Chapter 11

"What do you mean you're going back to Paris?" Monica loudly placed down her glass of water, "You can't do that again Rachel."

"Mon, I think it would be better for Emma. To begin with, coming back was a mistake. She's changed, and I'm scared she'll worsen." Rachel tried her best to look supportive with her own idea because Monica was hard to convince. She hoped her reasons would enlighten her best friend.

"Rach, it wasn't coming back that made Emma change. It's the fact that you and her father are not together. Do you think taking her away from Ross would fix that?"

She rubbed her face in frustration. It was noon and the heat penetrating from the tents of the restaurant was hitting her. Perspiration and frustration make the worst combination.

Rachel sighed, "Can we order now?" She handed Monica a menu who gave her a frown in return. Ignoring it, Rachel opened hers and searched for a dish, while her Monica just stared. She noticed it and stopped, shooting her best friend a look, "What?"

"Ugh, nothing…" Monica finally tended to her menu.

"Mon." Rachel grabbed the menu covering her best friend's face.

"What did my brother say about this?"

"He didn't say anything."

"Oh come on Rach, you and I both know he's against this whole idea."

Rachel groaned and rolled her eyes, "Monica, It's not that simple."

"But there's nothing simple, Rach."

Rachel went back to her menu, "Yeah, like talking to you."

"Rach-"

Exasperated, she dropped the menu on the table and heavily sighed, "You know what, It's not easy seeing the man you love everyday holding someone else, carrying the guilt that that someone else could've been you." Her tears began to form, "Every time I see Ross with Catherine, I wanna kick myself for being so stupid to let him go. Every time I hear Emma's cries, pleading for her father to be with us, my heart melts, Monica. If only I can turn back time, I would!" She paused, allowing her tears to stream down her cheeks, "I wish I didn't get on that plane. I wish I didn't accept Mark's offer in Paris. I wish, for once, I did the right thing because everything just seems so wrong."

Monica didn't expect her best friend's sudden outburst. She didn't know what to say or do… should she hug her? Should she pull Rachel out of her chair and bring her to some place they can talk privately? Watching Rachel sob at the other end of the table, Monica decided to reach out for her hand instead. "Sweetie, I'm sorry."

Rachel gripped Monica's hand and smiled despite her tears, "It's okay. It had to come out sometime, right?"

Sympathy. Monica stood up and hugged her tight, "Do you wanna get out of here?"

She sniffed and wiped her tears, ignoring the many people that watched her minute-long commotion. "I'm actually looking forward to eat the salmon here, you know?" She chuckled, causing Monica to smile.

"Okay, okay." She squeezed her best friend before returning to her seat. "It's on me!"

"Oh," Rachel gushed after blowing her nose, "then I'm getting the sea bass instead!"

Monica glared at Rachel knowing the huge price difference, "Just because I made you cry."

Ross paced around his room. He watched Emma's chest rise and fall while soundly sleeping on his bed. Just before she slept, she and her father had a conversation… he asked her if she wanted to go back to Paris, and her face brightened up when she replied with another question, "Are you going back with me and mommy?"

Hugging her teddy bear really tight, Ross covered her with a thick blanket. Why did things have to be so difficult? Why didn't she stay? Why did he have to be with someone else? Why did he have to love her so much?

"Why can't you two be like Aunt Monica and Uncle Chandler?" He recalled one of Emma's accusations that weekend. Why couldn't they be like his sister?

Questions… for so many years, questions were all he had.

"Ross, I think I should just go back to Paris." Rachel's suggestion… could he let them go again? If only he could turn back the time, he wouldn't have told her how he felt. He would've followed her to Paris… to prove to her that they could work things out… that she didn't have to fear anything.

Ross sat on the floor and ran his head through his hands. He was getting married!

The sun came up and Ross found himself lying down on the foot of the bed, with his Emma standing in front of him with a confused look.

"Did you fall?"

Ross immediately stood up and felt the soreness of his muscles all throughout his body. "I think so."

Emma shrugged and beamed at Ross, "What are we doing today?"

"We," Ross began, stretching every ligament he had, "are going shopping?"

She giggled at her father, "You? Shopping?"

"You sound just like your mother!" He picked Emma up and began tickling her.

"Stop!" she pleaded, dying of laughter. "Daddy!"

Ross stopped and let her down, "What's wrong with me shopping?"

"That's mommy's job! Your job is to tell me boring stories about dinosaurs so I can sleep!" Emma reasoned out, jokingly. She saw the look her father had and she knew what he was about to do next; so she dashed to her room and locked the door, before Ross could catch and tickle her once more.

Rachel opened the door that morning to an unexpected visitor. With Emma in her daddy's house over the weekend, she had planned to sleep in maybe until noon. But all that was ruined when Catherine started knocking on her door.

"Yeah?" she greeted with her groggy voice as she peeked, not knowing it was her ex-boyfriend's fiancée.

Catherine turned around and plastered a smile, "Hi."

She rubbed her eyes, wondering if she was still asleep.

"Um, can we talk?" Catherine asked a speechless Rachel.

A few seconds later, it dawned unto her. Wake up! She shouted at herself. "Uh," Rachel nodded and ushered Catherine in, "sure."

She realized,seeing her reflection on the doorknob, that she was still in her nighties, wrapped in a robe. "Um… I'm sorry, can you wait for a while? I just have to change cause-"

"It's okay," Catherine cut her, "I won't take long anyway."

Rachel's heart began to beat faster… why on earth would Catherine visit her?

They sat on the couch of the living room. Rachel offered condiments yet Catherine refused. So before Rachel could consider herself palpitating, she decided to break the ice.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Rachel nervously smiled, hoping Ross hadn't told her many things… like that 'night' they recently had, or that conversation about Emma hating Catherine's presence, or...

"Okay, this is awkward…" Catherine chuckled, breaking Rachel's trail of thought. "I heard from Ross that you had plans on going back to Paris…"

Rachel cleared her throat, "Uh, yeah. It just depends when I'll be given the transfer… maybe in months' time."

"Rachel, I just want to go straight to the point… Are you still in love with Ross?"

Caught off-guard, Rachel's eyes bolted as soon as she hears the words 'in love with Ross.'

"Rachel?" Catherine asked once more, in a rather complacent tone.

"I- sorry, what did you, um…" she was stuttering.

"Are you still in love with Ross?"

"I- I don't know how to answer that." Rachel nervously chortled, being suffocated with the tension that surrounded them. "Do you mean like love as a friend? Or, or love as a brother? Or love-"

"Look," Catherine sighed, "I don't care if you still are because I can see it in your eyes. I just wanna hear the truth from you!"

From the floor, Rachel's glare slowly rose to Catherine's eyes. She felt so embarrassed, so evil, so…

"Rach?"

"I'm so sorry Catherine… I didn't mean to. It's just that-"

"Rachel it's okay. It's not your fault!" Catherine smiled. "It's not Ross' fault either."

Did I just hear Ross' name? Rachel thought to herself. "Wha-at?"

"Oh come on, Rachel. I'm neither blind nor stupid. I know what goes on in his heart whenever he's with you…. when he's with me… when he's with Emma."

Rachel took a deep breath. "I'm…" Sorry again? My, she was running out of words.

Catherine placed a hand on Rachel's lap, assuring her that everything was all right. "I've known how Ross felt for you since the day I met him. And to tell you frankly, that's the reason why I'm with him."

"What?" Rachel asked with so much confusion.

"Rachel, I'm sick. I- I have cancer." Catherine softly spoke.

Rachel covered her mouth with her hand. She couldn't believe what this woman was telling her.

Catherine took a deep breath and continued, "Three years ago, I was diagnosed with lymphnotic cancer. I underwent chemotherapy for a few months, but after a year, it came back and…" her voice was already cracking, "and I decided to just let it go."

"Does Ross know about this?" Rachel carefully asked.

"No. Please don't tell him." Satisfied with Rachel's nod, she went on. "When I met Ross, my perception of life changed. All of a sudden, he brought this kind of urge that there was still something to live for… even just for a few more months or years. He made me who I am now… he made me happy. Even though he couldn't equally reciprocate my love for him because of you, it was okay… because he took good care of me. He was my therapy." She paused, "And I figured, it would be easier for him to accept my situation… because his heart was somewhere else. I knew deep inside that he would follow you to Paris, one way or another."

Rachel wiped her tears and Catherine did the same thing.

"But then you came back…" a tinge of sadness filled her voice.

"Cath-" Not knowing what to say, Rachel looked at her with pity and guilt.

Catherine squeezed Rachel's leg, once again assuring her that it was okay. "The very first day I met you, I saw how Ross looked at you and… and I knew from then that you were irreplaceable. It just scared me because I didn't want to lose him too early."

"I'm so sorry," she said, almost like a whisper.

Catherine forced a grin in the midst of her tears, "Rachel, please take care of Ross? I know my time is near… I can feel it. But promise me you'll be here when I go?"

Rachel felt her heart melt. She nodded at Catherine and in reply, Catherine threw her arms around Rachel… embracing her with all her strength.

"Before Ross and I got together, he told me about your entire history and how much he loved you in spite of everything because of the wonderful person that you were... and I honestly thought it was impossible… but after meeting you, he was right all along."

Catherine broke the hug and looked Rachel in the eye with much sincerity, "I know that he loves me; but his love for you is just so different. It's so pure, real and evident in every move he makes. And I know you can make him happy, even more than the way he made me."

Rachel smiled, "Thank you."

"Everyone deserves to be happy, Rachel. Promise me that you'll take care of him? And please, by then, don't be stupid enough to let each other go again!"

"I promise," she chuckled, once again succumbing to Catherine's warm, comforting embrace.

"Don't mention anything to anyone, especially to Ross. I'll tell him when the time comes. I'm not ready to be pitied on yet."

They smiled at one another.

"Rachel!" knocks from the door made the two women jump.

"Oh gosh, I think that's Ross." Rachel told Catherine.

"Mommy!" Emma screamed at the door.

"Yes it is," Catherine panicked.

"What will we tell him?" Rachel began pacing around the room.

"We- um, we are planning a party for him!"

"But his birthday's not until November."

"Exactly. We're planning a big party for him on November… it needs time to prepare anyway."

"And when November comes without a big party?"

"There was too little time for preparation," Catherine smiled.

"Right," Rachel chuckled. She headed towards the noisy door and glanced at Catherine.

Catherine mouthed, 'I'm ready' to Rachel, wiping the remaining tears in her eyes with a piece of tissue.

Slowly, Rachel unlocked the door and twisted the doorknob.

"Mommy!" Emma squealed, giving her mom a tight hug.

"Emma didn't want to shop with me. She said I didn't know how!" Ross reasoned out to Rachel before entering the apartment. "So what are you doing to-"" he stopped in shock. "Catherine?"

Catherine smiled at him and waved, "Hi honey!"

"What are- what are you doing here?"

"We're planning your big birthday bash on November!"

"November?" Ross went to her and gave her a kiss.

"Yeah," Rachel added, closing the door, still being gripped by Emma who was avoiding the sight of Catherine seated right next to her father.

"I should get going," Catherine stood up. "I still have to finish some errands anyway!"

Ross stood up as well, with a confused look on his face. Catherine and Rachel? "Okay… I'll see you tonight?"

"Yeah," she gave him a peck and hugged Rachel tight before leaving the room. "So I'll see you soon," she told Rachel, then patted Emma's hair before leaving the room, "Bye sweetie."

As soon as she left the room, Ross shifted his gaze to Rachel. "Okay, what- what was Catherine doing here?"

"We told you, we were planning your birthday party."

"On November?"

Rachel rolled her eyes, "you don't want one?"

"Never mind."

Emma weirdly looked at her parents... she couldn't understand grown-ups, they were pretty much like children too. Just bigger and older, she thought. "Mommy, what are we doing today?"

"Well, I didn't expect you until late this afternoon so I don't know. What do you wanna do?"

"I wanna go shopping."

"You said you didn't want to!" Ross said, standing up from the couch.

"I didn't want to shop with you," she replied, hiding behind her mother's legs.

Rachel laughed, causing Ross to frown even more. "Sorry. Okay, I'll go get dressed and maybe daddy can come with us so he can learn some shopping tips himself!"

"Really?" Emma gleamed and looked at them both, "Daddy can you come with me and mommy?"

Pretending to be hurt, Ross looked down and replied, "I though you didn't want to shop with me?"

She ran to her daddy and gave him a hug, "I'm not gonna shop with you, I'm gonna be with you!"

Ross looked at his little Emma, she was simply perfect. "Of course I'm going with you and mommy," he smiled at her, placing a kiss on top of her head.

Rachel couldn't help but smile watching their father-and-daughter interaction. "I'm just gonna get ready so we can go." She headed towards the bathroom.

"Don't take too long," Ross and Emma chimed, both earning an evil glare from Rachel.

"Hey, are you okay? You've been quiet." Ross said as he pulled Rachel aside while Emma ran free in the toy store.

"Huh?" He caught her attention. Immediately, she reasoned out, "Yeah, work's been bothering me lately… that's all."

Ross nodded and smiled at her, "Need help with anything?"

"No, no. Not at all!" she quickly replied. She was feeling awful. Catherine is dying? She repeatedly asked herself. Rachel felt so wrong for hating her, when in fact, all she did was love Ross… and now she was dying. Questions plagued her mind. How could Catherine love someone who loved someone else? And how could that someone else be her? And Ross, the man who stood right next to her… the man she slept with… the man who cheated on Catherine with her had no clue of what was about to happen! She wanted to blame herself… but she had no reason why.

"Rach?" Ross called, waking her up from a daze of thought.

"Yeah?"

He arched his eyebrow, "Are you sure you're okay?"

She nodded with a smile, "I didn't have enough sleep. I got home late last night so I can't really process my thoughts well." Liar! She was in bed by midnight, drifting off to a world where anything was possible.

"Oh," Ross voice sounded nervous, "Did you uh- Did you come from a date or something?"

She loved teasing Ross. But this time, it was different. She wanted to say yes-to lie… it seemed so appropriate. Maybe by believing she was moving on, Ross would spend more time with Catherine.

"Rach? Do you need coffee? Your mind seems really slow today." Ross wearied after waiting almost a lifetime for Rachel to reply.

"That actually sounds nice," she said, hoping to have changed the course of their conversation.

"Okay," Ross grinned and looked at his watch, "Emma, knowing that she is your daughter, should have chosen a toy by now. Let's just hope she won't think twice and return it!"

Rachel glared at him, "Ha-ha, very funny!"

"I found the dolly I want!" Just on cue, Emma rushed to them carrying a life-size Bratz doll.

Having trouble making the box of her height stand, Ross took it from Emma and looked at Rachel. "This is it? This is what she wants?"

"Daddy, her name's Chloe. Don't call her 'it,' she has a name!" Emma pouted, pointing at the letters that spelled 'Chloe' above.

"God, I thought her name was Gladys!" Ross retorted, looking at the doll from head to toe.

Rachel chuckled, remembering Phoebe's famous creation. "Ross, it's not that bad!"

Emma frowned, putting her hands on her hips, "You said I could get any doll I want?"

Rachel laughed at Ross and teased, "I told you not to spoil her."

"Yeah, now she's starting to be like you!" he teased back.

"Hey!" Rachel playfully hit him on the arm.

"I bruise like a peach!" Ross winced. "Honey, are you sure this is the doll you want?" he asked his daughter.

Emma looked up at her father then at her doll with a nervous smile. "Um…"

"Uh-oh," Ross glowered at Rachel, "See what I mean?"

"Um…" Emma continued to think then sighed, "Cause there's this other Chloe but she's in a glamour outfit but her shoes are ugly."

"And what's wrong with this Chloe?" he asked, showing her the doll dressed in casual wear.

Emma took a deep breath, "She's prettier and she has better shoes... and she also has a pair of sunglasses, but the other Chloe has the nicest gown. They're not selling clothes for that doll yet and I don't know when they will! And this is the last casual Chloe there and someone might get it so I took it with me!" looking like she was about to cry, she hoped her parents would have pity on her.

Rachel let out a chuckle, while Ross stressed out on what to do. With a sigh, he turned to Rachel. "This is your part of parenting. I didn't understand a thing from what she said so do something about it!"

"Honey," Rachel knelt down to face Emma, "which Chloe do you think is prettier?"

"This one," she replied, clutching to the box her father held.

"Okay, I think we should get this one now because in a few months, they'll release a whole new wardrobe for this kind of doll. Maybe by then, they'll have a prettier gown for your prettier Chloe. But if you think you like the other one better by the time we get home, then we'll come back and return this."

"Okay!" Emma smiled, happily hopping towards the check out counter.

Rachel smiled at Ross, feeling victorious and proud.

"I just hope my daughter won't return everything I buy for her." Ross uttered.

"Well, maybe if you gain some taste, she won't!" she walked past him.

"Evil!" Ross hissed as they followed their daughter.

I'm loving this fic, although it's taking time.. isn't it:) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you for all your reviews, each alert I receive motivates me to write more... and fast! Haha!I can't promise that the next chapter will be up soon but i'm hoping it will be... Because like you, I wanna know how things are gonna turn out:)