Disclaimer: I do not own Phantom, Kiss Me Kate, or Godspell. I also do not own the state of Ohio, Bob Taft does and I'm just using it (Thanks, your governorship!) And I do not own The Sims. (well, I do own a copy of it, and a bunch of expansion packs for both the original and The Sims 2, but I don't own the rights to the game I guess is what I should be saying. Which leads me to the fact that I also own the movie cast album of Phantom and the original book of Phantom, so that same logic I used for The Sims could be used to say I own Phantom as well, except that, once again, no rights to it.) Other than that, please read and review, as 'No Going Back Now' as reviews, and this doesn't. It's lonely...

I suppose one good thing about being in a play like this instead of something like Kiss Me Kate or Godspell is that there isn't really any dancing. I mean, there are the ballet parts and everything, but there's none of those big ensemble dances like Too Darn Hot or anything like that. Fact is, I cannot dance. I have slow-danced, sure, at Homecoming last year and at a couple of dances when I was in middle school, but that takes no skill whatsoever.

So really the only experience I would have had would have been when I was a volunteer at a hospital in Ak. last summer-- when I would dance if I was alone in an elevator. It was silly, my elevator dancing, and whenever it would stop on a floor I'd always move back to a ramrod-straight position. But I liked it.

Still, though, I'm glad that none of that really needs to come in handy for being Christine. Because the fact that my voice was dead exhausted from singing Phantom of the Opera with Dave was enough of a problem already.

"What the fuck is up with you, Nelia?" Liam asked me. We were in Knarth's room again, and I was attempting to sing 'All I Ask of You' with Tony. But I kept messing up. My voice just wouldn't do what it normally does.

"I don't know," I said. "Maybe I was straining too much yesterday, and..."

"Well, you need to be stronger if you're going to be Christine in this play," he told me. "You do remember last year, right? How Kiss Me Kate went for a whole weekend, one preview show Wednesday, a performance Friday night, two performances Saturday and a Sunday matinee? If you can't do what Melissa did, then--"

"Excuse me, Liam?" I asked. "'If I can't do what Melissa did?' Melissa had ten years of vocal training, and church choir, and the school choirs, and all that other stuff that normal musical theatre people do, and she was a senior last year! You chose me, it's your fault that your Christine is an untrained sophomore and not as strong as Melissa. I can get better, just stop being such a Nazi, would you?"

"Now you see what you've gotten us into, Liam?" Lucy asked him. "Gawd. I told you from the beginning I would have made a better Christine. Talk about vocal training, I got it."

"Once again proving that she's the right girl to play Carlotta," Sam whispered to Tony and me. I giggled.

Liam shook his head. "Fine, fine," he said. "I admit it, I picked you, Nelia. But if you say you'll get stronger... fine. Let's at least get through this song... get Tony going good."

Darlene Sparrowaella, our Madame Giry, giggled. She had come onboard because she's another Phantomphile in the German gang, and Sam and Liam could not resist her pleas. However, as she soon proved to us, she cannot sing, and therefore is much better as Madame Giry than in any other part. I knew why she was giggling, though-- she had always thought Tony and I should go out. I'll admit, I do flirt with the guy a lot, but it will not work. One, he's my best guy friend, and two, we're working on a project for history together. Two things that you do not attempt to turn into love, in my opinion.

"From the top?" Tony asked.

"Yeah, sure, why not?" Liam asked. Tony nodded happily. I don't know why, but he really seemed to like singing this stuff. It was so different from the usual Green Day and White Stripes music I hear him raving about, but he seemed to be turning into just as much of a Phantomphile as Sam and Liam.

He began:

"No more talk of darkness,
Forget these wide-eyed fears.
I'm here,
nothing can harm you -
my words will warm and calm you.
Let me be your freedom,
let daylight dry your tears,
I'm here,
with you, beside you,
to guard you and to guide you"

Let me say just one thing: Tony has never had the best voice. His normal speaking voice just sounds sleepy, not something you'd trust singing music from one of the best plays of all time. So his was a decidedly different take on Raoul than on the cast album. He sounded a bit tired, a bit worn-out, not at all the strong Raoul. I didn't know what Liam thought of it, and I didn't know what he'd think of my next attempt either.

" Say you love me
every waking moment,
turn my head
with talk of summertime . . .
Say you need me
with you now and always
promise me that all you say is true -
that's all I ask of you"

As this isn't the highest song, I was okay. But I could still tell that I was not at my best, especially at the beginning of it. Liam shook his head and whispered something to Sam.

"Let me be your shelter,
let me be your light
You're safe:
No one will find you
your fears are far behind you," Tony sang. Oh, why did that part have to be so short? I needed rest. I needed as much rest as possible on my poor voice.

"All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night . . .
and you
always beside me
to hold me and to hide me"

I shuddered when I thought of exactly how much those words could mean to me. Freedom from my maniacal stalker, no more nightmares of him in Sand., and... Henry, protecting me. I could imagine what it would be like, to have him holding me. It wasn't like he hadn't ever done it. He considered me his friend...not his best friend. But he had hugged me. However, had we been Sims, they would have definitely been classified as friendly hugs, not romantic or even tender ones.

I hope that by the time we perform this play I'll be able to give those lines the emotion they deserve.

Tony began again: "Then say you'll share with me

one love, one lifetime . . .
let me lead you from your solitude . . .
Say you need me
with you here, beside you . . .
anywhere you go,
let me go too -
Christine,
that's all I ask of you . . ."

Those lines from Tony's lips instead of Henry's were enough to kill me.

"Say you'll share with me

one love, one lifetime . . .
say the word
and I will follow you," I sang. Then he joined in and we sang together: "Share each day with me,

each night, each morning . . ."

And then me: "Say you love me"

And him: "You know I do"

And together again: "Love me, that's all I ask of you"

Then we both stopped. "It says you're supposed to kiss," Liam said, looking at the script.

"Ooo!" Darlene squealed.

"We're not kissing," I said. "Not here. Not now. Not in front of all of you."

"Then how will we ever do it onstage, Nee?" Tony asked. "Come on, it can't be that bad."

"Ooo!" Darlene squealed again.

"Fine," I said. I walked over and give him a quick peck-- on the lips, but it lasted only a fraction of a second.

"Come on, you guys!" Sam yelled. "You think that's how Raoul and Christine kissed? You guys are supposed to be in love! Not... whatever that meant!"

"This is the first rehearsal of the song, Sam," Lourdes said. "Let them have some time to get used to the idea."

"If they get any more used to the idea, they'll be magnetically repelled," Liam said. "Come on. Show us what it really..."

I don't want my first kiss to be an actress' kiss, I thought. And I don't want it to be with Tony. I want it to be with Henry, and I want it to be real. Can't they understand that?

But before I could say any of that, Tony's lips mashed up against mine. And they would not move. I actually didn't mind it too much-- it wasn't like he was trying to stick his tongue in my mouth or anything-- but it was still so weird. It's like, one moment, there I am, just standing there, and the next there's a guy in my face.

"There, we kissed," Tony said. "Was it romantic enough for you?"

"Passable," Liam said, which I thought was a pretty big word for someone who's still waiting for his own first kiss. "Oh, go on, finish the song."

So we did. We went through all of post-trance stuff without a hitch (though I still felt weak), and then the song went onto the reprise. Liam rushed press the stop button, but Dave started singing before he could.

"I gave you my music . . .
made your song take wing . . .
and now, how you've repaid me:
denied me and betrayed me . . .
He was bound to love you
when he heard you sing . . .
Christine ...
Christine ..."

At this point, Tony and I were supposed to be singing from 'offstage', but we were both in too much of a trance to do so. So Dave just glared at us and kept on singing.

"You will curse

the day you did not do

all that the Phantom asked of you."

"Ah... that was unexpected, Dave," Liam said when he finished.

"Oh? I expected it to be expected," Dave said, in a much different mood than the one he had been using to sing. He shrugged. "Nelia, do you need another ride?"

"Ah, sure," I said. My mom hadn't figured out last night that it hadn't been Katie (my dear neighbour) who had given me a ride home. Hopefully she wouldn't figure it out tonight, either. Lourdes gave me an astonished look. I held up my fingers in the 'universal phone gesture', in a silent promise to call her and explain later as I walked out of the classroom.

"You know," Dave said, "that kiss didn't really count."