Title- The Tale of Ronnie

Chapter Title- Lost and It's My Fault

Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders

Reviewers-

Thegirloutsider- Yeah, she's kind of mean… And Ronnie was protecting Nate; she didn't want him in trouble too.

XAmberX- Nah, he's around, somewhere. I'm too young for a permit. Two years, and then, you don't want to be on the road. My mom told me that when I get it, she's turning in her license. My brother has his; sadly, he failed his road test… He's taking it again September 22.

Note- I am saved! From hell week that is. Two reasons: 1. I'm a lazy ass and I'd rather write stories than play soccer… 2. I found out a girl I might have to kill is on the team. Yeah, basically I stopped playing school soccer. My punishment? NOTHING… I'm doing too much band stuff to be bothered with soccer, I write, and I play on a different team. Now, let me ask you, would you rather me write or play soccer? 'Sides, school SUCKS! It's taking away my reviewers, especially those in Florida… I'll be there soon! Yeah, which means you won't have me update for 10 days. Maybe I'll finish by then. Oh, and like i said. If you want to annoy me please IM me gcbabe1891 (AIM). I really need some people to talk too. This chapter is sad... but I had to do it, 'cause I am mean and heartless.

A few more months went by. They never found out about the markings. In a way, I felt guilty about them. I wanted my parents to see them, so I would get in trouble. It was the oddest thing in the world. Suddenly, my Uncles were over and mom and dad went out. I wanted to know what was going on, but nobody seemed to know.

That is, until somebody said mom was having the baby. I groaned, it was too soon for the baby. I had asked my friend's mom about it, she said it took nine months. I had looked at my calendar; it would only by four months from when mom told me. I wondered how long it really had been. I know she told me as soon as she found out.

I saw dad the next day. He looked upset and the adults had shooed me out of the room. I could here them talking in low adult voices. It was enough to make me want to find out. I needed to find out. We saw mom in the next few days. She looked upset. I could see where tears had run down her cheeks. What was going on?

"What's going on?" I shouted. I had to find out. It was going to kill me. Mom looked at me, then at dad.

"You didn't tell them?" she asked. Dad shook his head.

"Tell us what?" I asked. I was going to die if they didn't say anything.

"Honey," mom said in a voice I hadn't heard her use in a long time. She sat up in the hospital bed. I walked over to her and she put her arms around me. She motioned for Nate, he walked over and she hugged him as well.

"Guys," her voice cracked, "I, I lost the baby." What did that mean?

"How can you 'lose the baby?'" I asked. How do you lose a baby in the hospital?

"S, something happened. The baby was born too soon." This still wasn't making sense. I was born early. She didn't lose me.

"Huh?" Nate said. Leave it to Nate to sum it all up in one word.

"Kids, the baby didn't survive," dad said. He walked over to us and joined us in the hug. My baby sibling was dead? I was just getting used to the idea.

"It was a, a b, boy," mom said with difficulty, "n, not even th, three hours old." More tears rolled down her cheeks. I gave her a tight hug.

I learned from the doctors that she would be having difficulty with this. The baby had spent six months inside of her and she felt attached to it. I wanted to know why it had too be born early. It wasn't fair, my mom was a good mom. She never hit us or anything. She yelled at us, but I shouldn't have done what I did. I really wanted another younger brother. I wanted somebody for Nate to have to take care of, the way I took care of Nate.

"What was his name?" I asked. I looked at my feet. It had been almost three weeks since the baby died and nobody spoke of it a lot. Mom spent her days in the bedroom; she was even fired from her job. She looked different. She looked like she hadn't slept in years and she lost a significant amount of weight. I heard my mom whimper. She was acting like a little kid.

"W, what d, did I ever do?" she wailed. This was the first time I was speaking to her about it since that night at the hospital. I found out his name was Jonathan, Jonathan Glenn Curtis. I felt really bad about hating him before I knew him. Now I would never know him.

"Mama, I'm sorry I was mean to Johnny before I knew him. I know it was wrong. I don't like it. What do I do?" She stared at me, and then blinked a few times. She rolled onto her stomach and started to cry some more. I stood in the same spot, paralyzed with guilt. Was I the cause of his death? Did he think I hated him? Was that why he died? 'Now look at me,' I thought, 'I'm making my mother cry uncontrollably.' I felt really bad.

The bedroom door opened and somebody walked in. I noticed it had gotten late, it was dark. When did that happen? I was being picked up off the floor and placed in my bed. Did I fall asleep? I remember feeling Nate cuddle up close to me. He whispered something about a nightmare. I was living my own. I was the cause of my baby brother's death. I didn't open my eyes. I just kept thinking and hardly sleeping.

I was so guilty I hardly ate, I wanted to die. I was so mean too little Jonathan, I had killed him. He had lost all will to live. It was my fault. He should be here, not me. I scribbled out a little note saying that I was going out for a little and that nobody should look for me. I was planning on going to my friend's house. I doubt she would know what to do, she had a baby sister. She didn't kill her baby sister. I didn't think my grin would come in handy now. I felt so bad, I just couldn't smile.

I knocked on the door; her mom told me she went out with her dad. I couldn't help myself so I wailed the whole story to her mom. Her mom gave me a hug and tried to tell me that it would be okay, and I didn't do anything. It was a lie, just like I said I hated Johnny. I never hated him, I couldn't hate him. He would've made my mom so happy, I took away her happiness. Now I felt guiltier than before. I killed my brother and made my mom sad. What was I going to do?