AN: Warning: This part includes scenes of war, and therefore diverges slightly from the storyline. As such, be prepared for much more silliness beyond the normal scope. Oh, and remember, the "t" is silent on Voldemort (JK says so).

Disclaimer: Not mine, nor for money. Had loads of fun, though.

Part VIII: A Very Brief War

1.

Snape scowled for the billionth time. He inwardly cursed Circe for the umpteenth time. He shook his head in despair one last time, dimly aware that he was getting dizzy from doing so.

Suddenly the door opened revealing Lucius, and interrupted Snape's pattern.

"Is it tea time already?" Snape asked bitterly.

"Unfortunately, no. The Dark Lord is curious about your absence from Hogwarts. I don't really want to be in his bad graces again, so..." He opened the door for Severus.

"At least you have your priorities straight," Snape spat.

Lucius closed the dungeon door, not noticing the missing crone.

2.

Snape and Lucius reached the door when their marks began to burn.

"Drat," they said in unison, before apparating to their master's side.

"My loyal minions, bow before my greatness," the Snake Man said. "Tonight we will defeat that brat, and Dumbledore will meet his doom. I have acquired the assistance of a most powerful ally, one who will help bring about my victory."

A witch stepped out of the shadows dressed in an avacado green toga, with gold flowers in her hair.

Snape didn't get the chance to frown before Voldemort announced with a flair, "Meet my mistress, Circe."

3.

The bad guys marched up Hogwarts grounds, but the good guys stood at the ready. Phalanxes of the Order were headed by Dumbledore himself.

"Stand down, Tom, or you'll face your greatest fear," Dumbledore declared.

"Not on your life, Dumbledore. You're not the boss of me!" Voldemort retorted, somewhat childishly.

"So be it, " Dumbledore replied, and then the battle started. Hexes flew and curses hit. People fell left and right. There was no mercy on the field that night.

In the midst, a couple met, embracing at their reunion.

She said, "You're still alive."

He kissed her in reply.

4.

Circe watched as Hermione and Snape finally overcame their egos. She then turned to the humanoid beside her and smiled with wicked thoughts.

Voldemort looked at his lover, and smiled back, misreading her expression.

"Well, lover, it's been fun, but you're no Odysseus," she said, then turned her wand on him. In an instant the man disappeared, leaving an angry pig squealing in his place.

"Harry, over here," Circe cried, pointing to the swine.

Harry tromped over and aimed his wand. "Ookcayigpay!" Harry roared. Steam formed and cleared, revealing a roast pork.

"Clever," Dumbledore cheered. "Wouldn't have thought of that."

5.

Not even Fang ate the roast that night, so Hagrid took it to Aragog. But the fate of the Snake-turned-man-turned-pig bothered no one, as long as he was dead. The celebrations that night were loud and cheery.

Dumbledore asked Harry to say a word to mark the occasion, so Harry looked down at the spot charred by his spell.

"Here lay evil Voldemort,

thank the gods that he's no more!

He made life hell,

but it ended well,

so let's not be too sore," he rhymed.

Everyone cheered wildly, praising the brevity as much as the content of his verse.