Chapter 12

"So, Chloe huh?" Rachel teased Ross before he carried his daughter to her room. They had an exhausting family day in the mall, and before the cab could even take them home, Emma was already soundly asleep.

He turned around and gave a sarcastic smile.

Rachel set the huge doll beside the couch and stared at it. "What?" she asked Ross, noticing his presence watching her by Emma's door.

"Nothing," he smiled, "You've been staring at that doll since we bought it."

"Because I'm very fond of her name," she scoffed, sitting on the couch.

Ross rolled his eyes and walked to the kitchen. "Hey, you still haven't answered my question!".

"What question?"

"I asked you earlier if you had a date last night," he opened the cupboard and found a bottle of wine. "May I?"

"Yeah," Rachel replied. After four hours, didn't think Ross would still remember that 'date' she had last night.

"Yeah the wine or…?"

"Yeah, you can have some wine." She cleared, standing to go across Ross at the counter.

He took two glasses and poured on them both, "So?"

"Oh, that!" she innocently replied and instantly sipped to avoid answering. Stalling with the glass in her mouth, Rachel gestured Ross to wait.

He nodded, getting himself a glass as well.

"I kind'a was…" Rachel answered, finding it best to leave the answer in between 'yes' and 'no.'

"Okay, that was confusing." Ross chuckled, "What's a 'kind'a date' like?"

"Um, well…" she thought as hard as she could, "he's a co-worker. We decided to have coffee after work and we ended up quite late." She forced a grin, hoping he would settle with her story.

"I see," he pressed his lips together, then drinking his glass of red wine straight. "Is he married?"

Rachel observed Ross, he was so uncomfortable. "No," she simply replied.

Ross slowly bobbed his head and filled his glass to the rim with wine.

Rachel frowned and pulled his arm down, stopping him from sipping. "Ross," she called his attention.

His eyes went down to the floor, he felt embarrassed to look at her. "I'm sorry," he forced to smile at her. He cleared his throat, shaking off what just happened and changed the topic. "So, have you thought about moving back to Paris?" She nodded. "And?"

"I- I don't know."

Ross unfastened the first button of his shirt, hoping to ease his anxiety. "When do you plan on leaving?"

She heard the pain in his voice, but she knew she had to lie. "In a month or so, I guess. I just talked to Louis Vuitton and they said they can transfer me back there with the same benefits. Though I still have to look for a place for us..."

"Do you want to move?"

She took a deep breath, "I don't know."

"Don't," he leaned closer, grabbing hold of both her hands on the other side of the counter.

She removed her hands from his and slowly looked at him, "Things like this make me want to, Ross. It isn't fair to anyone." She thought of Catherine… Rachel felt bad knowing that her fiancée was doing this to her.

He lifted her chin and smiled at her, "But…"

She already knew what would happen in a matter of seconds, like it always does… they would both be succumbed to that warp of space and time. A moment of release of how they feel… the passion, the love, and the desire to be together and to show each other the feelings they had. But she had to be strong… it simply wasn't fair. "Don't." She averted her gaze.

Rachel walked past him and headed to her room, but Ross took hold of her arm. "Rach."

She stopped.

"Please, don't go." He pleaded, looking as if he was about to cry.

"Where are you going?" Emma asked, rubbing her eyes as she went out of her room.

The couple quickly turned their heads to Emma.

Rachel pulled her arm from Ross' grip and forced a smile. "Nowhere honey, I was just about to check up on you."

"How come daddy didn't want you to go?" she groggily walked to her mommy and held up her arms.

"Because I wanted mommy to stay here first," he lamely replied.

"Why?" Emma leaned her head on Rachel's shoulder.

"'Cause I was gonna leave already."

Emma frowned and reached for Ross, who took her from Rachel. "Don't leave daddy."

"Honey, I have to. Aunt Catherine's waiting for me," he looked at Rachel.

She looked down, avoiding his sight.

"No," Emma gripped tighter, "tell her you have to stay here, with me."

His heart melted.

Rachel sensed his upcoming decision. Even though she badly wanted him to stay, the thought of a dying woman waiting for her fiancée at home, wishing that she could spend as much time with him, plagued her mind. Before Ross could answer, Rachel rubbed Emma's back and said, "It's okay, sweetie. You'll see daddy again tomorrow!"

"But-"

"Mommy's right. I'll be seeing you tomorrow again!" Rachel wanted him to leave…

Emma pouted and hugged him tighter, "Okay," then went back to Rachel's arms.

"Bye," Ross kissed Emma's head then Rachel's cheek, invigorated by her coconut-y scent.

She stepped back immediately and smiled, "Bye."

"Bye daddy!" Emma waved as her daddy exited the apartment.

Rachel looked at her daughter and sadly smiled, "You'll see daddy tomorrow, I promise."

She nodded, leaning her head on Rachel's shoulder again.

And so it began…

Life since then was no longer the same. Weeks that passed turned into months, and Rachel found herself in pain. Seeing Ross and Catherine together wasn't the worst thing, it was pushing away Ross as far as possible.

She no longer knew where to place herself. She was lost.

She felt wrong to seem like she was waiting for Catherine to die just so she could express to Ross how much he meant to her… more so to be with him. It wasn't that she and Ross were on the verge of reconciling when it happened… it in fact they were far from that. She only had the freedom of loving him... and now, even that freedom was taken away.

It hurt her because she couldn't love him for the time being, and because she was causing a dying woman more pain.

She had to tell someone about it… she had to tell Monica.

"Hello?" Monica answered, trying to catch her breath.

"Are you alright?" the sound Rachel's voice caught Monica's attention.

"Yeah sweetie, I came from the twins' room. Are you alright?" she threw back the question.

"I- I don't know…" her tears suddenly began to fall.

"Rachel, hold on," Monica said. She knew this was coming. For some weird reason, Monica already felt that Rachel was having a difficult time, and she had an impression that it had something to do with Ross. She didn't know why, but knowing each other for too long gave her that gift of sense… as well as they no longer required the permission to comfort each other.

Upon hearing Rachel cry, Monica bid "Goodbye" to both her friend and her husband and immediately left the house. She didn't care if Rachel still lived in the city. Heck, she could live across the state and she would still be there.

Less than an hour later, Monica was frantically ringing the doorbell. Rachel emerged from her room, tear-stricken and opened the door.

"Oh my God, Rachel!" Monica hugged her tight.

Rachel sobbed on her bestfriend's shoulder. "Mon," muffled with tears, "I can't take it anymore. I can't stand seeing him with her."

Monica was right… it was about her brother. "Sweetie," she broke the hug and pulled Rachel to the couch, "what happened?"

Keeping the secret for too long was killing her, and now she didn't care anymore if Catherine would get mad. Rachel just knew she had to tell someone, and that someone could only be Monica. "Catherine talked to me a few months ago," she began.

Monica took a tissue from the box on the end table and handed it to her best friend, "Was it about you and Ross?"

Rachel shook her head, "Not entirely." After blowing her nose, she continued. "Catherine has cancer."

"What?" Monica was suspended in disbelief.

"She- She's has lymphnotic cancer. She started out by asking me if I still loved Ross… and she said that," Rachel began to cry once more, "that she knew Ross loved me too."

Monica rubbed her back.

"Then she said she was with him for a reason… that he loved me still… so that when- when she tells him about her condition, he wouldn't be left heartbroken."

"Oh God…"

"And she asked me to be there for Ross and take care of him when she passes away because she knows that in the end, he and I will still be together." Rachel paused, staring at nothing at all. She took a deep breath, wondering how things could change after only a few months. "But I don't know if I can do that."

"What!" People across the hall could hear Monica's scream.

"Four months ago, I had faith that I could Mon… I did my best to fulfill her wish to be with him. He was her therapy, he made her happy. And I knew my being with him hurts her even more… so I stayed away from Ross. I hardly talked to him whenever Catherine was around. And he would only come over whenever Emma asked him to. We never had a moment alone together, unlike before, because I refused to. But now…" she trailed off and cried harder.

Monica grabbed the tissue box and handed it to her. She did not see that whole story coming… even she felt her eyes welling up in tears.

"It just feels so wrong Mon. It's like I'm waiting for her to die so I could be with him! I mean, I love Ross… I really love him more than any other man in this planet. But he's also the one man that makes my heart bleed this way."

"Then why don't you tell him about Catherine?"

"I can't. I promised to her that I wouldn't tell a single soul… so you can't tell anyone." She took a deep breath.

Monica gripped Rachel's hand, "But he has to know. I know my brother… and he would leave her for you."

"I know that. That's why I'm distancing myself from him already. I can't hurt Catherine anymore, Mon. I just can't! She doesn't deserve it. I already did and I feel like shit for doing that."

"Already did?" Monica looked at her.

Rachel but her lip, "We- we slept together. He cheated on her with me." She admitted, earning a sympathetic gaze from her best friend. "It's enough that his heart is cheating on her," she bawled, leaning her head on Monica's shoulder.

"You can't hurt yourself this way."

"Whatever happens, someone's gonna get hurt. But the last person that should experience that is Catherine, because her time is limited. Plus, she never did anything wrong but to love Ross."

"Rach," Monica hugged her tight.

"I'm putting myself in her place… the only person she has is Ross, Monica. He's the only one."

"What are you planning to do? Be numb about everything?" they broke the hug.

"I-," she paused, "I've decided to go back to Paris."

"No, no, no!" Monica stood up.

"Monica if I stay, my heart will die. I don't want to feel like I'm waiting for a person to die because it's just wrong. And at the same time, I don't want to see them together because the guilt I have for leaving is eating me. I'll go crazy here!"

"What's the difference between New York and Paris? It'll still be the same."

"At least I won't have to be reminded of him each and every minute because of his scent, or his voice, or his goddamn memories."

"What if he follows you there?"

"He won't. I won't let him."

"And what about your promise of taking care of him when she dies?"

"I don't know… the thought of being with him already hurts me. I guess only time will tell." Rachel looked Monica in the eye, "I have to, Mon. I have to get out of here."

Monica felt her tears and she didn't care. She couldn't bear seeing her best friend in pain… and once again, she was going to leave. She nodded, as if allowing her to return to Paris.

"Thank you," she softly said, forcing a smile on her face.

Monica smiled as well and hugged Rachel. Together, they cried comforting each other's loss.

Did you like it? ) Sorry this took almost a month! I sense that the end is near... although you're in for a surprise.

Will Ross and Rachel end up together? Well, in a few more chapters (which I hope i'll be uploading soon), you'll find out! After all, life doesn't always have a happy ending... does it? )

Thanks for your generous reviews... keep 'em coming! Your suggestions will really help me in writing the rest of the story!