A/N: Geez. Some reviewers were vicious. Sayin' if there's no kiss they'll...(shudder) Maybe I shouldn't of mentioned my infamous convenient interruptions, nope, nope...
Disclaimer: I dun own Yugioh! or anything, really. (sob sob)
Chapter Thirty-Two: Kaiba-girl!
(A/n: Like I've said, I need help with those titles. :P ' ' ' ')
"Men." Mai said amongst the mounds of unwrapped baby shower gifts. Some sorority girls from the university - Pi Alpha Beta -had thrown Serenity a 'congratulations party' a few minutes ago, and left a lot of delicacies among other necessary for-babyitems. "So unreliable." It was obvious that she was still in an irritated mood.
"Inconsiderate." Serenity said, muffled through a cherry cream cheecake mouthful, her cheeks puffed. "You know, now I know how Joey feels, about being constantly hungry all the time." She swallowed.
Mai raised a perfectly manicured golden eyebrow in amusement,and helped herself to a piece before it was all gone. "You know that you're gonna get back together with him. Kaiba, that is!"
"WHAT?" Serenity pretended outrage, knowing simultaneously what she was talkiing about. "I will not. No matter how hard he pleads and begs!" Grumble, grumble, growl.
"Don't sulk, 'Ren dear. It's in your blood. You don't know how to really get angry at a man. Like me." Mai thought for a moment. "' Course, that's a good thing, because if I were you, I'd be cleaning out Joey's bank accounts already, damn straight!" She waved her fork around with a singular laugh. " Then again, he's doesn't have any money. If that's not love, I don't know what is. But you..." she said slyly, "why do you think I set you two up in the first place?" Wink, wink.
"Very funny." Serenity drew herself up to her full height and spoke with determination. "I don't need his help, Seto's, I mean. I'll managemy businessby myself; I can be independent, you know!" Sulk, sulk, sulk.
"..." Mai smiled and smirked, but it wasn't wholeheartedly. "...I'm sure you can, hon. And if you choose to, I'm going to support your decision and help you whatever it is!... You know, just if you need it...which I'm sure you won't."
"..." She calmed down, and picked at her nose's tip. "...It's just that...I can't be with someone who doesn't want my baby as much as me. You know...? I'll be forced to choose. But I..." The corners of her mouth turned down, "still love him." But I love my baby too...
"Yeah. I know, dear. And he is such a bastard for making you choose between him and the kid. But..." Mai dregded up her worldy advice. "I don't think he's doing it on purpose - I don't think it's intentional."
"Yeah..." Serenity bit an untasting bite on her fork, lost. "It's never 'intentional'..." Sigh.
"And because he still loves you. No matter what he says or does...You know, I never pegged him for the womanizer type. So, that's good - he's a one-woman sort of man." That's always a good thing. She's the ONE for him.
"I suppose." Does it all matter on if he's a cheater? I don't think so...I think that they are other factors...
"Cheer up! Everything will work out." Mai said, being the encouragement, for once. THe she grinned very fiendishly. "Hey...you never told me how it was...since Tèa the Prudish isn't here...!"
"What was...?"
"You know. Did he rock your socks?"
"? . . . Oh!" Serenity ducked her head; Mai grinned, deciding not to help out by teasing.
"Oh come on. . . .we're both women, and all! SO, tell me...was it good or was it goooooooooooooooood? Ha ha ha..." I'll bet!
Ignoring her, Serenity turned her face upwards at the ceiling. "It was..." -she struggled for the right word- "...magical."
"Magical...that good huh? Your first, right?..Yep." she said all-knowingly and chewing snappishly on a carrot stick. "They're goooood."
In her own world, she looked down and coughed. "...but, he, doesn't believe in magic." A long silence followed these words; Sereinty was in deep thought, Mai was only half-listening, picturing her own. "We had been dancing all night, half the time of that gazing into each other's eyes...unblinkingly..." she sighed sadly. "Before, we'd always spent the night together nearly all the time, but - you know - with no hanky-panky, or nothing like that...! Just cuddling."
"Yeah. I gotcha." Mai smiled at the thought of them, all curled up next to each other under the covers like twin cats. Like, awwww! Double awww!
"...I don't think we'll... ever be like that again."
"Oh...of course you will! And don't give me that look; I'm not patronizing you. You know me, I'm the usual negative one - but on this, I can assure you of it." It's weird, I'm usually negative on my relationships... "You're just on that 'serious turn' of a relationship. Where you don't know where to go, and you're constantly confused and feeliing lost."
"Well...that's true! I am constantly cofused and lost...!..." Serenity tried to add a laugh, instead it came out sort of dry. Her heart felt too hollow without him and despite her anger she still missed him still.
"...It just the ups-and-downs of a relationship. Everyone and each one goes through them! And you think you won't, but you will." Mai said, wisely patting her on the shoulder. "What's wrong?" she said because Serenity had flinched.
"Nothing...it's just gas...or the baby kicking again."
"Ooh! Let me see!" Mai put her hand on the watermelon-sized lump of Serenity's stomach. "...I don't feel ...anything-!"
"Yeah, it usually stops, when people-" Serenity grimaced, rubbing her stomach and burping silently in her fist.
"'It'? You mean you still don't know...?"
"No." Girl, girl, girl. I STILL hope for a girl.
"Looks like most people think it's a boy," Mai said, picking up a particular gift bag with s o m e t h i n g b l u e coming out of it and glittery grass hanging out like springs of a smashed telephone. "I guess so, too, or it'll be one mixed-up child!" With all these boyish stuff... and boys' toys...
"Yeah, I guess. Ishizu thinks it's going to be a boy, too..."
"'Ishizu'?" Mai frowned. "Is that her name... Ah. You mean that sister to that creepazoid..." She gave a silent shudder and Serenity nodded curiously. "She's always on my case to be nice to hIm. Eghh...Don't you think he's creepy-looking? Or am I the only one?"
"...Marik?...Sure, he might be a bit EXTREME looking, but he's really a nice guy inside." Serenity smiled, folding her hands. "Ishizu said that he had... problems in the past, but now he's all better now."
"Maybe she's nice-looking on the outside, but creepy on the inside," Mai muttered, picturing the tall woman. "Anyway! How about we stop moping about our guys for tonight, the inconsiderate peons they are - " she said, using Serenity's word for them plus adding her own - "and go out dancing? Just a girls' night out. Tèa can come too, I guess...though I think she's busy right now...!" With Yugi. Whoo hoo-!
"Well, I suppose, maybe." I wish Seto knew what I was going through. "Though I think it'll be hard to dance with a 'wide load' sign on my back."
"So you knock the other people off the dance floor. Talk about throwing your weight around!" Both girls giggled and moved on to other gossip and gifts.
Meanwhile
Dream
"Congratulations, Mr. Kaiba!" A happy voice cheered. "You're having...!" His voice was drowned out by talking.
But he couldn't see what he was having. A woman was screaming, for his name, but he couldn't tell who it was-it didn't sound like Serenity's high pitched, feminine voice, but more mature, and faint. A big pile of worn blankets blocked his vision and crushed him. I can't see what it is! Or who! he thought, trying to claw them away. I can't breathe, either!
I'm...dying! He tried to come out of the pile, to see what was going on. "What is it?" he yelled. "What is it? Girl or... boy?"
The doctor came over with a bundle. "Congratulations, again!" The woman in the background stopped screaming with a dead silence. Kaiba looked down, at the bundle of blankets with a cap. A green, a dark greenish thing stared up.
It was a pickle.
"Told ya it'd be ugly..." Barely-visible to the right, Joey shook his head, arms akimbo. "But nnoooobody listens to me!" He shook his head again.
End dream
"Nnngh...no..." Grimacing, Kaiba woke up from the nightmare and got to his feet. His eyes were horribly itchy, so he reached up to rub the sleep from it. Or tried to. Glasses? Eh? Two plastic lenses blocked his hands from reaching his eyes. A look down showed him a blurry picture of a schoolgirl's uniform, with a plaid skirt and suspenders and a cardigan. He started screaming, but that wasn't why - he was lying facedown on the floor, motionless. That was clearer.
I'm dead! I'm a ghost, floating over my body! Kaiba thought, panicked. Hearing his yelling, Joey muttered, "Huh?...Whoozat...?" and the figure moved. Joey took a sitting up position and did much of the same things Kaiba had done: rub his eyes, look down at his hands, and start yelling. "AH! AH! WHAT DA-"
Luck has it that Wheeler's in there? "Mutt, what are you doing, posing as me?" Kaiba demanded without thinking, as if Joey had purposely done so. Of course on purpose, who wouldn't want to be me? Then he realized that it was a mistake.
"AHH! Eh?" Joey stopped and looked up at a very grumpy looking girl, "K-kaiba? What are ya doin' as a girl?"
"Shut up! Even in this bizzare nightmare you are not allowed to call me a girl," Kaiba said looking down his nose at his own body.
Dream? A dream? Joey felt around the cold tiled floor. Oh God; I hope so! He fell into a daze, before blacking out completely back down again.
Pathetic, thought Kaiba.
"Ow...ow..." Rebecca said moaning, grabbing at something to pull her up. What?...Last thing I remember was a-a brilliant flash, of light...blinding flash of light and then a ripping twisting sensation... She touched herself: "Hey what am I doin' over there?...Where's my glasses?" She shook him and they fell off. "Ah, there they are...aah!"
"Brat, don't touch me!"
"Are you...a mirror?"
"No!"
Joey was snapped out of his horrified daze at the negative word.
"Kid?" he said, blinking.
"Joey?"
"Kaiba?"
"Well, now that we've established who we are," Kaiba said in his most sourest tone, "let's get to getting out of here."
Rebecca was stunned silent for two minutes. "...why is he so calm? He's a girl! He's me!"
"He thinks dat we're in some dream," Joey said, finally getting to his feet. Whoa. Da ground is a lot further now. "Fool. Ow!"
"Nope. No dream. Whoa..." Rebecca reverently studied hér new big hands, feeling her chest. "...I'm a...guy! Buh...but...I don't want to be a boy!" She began bawling at the tops of her hands. "Boys are disgusting!"
"Hey, watch who are ya callin' disgustin'!" Jeez...I'd rathered bin da girl dan Kaiba! Ew! I can feel his evilness eating away at me, turning me evil, like him..."You got da better deal!"
"You naughty, naughty boys' fighting caused all of this!" she sobbed. "Made me drop my magic ring! Bad, bad boys!"
"Oh, stop your sniveling, mutt-girl." Kaiba said, trying to reach the panel but now, he was too short; but that didn't stop him.
"..." She looked about. "Hey, where's Dukie?"
"I dunno... wasn't he here a minute ago? Look! A hole! He dug himself out!"
"And a note!" Rebecca read from her chalkboard: " 'Struck out through the vent. Getting help. From Duke.' "
"Yeah, right!" Kaiba said after a while. "He's not going back for us, the slimy snake!"
"He could've at least woken us up," comment Rebecca thoughtfully.
"I say he is comin' back, and we wait!" Joey said.
"Suit yourself, but I'm going through the vent!" They all watched him scramble through the airway. "And if you do, you'd better hurry...the air conditioner'll come on soon!"
The rest of the three stared at each other. Joey found it very weird thing to be looking down at your his own self. Your own self with glasses, buddy boy. "I guess...he's right..."
"Ladies first!" said Rebecca. "Besides, you're SO not looking up my skirt!"
"Whatta're ya talkin' about...oh."
Little Later
"Took you long enough," Duke said, waiting in the Kaiba Living Room when they emerged, noticing Rebecca's glasses on Joey with interest. But he thought they were just being funny.
Kaiba stood beside him, also waiting, arms crossed carefully. Girls...
"Hey no coppin' a feel!" Rebecca shrieked loudly at him in front of her, as she clambered out. Practically loud enough for all the maids to hear in the Kaiba Mansion and making him turn beet red.
"W-what the...is going on?" inquired Duke, his green eyes widening. Kaiba whirled.
"You'd better keep your mouth shut," he snarled. "About this!"
"Hey, what's da deal, leavin' us all alone down there?" Joey said to Duke, who staggered back. "Eva hear about wakin' people up when ya got an escape route all planned?"
"J-Joey, man?" Duke stared at a very grumpy looking Kaiba, at an offended Rebecca, and an angry looking Joey. "Dude? You've swtiched bodies?"
"Yeah, an' how come you didn't get affected, eh? Eh?" Joey said, advancing.
"Because he hid when that stupid flash came on," said Kaiba with a deep resentful scowl. He knew that Duke hated his guts and this would be a perfect opportunity for him to humiliate him and tell the whole entire world. "Behind me! The coward."
"That could be it," Rebecca said thoughtfully.
"Dat he hid or dat he's a coward?"
"Both."
Duke stopping laughing. "Hey! I waited for you guys here, didn't I? I had the chance to leave you three down there, but did I? Plus, I have the chance to reveal this to everyone, but will I? Nooooooooo!" Yeahhhhh!
"Ah, stuff it," Joey said, walking away; the others were already out the door. "An' come on!"
Brr, it's cold. Who wears a skirt in wintertime !
Later
Duke pointed at Kaiba and soundlessly laughed all the way down the street. "So...Joey...how does it feel to be Kaiba?" he said once Kaiba didn't make any reaction to his pointing and looked up.
"I'll tell ya what it feels like...heavy load on my back," Joey muttered. "I feel like I'm in a full body cast-! I c'n barely move; Where are we goin', anyways?" Joey said, flipping up his wrist to check for a watch. "Hey! All dese gadgets an' not ONE watch, Kaiba-boy?" Dis blue cloak thingy weighs a ton!
"I told you not to CALL me that." Kaiba said viciously over his shoulder, baring his tiny pointy teeth.
"Oh, yeah, I guess I hafta change it...eh Kaiba-girl?" Both began laughing uproariously.
"Now, don't be mean," Rebecca chided, fiddling in her pockets. Ooh, gum. "It looks like we didn't switch bodies, more like weswitched souls. Since, like, our voices and eyes are still the same, and all." It was true. Joey looked like Kaiba except with still brown eyes, Rebecca looked like Joey except with still sea-green eyes and glasses - it was weird how much she looked the same, with all the blonde hair -, and Kaiba looked like Rebecca except with still blue eyes. And without the half-moon shaped glasses.
"Now, for all your information, we're going to Ishizu so she can get this curse off of us."
"We-ell, she IS the one who gave me the ring," Rebecca said thoughtfully, while blowing a bubble.
"...Nah! Why would she put dis ...curse on us? What for?" Joey said, disbelieving it.
"Who knows, mutt? It one of the things that amuses her, I guess." Kaiba scowled deeply at the thought of her.
"Well, why couldn't we jest takin' one of yer fancy-schmancy limos, den instead of walkin'?"
"You'd like that, wouldn't you," Kaiba jeered snappishly. "Well, I can't risk having anyone know about this, not even my own guards, so you'd three better keep your mouths shut about our little problem, got that! Don't even breathe a word; especially YOU, Duke-"
Duke blew a raspberry.Joey didtoo. "Hey...you look funny doing that," said Duke. He seemed to have gotten a lot bolder and no more cowardly.
"Gimme back your glasses, Rebecca; Joey doesn't wear them." Kaiba demanded, jumping up and snatching them off her face.
"Buh...but...I can't see!" Rebecca protested, running into a telephone pole. "I'm farsighted...owie..."
"How's people supposeda dink dat's me?" Joey said to Kaiba, pointing at her.
"Well, she is CLUMSY, just like you," Duke commented, "running into things..." Joey glared at him. "What? I'm just trying to help. And by the way, just keep onglaring like that, and everybody'll have no prob thinking you're Kaiba okay."
Joey had had enough. "Look, Kaiba-girl," he said sternly down at him, "if you wanna go to whereva, fine with me, but I'm going to my house to see my sista and Mai!" He sauntered away. "Who, by the way, will notice a difference."
"Oh, no YOU ARE NOT!" Kaiba said, steering him back with a grab of the trenchcoat. It was virtually a tug of war. "You're staying where I can keep my eye on you, until we get this mess fixed!"
"Hey; leggo! Leggo of my COAT! Oh, here, you can have it!" Weighs a ton, anyway...ah much betta-!
"Hey, don't scowl like that; you'll give me wrinkles!" Rebecca complained, squinting at Kaiba.
"Huh...I've known Kaiba long time, but I've never seen him without his coat!" said Duke. "Bwa ha ha!" he bent over backwards, doubled up.
"Stupid piece of fashion...disaster..." Joey muttered, grumbling. "I dunno how he walks in dat coat-!" I felt like a kite...a million-ton kite!
"Methinks it's pretty!" Rebecca said, reaching for it. "Lemme try it on!"
Kaiba held it out of her reach, with effort; "Hey!" he hissed. "Put your coat back on!" People were starting to stare on the street. He started to jump up and down. Why am I jumping up and down? Ugh this girlie stuff is affecting my mind!
"I daon think so!" Oh, I get it...it's to keep his balance...otherwise, he can't move. No wonder he never carried a backpack during highschool, a briefcase makes sense to counter-balance.
"Y-you're...you're..." screamed Duke, through his laughter. "So skinny! In tthoise all-black, you look like a mime!"
"Men always were clunky coats," Rebecca said thoughfully, plucking at her own clothes. Ooh! This could be breaking news in psychology! Why Men Wear such Coats with the Flappy stuff in the Back. She whipped out her pad and pencil and started to scribbling away.
"Skinny, eh? More like scrawny. Though, I could hardly get past the vent; I almost got stuck! You put on a little weight, dere, Kaiba-b er, girl?"
"Just shut up and put it on!" He was touchy about the weight he'd gained. Joey ignored him and began to pretend to get out of an invisible box; Duke's screams of laughter attracted a LOT of onlookers. Especially when he began to roll on the ground, clutching his sides. People started to gape and gawk and giggle.
"ALL RIGHT! THAT'S IT!" Kaiba said, his temper getting the best of him. "YOU. Stop laughing, Devilin, like a hyena!"
Duke got up, with a smirk. "Make me." Ah, I've waited a long time to say that. Kaiba started attacking him by jumping him. "Hoo! Hah!" He jumped away, pulling out exploding dice that spewed smoke. "Take that! Kaiba-girl!"
Even Joey stopped his miming to look. Rebecca said, "No, no, no fighting! That's what got us into this mess!"
"Yeah, I guess dat you're right. Hear dat, Kaiba? We're all in dis togetha so stop attackin' us! Or I'll string ya up by yer pigtails in a tree!" There was suddenly dead silence.
"Why, I never!"
"A little girl getting beat up while two other boys watch...!"
"Are you okay, little girl?" Two old ladies and an old man helped him up. He was still rubbing the smoke from his eyes. "Here's your glasses. Oh, what a CUTIE!" Crunch. "OWIE!"
"Hey, it's wasn't me!" Rebecca said. "That's me! I'm not a boy!" She dodged the old ladies' purses and they all amscrayed out of there.
Meanwhile
Oblivious, Mai and Serenity were still finishing up on their gossiping; the conversation turned to their men problemsagain.
"You know, Mai, back when Seto and I just met, when we were friends? I thought to myself that all he needed was the love of a good woman. Of course, I didn't think that was me. So...I thought to set him up with you, back then," Serenity confessed shyly. "Just a thought, before Seto and I started to, you know, have feelings for each other."
"Awww...and here I was, setting him up with you! Back then!" Both girls screamed with laughter. "You know, after you guys get back together, you should announce that you're pregnant AGAIN! Just to freak him out."
"I TOLD you, we're not getting back together. God! I doubt it, at least." Serenity went to bed, because she wasn't feeling well and was tired. "Good night!" Mai was left, the phone in one manicured hand. Who is she kidding?
"Hmm...I might as well call everybody up and see if they found out where Joey and the rest are at," Mai said aloud to herself, cocking a skintight jean-clad hip and dialing. "Hello? ...yes...no, no, still? Okay, bye...Oh, really, you found out? And they're headed right here, to the Wheeler's house?" Mai was estatic. "Thanks, Ishizu!" She hung up. Hm, how did she know...? Ah, well.
Now, I can meet Joey and ask him where he was at; and he'd better have the best excuse in the world or, errrk! Mai made a violent gesture in mid-air to herself and dialed again. I can't leave Ren all alone while I go out to meet him...I'll call Tèa and she'll stay with her until I get back!
Meanwhile
I can't take that risk. Tèa gulped softly, realizing. She didn't know what to do. If she were to not kiss him Yugi would think he was being rejected, which wasn't what she'd meant at all! And he was such in fragile state right now...but on the other hand, she really did want to...somewhere...not here!
Yeah, this isn't the place or time to do it. It's too...BIG of a deal. But how could she wait and not hurt his tender feelings at the same time? If I say something - which I can't do anyway because my throat feels closed up - what could I say? she thought, as their faces inched closer verrrry slowly. Oh, the suspense! I can't stand the tension at all!
Everything was all mixed up; on the cheek. Yes, yes, kiss him, but on the cheek, she told herself. It was safe; and I doubt he'll complain afterwards! Yeah, that's seemed best. So she turned her face slightly to the right side, and leaned forwards... Her heart beat fast and it was the only thing she could hear in her ears, oddly enough...
Unfortunately, he was thinking along the same lines, chickening out and aimed for her cheek as well. He turned his head to the left - his left. When their lips brushed very lightly together, they both jumped away as if electrocuted, he backed off carefully but instantaneously. He saw that her eyes were closed still, just opening - anxiously, he realized that her head was turned slightly...
"Whoa," he said, feeling his heart clammer in his throat. "Er...did you...mean to kiss me on the cheek...?" Not my... He saw it was true, and blushed wildly, briefly- how embarrassing!
"Whoa...no," she said, saying no unconvincingly. He still looked mortified, hiding his face in the dim light of the store by looking down at his stool he was on, perched uncertainly. "Uh...I mean...whoa."
"Hunh?" It didn't sound like a whoa of disgusted aggression like back off, mister. Rather more like from...awe?... There was a weird look on her face that he couldn't decipher exactly. But it didn't seem like she was upset! "You're not...angry?"
"Of course...not. It's just...took me by surprise, that's all." Tee...hee...he's so wanting to please...it's kinda cute. She forced herself to relax.
"Oh. Good. I mean, if it's okay," he was babbling on and forced himself to be quiet. "With you..." They were very close again... "Listen. This is just a suggestion, but I would really like it if you were to stay with me and not go back to New York-" he said began, hopefully.
The phone rang. A ringtone from 'Cats' started yowling. " - Oh! That's mine!" Tèa said, not sure if she was grateful or not, though she sure sounded like it. "I mean...ahem...Hello?"
"Hey! Tèa! They found the boys!"
"Oh? Oh! I mean, great! Oh yeah, we were supposed to be looking for them..." she flashed him a guilty grin and wince. "Sorry, Mai."
"Well, thanks a lot. To thank me, you have to get down here and stay with Serenity. She's not feeling well, but like you care!"
Grr... "But we're right in the middle of something, here Mai..." Tèa said in a low tone.
Hmmmmm?
"Ohhhh! I gotcha," Mai's voice practically dripped winks, "You were getting busy with Yugi! Oh, okay, I'll just wait, or see if someone else can stay. So, smooch away! Smooch, smooch, smooch!" Click.
Ergh. Tèa crushed the phone back closed. He looked just as embarrassed as she felt, so he'd heard every word scremt. "...Uh...I guess I'd better go and see what's going on with Serenity," she said finally, choosing to avoid the topic of her leaving or staying fully, and determined to force her way through the awkwardness. "Mai said - though I guess you heard - that's Joey and the rest were found."
"Okay," he said, gathering up courage and sliding from his seat. "I'll come with you." When she didn't protest, he flipped the sign to 'CLOSED' and they headed out, in mutual silence.
Meanwhile
"Man, those were some pissed off ladies," Duke said, nursing a bruise on his arm. It was the first word that anyone had said in a long time. "You didn't have to bite 'em, Kaiba!" He said, shaking his head.
"Yeah; you're ruining my reputation...!...I don't see why I got hit," Rebecca said for the fourth time, rubbing her aching head. "Hey! We're almost there."
"They pinched my cheeks," Kaiba growled rubbing his face. "Hard. Okay, listen up you cretins. I let us go to the Wheeler's like you wanted. To thank me, you guys better not let anyone know about our situtation!"
"Let us?" Joey groused, rubbing his arm to where the lady's purse had hit. "Gimme a break; we can tie ya up and take you anywhere we want, Kaiba-girl." Still with the same bad 'ttude...who is he kiddin'? Himself, mostly.
"Oh!" Rebecca said to interject since Kaiba was looking feisty?-again, "Aren't ya getting married soons Joey? Well, if she tries any kissy stuff, I'm whapping her upside the head!"
"That's what Mai always does to him," said Duke. "You'd better watch out!"
"Hmph! Just let her try and hit me..." Rebecca said, squinting meanly with dangerousfrown.
"I doubt dat she'll be tryin' ta kiss me any time soon," Joey said morosely, dragging his feet, "I'm already in da doghouse fer missin' my rehearsal. No jokes, Kaiba-boy! Girl!"
"You think I'm in a joking mood?" Kaiba said, flexing his fingers anxiously as they neared the Wheeler house. Great, more humiliation...argh.
"Good, 'cause if you call me Dog Face, it'll be like callin' yerself dat, ya know what I mean?"
"No one knows what you mean," he muttered back, practically hopping from foot to foot. Gah! All this girly stuff is affecting my brain! "YOU get to call the shots for now, but wait until this whole mess is over with-!"
"I still doan think people'll think dat dat's me."
"Worry about yourself! Acting like me, I mean."
"Yeah, all you have to do is look superior," Duke said to Joey. And smirk, all the time!
"I can't do it...Unlike you, I actually have some people close to me," Joey was saying to Kaiba.
"Look! If it looks like you, smells like you, and acts like you, people will think, it's you!" Kaiba said, practically popping his eyes out by screaming so angrily, pointing at a daydreaming Rebecca. "Besides, the nerd herd aren't exactly the brightest bulbs in the box."
"That's true," Duke said all-knowingly.
"Why you - By da way, I DO NOT SMELL!"
"Yes you do," Rebecca said, sniffing herself. "Not bad...like soap and...pizza! And your shirt is all holey and greasy!" Ew! "Don't you change your clothes?"
"Yeah, I do! Of course...I sometimes hafta put on a new shirt from the old dirty laundry," Joey admitted. Everyone groaned lengthily. "Well, Sis is the one who does my laundry but sence SOMEBODY got her pregnant she hasn't been able to move - " he put his hands on his waist, sarcastically, "SOMEBODY, I don't know who-"
"Why don't you do YOUR own laundry?" Kaiba snarled as they went up the steps.
"Look who's talkin'!"
"I'd like to do HER laundry," Duke said with a big sigh.
"Yeah, you'd run off with her underpants," Rebecca jeered. Pe-rv!
"So?" Duke said like that was a good thing.
"I don't want you to even mention her in my presence, Devilin!" Kaiba said, glaring through thick blond pigtailed bows.
"Yeah, I'm startin' ta think dat Tris is right, you are harrassin' her," Joey said, scratching his head. Uh...thought Duke as they both, Kaiba and Joey,glared at him. Duh, thought Kaiba and Rebecca.
"Hey, if Serenity's baby is a girl," Duke changed the subject; he pointed toward Kaiba. "I bet that she'll look like THAT." Like a grumpy girl.
Joey gasped, clutching his sides and not breathing. "Oh...my...poor, poor poor sis...boo hoo hoo..." Rebecca sighed; Duke chortled satisfactorily, then leaned back on his arms lazily as Kaiba glared fiercely at him some more and Joey sobbed, going into his Panic Attack..
"Maybe," Rebecca wrote some more notes, before stuffing it in her pocket, "but with the blond hair, I don't think so, Dukie!"
"Joey has blond hair," Duke said, pointing. "In fact, just like yours, Becks!"
"Yeah, I do look great, don't I?" Rebecca fussed and primped in a car's window. Through continuing gasps, Joey looked at her from sideways and up. Dat's it! I'm cutting my hair!
"You guys ain't gonna fool anyone even if your lives depended on it!" Duke said knowingly, annoyingly wagging his finger around. Kaiba was considering biting him like the ladies.
"Hey, you guys!" Tèa said running from behind them, her own blue eyes bright. Yugi was right beside her. "There you are! Where have you been?" Quickly, they all straightened up, prepared to play their roles. "Joey," she said, looking at Rebecca, "you know Mai is gonna kill you!"
Beside her, Yugi, probably from used to being exposed to a multiitude of Millennium magic, knew instantly the truth, and his jaw dropped in shock. Re-becca? Uh oh.
"He-ey, Tèa," Rebecca instantly forgot that she was supposed to be playing a role, "Wanna fight?"
"Told ya," Duke sang, as Kaiba groaned loudly and smacked his forehead.
"Lemme go!" Rebecca said to Yugi, still trying to attack Tèa. Tristan had to help, she was stronger now as a boy. She certainly looked as angry as Joey did sometimes, and Tèa still hadn't caught on, or was unsure. What's ...going on? Tèa thought worried. Why is Joey mad at me, for? She backed off confusedly and the boys who were holding "Joey" back suddenly stopped. The front door had opened.
"THERE YOU ARE; WHERE WERE YOU?" Mai said, barreling out of the Wheeler house, putting some distance between Rebecca and Tèa. "YOU'D BETTER HAVE A DAMN GOOD EXPLANATION FOR MISSING THE REHEARSAL TODAY, JOSEPH!" she stormed.
"Wimp," hissed Duke behind hisself at the real Joey who was cowering instinctively, behind him. Then again, he thought, Mai sure is scary-looking with flames jumping out from behind her like that, in clear daylight! He looked at the enraged blonde.
Argh! These neaderthals can't act worth their lives! thought Kaiba, agonizing. What made me hope that they could!
"Just calm down, Mai!" Tèa pleaded, holding the taller blonde back with Yugi's help, while Tristan held down Rebecca, who shoved him off. "I'm sure there is a good reason. Let's go inside and-"
"I mean it! I'm waiiiiting!" Mai said sternly, tapping her heel on the cement and crossing her arms over her suede vest and matching sweater.
"Look, just chill out!" Rebecca muttered at her, still wanting a piece of Tèa. Now that I'm a boy, I have a chance of winning a fight with her! All around high school Tèa is infamous for being the toughest girl. Well, let's see, now! Thinks she's Sooooo great!
"WHAT." Mai's eyebrow was twitching. "DID. YOU. SAY TO ME, Joseph?"
"Huh?... Oh, ye-ah." Rebecca seemed to notice her first the first time. I guess I gotta act like him. She threw herself at Mai's feet and bowed. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Joey frowned. Heyyyy...I don't act like dat!
The tension in the air relaxed. "Well. I accept your apology. Come in, it's cold." Mai said finally. Tèa sighed in relief and they all did so.
"She saved your butt, man," Duke hissed over his shoulder.
"I don't act like dat," Joey murmured. "I apologize, but I don't grovel."
Kaiba smirked behind his glasses. "Puh-leeze. Liar."
Wonder why Kaiba's coming in, mumbling? Tèa thought, sideways. Maybe to see Serenity...and 'Rebecca's' quiet for once, too...TOO quiet.
Realizing that Tèa was giving him suspicious looks, Joey said quickly, "Yea! What Are You Lookin' At, T - Gardener?" he said aggressively, working to get the accent out of his voice, by enunciating, but instead turning it - roboticsounding. Well, is like you sound! "Don't You Got Something Else To Do?" Fergive me, Tèa...
Over her shoulder, Kaiba glared at him through his glasses. Oh my God! I SO do not sound like that; our cover's blown!
"Yeah, I got something to do, Kaiba," Tèa snapped, stopping being suspicious. "Unlike you, who hides in his mansion at the first sign of trouble. I'd offer you some tea, and I guess you'd prefer nuts and bolts?"
"Now...Tèa..." Yugi said, recognizing Joey at once and hiding his smile, at Joey's impression and at how furious the real Kaiba looked. I suppose that the fake 'Rebecca' is actually him? "Be nice to J - I mean, Kaiba." Tèa looked at him in surprise, thinking that he was laughing at her joke, and relaxed slightly. Luckily, she missed Joey's reaction - laughter.
"You're right, Yugi...I mean, would you like to see Serenity, Kaiba?" Tèa said sweetly, showing Joey the way with her arm.
"Yes. I mean, No. I mean, Yes." Joey made up his mind to see his sister, much to Kaiba's alarm.
"No, he will not!" Kaiba said, speaking for the first time. If she sees me like this, she'll know instantaneously what's up and I'll really be humiliated! It was out of the question.
"Why do you care, Rebecca?" Tèa asked turning in surprise at him.
"Yes; something very weird's going on," said Mai, frowning.
"Like what?" said Tristan, closing the door behind him. "I heard you guys were found. Where-?." Before it closed all the way, Mokuba gamboled inside with his usual 'high' enthusiasm.
"Hey, big brother! I just finished visitin' Serenity. Big brother, uhhh... where do babies come from?" Mokuba said, innocent as can be despite now he had white stripes in his hair. "You always said to ask later, and I have."
Phew, thought Kaiba, then almost stiffened.
"Uh... Why don'tcha ask your GIRLFRIEND?" Joey said, ushering the younger Kaiba towards the fake 'Rebecca'. Kaiba glared at him with large, outraged eyes that it was impossible for anyone not to notice.
"Oh yeah! That's a great idea! Hey 'Becca!" Mokuba hugged Kaiba, not suspecting anything. "I didn't see you there!"
"Uh..."
"Oh yeah!" Mokuba turned back to his 'older brother'. "There's also a free tattoo with every nose ring! At the mall! Can...can I get one?" Mokuba said hopefully.
Joey couln't resist: "Suuurrrrrre!"
"Oh, thanks, big bro! You're the best!" Mokuba hugged him around the waist. Oh, Joey, Yugi thought, while the other looked bewilderedly at each other. Way to go! thought Duke. Except for...
"No, you may NOT." Kaiba declared sternly. Everybody looked to him.
"Oka-y, what is going on here?" Tèa said after this exchange, looking from face to face to face.
"Yeah," said Tristan, looking at Duke suspiciously, who was chortling quietly.
"Nice going," Rebecca hissed at Kaiba. Yugi kept his mouth shut also.
Tèa was looking another look at 'Joey'. "Yes...that's what I thought, too Mai! His eyes are GREEN!" Weirdly so!
"Exactly."
"Hey, they are!" said Tristan. "Aren't they supposed to be brown?"
"Nice conclusion, Einstein," said Duke from the corner.
"Hey! Duke! I bet you know what's goin' on! So you better tell us, or I'll mop the floor with ya!" Tristan threatened.
"Ow, ow, okay! You're right, that's not him." Duke paused dramatically, having everyone's attention. "He's...over...THERE." He swung his arm.
"Ooh, nice going, Duke!" Rebecca shrilled. "You snitch!"
Kaiba grabbed his arm. "Not another word," he hissed dangerously
"You were never going to pull it off the way you were going, Miss 'Chill Out'." Duke jeered.
Everyone turned. "REBECCA?"
"Yep, that's her," Duke said importantly in the shocked silence. "In the flesh...ha ha ha."
"Tee hee! Yeah, it's me; Tèa you want a knuckle sandwich?" Rebecca held up her big fist.
"No thanks...I thought you guys were acting funny! Why'd you have to try and lie?" Tèa said grumpy at being deceived.
Puh-leez, thought Rebecca. Dukie is right; it was obvious. Brainless Barbie.
"So...so this is Kaiba?" Tèa said, pointing at him in wonder.
"No, I'm not!" Kaiba said, backing off into a corner and edging for the door as a last resort to amscray.
"Let me see..."
Everyone gathered around for a look. Not liking to be scrutinized, Kaiba gave them each the biggest, meanest scowled he could muster. ("Hey, don't frown like that; you'll give me wrinkles!" said Rebecca from her corner.)
"It is him!" Mai deduced. "I'll recognize that glare from anywhere." Everyone started laughing, even Mokuba. Some were to the extreme, like Tristan, who was pounding the floor with his fist and Duke, who was half falling onto the floor, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry... but..., he looks so funny!" Tèa had her smile hid behind her fist, and Yugi was grinning sheepishly, at little guiltily. Joey was meduim-laughing, having seen it before, and Kaiba turned and faced the wall. He'd never felt at such a low point in his life before. It was one thing to be laughed at by the nerd herd, but by his own body! He almost felt like crying; Stupid. girlie. emotions! "Oh, okay," said Mai, "we'll stop; we're hurting his feelings." The room stopping shaking as everyone gathered themselves up, some of which were crying with mirth.
"Yeah we'd better stop; he might hit us all with his purse!" Tristan mutted, and the room started shaking again.
"Aww," said Mokuba, feeling bad for his bro. "That's mean."
"What's all the commotion?" Serenity said, coming into the living room from the back. "I was sleeping and then this loud crashing noise..." She noticed Joey, still grinning from laughing. "oh. Well...I'll just be...getting back...to bed, then." She left the now-still room. Kaiba hadn't turned from the wall, so he hadn't seen her, but he'd heard.
"So, where's Joey, Duke?" Mai exclaimed, cornering him. She wasn't one to believe in these kinds of things, but...it was too funny. "I know this isn't Joey...his eyes don't match," she said, pointing at Rebecca.
"I told you, or tried to before Little Miss Grabby grabbed me. In that Kaiba suit. Or shell, whatever." Duke said, playing up his meanness as much as he could. Mai stopped smiling suddenly.
"No way," she said shakily.
"It's me, Mai."
"Nuh...uh." She turned even paler still, staring at him.
I can't believe dis...she knows dat dat's not me, but she doesn't know dat dis IS me? Joey tried to think of something that would convince her...
Mokuba screamed, "Serenity's having Kaiba's baby!"
It did the trick.
"Boo hoo hoo..."
"Okay, get on up off the floor," Mai said wearily. "I believe you now."
TBC!
A/n: Ah, gotta stop it there! Hope you got the last part; I thought it was funny...I know it seems random, but I planned this to happen a LONG time ago, so it's not! And yeah, they were mean at my Kaiba-girl...(huggles him)LOLz. What will happen between Yugi and his numba one love? Review to find out! And yeah, yeah they will get back to normal before, you know. Anyway, review pweez!