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Arianna: Where am I? Who am I? What am I doing?
Eliwood: Arianna…do you have…amnesia?
Arianna: What's amnesia? And who are you?
Eliwood: Poor, poor Riri has forgotten who she is!
Erk: She's faking it.
Ivan: …….I don't like you people. Can I go home yet?
Arianna: DARN! I have been found out! Alright, I'm back, people, so don't shoot!
Erk: Or stab, or hit, or kick, or throw….
Arianna: I've just had things to do lately. But here I am, there you are, so all's well, right?
Erk: Until you disappear for another four months or so after this chapter.
Arianna: …. ;
Latisha: I think you need to join 'Procrastinators Anonymous' because you take slacking off to a whole new level.
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DISCLAIMER: No, I haven't spent these past months fighting for ownership of 'Fire Emblem'. It's still not mine. :(
THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO MY FRIEND MILLY WHO RECENTLY HAD A BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MILLY!
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"DART, I'M LEAVING!" screamed Farina as she searched the house frantically for her purse.
"Where ya goin'?" Dart asked with alarm, following his wife around the room.
"There's a sale on blender lids (A/N: I know, no blenders then. I plead artistic license!) at the market!" Farina responded excitedly. Dart scratched his head in thought.
"Do we even have a blender?" he asked and Farina paused long enough to answer him.
"No, but it's a SALE!" Farina explained. She gave a loud, joyful cry as she finally found her purse. "Now, Dart, dear, I know you have to work today, but you'll have to watch the girls."
"What?" Dart exclaimed, "A pirate ship is no place for two girls!" he said, trying to reason with his sale-sniffing wife.
"Well, today it will have to be!" said Farina, only half paying attention to her husband. "Now, I have to get going. Kiss, kiss!" she said and hurried out the door. Dart gaped after her and pondered how this would affect his day. The results of that pondering made him want to cry-er, CURSE. He decided to seek out his youngest daughter and break the bad news to her first. He found her in a closet. A dark closet. A DARK closet.
"Agatha, what are ya doin' in a closet?" asked Dart while he gazed down at his fourteen year old daughter. She had dyed black hair, a pale face, black lipstick, black eye shadow, and was wearing all black clothing. She was currently curled up in a DARK closet, writing poetry…...somehow.
"I told you, it's Angstasia, not Agatha!" she said in an impatient tone. She was annoyed at having her latest brooding interrupted.
"Aggie, there's been a change of plans today….." Dart began in a cautious voice. Agatha stopped and looked up, expecting the worst. And, oh, did it ever come.
"You have to go to work with me today."
"XXXX NO, DAD! I'm FOURTEEN! I can watch myself!" replied the suddenly distressed Angstasia. You would be distressed too if you suddenly found out instead of spending your day in a dark closet writing gory, depressing poetry you would have to spend it riding on a ship…..I think.
"Watch yer language, missy!" Dart scolded. Aggie just rolled her eyes and mumbled another curse under her breath. "Where did ya learn to talk like that?" Dart asked, shocked.
"You, Dad."
"I don't talk like that!"
"You do when you're mad."
Dart thought about it and decided this was not a battle worth fighting. "Ah, XXXX it. Get stuff to entertain yerself with while I go talk to yer sister." he said and slammed the closet door on the dark teen. Then he walked to his eldest daughter's room while thinking of things to bribe Agatha with so she wouldn't tell her mother about his cursing in front of one of the 'virgin-eared angels' as Farina called them. He came to a pink door and knocked on it.
"Like, come in!" called an annoyed voice from inside. Dart opened the door to see his sixteen year old daughter, Olivia, lying on her bed, reading a magazine. She hadbleached blonde hair, a rosy-hued face, pink lipstick, cyan eye shadow, and tight, pink clothing. "What do you, like, want, Daddy?" she asked, not taking her eyes off her magazine.
"Your mother had to go out today, so you 'n yer sister need to come to work with me today, get yer stuff ready." said Dart quickly and ran before she had time to process what he said. He was barely half-way down the hall when he heard a shrill, angry shriek. He sighed, hoping that the worst was over (it isn't). He waited by the door for his daughters to resign themselves to their fate. Agatha was the first to come to the front door. She was holding a bag (black, of course) and she had a very ticked expression. She sighed long and loud, making sure her father knew she wasn't pleased, but other than that she was silent. Olivia, however, seemed to want to make her displeasure better known.
"This is going to be the worst day ever!" she screeched as she came down the hall dragging a pink bag behind her. "We're gonna be, like, stuck on a ship? Like, all day? I'm gonna, like, fry up! My skin will be all red and, like, ouchy" She continued to complain loudly as Dart herded his two teens out the front door and towards the docks of Badon. As they approached the 'Davros' Dart could see his mates staring at his daughters with confusion.
"Dart, you scurvy cur, what's with the two girlies?" Captain Fargus demanded as the pirate led his children onto the ship. Agatha examined the ship's deck and Olivia gave flirty looks to some pirates while Dart pleaded with his captain.
"Farina had to go somewhere today 'n I couldn't just leave them home alone!" Dart explained. Fargus glanced again at the two girls and shrugged.
"Alright, they can come aboard for the day. But if they cause trouble they're walking the plank." he warned Dart and headed off, barking orders at shipmates to ready the ship for cast off.
"This ship is so, like, dirty! Do you guys ever, like, clean it?" Olivia complained, wrinkling her nose as a nearby pirate spit on the floor. Dart ignored her question.
"I gotta go do my job, so you two behave, okay?" he told his daughters and hurried off. Olivia huffed and tossed her long, bleached hair.
"I'm going, like, below deck." she told her sister and strutted off. Agatha sat down and began writing poetry.
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"So, like, you come here often?" Olivia asked, batting her eyes at a handsome pirate who was peeling potatoes. She had been looking for a place to get food when she found the kitchen; and a cute guy.
"Well, duh! It's my job!" he answered. Olivia frowned slightly but then her smile returned as she tried again. She leaned forward so her face was right in front of his and he finally stopped peeling long enough to look at her.
"I'm new around here. I don't suppose you could….show me around?" she asked him in a husky voice, blinking her eyes a few times for good measure. He was just about to answer her when a yell interrupted the two.
"Greg, what the flying fish are you doin' with my daughter?" Dart yelled, dropping his armload of food supplies as he grabbed his daughter and yanked her far away from the young man.
"Believe me, Dart, I wasn't doin' anything!" Greg exclaimed, but this only seemed to make Dart angrier.
"Oh, so now yer sayin' my daughter ain't good enough for ya, is that it?" he yelled, taking a threatening step towards Greg. Greg held his potato peeler up in defense, although a peeler wouldn't help him much against an angry father. Things were just about to get messy when a deckhand came shouting into the kitchen.
"Dart, you're needed on deck! You're other daughter has gone MAD!" the deckhand said frantically. Dart grabbed Olivia and dragged her back up on deck with him. They left Greg the potato peeling pirate to stare after them for a few moments before returning to his work.
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What happened on deck……..
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Agatha had been quietly writing poetry when a pirate came over to see what she was doing. "What's this?" he asked, looking over her shoulder. Agatha sighed inwardly and turned a dark, threatening eye on the pirate.
"A poem….." she said in a voice that plainly stated she didn't feel like talking to him.
"Oh, are ya one of them potent people?" the pirate said, either ignoring her hidden warning or being too stupid to realize it was there. Agatha arched a brow at him.
"….potent?" she asked, confused. He nodded his head.
"Yeah, one of them people that write poems and stuff all the time." he clarified. Agatha gave him an almost pitying look.
"You mean poet?" she said and the pirate turned a bit red.
"Yeah, whatever. Same thing." he grumbled. "Can I hear one of your poems?" the pirate suddenly asked. Agatha flipped her notebook to one of her more recent poems titled 'Death'.
"Death is a mystery, covered in gore, all the tales of salvation are nothing but lore. When death strikes swiftly it will slash and tear, it will leave behind a trail of despair." Agatha read solemnly and then looked up. The pirate just stared.
"Er…..do you have any poems that are a bit more….cheerful?" he asked.
"Cheerful is a false state of mind. Happiness is temporary illusion." she replied softly. The pirate backed away a bit, scared by the black-hearted girl. Another pirate ran up to the first pirate. He was carrying something.
"Vshtlk, look what I found!" the new pirate said and opened his hands to reveal a cute, pink-nosed, fluffy bunny. Agatha took one look at it and screamed.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! GET THAT HORRID CREATURE AWAY FROM ME!" she shrilled, pushing herself to her feet.
"It's just a little bunny rabbit…." the newcomer said, taken aback by the girl's reaction. He looked at Vshtlk for guidance. Vshtlk made the crazy motion and pointed at Agatha.
"CUTENESS MUST DIE!" the gothic girl suddenly screamed and she lunged for the poor rabbit. The pirate was startled and accidentally dropped it. The bunny immediately began hopping away as fast as its little bunny legs could carry it. Agatha followed close behind it, holding her notebook as a weapon. "DIE CUTENESS!" she was screeching just as her father and sister appeared on deck.
"Agatha, what thegrumpy gullsare you doing?" Dart yelled as his daughter ran past him in pursuit of a small bunny.
"IT'S ANGSTASIA!" she screamed and kept to her chase.
"Somebody save my poor bunny!" the one pirate yelled and then he burst into tears. Vshtlk patted him awkwardly on the back.
"Agatha, leave the rabbit alone!" Dart shouted as he ran after his slightly (slightly?) psychotic daughter. The chase continued on for a good fifteen minutes until finally Captain Fargus decided to come see what was going on.
"What's all this ruckus?" he roared and everyone froze. Except for the rabbit. The rabbit jumped into a lifeboat, gnawed off the rope, and floated out to sea. Whether the rabbit ever made it to shore or not I do not know. I do know what happened to Dart's daughters, though.
"Do you remember what I told ya two when you first came on my ship?" Fargus shouted at Agatha and Olivia. "If you cause trouble, you walk the plank!"
"YOU TWO MOONCALVES ARE WALKING THE PLANK!"
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Minutes later…….
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"This is, like, so unfair." Olivia whined. She and her sister were standing on the plank with the ocean in front of them and Fargus' threatening ax behind them. "I am, like, so telling Mom about this when she gets home, Daddy. And she will, like, freak because the salt water will, like, ruin my expensive clothes!"
"Captain, can't ya just let'm go? They're just young girls!" Dart begged. He really didn't want to face Farina's wrath after he told her how their children drowned in the ocean….or, even worse, that their pricey clothing and accessories went with them!
"Rules are rules, Dart. Now, move it, girlies!" Fargus snapped and shook his ax. Agatha stepped to the edge of the board.
"Death by sea……where so many have died before me…" she said then she took a deep breath and jumped. She hit the water with a resounding splash. Olivia gulped in fear as she watched her sister be carried away by the waves.
"AGGIE!" a horrified Dart shouted, than fainted.
"Now you." Fargus said and pushed Olivia off the plank before she could protest.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" she screamed as she fell. "EEEEEE-gurgle gurgle….." she screamed as she hit the water. She was batted by a wave and thought all was lost when she hit the side of something hard. It was a small boat! She pulled herself into the boat, coughing and gasping, than looked at her rescuer.
"Grunt grunt grunt?" the bunny from earlier inquired, supposedly asking how Olivia was.
(A/N: ...What? Milly said bunnies grunt….)
"How do you think I am? I was pushed off a boat and now I'm stuck with a rabbit!" Olivia complained. The bunny twitched its nose at her.
"Grunt grunt sniff!" it said in a huffy tone, which I assume meant something about Olivia being ungrateful. The lifeboat eventually drifted over to the side of the 'Davros' and the pirates lowered a rope.
"They actually, like, expect me to, like, go up that?" Olivia said and then grudgingly climbed it, abandoning the bunny.
"GRUNT GRUNT!" the bunny said as its boat floated away again, which I assume meant something like 'HEY!' Once back on board Olivia glared at the pirates.
"WAAAAAAAH!" she suddenly screamed, bursting into tears. "That was mean! I'm gonna SUE!" and she continued to rant, throwing a full-blown tantrum. The Captain and some pirates wandered back to their work while others stayed to watch the girl's tantrum. Dart finally woke up and comforted his daughter. It didn't help. So he gave her money. She calmed down. Then all the idle pirates and Olivia got together and started singing 'We Are The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything'.
(A/N:
Erk: NO! No more Veggie tales songs!
Arianna: It's not all Veggie Tales, it's Relient K, too!)
The rest of the day passed uneventfully and soon Dart was walking home with his daughter in tow. "Now remember, ya don't mention any of what happened today to yer mother!" Dart was saying as they approached their front door.
"Yes, Daddy." Olivia answered as she counted her new hush-hush gold. They walked into their home and were quickly assaulted by a spastic Farina.
"Look at these!" she was saying, shoving an array of colored blender lids in front of Dart's face. "They were SIXTY PERCENT OFF!"
"Er…that's great, Hon…." Dart said. Olivia whisked right past her parents (still counting her money) and headed for her room. Farina calmed down and looked around Dart.
"Honey, where's Agatha?" she asked. Dart whacked his head.
"Dangit, I thought I was forgetting something!" he said in a far too calm voice.
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On some distant island…..
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"Grunt grunt grunt?" said a whoooole lot of bunnies, examining the newcomer. Agatha was staring at them in horror. A lifeboat suddenly washed onshore and a familiar bunny hopped out.
"HONK!" it cried as it saw Agatha. Then it honked to its brethren and alllll the little bunnies began chasing after Agatha!
(A/N: Yes, honked. It's a happy bunny!
Erk: …..was that pun intended?)
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NOOOO! CUTENESS!"
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Latisha: I think someone needs to call the social services on those two.
Erk: I think someone needs to call the mental institute on Arianna. An island of bunnies?
Eliwood: Better than an island of ligers.
Erk: …..
Eliwood: You know...those tiger-lion things.
Ivan: I'm not even gonna ask….
Arianna: Review responses!
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REVIEW RESPONSES
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:TO EVERYONE: Thanksto all who caught my mistake.-.-; Stupid Riri needs to edit better. I fixed it so now no one will have to fear a DartxFiora chapter.
:FireEdge:
School is so evil that it's right up there with allergy shots and Nergal. Thanks for the review!
:Rednal:
What does the admin have against indents? Thanks for the review!
:avi17:
No! Don't die! There's already so much blood on my hands….stories….whatever…. Thanks for the review!
:lugiamania:
Manly pride…hehe. Funny term. Thanks for the review!
:Kitty Merow:
Thanks for the review!
:TFRiD Queen:
Huey will be fine….eventually. Hector might never recover from his loss of 'manly pride' as lugiamania put it.:D Thanks for the review!
:Inferno-Hero:
Nice ideas for if I decide to do that MaM fic. UBER! I like the word uber. I like the word spiffy better, though, because it has a spiff in it. Sorry there was no new glorious food in this chapter. Maybe there will be next time. Thanks for the review!
:Rose-Wisteria:
Oswin was probably out doing….something. I'm planning on doing the PentxLouise one chapter after next. Thanks for the review!
:enangl27:
Glad I made someone happy.:D Thanks for the review!
:Ryzuki:
-dodges swinging arms- Thanks for the review!
:Wildfire Dreams:
Dads: FEEL SORRY FOR US!
Darlings: Muhahahahaha!
Thanks for the review!
:TurtleGoddess:
A high Rei…..O.O Thanks for the review!
:NekoRaven:
I would never hire Matthew as a babysitter. He'd steal all my stuff! And maybe the kid! Wait, that wouldn't be so bad…Thanks for the review!
:Jeanie:
Fiora and Geitz don't have an ending? DARN! I've been trying to get their supports to see their ending since they seem the only plausible pairing with Geitz. All his supports with Isadora are just about a bird. Thanks for the review!
:Wandering Cat:
AHHHH! NOT THE DOOM! I think befall is a word. My spell check isn't underlining it. Nerf! NERF!
Eliwood: Ah! Not again!
Nerf, nerf ,nerf, thanks for review, NERF NERF!
:RBMIfan:
Lilina is some kind of magic user in FE6. I think she is a mage. O.O Are you psycho, too?
Latisha: It's psychic, Ri, psychic.
Thanks for the review!
:Miserikordi:
Next chapter is gonna be MatthewxLeila's kid. Good idea! I should make the kid be all like 'Daddy, stealing is wrong!' . :) Thanks for the review!
:Shinobi Demoness:
Good for Huey! He got his revenge on Matthew!
Matthew: Why are you people suddenly so against me?
Thanks for the review!
:Seventh Sage:
Sounds like something I would do…only I would do it from laziness, not lack of ideas. Thanks for the review!
:sorakh:
Fear of rabbits….sounds like Thalie could be friends with Agatha. That is, if Agatha had any friends. Pyromaniac…..that reminds me of some song. Thanks for the review!
:Not telling:
I thought about it but I left one because if I put none people might think Jaffar killed himself. Plus, who knows? If Jaffar went all the way to the circus he might just go ahead and watch it! Threat? They're not threats! They're just slightly scary statements that make the reader feel compelled to review. Thanks for the review!
:Umbrielle:
Of course he had to have trouble! Where would this story be without the dads having trouble with their kids? . Thanks for the review!
:Scarabsi:
I don't think Sacaens really hold their nose when drinking tea...Hector just didn't want Lilina to know he was holding his nose so he couldn't taste the tea she made as much. I don't think Matthew was that out of character. In the game he would try to cause Hector usually harmless trouble. Although I do think Matthew wouldn't be jump roping.:)Thanks for the review!
:flamefirefox:
REVIEWS COOKIE! dumps cookies on you
Ivan: What if they had an allergy to cookies, huh? They might die from you doing that and then you'd get sued and-
Erk: Why do you care? You don't like us anyway.
Ivan: Oh yeah….
Lucius was way out of character but I needed some comedy.-.-; Maybe he was just feeling giddy that day. Thanks for the review!
:Silvermyst:
Priceless; for everything else, there's Mastercard. I had to say it. Thanks for the review!
:TomDragonBlade:
I don't think so since Matthew was the one who tied Huey up in the tree. Maybe they did have some secret plot but Matthew turned on Huey. Thanks for the review!
:MissSefie:
YEAH! Fight the power, don't pay attention in class!
Erk: Now we know why you're so stupid.
Rath and Sain will get their chapters eventually. Thanks for the review!
:Lil' Rae:
READING COOKIE!
Ivan: STOP WITH THE COOKIES!
All-stare at Ivan in shock-
There will be twins again at some point. Thanks for the review!
:Crystal Royale:
Aw, you don't like Ayame? Don't worry, in Lucius' chapter he'll be more like himself. Thanks for the review!
:R Amythest:
Here, have a cookie!
Ivan: ….. -passes out from anger overload-
I don't know what Ivan has against cookies. I don't know…maybe if the beta reader was a friend so I wouldn't freak out at them. I'm a bit…'touchy' about my writing.
Erk: I think you mean another word that has a 'b' and an 'itchy'.
Thanks for the review!
:Heath's-No.1-Fan:
I'm continuing! DON'T HURT ME! hides
Ivan: Uhhh….thanks for the review and stuff…and those guys thank you for your sympathies.
:The-Maiden-of-Sir-Sain:
PUFFBALL-tackles Raven and wrestles him to save the puffball-
Eliwood: I wonder if she's on him just for the puff ball's sake…
Erk: I think we better get a medic ready for Arianna. Tactician versus mercenary is a pretty easy call to make.
Ivan: Thanks for the review…..
:Draconian Assassin:
You really like that one best? That makes me feel a lot better because I always felt that I didn't do a very good job on that chapter. NYAH! Another cool word. NYAH NYAH! Thanks for the review!
:Dekra Dentao:
Wow, a lot of thinking.
Erk: As opposed to you, who never thinks.
Thanks for clearing that up for me! And thanks for the review!
:Emblembabe:
Or glad! HEY! An interjection starts the sentence right! Interjections show excitement and emotion!
Latisha: …..school house rock?
Thanks for the word!
:Nightmare:
Reviews cookies!
Ivan-bursts into tears- I GIVE UP!
Sain will get a chapter. It will be SainxFiora since Priscilla is already going to be with Guy and Heath. Thanks for the review!
:Ghost of Erk:
I'm sorry, I'm really slow! I just don't have as much time as I did over the summer. Thanks for the review!
:Jenny:
HAHAHAHAHA! You're kidding, right? There's TONS of Jaffar fan-girls! Me included! The game never says for sure how old he is but since Nino is fourteen I'm guessing Jaffar is around 20-25. Thanks for the review!
:Evergladelord:
Updated! Wasn't soon, but half a loaf better then none. Thanks for the review!
:Lack Thereof:
Yay for yay! Yay for yay for yay! Yay for-
Eliwood: You're making my head hurt…..
Thanks for the review! And thanks for mentioning my story in your profile!
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Arianna: It's done! HONK HONK HONK!
Agatha: AHHHHHHHH! KILL CUTENESS!
Erk: Don't worry, Aggie, that thing is definitely not cute.
Arianna: What?
Erk: I calls 'em as I sees 'em.
Arianna: Grrrr……… -finds a baseball bat and chases Erk-
Latisha: Next time, Matthew and his daughter! And it's back to little kids for awhile. Bye for now!
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Olivia: Review or I'll, like, get all bummed out and, like, stuff.
Agatha: And we'll stick you on the Bunny Island with the evil cute bunnies….
Olivia: And Aggie, who you might, like, find worse than the bunnies.
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