A/n: Awww, didja see the new episode? It was so sad! I was crying buckets...I thought he was gonna win! Wah! And then his soul got taken...boo hoo hoo. ;.;

Disclaimer: I don't own YGO or Visa or Mastercard

Chapter Thirty Three: He's Not Himself Today!
"How did you know to do that?" Duke asked Mokuba, rounding on him.

"Uhhhh..." Mokuba didn't want to say that he'd been watching their adventure all this time. "Er...see ya, bye!" He waved. "Bye, big sis!" He left, making Rebecca send an accusatory glare at Duke.

" 'B-b-big sis'!" Tristan howled, pointing at Kaiba like Duke was.

"More like 'little sis,' eh, shorty?" Duke said.

I swear he does it on purpose. My darling little brother.That's it! No car next Christmas for him!

Everyone sweatdropped. Except for Mai, who was suddenly quiet and looking rather stormy again. There wasn't enough space between her tightly crossed arms and her muttering chest to fit an atom. "What's wrong...?" asked Joey, seeing it, turning.

"Oh nothing," she said bitterly. "Just that you're someone else! A week before our wedding! It makes me wonder just how serious you are about this whole thing."

"Aw...come on...I'm not gonna stay like this foreva." He said with usual optimism. "In fact..if I did...I'd go insane!" Kaiba narrowed his eyes. "Are ya sayin' dat's it's my fault I'm like dis?"

Mai was looking everywhere but him, as if determinded not to look at him. "No, I'm saying that you're too stupid to knownow howto get out of this mess! Tell me...just how did you get yourself caught up in this...mess? Enlighten me."

"...I was walking along ta...talk with someone, and I saw what looked like Duke- " he pointed, "-attackin' Rebecca."

"More like she was attacking me," Duke muttered.

Yugi saw that Mai was still glaring when Ryou came in after a soft knock, and filled him in when he asked what was going on. "Oh...so...THEN...you just had to play the hero, didn't you?" Mai said, waving her purse around.

"I wanted ta help. Someone was in danger. I thought he was draggin' her someplace, turns out; SHE was draggin' him someplace..."

"My hero!" Rebecca sighed theatrically.

"Now, Mai...calm down," said Yugi placatingly, "It's not Joey's fault. I'm sure that she doesn't mean that she thinks you're stupid."

"Oh yeah? It sure looks like it. And I wasn't stupid; I was tryin' ta help." He turned. "I'm outta here. I'm goin' shoppin'!"

The latter was said under his breath; Her eyes widened; no bigger insult was it to suggest shopping without her. "Hey!" Kaiba interjected, stopping him."You can't go roaming around town looking like me, you imposter!" he shouted holding on a vicelike grip.

"Watch me." Joey shook him off, "And if I decide ta hang upside-down from the traffic lights, too bad fer you." Then a suddenly odd look came over his eyes. "An' what're ya still doin' here, anyway? Huh, KAIBA? Yer always so quick ta run away when a crisis occurs. So, go on. GET OUT, NOW!"

He shouted so loudly that everyone jumped; but that wasn't all the reason - there was also an odd tone to his voice, too. It wasn't warm and friendly anymore - it came out harsh and stony. Everyone gaped, still. Then, the brown eyes flickered. "...Huh...?" Joey said. "Wha's...going on? Wha happened?" Hatred in the form of a black icy fist had gathered behind his eyelids...

"You were talkin' all powerful-weird, man," Tristan said, arching his brows.

"Yeah, you were taking the evil-Kaiba act way too far," said Duke. "The jig is up, in case you've forgotten," he reminded obnoxiously and smugly.

Mai just stood there, with her mouth open still.

"What's going on, Ryou?" Yugi asked the friend who knew the most about Millennium magic other than himself.

"Hmmmm...it seems that Kaiba's body doesn't recognize Joey's soul as its own, so it's tryin' to reject it," replied Ryou as he were a teacher. "...but you can't just reject a soul. So, it's trying to eat it. Does that answer your question, Yugi...?"

"Yes...thank you very much, Ryou," Yugi said slightly weirded out by his words.

"...YES! My faithful old body! REJECT HIS SOUL!" Kaiba suddenly burst out. "Ha ha ha!"

Everyone sidled away from him, but not really taken aback. Same old Kaiba. Tèa came back just in time to hear Ryou's last words.

"You mean Joey's going to turn into Kaiba?" she gasped all horrified-like with a tea tray n her hands.

"Yeah, riiight," Joey said, with a swish of fabric. "I'd rather die...first!" He was gone out the door. "See ya. Losers." Everyone sweatdropped; the door slammed.

"Fine!" Mai spat, crossing her arms and fuming furiously. She had an image of him, being a pie and huge jaws chomping away at him in the dark. "..."

"So, that's terrible! We have to help him!" Tèa said, above Mai's grumbling and Kaiba's cackling. "Stop cackling! What do we do?"

"Well, we still have time before Joey's soul is lost; luckily..." Ryou thought for a moment. "The first thing we need to do is get the real Millennium Ring back and plus all the ones affected by it, to Ishizu..."

"The what!" yelped Tèa. "Y-y-you mean...your- you still have it all this time?"

"I knew it!" Kaiba said, interrupting. "I knew that that witch doctor was the one who did this! That Ishizu..."

"No, not mine," Ryou said hastily, "and she didn't do this, but she can help...get you guys back rightfully. Anyway, Tèa, it isn't my necklace...it came off of mine - it has it's own set of powers...but, that's a long story. We'd better go."

"Go where?" Mai said, snapping and coming out of her reverie.

"Man...poor Joey," said Tèa, with a shake of her head. "He's been subject to magic a lot, hasn't he...? First, being mind controlled by Marik..."

"Ho! AHA!" said Mai. "I bet that he's the one who did this! That's it! I'm going to go and SHOOT him and stomp his ass!"

"No it's Ishizu!" Kaiba insisted, but Mai wasn't listening at all at him.

"First...he sends me to the Shadow Realm..." she seethed.

"Uh..." said Ryou. "I-it...it really isn't that bad, I've pratically rented the place there...so I should know."

"What do you mean it isn't...? Oh, never mind...Then...he did that mind-control on Joey..."

"Which she snapped him out of...violently," murmured Tristan. Everyone sighed doggedly.

"And now...he's turns my fiancè into... a very rich man!" Mai stopped. "Then again...maaaaybe the last part isn't so bad."

Everyone anime-fell, even Kaiba. Maybe him most of all - it was hard to tell.

"Then what are we waiting for; Let's go!" he ordered, recovering and pushing out the door. Everyone made to follow him, only to be stopped by a high pitched ringing sound of a bell.

"Oh, that's right...someone has to stay...with Serenity; her's mom out picking up her uncle for the airport. That ringing bell means she wants some tea." She sighed tiredly.

"Wait," Mai said, predominantally taking charge. "Kaiba. You will stay while we go out to look for him."

"What!" he hissed. "Besides, didn't you hear? 'All the ones who were affected' or are you deaf."

"...and then we'll come to pick you up," said Mai, her mouth twitching at the corners. "Besides, don't worry. As long as you act like a girl, Serenity-dear won't know it's really you."

Yeah, right!...She's the only person who knows me the best!

"Yeah; I only met Serenity once in the past, and she didn't really look close; rather, she was in La La Land!" Rebecca said encouragingly. "Just act happy and she won't know it's you!" Everyone laughed at this; Kaiba gave them all mean,hostilelooks.

"No," Tristan said, stepping forward. "We'll stay!"

"Yeah," said Duke.

"..." Kaiba scowled but: "f...Fine! Stay!"

Everyone else raised an eyebrow and exchanged a glance when looking at one another; it really showed how much he didn't want to if he was allowing someone like Duke look after her - no one knew better than he did thatDuke would ogle her. Mai lost her smile all of the sudden. She bent her knees so her face was level with his and held out a long fingernail an inch from his nose and poked him with it, with every word: "No, YOU'RE staying, Kaiba dear," she said very omniously. "No 'buts'! I DON'T CARE if you two are having a fight; She is...carrying your child - and you have done nothing to help, by the way - and now, the very LEAST you can do is: get her a CUP OF TEA when she needs it!" she finished her speech, straightening up with a flourish.

"Yeah," said Tèa. "If not, I'll give Mai my bat...and then get one of my own and bash you!" Both girls giggled. "Oh, and make sure you add a little pickle relish on the side, she likes that," she called as the door slammed behind them all, trapped him in.

"Stupid...girls...!" he seethed, not caring that he was one, for the moment. "I'll serve some tèa, all right..." he said, deliberately. "Well...I don't care...I'm searching too; can't let Wheeler roam around looking like me!" He'll probably tangle with those vultures and hyenas...

His back was on the door so he couldn't make a run for it when, a sound of a voice rang: "Hello? Anyone there? Oh shoot...they've left me again..." He froze despite his promise. "Oh!" She came in, all-smiles, in friendly greeting. "...Rebecca, is it?"

"..." I don't care, I am NOT acting like a girl, especially a foolish one like that...she'll know it's me anyway.

"Mm," he said.

"Why don't you come in over and we can have a gossip session," she said, turning and heading back slowly upstairs - he could hear her muffled footsteps. As he passed the living room mirror, he caught a glimpse of himself and saw what the others were going on about - he really did look like a very grumpy-looking girl. But she hadn't I.D'ed him. Very surprising.Still, I refuse to act girlie-like!

So as he came to her room, he could hear the TV and the stereo on. "Carry that tray in for me, will you?..." she called, and he picked it up and walked in, noticing how much closer the ground seemed now. It gave and even more disorientating feeling of femininity.

"I always am forgetting names," she admitted sheepishly, stepping closer with a silver bell in her hand. He knew her well enough to know that she was just dying to babble on and on; she had that certain look in her expression. Great: It was out-and-out friendliness; he could only hear it, though - he kept his gaze on the floor as though about to write an essay about the ground.

"Just move all that baby supplies stuff and sit down," she invited. "My girl friends at the university threw me a baby shower yesterday, and my cousins sent me all these supplies, so...it's gotten...pretty messy."

You're not kidding, he thought, looking at all of the glossy, white-striped bags and wrinkled gift tissue paper, and feeling a lurch on his stomach. Ugh. I feel sick.

The tea tray felt slippery all the sudden and nearly fell.

"Give that here..." Hm, I don't remember...Rebecca being this shy, she thought, puzzledly frowning. She looked closely as he came closer. Were her eyes so...dazzling blue? She lifted the teapot and poured. "D'you want some...?" I thought they were green...

"No," he grunted, shaking his head in answer and so the long blonde bangs obscured his eyes. Luckily, the still-there glasses hid most of it. "..." When he though it safe, he chanced a glance at her. Uh, oh...her expression looks curious. In a dark red silk robe, she looked stately and queenly, as if used to being waited on hand and foot by maids....Heh. A pretty, frilly bow tied on her ever expansive middle made him stop. Dear God. She's HUGE. Not having seen her, or even spoken to her in week, he was taken aback - the week had made her look like she'd swallowed a basketball whole. Baby, what did I do to you?

When Serenity lifted the teacup of her lips to take a sip, it rattled slightly in its saucer because her mouth was trembling, aganist it. So, she thought, her eyebrow lifting as she looked away at the TV set. "So..." she said aloud, "you asked me yesterday, wondering about what names I've come up with. You wanna hear? Rebecca? Rebecca. Yoo hoo."

Something about the way she said that made him suspected that she knew the truth. Another quick look told him that she wasn't looking anymore. He breathed slightly. "...been to the doctors'...?" he asked quietly.

"Gee, Rebecca, you sound kinda gruff and hoarser than I remember," she said brightly, putting the cup back down. "Almost like a man's..." He thought fast, and quickly, but his mind was a blank. "You must have a cold...there's been a flu going around."

"Cold. Yes. That's right. I have a cold." He pretended to cough, then took another safe look at her. Maybe it was the TV, but he could've sworn her demeanor had changed. But then she looked up with another bright smile, and he was relaxed.

"You should go to the doctor's; I've been there; they gave me a clean bill of health, said everything's all right with the baby. Isn't that just great news!"

"...Yeah."

"Oh, I'm just worried about what's going to happen after the baby's birth," she said with continued brightness, though he could tell it was forced, now. "You know I don't know the baby's gender-"

"You don't?"

"Yes, I told you that yesterday. Remember? And, well, suffice to say, after a lot of thinking and pondering and deliberating...it all depends on it."

"..." He didn't say anything, but he knew what she was talking about, and referring to.

"If it's a girl..." she looked down. "I'm hoping for it to be one, by the way, because you know, I'm a girl, and because...it would cheer Seto up, about this whole thing." She stared at him piercingly. "You know, the father? - Uh...Mokuba's brother?" She know who Mokuba is!

"...Yes." He said the word to mean both. And to acknowledge both, also. "Y...'yeah', I mean."

She looked down with a sort of faraway look in her half-closed brown eyes. "If it's a boy, then...I'll have to leave though." She sighed and he staggered, nearly knocking the tray over from her lap onto the floor. Leave?...he thought"The country, you know. I don't want to go...it's cowardly...but I don't want another World War again, with him...Wanna hear what girl-names I've come up with?"

He couldn't believe that she was being so...blasè. The TV started playing a rock music video, but he was so numb, he couldn't hear it even if he were in like a concert. "W..." He tried again, "what would he say about that...?"

"Hm? Seto? He would probably be mad, but by then, it would be too late. I would already been gone." Her lips twitched but not as Mai's had done in amusement, but down in sadness. "..." She said firmly, "I know he'll try to find me, but I know where to go so that he can't trace me." She can't pull it off. It's impossible, he thought, gripping the tray so tight."Maybe I'll get a job, and still continue school at the same time...while being a part time mother..." she said dreamily, settliing back on propped up pillows, feeling the baby swirling. She paused. "Although, I do think he'll be lonely...turn into a grumpy old man...with gout..."

Gout?

"No!...He's made that 'I wish this never would've happened' speech and I don't want our child to be told, 'I wish you were never born' or worse, that he was the 'cause'b of us splitting apart."Serenity said as if arguing with herself. "No one deserves to think that. You know?" She didn't notice that he had gone white and tight-lipped. She glanced up. "Anyway...I'm thinking of 'Ruby' or 'Harmony'. Yugi suggested Zach for a boy, but Zach Kaiba? Ew...Ooh! Did you see that? It kicked." The bow had twitched.

He turned towards the television automatically.

"No, no the baby." Smiling softly through tired eyes, she took his hand. "Though, it usually stops after...my mother and Mai tried it before - to feel it..." She placed it on her stomach; and he panicked-

"N-no, I don't want to..." he said, flustered.

"It's okay...it doesn't hurt...go on! Feel." A fluttering kick, almost like a set of pats. "Oh! Well, it worked for you, how 'bout that?" She tilted her head sideways a bit in study. "You must be...very special, Rebecca. Certainly a good listener; thanks for not judging..."

He had barely heard. The miracle of that little kick had stunned and dumbfounded him to quietness.

I'll let him touch our child just once before I leave...

Meanwhile

"Mai looks like the Terminator," Tèa said quietly to Yugi. Like, 'Scanning forTarget sighted, Joey Wheeler.' She giggled; no, be serious, Tèa.This is serous-!

Yugi sent her a raised-eyebrow look that made her color, but he was amused. "So, Ryou, how long d'you think we have?"

"The better faster."

"I need to go pee-pee," Rebecca whined.

"So go," Mai said, listlessly, looking about the plaza.

"But I can't-! I don't-wanna-look-at-no BOY'S junk!"

"Oh, for heaven's sake," Mai said. "Ummm, Yugi, you go help her. You're a boy." Tèa gave Mai a look. "Wha-at, dear? You gotta a better idea?" Tèa moved her eyes away with wide-eyed defeated innocence.

Rebecca blushed. "But...I-DON'T-WANT-NO-BOY- lookin'-at me!" She jumped on one foot. "Eee! I really need ta PEEEEE!"

"Ryou'll go, won't you?" Mai looked him over, eyes widening slightly like she'd never seen the like of him before.

"He's a BOY! ...Aren't you?" Rebecca said, squinting. She had forgotten to get her glasses back from Kaiba and it was sure hard to see clearly.

"Yes," Ryou said, irritably. He was a little touchy about people mistaking him for a girl; Sheesh, cut your hair and it doesn't help at all! "Maybe if we both wear blindfolds..."

"How am I supposed to see what I'm doin'; I might miss!"

"I DON'T CARE," Mai yelled in sudden rage, making them all jump. "WET YOUR PANTS THEN!" Passersby stared and muttered something about 'street rage.'

Rebecca frowned and folded her arms. "...You're mean."

"Believe me, missy, you have no idea," Mai threatened.

"Oh, but I do. It's all in here," Rebecca said importantly. "In Joey's memory files."

"You can read Joey's memory files?" Tèa said, taken aback.

"Duh-h." She cocked her fists. "You've hit him a number of times, haven't ya?" The last part was said with a perfect accent. "And you, Tèa. Been puling ears lately?"

"Stuff it...Wait, no Mai!" Tèa had to hold her physically back to keep from attacking. "The last thing was need to do is fight, Mai."

"Yeah, come an' get it, blondie," Rebecca mimicked. "I'll knock yer block off, dat's what I'll do!" Yugi shushed her, and she looked slightly abashed.

"Oh dear," Ryou said, observing. "It seems that we don't have too much time, left..."

"You mean Rebecca's soul is going to be devoured, too?" asked Tèa, releasing Mai, who brushed her off.

"No...," he said, "in fact, the reverse is happening here, I think...Joey's body has accepted Rebecca's soul."

"...But if that's true, it will be him anyway, right? If the other body doesn't get his soul?"

"No." Ryou held her eye. "It won't be the same."

"I could be a boy, I guess...Grandpa always wanted a grandson. And plus it good for my psyche notes." Rebecca said optimistically. She cast a mean look at Yugi. "But I'm not bein' yer 'best friend'. And I'm NOT marrying Ms. Hit me One More Time over there."

Tèa had to stop a snarling Mai again. Sheesh, even when Joey's not really Joey I have to stop them... "Stop it."

"I can't help it..." Rebecca said all-innocently.

"Let's keep looking," said Ryou optimistically.

"I'm fine now!" Mai shrugged her off. "Say, Tèa , how IS it going between you and Yugi, anyway?"

Sheesh, she doesn't even bother to keep her voice down! Tèa glanced at Yugi, then back at Mai's smiling, curious face. "I really don't think we should be asking this now!"

To her surprise, Yugi jumped in the picture. "Actually, Tèa, I've been wanting to ask if you're--if you would please stay here with me and not go back to New York after the wedding." His heart pumped madly, but among others he felt braver, with the peer pressure on HIS side for a change.

"Aww! Look at his little hopeful face!" Mai said, cheered up. "So? What's your answer, Tèa?"

Four pairs of eyes stared at her, even Rebecca's scowling ones.

"I...guess," she said, reluctant.

"You will?" Yugi looked very happy indeed, the happiest he'd ever been. In a long time. "Really...?"

"Yes," she said quietly at the ground. Everyone cheered except Rebecca; Tèa was surprised but pleased nonetheless - it was nice to be needed. More than she'd thought.

"AW!" Mai said enthusiastically, with a big grin. She hugged them so hard their foreheads banged. "I'm SOOOOO happy for you two! I was about to try handcuffing together, seriously..."

I wish I had my squirt gun, Rebecca thought. I'd shoot both Mai and Tèa !

Meanwhile

Let's see now...Joey thought, thinking hard. Which one should I max out first?

"Visa," said Duke promptly.

"Mastercard," said Tristan, looking over at something near the plaza. "Uh...we're going over there...buy me something nice!" he said, scampering off.

"What's ova dere?"

"Beauty pageant," Duke said. "I was supposed to judge...but I then I got caught...see ya." He went off to join Tristan.

"I'm goin' to da mall!" Joey called, then turned. Let's see...what should I buy? Maybe somethin' nice for Mai...no, I ALWAYS get her stuff; It's time for me! He stuffed his hand in one numerous pocket, looking for a wallet. He found a small, white paper bag. What da...

Baby clothes?

Aw, how cute...Hm...what's Kaiba playin' at? Did he mean to give this to Serenity? Joey decided: Nah. If he did he would've already. He stuffed it back in his place, checking other pockets of the long heavy coat. Ah! B-ingo! We gotta wallet!

Too neat. Who keeps their wallet so neat? Joey thought, staring at the numerous credit cards. Shiny credit cards. Not a scrap place of paper or wrapper hanging out. Ooh. There must be as much credit cards as there are pockets! And with a walletful of cards in each pocket...That gave Joey an idea.

Meanwhile

"Anyway, I'm tired, I think'll just pass out with my headphones..." She snapped on her headphones again, lay back, and closed her eyes peacefully. She was asleep. For a while he just stared down at her unmoving, pale form. Then, moving briskly, he covered her with a fuzzy ugly maroon blanket and walked out, softly closing the door. Conflicted, he went over to the living and sat down. I can't believe she's leaving me...how could be afraid that I'd say those things? After my own father. After a moment, he picked up the phone and dialed his own pager. I should've thought of this-! This girlie idiotness is affecting my mind. Still feeling numb, he waited without hearing the rings. One. Two.

Meanwhile at the mall, Joey felt something vibrating in his chest, while in line at the Game Shop. Hm? Wha's-dat? A pager. Guess I'll call whoever's pagin' me. He walked over to a public telephone, was which being used. "Outta da way!"

The guy, a burly six feet something, whimpered when he saw who it was. "Yessir! Can I get a raise?"

Oh, yeah, you get respect! Dis is fun! Joey grinned to himself and punched in the number on the beeper. Next, I think dat I'll get my nose pierced...thank you fer da idea, Mokuba. "yeah sure...here, have a credit card! Hello?"

"You are SO - what are you DOING, handing out my cards?"

"Oh, hey. And it's not like I'm handin' out yer Duel Monstas cards." Joey said lazily, "Ya know, Kaiba-girl, you sure do get a lotta asks for autographs 'round here. From girls, dat is. Two of them just walked into a sidewalk watchin' me while I was walkin' here!"

"Duh, you mutt. Use your brains. Or your new recently acquired brains. If you show them any attention, they'll swarm you. You're rich, you're famous, and if you don't scowl 24/7, they jump on any encouraging hint."

"You seem to know. And thanks fer da reminder, I was wonderin'. See ya later...if you recognize yourself after your new mohawk."

"WHAT!" Kaiba seethed. "You'd better NOT - do - ANYTHING - ruin my perfection!"

"Anyway, I was thinkin' of stoppin' by da doctor's, too. How about a vasect-" Joey said over his ranting and screams.

"(censored)!"

Geez, what a potty mouth. Unmoved, Joey merely chuckled. "Man, you are SO dead." His voice dropped to an evil-sounding barely-audible hiss. "Sleep with my sister. Make her UNhappy, eh? Now YER gonna be da one who's gonna be unhappy. Revenge is good." He placed the receiver back on the hook, and threw away the beeper in the trash and left the phone booth, strolling casually, arms swinging.

"WHEELER!" Kaiba roared at the dial tone, crushing it so hard in his hand it cracked. Then it splintered off in many different parts. "WHEELER! GET BACK HERE! Argh..." He continued to shout in it nevertheless. Finally, his words became incoherent and he slammed the remains down, again and again, on the counter table. The phone made a deafening dying ring and a clang. "Argh..."

God help me...if he does ANYTHING that he'd said he'd do-! Breathing hard, he wondered when the others would get back. So they could finally fix this mess. ...I ought to call Ishizu...have her come here and take care of Serenity while I go look for the others and Wheeler...I can't stand staying here! he thought.

"Help...Re...becca!" He was too busy conniving to hear - She yelled out, holding onto the door frame for support. It came out as a hoarse whisper. "Call...A D- AGH-!" The first set of contractions hit home hard, then left her shaken to the core. Hearing the auguished-sounding scream, he whirled, not having heard her creep in. There she was, with her hand to her mouth, staggering in in wide eyed horror. But not as much horror as he felt when he looked down between her bare feet and saw a...very clear, shiny puddle of water on the wooden floor. "I...uh. Think my water just broke." Then, nothing. ."Noooooo...! W...a...ke up! she said thickly; the headset that had caught on her sleeve fell with a thunk on the wooden floor, she had dragged it from her room. But it didn't fall as hard as he did. Groaning, Serenity went over to him on the floor and shook his arm. Despite her pain, when that didn't work she tried to go to the phone and call 911. But the phone was broken...

TBC!

A/n: And I'll leave you dangling at that evil cliffie for a time (mwa ha ha) and yes, this time he really did faint this time. Guess it was too much. But I won't just leave you hanging...(throws some rope at readers) Hang on till next week! (throws down some pineapple) Mmm...Next: the baby if finally here! Yay! And will Tea - and Ren - really stay? Review or you'll pay! (holds scissors and prepares to snip the rope)