Chapter 4

(Kaoru)

I was terrified. Why had Kenshin tried to commit suicide? He'd never done that before, at least not that I knew. He was so shy and gentle, why would he want to? I was currently riding with Sano and Megumi in my car, driving behind the ambulance to the hospital. I had managed to create makeshift bandages while the ambulance drove for us, but his wrists still bled, and he had grown paler by the second.

Megumi's knuckles were white as she clenched them on the steering wheel. I had given her the keys, I was shaking too bad to drive. I had wanted to ride with Kenshin, but they hadn't given me the time to get in with him.

We followed the ambulance as it sped through the streets towards the hospital, the vehicle's lights and siren blaring. People moved out of our way, and Megumi followed the ambulance closely. We were way over the speed limit, and hopefully we wouldn't get in trouble for this. But this way we could be there for Kenshin the entire time, from when he arrived to when he left.

We finally arrived, and I barely saw Kenshin being rushed inside on a gurney. He was motionless on the small bed, and for a moment I was afraid he was dead. But the medics were shouting to others, and I knew in my heart that he was still alive.

We ran inside, trying to keep sight of the gurney that bore our friend, but I lost track of him. I ran faster, trying to figure out where he had gone, but I couldn't find him. I couldn't help it; tears began to flow anew down my cheeks.

Megumi put an arm around my shoulders. "It'll be alright Kaoru. Kenshin will be fine."

I sniffled as she and Sano led me to a chair in a waiting area, where we could wait until they would have more information about Kenshin's condition. Sano looked down the hall, studying the various doctors and nurses with pensive brown eyes.

We waited for about a half an hour, when a nurse came to the desk near our chairs. She put a file on the counter, but the woman behind it didn't notice. I stood, cautiously walking forward to see that it had Kenshin's name on it. I picked it up quickly and left before I could be spotted, going back to where Megumi and Sano had watched me the entire time.

"It's Kenshin's medical file…" Megumi said, taking the thick folder from my hands. She flipped through it, and then gasped at one page.

"What Megumi?" I asked impatiently, trying to read over her shoulder.

"This isn't the first time he's been for attempted suicide. The first he tried to gut himself, the second time he almost hung himself," she whispered, horror in her voice. "He's also had a history of self-mutilation…."

Tears accelerated down my cheeks, my hand over my mouth. "Oh Kenshin…."

She flipped to the front, where the details of his latest visit were. "It says he's in room 123."

Immediately all of us shot to the elevator, leaving the file on the counter. I didn't think it could go fast enough, but it finally let us out, and I ran to the room that it had said my redhead was in. Wait, MY redhead? I mentally slapped myself. Was I really falling in love with Kenshin?

As I went in the room I couldn't hold in a gasp. Kenshin was as still as death on the bed, nearly as pale as the sheets. There was a bag beside the bed, slowly dripping blood into him through a tube. I sat beside him, picking up left hand, noticing the thick bandages wrapped around both his wrists.

With the hospital gown on I saw his arms for the first time. Kenshin almost always wore long sleeve shirts, so I had never seen them. I studied the white scars lacing both of his arms, some thinner and some thicker. Tears again escaped to flow down my skin, and I ran gentle fingers over his skin.

"Gomen Kaoru…." His soft voice startled me from my thinking state and I looked up at his pale face. "We didn't want you to know, that we did not…."

I sniffed, wiping at my tears with the back of a hand. I faintly noticed that he said 'we.' "You didn't have to hide this from me Kenshin. Don't you trust me?"
He shook his head and I blanched, but his voice stopped me. "Iie Kaoru, not Kenshin. Shinta. And of course we trust you."

I looked at him wide-eyed. "Shinta? Where is Kenshin?"

He sighed, looking down. "Kenshin has retreated so deep within our mind I don't know if he's going to come out." He shuddered slightly. "He's so terrified Kaoru, that's all I can feel from him. That and terrible sadness." He looked back at me, and I saw tears sparkling in his amethyst depths. "We almost hurt you; if it weren't for Sano we might have killed you."

I sighed and lifted his hand to my cheek, rubbing it against my skin. "You were not at fault Shinta, neither Kenshin. It was Him wasn't it?"
Shinta shivered, his fingers curling against my cheek. "Hai…."

"Why did he escape Shinta? Will you tell me?" I asked carefully.

He paused, and then began to speak hesitantly. "It was a bad day….We weren't feeling good, and He got the upper hand when He broke through our defenses. We couldn't control him." A single tear slid down his cheek, and I wiped it away gently.

"It's alright Shinta, I'm fine. I'm not hurt." I reassured him.

"We're so sorry Kaoru. We shouldn't have let you inside….None of this would have happened…" Sobs began to tear from his thin form, and I pulled him close, putting his nose in my neck.

Megumi sat sadly on his other side, watching as I tried to comfort him. I could feel Sano's hand on my shoulder as Shinta's tears soaked my tee-shirt. I petted his hair lightly, whispering to him. "It's okay Shinta…..I forgive you….I forgive you…..I'm here….."

Sano suddenly stood, looking to the door. I looked up to see a nurse standing wide-eyed in the doorway. "What are you doing here?" she asked us.

I held Shinta closer, feeling protective all of the sudden. "We're here for our friend, leave us be."

She took a step into the room, a frown coming onto her face anyway. "I cannot allow you to be here unless you are related."

I searched for an excuse to stay with my redhead. The nurse watched me expectantly, getting ready to send me out. I suddenly came up with something. "I'm his girlfriend." I felt Shinta stiffen in my arms, but I continued. "I'm allowed to be here aren't I? If I'm his girlfriend….."

She narrowed her eyes, but nodded. "Very well. What about the rest of you?"

"We go to college with him, we're good friends." Megumi said firmly.

The nurse shrugged and finally left us alone. I sighed in relief, and looked down at Shinta's shocked face. "Girlfriend?"

I grinned. "What don't you like that?"
He looked at me for a moment more, and then smiled through his tears. "Hai. I like that a lot Kaoru."