Disclaimers: Neither the idea of Harry Potter nor the characters belong to
me in any way. They are the sole property of JKR. I do not make any money
of this story either.
Chapter 4 – Secrets
They had hushed up the fact that Harry Potter was back at Hogwarts very well. No students were at school over the summer and that was the only reason it worked. Severus Snape was standing in front of the singular window in the teacher's lounge and stared out onto the Forbidden Forest with unseeing eyes.
The last month had been hard on him. He should have been happy about having Harry back with him, but the happiness had never really come to him. The younger man had absolutely no memory of the Potion Master and while he was too proud to even confess to himself that it hurt him deeply, he stalked around the castle like a continuously bad tempered black cloud.
In order to make it easier on Harry, they had given him a comfortable suit in the teacher's corridor, right next to Severus' rooms and had moved in all his things in, before he had been allowed to leave the hospital wing.
Poppy had been horrified by the results of her tests. Sever memory loss that had no psychological but an actual physical source. Impossible to repair. She had not seen anything like that in years. "We can be glad he is not in the same condition as the Longbottoms. He could as well be in St. Mungo's now, just like they are. I don't know how he did it and how he managed to stay sane and 'only' lose his memories, but he did it. He does have some sort of flashbacks; smells and sounds bring back feelings, but nothing more. I seriously doubt he will ever regain the memories of the first 22 years of his life."
"What on earth happened to you, Harry?" The pain in his voice shocked even Severus. He had always been in control; he had had to be when he was a spy in order to save his own hide. This sudden loss of self- discipline was worrying. Together with the fact that he was actually talking to himself he started to seriously doubt his sanity.
"I don't know what happened, Severus."
Almost jumping out of his skin Snape swirled around to face the very subject of his thoughts. His heart contracted painfully at the sight in front of him. He had tried to stay away from Harry over the last month, only seeing him at meal times that were spent with the other staff members in a kind of unofficial meeting. Even there he had always placed himself between Albus and Minerva, shunning any contact to Harry. All other times he locked himself into his dungeons, concentrating on his work. He had prepared the syllabus for next year's classes already, created about 50 new tests to torture his students with and started a new research project. "I was talking to myself."
Harry smiled and came closer, standing next to Severus, mimicking his earlier position overlooking the Forbidden Forest. "Yes, I thought you were." He remained silent for a few heartbeats, as if expecting Snape to say something. "Why have you been evading me?"
Turning around to face Harry he put an old mask on his face that he had dropped in the presence of his erstwhile lover long ago; he sneered at him. "What gives you the impression I haven't always evaded you?" Not waiting for an answer he strode out of the room, trying to shut out the memory of the expression on Harry's face. He had enough of the pain. He was sick of feeling like he wanted to curl up and never get out of bed again. If the price for getting his composure back was the new Harry hating him, so be it.
Alienating the man he had searched and longed for more than a year now was of course such a good idea, as the little voice in his head wouldn't stop assuring him. Studiously ignoring the sarcastic, treacherous little thing he forced himself to think of the potion that was simmering away in his private laboratory.
Harry looked at the door completely flabbergasted. "Damn." From the last few times he had met Severus he had been under the impression that they were friends. Not so much by what had been said but by what had not been said and the way it had been said. In the hospital the man had almost seemed afraid to find out who he was.
At mealtimes the other man sometimes looked at him with a lost expression on his face, that it made Harry rather uncomfortable. He had always tried to ignore it as well as the compassionate looks the other staff members had given Severus. It was maddening. Everyone knew more about Harry than he himself.
And now the only person he trusted enough to ask for reasons almost jumped at his throat when he had tried to get some answers. Straightening he decided he would go to the headmaster. Albus Dumbledore was a good man; he knew that without knowing more about him than his name. Still. Every time the other man offered him tea he had felt like it was just plain wrong to accept it.
Shrugging away his weird feelings he decided to use his short break to visit the headmaster. He had never turned him away in the past month when he had had questions.
He had re-learned a lot of things in the last month. Every member of the staff but Severus Snape had been giving him private lessons to bring back lost abilities. Dumbledore – he still had troubles calling the older man Albus, like he had asked him to do – himself had taught him in Defence Against the Dark Arts.
Thoughts still in disarray, his feet found their way to the headmaster's office of their own volition. "Why does the man have to make everything so difficult?" Harry had tried to talk to Severus for days now. There was something between them since the day they had met up in hospital.
He did not need the password he realised; the stair was already leading up to the office. His condition was not the best. The 9 months he had spent in coma had taken its toll on his body. His legs were weak, as were his arms, barely able to pick up a full half a litre glass of water.
When he finally stood in front of the closed office door he was gasping for air, sweat was running down his face and his hands were shaking.
"Albus, I cannot stay here."
Severus voice shook Harry out of his exhausted state enough to listen intently. He was leaving?
"Why not, Severus, I thought you enjoyed teaching the children the art of potions?" Albus voice was completely calm, like they were discussing the weather and not one of his teacher's leaving.
"I cannot stay with him here, it hurts too much."
Him? Who was Severus talking about? There had been no one new at Hogwarts since Harry himself had joined. "Bastard." His strength regained by rage, he stormed into the office. "You bastard," he hissed and zeroed in on Severus, who was looking at him with an unguarded expression of shock. Pushing the Potion Master against the closest wall, Harry discovered energy reserves he had been unaware of having. "How dare you just leave? You promised you wouldn't!"
"Harry?" Severus croaked the name questioningly and a bit dazed.
"You promised not to just go, you promised to stay." Abruptly he turned away, walking to the door, tears streaming down his cheeks. His vision blurred not only with tears, but with pain as well. His hands came up to his forehead and he went to his knees.
"Get Poppy, Fawkes! Hurry." Harry did not notice Severus kneeling next to him and Albus hovering worriedly close to the two. His world was thrust into pain and that was all he took notice of at the moment.
Then the world went blissfully black and the pain dimmed to the throbbing ache that he was used to.
A/N: Comments? Criticism? Suggestions? Review :). I'd appreciate it.
Chapter 4 – Secrets
They had hushed up the fact that Harry Potter was back at Hogwarts very well. No students were at school over the summer and that was the only reason it worked. Severus Snape was standing in front of the singular window in the teacher's lounge and stared out onto the Forbidden Forest with unseeing eyes.
The last month had been hard on him. He should have been happy about having Harry back with him, but the happiness had never really come to him. The younger man had absolutely no memory of the Potion Master and while he was too proud to even confess to himself that it hurt him deeply, he stalked around the castle like a continuously bad tempered black cloud.
In order to make it easier on Harry, they had given him a comfortable suit in the teacher's corridor, right next to Severus' rooms and had moved in all his things in, before he had been allowed to leave the hospital wing.
Poppy had been horrified by the results of her tests. Sever memory loss that had no psychological but an actual physical source. Impossible to repair. She had not seen anything like that in years. "We can be glad he is not in the same condition as the Longbottoms. He could as well be in St. Mungo's now, just like they are. I don't know how he did it and how he managed to stay sane and 'only' lose his memories, but he did it. He does have some sort of flashbacks; smells and sounds bring back feelings, but nothing more. I seriously doubt he will ever regain the memories of the first 22 years of his life."
"What on earth happened to you, Harry?" The pain in his voice shocked even Severus. He had always been in control; he had had to be when he was a spy in order to save his own hide. This sudden loss of self- discipline was worrying. Together with the fact that he was actually talking to himself he started to seriously doubt his sanity.
"I don't know what happened, Severus."
Almost jumping out of his skin Snape swirled around to face the very subject of his thoughts. His heart contracted painfully at the sight in front of him. He had tried to stay away from Harry over the last month, only seeing him at meal times that were spent with the other staff members in a kind of unofficial meeting. Even there he had always placed himself between Albus and Minerva, shunning any contact to Harry. All other times he locked himself into his dungeons, concentrating on his work. He had prepared the syllabus for next year's classes already, created about 50 new tests to torture his students with and started a new research project. "I was talking to myself."
Harry smiled and came closer, standing next to Severus, mimicking his earlier position overlooking the Forbidden Forest. "Yes, I thought you were." He remained silent for a few heartbeats, as if expecting Snape to say something. "Why have you been evading me?"
Turning around to face Harry he put an old mask on his face that he had dropped in the presence of his erstwhile lover long ago; he sneered at him. "What gives you the impression I haven't always evaded you?" Not waiting for an answer he strode out of the room, trying to shut out the memory of the expression on Harry's face. He had enough of the pain. He was sick of feeling like he wanted to curl up and never get out of bed again. If the price for getting his composure back was the new Harry hating him, so be it.
Alienating the man he had searched and longed for more than a year now was of course such a good idea, as the little voice in his head wouldn't stop assuring him. Studiously ignoring the sarcastic, treacherous little thing he forced himself to think of the potion that was simmering away in his private laboratory.
Harry looked at the door completely flabbergasted. "Damn." From the last few times he had met Severus he had been under the impression that they were friends. Not so much by what had been said but by what had not been said and the way it had been said. In the hospital the man had almost seemed afraid to find out who he was.
At mealtimes the other man sometimes looked at him with a lost expression on his face, that it made Harry rather uncomfortable. He had always tried to ignore it as well as the compassionate looks the other staff members had given Severus. It was maddening. Everyone knew more about Harry than he himself.
And now the only person he trusted enough to ask for reasons almost jumped at his throat when he had tried to get some answers. Straightening he decided he would go to the headmaster. Albus Dumbledore was a good man; he knew that without knowing more about him than his name. Still. Every time the other man offered him tea he had felt like it was just plain wrong to accept it.
Shrugging away his weird feelings he decided to use his short break to visit the headmaster. He had never turned him away in the past month when he had had questions.
He had re-learned a lot of things in the last month. Every member of the staff but Severus Snape had been giving him private lessons to bring back lost abilities. Dumbledore – he still had troubles calling the older man Albus, like he had asked him to do – himself had taught him in Defence Against the Dark Arts.
Thoughts still in disarray, his feet found their way to the headmaster's office of their own volition. "Why does the man have to make everything so difficult?" Harry had tried to talk to Severus for days now. There was something between them since the day they had met up in hospital.
He did not need the password he realised; the stair was already leading up to the office. His condition was not the best. The 9 months he had spent in coma had taken its toll on his body. His legs were weak, as were his arms, barely able to pick up a full half a litre glass of water.
When he finally stood in front of the closed office door he was gasping for air, sweat was running down his face and his hands were shaking.
"Albus, I cannot stay here."
Severus voice shook Harry out of his exhausted state enough to listen intently. He was leaving?
"Why not, Severus, I thought you enjoyed teaching the children the art of potions?" Albus voice was completely calm, like they were discussing the weather and not one of his teacher's leaving.
"I cannot stay with him here, it hurts too much."
Him? Who was Severus talking about? There had been no one new at Hogwarts since Harry himself had joined. "Bastard." His strength regained by rage, he stormed into the office. "You bastard," he hissed and zeroed in on Severus, who was looking at him with an unguarded expression of shock. Pushing the Potion Master against the closest wall, Harry discovered energy reserves he had been unaware of having. "How dare you just leave? You promised you wouldn't!"
"Harry?" Severus croaked the name questioningly and a bit dazed.
"You promised not to just go, you promised to stay." Abruptly he turned away, walking to the door, tears streaming down his cheeks. His vision blurred not only with tears, but with pain as well. His hands came up to his forehead and he went to his knees.
"Get Poppy, Fawkes! Hurry." Harry did not notice Severus kneeling next to him and Albus hovering worriedly close to the two. His world was thrust into pain and that was all he took notice of at the moment.
Then the world went blissfully black and the pain dimmed to the throbbing ache that he was used to.
A/N: Comments? Criticism? Suggestions? Review :). I'd appreciate it.