Chapter 5

Afraid to face reality, Ross opened his eyes.

It wasn't a dream; he really passed out on Rachel's couch. He squinted, avoiding the ray of the sun right at his eye. His stir caused a movement on his feet… there was his little angel, lying on her stomach on top of his blanket. She smiled at him, and it was the sweetest thing he'd ever seen.

Emma was so adorable with her pigtails sprouting on the sides of her head, and her face on the palms of her hands and elbows as she stared at him. Her glistening blue eyes that reminded him so much of her mother sparkled at the sight of him, "Good morning daddy!"

"Good morning sweetie," he gladly replied. A rare greeting he wished he'd receive every day of his life. "Were you just watching me the whole time?"

Emma sheepishly smiled, "You slept here!" Her face lit up like a bubble, and it made Ross' heart melt.

"Ems honey, I think your daddy's ready for breakfast now," Rachel said from behind.

Ross sat up as his daughter got off the couch and saw Rachel making pancakes in her blue robe. He smiled at the sight of the food she prepared on the table, "When did you learn how to cook?"

Rachel turned and shot him a look. "Hey," she complained pretending to be offended, "People grow you know!"

He loved Rachel's cute little gestures which he discovered since they were dating. She had certain ways of reacting whenever Ross would tease her… and recently, he found out his daughter had them to.

Just the other day, Ross played a joke on Emma. He told her that Jack and Erica were over so that she could hurry up playing in the shower. She quickly stood up and dried herself, without rinsing herself, only to find out her father was fooling around. She tilted her head, placed her hands on her waist and cringed at him- a retort Rachel usually did. She began tapping the floor with her foot and told him, "That's not nice, daddy!" He couldn't keep a straight face. 'She is Rachel's daughter,' he told himself.

Upon remembering that, Ross let out a chuckle.

Rachel turned to him again, this time with one hand on her waist and the other flipping the pancake "And you're laughing because?"

"Because you reminded me of Emma," he finally stood up and held scruffy hair, gesturing a headache.

Rachel threw him a medicine tablet which he successfully caught and asked, "What?"

"I kind'a played a trick on her the other day cause she took so long playing in the bathroom. Apparently, of all the things she could inherit from you, she got that same thing you'd do when people teased you."

With this, Rachel smiled proud.

"Let's eat, daddy," Emma exited from her room and pulled her father to the chair.

Ross couldn't stop feeling pleased with his daughter. She just seemed so different that day. Was it because he hardly spent time with her? Or with both her and her mommy? Or did she really behave that way in front of Rachel? Whatever the case was, he cherished the moment, forgetting all about his obligations. It was family time… him, his daughter and Rachel.

Rachel's food wasn't that bad after all, in fact it was good! "I'm giving you four out of five stars," Ross announced as he helped her tidy up the place.

"What happened to the last star?" she whined.

"I can make you a star, mommy" Emma butted in and lifted up her drawing of a star.

"That's wonderful honey," Rachel complemented her baby. Ross smiled at Emma too… she was just too sweet and thoughtful to ignore.

As soon as everything was cleaned, Ross washed his hands and prepared to leave. "Well, I had a weird but great time," he said to Rachel.

She smiled, running her fingers through her hair.

"Next time we'll drink in moderation," he joked.

She let out a sigh and returned his gaze. 'He still has enchanting eyes,' she commented to herself. A few seconds later, they looked away from each other.

'This isn't healthy anymore,' Rachel scolded herself… she was sober!

Yet before Ross could turn the doorknob, Emma ran and hugged his legs. "Daddy, please don't go!" the five-year old pleaded.

"Honey, daddy's gotta take a bath and go to work! I promise I'll pick you up tomorrow morning and we can go to Central Park again with Ben, and I'll also call you when I get home!" he bargained.

At her age, Emma had separation anxieties with her parents. With Ross, just as long as he promises her a definite date again, she would let him go. That was why Ross' visits were sometimes a problem in Paris. Whenever his departure for New York was drawing closer, Emma would have a day to day tantrum. But with Rachel, she couldn't last a day not seeing her. Her mommy was like her security blanket.

Emma looked up at her dad, trying to understand why her parents can just live together like other people. It was a heartbreaking scene… and Rachel felt most of the pain. In her opinion, it was all still her fault.

Ross picked Emma up and hugged her tight, "Sweetie I promise you I'll see you again tomorrow." Emma looked down and played with her father's collar. "

"Rachel, you can't just go kissing guys drunk, and with a child in your houseyou know!" Monica lectured her friend who visited her home.

"Nothing happened Mon… we didn't even kiss."

"Thank God Emma didn't see you both!"

Rachel looked down, avoiding the gaze of her best friend.

"Emma saw you?" Monica shot back.

"No Mon, she didn't… she was asleep in between us."

Monica rolled her eyes.

"Mon we were drunk. The attraction between us was just too strong!" she confessed.

"Okay, okay" Monica calmed down. "Who was this guy anyway? You getting drunk again reminds me of Ross," she began to chuckle.

Rachel froze.

"Rach?"

She couldn't answer and her cheeks were burning.

"It was Ross? You almost kissed Ross?"

"Shhhh!" Rachel hissed.

"Rachel Karen Green, are you insane?"

"Monica your children are asleep in the other room. It would help if you toned down a bit."

"What were you thinking?" she softened her voice, setting the pan on her kitchen table.

"Monica, I was drunk... I don't know!" Rachel scratched her head, "my hormones were probably raging. I haven't had sex since… since I left!"

"Why were you with Ross in the first place?"

"He took Emma out last night. I was drinking when he arrived so he joined me… and ended up crashing on the couch," lowering her voice.

Monica looked at her best friend in thought… she had to forgive her Rachel's childishness but something bugged her. "Isn't it a bit too late Rach?"

Rachel sadly looked up at Monica and laughed, "You know me too well."

Monica smiled.

"I don't know what's wrong with me, Mon. I don't even know why I left. He told me he loved me, and I loved him too… God, I loved him too. But for some reason, I got scared. I didn't think things would turn out right… and I didn't want Emma to get hurt. But now, when I see them together, I just feel so guilty. It's my fault."

"Rachel, everything's unpredictable. It's not your fault! If oyu stayed, things might've ended badly. It's all for the best, right?" she comforted her. "The question is, are you still in love with him?"

Rachel looked down.

"I take that as a yes," Monica said and hugged her confidant.

"I want Boardwalk!" Emma squealed.

"Sorry Ems, it's valuable to miss," Ben teased, handing Ross $400 worth of Monopoly money.

Emma frowned and crawled onto her mother's lap. "It's okay sweetie, we'll beat them!" Rachel whispered to her ear.

"My turn," Ross announced.

It was a Saturday night... and for the past 3 weeks, Saturday night had been a family night for Ross, Rachel and Emma. It was the only time that they were free altogether without any hindrances.

Rachel returned to work already so her weekdays were busied with Emma in tow, and Sundays were spent with friends. And although Ross was in the 'friends' category, Catherine tagging along ruined it for Emma… not that she hated her daddy's girlfriend or anything, she just felt that it was different if she was there.

Catherine, as Ross described, was the sweetest, most caring woman in the planet. Ross' 'family time' didn't seem to bother her. She was nice to Emma and even to Rachel. Since she was also interested in Paleontology, Ross couldn't ask for more. He adored her, and in return, she adored him too.

Whenever they were together, they had their own world… and with a relationship going strong for more than a year, marriage was a frequent question asked by those around them. The downfall was that Ross hadn't considered it yet. 'A fourth marriage isn't what I need,' he'd reply to his friends, 'and besides, we hardly know each other yet!' To the rest, they pondered. But to Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe, they knew the real reason why... With Ross, loving a woman wasn't simple, getting over her was even worse.

The day Rachel left was hell for Ross. God, for years he tried to hide what he felt… he hid it not only from other people, but from himself. Then when he had the courage to confess everything, she left instead. He lost her- again. But that time, things were different… it was as if there was no tomorrow.

She was in another place, with a part of him, thousands of miles away.

He reasoned out to himself, but nothing seemed to explain why things turned out that way. Didn't she tell him she loved him?

"I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too. Because of course I do. I love you. I love you Ross,"

'She loves me too!'

"I love you so much but… I can't stay. We can't go down that road again. Not now."

'Why?'

"I know we've been through a lot, although it's different now… we have Emma."

'Isn't that supposed to be good?'

"I don't wanna see the look on Emma's face when we fight, or- or when we can't work things out"'

'Who said we can't work things out?'

"If in the end, we're meant to be then it'll happen, right? But for now, let's just leave it this way."

'No!'

"I'm so sorry honey…"

'For what? For loving me? Or for leaving me?'

He played Rachel's message over and over again everyday for almost a week. He kept analyzing the words, the tone, and her manner of saying it but arrived with nothing. She didn't call after that and got mad and angry with her for making him feel like a piece of crap. He even burnt a picture of them together taken years ago but killed it right before the flame gobbled her up. He silently cursed her for taking his daughter away, and cursed himself for allowing her to do so.

It took weeks for him to genuinely smile at his son's football trophy.

He was a mess… and he knew only Rachel could clean him up.

After that, Ross became numb. He gathered enough courage to visit her and Emma in Paris. Seeing her again made him crumble, but her stress with work made it easier for him to gain strength. It went that way for a few more visits, he and Rachel concealed their true feelings for each other… like always… until they made themselves believe that whatever feeling they shared was gone. That was when he saw the light and started dating a woman in his profession. They had a lot in common, and from that, things just seemed getting brighter. He even told Rachel about her… she didn't seem to be bothered by it so he guessed it was fine.

Rachel's absence was a great advantage for him. He greatly missed Emma, yet he had ways of dealing with that. He called at least thrice a week, often had e-mails of pictures from Rachel and the gang, and benefited from video conferencing.

But now, the light suddenly had streaks of different colors. It became a rainbow with a pot of gold waiting in the end. The only woman he loved was back… and it looked like she wasn't leaving.

I'm so into this fic now... Haha, now I'm losing focus with school :( Anyway, thanks for your reviews... hope to hear from you more! Enjoy! This is (again) one of my favorite chapters!