Social Life Sucks

Chapter 2: Minty Freshness

Yup, tonight was the night! Roy was going on a date with Riza. Roy couldn't decide whether or not he should keep his hair messy or comb it back. After an hour of deciding, he kept his hair messy. (AN: Yaaay!)

"How do I look?" Roy said walking out of the restroom in a black tux that came straight from the cleaners.

"You look great!" Maria commented.

Roy looked at Havoc waiting for a reply.

"I envy you…" Havoc muttered with this evil glare.

Roy scratched his head. "I guess I'll take that as a compliment.." He turned to Fuery. "And you?"

"Excellent, sir!" Fuery said.

Roy crouched down to Black Hayate. "What do you think my little human-slave?" He said in a coochy-coo voice.

Suddenly, a green eery smell seeped out from Roy's mouth and Black Hayate inhaled it.

The poor little puppy fell down… dead.

"PUPPY!" Fuery started to cradle the dead dog in his arms. He glared at Roy. "YOU MURDERER!!!"

Roy scooted away. "WHAT I DO?"

Breda tapped Roy's shoulder. "Uhm, sir.. I think it's you're breath…" He put a clothes pin on his nose. "It reeks…"

"My breath? THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY BREATH!!" Roy yelled. He then took a nearby Edward from out of nowhere.

They were looking at each other eye-to-eye.

"Mustang.. us being so awfully close is making me uncomfortable.." Ed pointed out.

"Shut up, boy.." Roy demanded. "Now, answer this question and answer it honestly: Does my breath stink?"

Ed quirked an eyebrow. "Now that's a stupid que—" Ed inhaled the green eery gas. "que—que—" He started to gag and he turned purple.

Roy blinked. "uuuh…. Ed.."

Ed fell to the floor trying to breathe. Everyone else just stared at him squirming around doing nothing.

Silence.

"Well…. He seemed pretty honest…" Breda finally commented.

Roy started to panic. "What am I gonna do about me breath!? I can't Riza smell it and—"

"Die?" John finished his comment.

Roy glared. "I was thinking something LESS severe.."

"What now?" Breda said.

Everyone thought and pondered.

Then, a light bulb flashed over Maria's head. "I got an idea! I saw this from a commercial!"

"What?" Everyone asked.

Maria took out a little paper thing.

Everyone quirked an eyebrow. (except Fuery who was too busy mourning over Black Hayate's death)

"Uhm.. a piece of paper?" Roy guessed. Maria's smile faded. "You've never seen these before? They're soo popular and I use it all the time!"

Everyone exchanged looks.

Maria sighed and rolled her eyes. "They're called Rip-n-Slips! I'll show you how to use it in 4 easy steps!!" She held up 4 fingers up.

"Rip!" Maria opened the paper and took out a Rip-n-Slip.

"Slip!" Maria placed the rip-n-slip in her index finger.

"Brush!" Maria started brushing her teeth with the Rip-N-Slips.

"Aaah!" A fresh minty smell filled up the room from Maria's mouth.

"Ooooh!" Everyone ooed-and-aawed.

"Isn't that easy? Now everyone, you try!" Maria handed everyone a rip and slip.

"Rip! Slip! Brush! Aaah!" Everyone's teeth became shiny.

"Rip! Slip! Brush! Aaah!"

"Rip! Slip! Brush! Aaah!"

They started doing the Rip-N-Slip thing throughout the hallway.

"Rip! Slip! Brush! Aaah!"

Winry walked by brushing her teeth with a regular toothbrush.

"Rip! Slip! Brush! Aaah!"

Winry threw her toothbrush behind her shoulder and took a Rip-N-Slip out and joined in with everyone.

"Rip! Slip! Brush! Aaah!"

After a while of the "Rip! Slip! Brush! Aaah!" thing, Roy exhaled his breath to a plant.

The plant remained alive.

"I'm cured!" Roy jumped up and hit his heels together.

"Uhm, sir, that was a plastic plant…" Maria corrected him.

"Oh," Roy walked over to a REAL PLANT and exhaled his breath to it. Shortly after, it grew roses on it.

"Now, I'm cured!"

Everyone left leaving a gagging Edward on the floor behind.

Meanwhile at Olive Garden.

"Oh, Roy, I expected dinner, but not in a fancy place like this!" Riza said in a sexy voice quite surprised. She was wearing her hair down and wore a glittery red dress.

Roy smiled and blushed. "Anything for you, Riza…"

Riza blushed."Why, Roy—" Riza inhaled an eery green smell. She started fanning the smell away with her hand. "Uhm, Roy, do you have a spray or mint cause.." She whispered privately to Roy. "..you're breath stinks."

Roy dug into his pockets. Uh-oh! He turned them inside out. "I forgot my Rip-N-Slip…" He whimpered.

"What?" Riza was unaware of the situation.

"Uuh.." Before Roy could give out an explanation of his low hygiene, a waiter with a tray in his hand came by and said. "Sir, would you like a mint?" he offered a tray of mints to Roy.

"YES!" Roy eagerly took a handful and swallowed it immediately. The table started to smell like peppermint.

Riza gave her best smile. "Well, uhm, that was sort of weird…" She said. "But at least the table smells nice!"

Roy sighed in relief. "Uhm, pardon me, sir?" The waiter tapped Roy's shoulder.

"Did I do anything wrong?" Roy said. "Oh, and—uhm—sorry about the mints.."

"No.. it's not the mints, sir…" The waiter said. "It's something else.."

"Then, shoot.."

The Waiter kissed Roy passionately while he tried to squirm his way out of it. Roy pushed the waiter away. "ARE YOU CRAZY!? I HAVE A DATE!!!"

Riza stormed out. Roy ran out after her. "Noo! WAIT RIZA!!"

Edward continued to gag on the floor.

THE END!

AN: Sorry about the unnecessary yiao and all. The kissing thing, well, I got it from a commercial where this guy eats a mint, and a police officer pulls him over and kisses him.

And I bet you all know where I got the Rip-N-Slip thing don't you?

Lastly, the "Does my breath smell?" thing came from, Spongebob Squarepants!! (I gotta lay off the tv!!) O.o;