Ok ok…. This one is going to be REALLY weird. This is also my Valentines Day episode to you guys…. Sorry of its so late….

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Social Life Sucks

Chapter 6: Who w/ who?

It was 12 Midnight, and Hawkeye was finishing up reading her paperwork. "There.. all done…" She said to herself. She finally caught a piece of paperwork she forgot to turn into Mustang. "I'd minus well turn this in while I'm at it…"

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Hawkeye walked down the hall heading slowly towards Mustang's office. "Colonel Mustang…." She said knocking on his office door. No reply. "Colonel Mustang! Are you in there?" She knocked harder with a louder tone. Still no reply.

Hawkeye put her ear against the door. She heard moanings and groanings inside the office. "Oh, Colonel.. you're so naughty…"

Hawkeye's eyes widened. She kicked down the office door and took out her gun. "Colonel Mustang, are you alri?"

"AGH!" Mustang nearly fell of his chair and a young woman hastily tried to button-up her blouse.

"Geez, 1st Lieteniant! Can't you at least give me a moment of privacy here!" Roy yelled with his uniform halfway unbuttoned and lip marks allover his face.

Hawkeye gaped. "Colonel! What's the meaning of this!"

The young girl and Mustang exchanged looks not knowing what to say.

"I thought you were going to do it with me! After all we've been through!" Hawkeye cried.

Mustang scratched his head.

"Roy-poo… who is this?" Said the young woman primping her hair.

Mustang stammered. "U-uhm… she's…."

"HIS GIRLFRIEND.." Hawkeye said in a loud tone.

"Reina… how about you go out for a walk for a while?" Mustang asked.

Reina frowned. "In the middle of the night.. LIKE THIS?"

Mustang scratched his head.

Hawkeye grabbed Mustang's collar. "Look, if you're going to make out with someone… at least do it with ME!"

Reina pushed Riza aside. "Nuh-uh! I had him first! The gorgeous hunk-a-licious Colonel is MINE!"

Riza and Reina started bickering and fighting.

"Ladies, ladies," Roy said trying to be persuasive. "How about you two do it WITH me at the same time?"

Riza stared at Roy. "What size is you're bed?"

"Uuuh… Twin?"

"TWIN BEDS ONLY FIT TWO PEOPLE SO I GET TO DO IT WITH HIM FIRST!" Reina spat.

"You already had you're turn!"

Havoc, Feury, Breda, and Farman came in except Farman bumped into the doorframe because . "Is something the matter sirs?" Havoc asked.

Mustang shrugged lazily. "They're arguing to see who does it with me first…"

Havoc muttered stuff that little kids shouldn't hear. Fuery separated the two bickering women. "Okay. Okay. I'll ask you some questions and if you answer them right.. then you get to do it with Mustang… First question: Who likes dogs?"

"I DO!" they both said in the same time.

"Hmm… tiebreaker…. Okay… We'll do ABC order…"

"HA! My name is Reina with an 'E' for the second letter and you have an 'I' for a second letter meaning I get to do it with Mustang first!"

"LYER!"

The two women continued to bicker.

Breda crossed his arms. "There's only one person who can solve this…." He darted his eyes over to Feury which startled him. "Fuhrer…"

"Aaw, come on! What does Fuhrer know about women?" Havoc spat.

Breda pointed to his eye. "It's the eye patch. Girls dig pirates…"

"ooh.." said Havoc and Feury in unison.

Breda ripped off his uniform which revealed a cheap Superman costume. "TO THE ELEVATOR! AWWWAAAAYYY!" He ran out the office with everyone else following him shortly after, except Farman who just ran into the wall.

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Shortly after, everyone was cramped in the small elevator with cheap elevator music, everyone not saying a word.

SILENCE.

"I feel horny…" Havoc randomly commented.

"Don't we all?" Mustang retorted.

"So that's the feeling I get when I stare at Havoc…" Feury said.

Everyone became silent again.

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Bradley was sitting in his big-spinny chair petting his furry white cat. "Yees….. we are eeeviiilll…. Eeeeevvviiilll… Muahahaha!"

"Uhm.. Fuhrer…"

Bradley turned around to see Mustang and the gang. "What do you want?" Bradley spat petting his feline of evilness.

"We all feel horny and we want to do 'something'…." Havoc answered.

"yes, yes…" Bradley said. "But you must give me…." Bradley put his pinky on his lip. "One meeeeeeeelion dollars!"

Everyone remained silent. "Damnit… and I was sure I'd look evil doing that…" Bradley muttered. He turned his attentions back to Mustang and his groupies. "Okay, okay. Mustang does it with Hawkeye (for the viewers sake), Havoc does it with Hawkeye…" Bradley turned to Breda and Feury. "Are you okay with each other?"

Breda and Feury exchanged looks and shrugged. "Yeah.. we're okay with it…"

And since Reina stormed out and Farman was too busy trying to feel his way out of Mustang's office… Everyone lived happily ever after! The end.

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That was really stupid…. The part with the elevator was from the movie 'Along Came Polly.' A reviewer also said that I got the Message machines from an FF7 fic. Yes, I did. Sorry if I forgot to credit the author of that fic… ;;; Anyway, that's my late-Valentines fic for you! RnR