at the stake? ;P

Chapter Nineteen: April Showers Bring Mayhem

Mid-April arrived wet and soggy, but I was too busy with my head buried in a book to notice. Between mounting homework and looming O.W.Ls we had time for nothing else—not so much as a midnight trip to the kitchens for a butterbeer. Nadda. Harry and Ron were so exhausted from Quidditch practice and studying that they barely had the will to complain. Hermione, however, I thought would simply crack eventually—she'd taken to muttering to herself and occasionally breaking from conversations to check random facts that had nothing to do with what was going on. I half expected to find her in the Astronomy Tower with a riffle one of these days. Even Malfoy was too stressed to bother pissing us off, which was the only ray of joy we could find.

Of course, it would be during this particularly stressful season that Aunt Sarah would choose to rear her booze-filled head.

It wasn't until around 1am the day after my birthday that I realized I'd missed it. 16 feels very much like 15, anyways, I thought. Except when you feel 116—like now as I snapped my Herbology textbook shut. I banged my head on the table and heard it echo off the walls of the common room.

"My. Brain. Hurts." I moaned as I thumped my head with each word. "Can't. Learn. Any. More."

Ron yawned and stretched, his roll of parchment curling up on the table. "Bed." He groaned. " I'm through. I can't deal with this anymore." He closed his book. "I'm leaving this here until morning." He stood up and, very slowly, shuffled his way towards the staircase to the boys' dormitory.

Hermione was still hunched over her notes and her eyes kept darting from her parchment to the open book to her left. Harry was ignoring his work completely and zoning out into the fireplace.

"Harry!" I exclaimed. He snapped back to reality. "Go to bed, man." I said.

"Yeah, yeah." Harry yawned. "We should all call it a night." He stood up and made to follow Ron. "Night guys."

I sat there watching Hermione scribbling furiously for another few minutes. The rhythmic scratching was putting me into a quasi-trance and my eyes were half closed when a tapping from the window jerked me awake. Hermione's head snapped up so quickly I heard it snap.

"What was that?" she snapped.

I leaned back in the chair and eyed Hermione cautiously. "You are waaaay to high strung, Hermione." I said as I crossed the room to open the window. I found one of the tawny school owls perched on the windowsill with a letter clutched in its left talon. "Well, come on!" I prodded the owl. It released the letter and snapped my finger before flying off into the night with a disgruntled hoot.

I settled back into my chair and flipped the envelope over. I felt goose bumps rise on my arms. Aunt Sarah. I recognized the handwriting instantly. She'd written to me a few times this year, mostly as a way of easing her guilty conscious. Most recently, her guilt over being declared an unfit guardian and having sole custody being turned over to Uncle Jack had probably been eating away at her. I'd received the paperwork from Uncle Jack only a few weeks prior, but I hadn't shared any of it with anyone, not even Harry. Telling everyone your aunt ran off with a younger man and—in the past month—been arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct isn't exactly something you can casually discuss over the breakfast table. It didn't matter anymore. Now that we were living in England in one year I'd be a legal adult and on my way out of school.

"Who is it?" Hermione leaned over to get a better view of the handwriting. "That's your aunt, isn't it?"

I nodded. I turned the envelope back around and tore it open. Inside was perhaps the cheesiest birthday card I could've ever imagined. It had obviously been meant for a boy, judging by the cover. The only reason she had probably picked it was because it had a wand with a rabbit jumping out of a top hat exclaiming "Hope Your Birthday Is Magical!" I shuttered. To think that Aunt Sarah and I had at one point mocked cards like these.

"Reggie? Is today your birthday?" Hermoine asked, incredulously.

"Um….yeah. Actually—" I glanced at my watch, "—Yesterday. If you want to get technical."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

" To you? Because I thought the intake of one more piece of innate information would make your head explode." I said. I grinned sheepishly. "It's just a birthday. There are more important things going on."

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "A birthday not important? This coming from the person who risked pieing a professor to help stage a birthday party?"

" Oh, go memorize a textbook." I muttered. I opened the card and several piece of paper fluttered out. No, not just paper. Money. Lots of money.

"What the hell?" I exclaimed. I scooped up the pile out of my lap. "There has to be several hundred dollars—er—pounds. Whatever."

"What does the card say?" Hermione asked.

"Who cares what the card says? I'm freaking rich!" I cried. Hermione rolled her eyes and took my discarded card off the table to read aloud.

"Dear Regina, I know money can't buy happiness, but it can be a start to a life. Buy yourself a little fun. The rest is for saving. It's never too late to plan for your future and here's hoping there'll still be room for me. Love, Sarah." Hermione looked at me. "It's…sweet?"

I spread my newfound wealth in front of me and sat back. " 'Buy myself a little fun'? What does she want me to do, buy a stripper?" I rolled my eyes.

" I think she meant for you to buy a little something now and put the rest back for a rainy day, it seems."

" Yeah, but…I mean…I have a trust fund. From my parents, I mean. I get it when I turn seventeen next year. But what am I supposed to do with all this?" I spread my hands over the table.

Hermione set the card on top of the pile. "Well…do exactly as she said. Buy yourself something now and put the rest back for later. We have a Hogsmeade weekend coming up—maybe a new set of robes. Or a quill? Ooooh…there's some fascinating texts in—"

"I'm not using my humungous wad of cash to buy books, thank you very much." I said defiantly.

"Well you aren't considering buying a car, are you? I mean, it is rather pointless seeing how you could reach anywhere you wanted to by Apparation, Floo powder, or broom." Hermione noted.

"Yeah," I muttered. " I dunno. We'll see next weekend." I yawned and stacked the pile together. It was a grand total of 500 pounds, but I had no idea of how many Galleons that translated out to. It was sure to be a lot and there were some items I needed stocked up on. A new set of robes would be nice. Not to mention I could use a new quill and some more potion ingredients. Ug. I've been hanging around Hermione too long. Screw it. Take the money and head for Vegas, baby! I shuffled upstairs ahead of Hermione and hid my stack carefully underneath my bed and flopped down into the pillows. My mental shopping list would have to wait until my brain could function properly.

By the next morning, news of my newfound wealth had already traveled across the tower and was circulating through the other houses.

"Happy Birthday, Reggie!"

"Congrats Reg!"

" Hey Reg! How 'bout a loan?"

" Hey Yank! Did your aunt shack up with a millionaire?"

" Hey Malfoy! Shove it!"

" I can't believe you didn't tell us it was your birthday." Harry said to me over lunch that afternoon. I'd missed breakfast that morning and had skipped to make it to Transfiguration on time. "Why didn't you say anything?"

There were only a handful of people that glazed over the fact I had inherited a pile of money overnight, but focused on the fact that I had covered up my birthday completely. Not surprising, the moment I'd sat down at the table I'd been pounced upon.

"Um, hello? We were kind of busy—you know—trying not to screw up our lives by not passing these damn tests." I said, helping myself to a ham sandwich.

"Yeah, but after all you did to help with mine. Just…you know…" Ron said.

"What? You owe me? It doesn't work that way. Look, it's not a big deal." I shrugged.

" But isn't 16 when you're old enough to drive in the States?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah."

" So does that mean you're getting your license?" Harry asked.

" No."

I could see the three of them exchanging looks. "Um…Reg?" Ron started.

I slammed my glass of pumpkin juice down. "Look, the only reason I got all that money was because Aunt Sarah was feeling guilty. It's guilt money. She doesn't want to make everything okay she just wants to try and buy my affections back. Well, it's not going to work okay?" I was beginning to pick up steam and was showing no signs of stopping. I'd been holding it in all morning. "And I don't really care about my birthday because it's just one big fat reminder of how my parents are dead!" I blinked. Where the hell did that come from?

"Reggie…" Hermione began.

"Forget it." I muttered. I stood up and slung my bag over my shoulder. "I'm just going to get some air before Potions, okay?" I looked over at Harry who was making to stand up. "No. Don't…I just want to be by myself for a minute." And with that I spun around and headed out the door.

I had nearly an hour before Potions began so I headed for the lake. The late April weather had thawed the grounds to the point the grass was now spread out over the grounds and the trees were finally beginning to show leaves again. I picked our usual spot under the tree next to the lake where we usually sat studying on contemplating throwing ourselves upon the mercy of the giant squid.

"Here squidy, squidy, squidy." I muttered leaning back against the tree. I cupped my face in my hands trying to wrap my fried little brain around what had just happened.

Okay, I'd been thinking about my parents quite a bit that year. This was their school for Merlin's sake! It was true that every year on my birthday I'd always been a bit down, but it was for an even deeper reason than I'd ever let my friends—even those back in New York—ever know. On my 5th birthday my mom and dad had been away on a business trip for the Ministry. Mom and dad had worked in the Department of Magical Cooperation and had been at a meeting in Paris working with several other countries on rebuilding after the first war. I'd made my parents promise they'd come home on my birthday even though there were still meetings going on. They came home for one day, but had to go back because they hadn't finished yet. If they'd only stayed through my birthday they would've gotten everything wrapped up and came home one day later…just one day later. The next day there had been an attack by rogue Death Eaters at the facility they and several others had been making plans on uniting the wizarding world again. Because I'd been a selfish little brat and demanded my parents spend my birthday with me they had to go back and catch up on work and hence be blown up.

"It's not my fault." I told myself, stubbornly. Years of therapy had finally driven that fact home to me. I know that it was Death Eaters that caused my parents' deaths, but that still didn't take away all the guilt. I stared up through the branches of the tree and up into the cloudless sky. I wondered if mom and dad could really see me. I wondered what they would say. I wondered if they'd be proud of me. I wondered if they'd ground me as much as I deserved. The bell began tolling for classes. I watched a group of Hufflepuffs trudge back from Hagrid's hut and got to my feet with a sigh. I didn't feel like rehashing my feelings with my friends.

By the time I got down to Potions the entire class was settled, but thankfully Snape wasn't in the room yet.

"Okay, Reg?" Harry asked. He looked concerned, but not overly so.

I smiled. "Yeah. I'm fine."

Harry nodded and that was that. I breathed a sigh of relief. Things were finally getting back to normal.

Almost.

It wasn't until later that evening as a group of us Gryffindors were walking back from dinner that I realized that something was up.

"Um, wait a second, Reg." Hermione said. "I need to go to the library before we head in."

I looked back down the staircase at her. "Then go to the library quick. I'll just be in the common room."

I saw Hermione shoot Ron and Harry a look over my shoulder. "Well…I wanted to get a second opinion on something…from—Transfiguration."

Whatever. "What in the world would you want my opinion on something in Transfiguration?"

Hermione shifted her books to the other arm and shuffled her feet. "Well…it never hurts. This close to exams, you know. I thought we could both use…"

I rolled my eyes. "You know, you lie very poorly for a Gryffindor." I looked from Ron to Harry. "So what is going on that I can't go to the Common Room?"

Harry glanced at the floor, but it was Ron who spoke up. "Fine, nosey. It's your surprise party."

"Ron!" Hermione hissed.

"Well, come on, Hermione! If you weren't so bad at diversions. I knew we should've left it to Harry." Ron said.

" Leave me out of this." Harry put up his hands in a sign of protest. "I kept my mouth shut."

"Good job there, Harry." I snorted. "Can I go to my party now?"

We jogged the rest of the way up to the tower. By the time we reached the portrait I could hear voices behind hissing, "Shhh! They're here!" I had to hold in the laughter. The portrait door swung open after a quick " Flitterbees" and then---

"SURPRISE!"

The evening passed in a haze of butterbeer and cauldron cakes. Fred and George brought supplies from the kitchens (and probably from a sneak run into Hogsmeade) and Dean had made a banner that now hung over the fireplace. It seemed more like a inner-house mixer than a birthday party, but that was fine by me. I was just leaning back in a chair by the fireplace when a small brown package was thumped into my lap.

"Gah! You nearly broke my legs!" I shouted, laughing.

Harry grinned. "It's from all of us. We had to express owl it this morning."

"So it cost a lot of money and you'd better like it." Ron joked. Hermione scowled and elbowed him in the ribs.

I greedily tore off the paper to reveal a single silver key on a key ring. "Wow. I always wanted one of these." I said, flatly.

"It's symbolic, more than anything." Hermione said. "We didn't really have it owled. Your presents are being owled, though."

"That's really sweet, but you guys didn't have to---"

"Buy you anything." They all finished for me. "Yeah, yeah." Ron said, "But wait until you see what the key goes to."

I looked up at Harry. "What? Is this the key to Slytherin? Do we get to trash their dungeon?"

"Don't you think we would've done that long ago if it was? You're just going to have to wait to see what it's for." Harry replied.

"Until when?" I asked.

"Until everyone is asleep." Ron replied. Hermione had become silent and had a look on her face like she highly disapproved of whatever the boys were planning. I was instantly intrigued.