Chapter 7

Confused, miserable and worn-out from crying, Rachel stood up and sat on the couch. It's been hours since Ross left. She couldn't stop blaming herself for leaving… she couldn't think of what to do next. Everything seemed dark and she couldn't see a bright tunnel ahead. It was as if the whole world weighed her down. The phone rang. She just stared at it, waiting for the machine to pick it up…

"Rach…" Ross. "I'm sorry." A long pause… her hand seemed too heavy to lift the handset. He deeply sighed, waiting for her to talk to him. "I don't know what else to say… please pick up the phone." Still no reply… "I shouldn't have accused you… I just love you too much. Rachel pick up the phone, please. Talk to me." Beep.

She curled into a ball, crying with no tears to shed. The phone rang and the machine picked it up again. On the other line, Ross sighed and hung up.

She replayed the remaining memory of the message she left Ross three years ago…

"I love you so much but… I can't stay. We can't go down that road again. Not now. I know we've been through a lot, although it's different now… we have Emma. I don't wanna see the look on Emma's face when we fight, or- or when we can't work things out. If in the end, we're meant to be then it'll happen, right?"

It made so much sense that night. She felt right leaving him the message... but what just happened now never occurred to Rachel. How could she be so selfish, thinking of what only she felt? She was too afraid, and now that fear ruined not only her life, but Ross and Emma's too.

The phone rang once more. "Rach?" Monica inquired, hearing the beep of the machine. "I'm just checking if you're home already… and I wanted to ask how your 'date' went. Oh my go- please don't play this if Ross' there!" there was a long pause, "Bye!" Rachel finally smiled, and thinking the next caller was Monica, she decided to pick up the phone as it rang.

"Hello?" she greeted, with her hoarse voice.

"Rach?" it wasn't Monica.

"Ross?"

"Hey. Finally you picked it up." hearing no reply, he continued, "I'm sorry Rach. I wasn't- I wasn't thinking… whatever happened wasn't your fault. If things didn't work out between us, Emma would get hurt and-"

"But what if things did work out, Ross?"

"We really can't tell Rach. Look at us now…For a decade, we've been hurting each other the same way. You were right, it's either we exert too much effort in loving each other, or none at all."

"I still gave up. There could've been a chance."

"Hey, hey… Maybe it's just not right for us to be together. It's enough that we loved each other… and we have Emma to remember the happiness that we shared."

A few days later, Ross was still worn out after speaking with Rachel. He felt so lifeless. It was clear, they loved each other too much, but that was all time had to offer. He was getting married again… although Catherine wasn't the 'love of his life,' he'd rather be with her if he couldn't be with Rachel.

Thinking of his fiancée sent shivers down his spine… he felt like he was cheating on her… and on himself.

Suddenly, there was a knock.

Opened the door… and found Rachel standing behind it, holding his jacket. "You left this last Saturday when you picked up Emma," she softly spoke and forced a smile, "Is Emma ready?."

Ross nodded, "She just fell asleep."

Rachel checked her watch. Realizing it was nearly 9pm, she opted to apologize, "I'm sorry for taking long- I had a tough day at work and we-"

Ross cut her, "It's fine Rach. I should actually thank you for leaving her with me."

She smiled, hoping that the tension between them would just disappear.

"Anyway, we should get going. It's late!" She headed to Ross's spare room he remodeled for Emma.

"Rach," he called, after much hesitation.

Just before entering the room, she looked back at him and replied, "Yeah?"

He stared at her, finding the words to say. "Can we- can we talk?"

She nodded and sat on his couch.

He sat beside her. And feeling her presence next to him, he wanted to grab her and hug her tight as if she was his. "Rach," he began.

"I'm so sorry Ross. I don't know what else to say to you except that I'm really sorry. Whether or not leaving was a mistake, I hurt you."

"Hey, I'm supposed to be the one to talk here," he smiled at her.

She grinned and heavily sighed. Heart-wrenched, she gazed at the brown eyes that sucked the life out of her. What was that chemistry that ignited every time they were together? Why can't she just move on and forget about him, like what she did with the other men in her life! Nobody told her that walking into that man in the coffeehouse years ago would completely change her life.

Returning her gaze, Ross gave himself every right to fall for her at that moment. She wasn't just pretty, she was beautiful. The way she looked, the way she thought, the way she took care of Emma, the way she made him feel… she was just exceptional and she was everything he ever wanted. That kept her apart from all the other women, and he knew that she was irreplaceable.

None of them wanted to ruin the mutual communication they shared. Neither Ross nor Rachel looked away. It felt right for them both, and no one was there to know, see or hear what they were feeling for each other… except maybe for the mute walls that surrounded them.

They closed their eyes as their lips approached each other… guided by the sight of what they felt. A few inches apart, Ross could feel Rachel's deep exchange of breaths. He gently opened his eyes and whispered, "Say you love me?"

Keeping her eyes closed, she smiled and softly replied, "You know I do."

Time stopped while their hearts raced… Ross gently caressed her face, feeling the warmth of her burning cheeks, while Rachel savored the moment thereupon.

It was a mutual understanding… a connection only they were familiar with.

He finally kissed her. First, her upper lip followed by her lower lip. Then he kept it there, waiting for the love of his life to slowly reciprocate his gesture. Feeling her tongue initiate a dance with his, he proceeded to her mouth.

Enigmatically passionate, he managed to say in between their fervent exchange with his panting breath, "Rach, I can't live without you."

She halted, opened her eyes and watched him pull apart from her to shed tears. "Ross…" she stroked his cheek, wiping the tears aways, at the same time feeling both the love and pain that they shared.

He took her hand from his cheek and kissed it.

After much pondering on the situation, she removed her hand from his. "I should go."

He stared at her with his puppy eyes telling her to stay… and they grounded her to the couch.

He repeated it once more, "I can't live without you. I can't live not loving you." He paused. "Even if I can't be with you, at least allow me feel this way for you…"

"Ross…" she slowly whispered, painfully enamored with the whole situation.

He wiped the tear that threatened to fall at the corner of her eye, "Shhh… Just for one last time, Rach. Let's follow our hearts…"

Without hesitation, she nodded.

That was it… his sincerity, his genuineness… He accepted her for who she was, and who she wanted to be… and so did she. Though they both knew that fulfilling their dream of being together was next to impossible, that didn't stop them from loving each other... and they had one last night to physically express it to one another.

Sorry for the late update! School and everyhting kept me stressed:) But anyway, my friend 'inspiration' came back and allowed me to continue this lovely story. Watch out for the next chapter- which I will upload really soon since I'm writing it right now. If you wanna know what it's about, read the last few words of this chapter ;)

Thanks for all your reviews, although I wouldn't mind if you left more ) Heehee!