Disclaimer: Not mine, though I'm having lots of fun writing it.
Part II: Circe Almighty!
1.
Circe did not immediately go to the Headmaster's office as was expected. Instead she meandered about the school, observing its male denizens. She would not let Hermione wither away into spinsterhood. She wanted to see her happy, and she couldn't imagine life being happy without love.
It soon became evident that there wasn't a suitable boy at the school. Besides, Circe had always preferred men to boys. They tended to be less... clumsy.
She looked around for someone more mature and immediately found her quarry.
He wasn't attractive, especially with that sneer, but, she guessed, he was lonely as well.
2.
After casting a disillusionment charm on herself, she followed the sneering man for half the afternoon, taking careful mental notes. By the end of the day she was humming with excitement. He seemed singularly perfect for Hermione.
He had a foul temper, but Circe suspected Hermione's kindness would grease his mood, eventually. What Circe saw most, though, was the intelligence burning through his cold eyes. Hermione would be his equal.
Besides his mental prowess, she noted with pleasure that he had skilled hands. He would be adept at the art of pleasure.
She happily left to find the headmaster's office.
3.
It didn't take long for Dumbledore to call an emergency meeting to order when Circe announced her aid. That evening everyone gathered at headquarters, most glancing curiously at the Greek witch in their midst.
"It seems we have gained another powerful ally," said Dumbledore. "It's my honor to introduce you to Circe."
Everyone stilled, looking wide eyed at the witch. Circe could see none believed her. Whipping out her wand so fast that not even Dumbledore could react, she quickly transfigured the Headmaster into a boar, waiting a second before turning him back.
"Do you believe me now?" she asked.
4.
Dumbledore smiled as Circe curtseyed an apology, then turned to his Order. "I have no doubts about her identity or her affiliation. She is here to offer her help without reservation."
"Actually, Albus, that's not quite true," Circe interrupted.
Dumbledore looked at her questioningly, so she explained. "I have a granddaughter at Hogwarts. I will help you if you help her."
"We will not alter grades or offer unearned honors," a tightlipped McGonagall said.
"Oh, my dear, that wouldn't be needed. She's an excellent student all on her own," Circe scoffed. "No, what my granddaughter needs is a love life."
5.
"The love lives of students are their own affairs," said Snape sourly.
"That may be so, but my granddaughter needs a little help getting an affair to mind.," Circe pointed out.
"What do you propose we do to help your granddaughter?" asked Dumbledore, hesitantly.
"Headmaster, you can't seriously be considering-" Snape cried, outraged.
"Severus, I am just gathering all the information so we can weigh the options judiciously," Dumbledore interrupted, hoping to calm the irate man.
"I have decided that Severus here would be a most suitable match for my granddaughter. I want him to take her on 25 dates."
6.
"What!" yelled Snape, all the color draining from his face. Dumbledore stopped a tirade from starting with an upheld hand.
"Madam, Severus is a professor, and it would be most inappropriate for him to court a student," Dumbledore explained, causing Snape to sigh with relief.
"Shame," Circe said. "If you can't grant this request, then I'm afraid I won't offer my services."
The room went silent, all eyes darting between the Grecian and Snape. Though all knew the seriousness of the situation, a few couldn't hold back slight smirks.
"Who is your granddaughter?" Snape asked reluctantly.
Circe smiled. "Hermione Granger."
7.
Snape's harsh laugh cut through the dead silence.
"I'm guessing she doesn't know of your proviso?" he asked. "I think you'll have an even more difficult time making her agree than me."
Circe smiled infuriatingly. "You underestimate yourself, young man."
Snape's eyes narrowed dangerously. "If you're doing this at her bequest..."
"No, she has no idea of my plans. I dare say she would be rather mortified to know what we're discussing right now."
Slightly desperate, Snape said, "Why not a boy her age? I'm sure we could blackmai- convince someone more suitable."
"She doesn't need a boy," she said.
8.
The room grew hotter as everyone blushed. Dumbledore faced Circe, disapprovingly.
"Although we would be honored to receive your help, if we do as you ask there must be guidelines. I cannot condone an intimate relationship between a teacher and a student."
"Albus!" cried Snape, appalled.
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled madly. "Severus, you have the most to gain. Destroy Tom and spend time with a lovely young woman..."
Snape sank into his seat, slumping in defeat. He sulked through the rest of the arrangements, positively cringing when Circe insisted on a goodnight kiss for every date.
"Merlin help me," Snape muttered.
9.
The next morning found Hermione waking to her grandmother's cheerful face.
"Darling, I have great news for you!" the older woman said.
Uh-oh, Hermione thought, but said, "News?"
"The Order accepted my offer. Oldymoldy won't last another month."
"The catch?"
"No catch darling, at least not for me." Circe smiled ominously. "All I asked is for you to be taken care of."
"Taken care of?" she asked, warily.
"You know, attended to, looked after, courted."
Hermione nearly fell out of bed. "GRANDMUM!"
"Oh, don't thank me now, dear. Save your strength. You need to be healthy for your first date."
A/N:SnarkyTheClown- When I was twelve I visited Hawaii, and in one of those side of the road tourist shops I saw a garment that I thought was gorgeous. The colors were bold, as was the pattern (understand that being twelve, I lacked all subtlety). I asked what it was, and lo and behold my introduction to the muumuu. When I saw it on a person, however, it was my first lesson on the importance of lines and tailoring in garments, colors be damned.
Bellegeste-I haven't quite figured that part out yet, but censorship might be needed. Thanks for the suggestion ;-)
Pathatlon- ding ding ding! You were correct.
Everyone else, thank you! Hope you continue to enjoy.
PS: I made reference to a wonderful book- A Suitable Boy by the extremely talented author Vickram Seth. Sad, but beautiful. If you are up for reading a novel in verse, (usually I'm not) his Golden Gate is simply stunning, although it makes me cry even thinking about it. A real heartbreaker.