Disclaimer: Final Fantasy is a creation of Hironobu Sakaguchi, and is owned by SquareSoft, a division of Square Enix, co. Not me. Meowth, of course, is a Pokemon, and Pokemon was created by Satoshi Tajri, and is owned by Game Freak, Ltd., and Nintendo. The "Knights of the Round Table" song is copyrighted by Monty Python, and is another thing that I don't own. Mainly 'cause I couldn't come up with something that funny anyways.

Here's Chapter 4. Fresh in '05, you suckas!

Incubus Kitten: What the hell was that?

Southern Shinigami: Sorry. Here's the chapter.

So You Wanna Be a Final Fantasy Character

By Southern Shinigami

Chapter 4: Evil Corporations, Summons, Ultimate Villains, and Camelot!

Back at the Baseball Stadium…

Southern Shinigami: Welcome back to "So, You Wanna Be a Final Fantasy Character"!

Kuja: Did I mention how much I think this sucks?

S.S.: Did I mention how much I think you suck?

Paine: Figuratively or literally?

S.S.: (shrugs) Can it be both?

Kuja: How dare you! You know what I can do to you?

S.S.: I can do a lot more to you.

Kuja: (powering up and getting really angry) Oh yeah!

S.S.: Yeah, I'm the frickin' author.

Zidane: (sees Kuja, and goes into leader mode) Uh oh… Dagger, Vivi, Rusty, get ready for battle. Freya, you and the others get ready to back us up.

FFIX team: Right!

Squall: What are you doing?

Zidane: Possibly saving our asses from Kuja.

Squall: (brushes back hair, and smiles) Whatever.

(Squall's Fangirl Section goes crazy)

Squall's Fangirl #47: Oh my God, I love you Squall!

Squall's Fangirl #78: I love you, Squall! Marry me, Squall!

(lighting bolt hits #78, everyone looks at Rinoa)

Rinoa: Anyone else wanna say that? (they shake their heads no) I didn't think so…

Kuja: Well, Mr. So called "author" prepare for (turns into Trance Kuja and levitates) OBLIVION!

S.S.: (looks at Trance Kuja) One that has no preparation? I'm so scared… (to Seifer and Sephiroth) Do you guys really use that line?

Sephiroth: Apparently and unfortunately. It's in the villain handbook.

Cloud: There's a handbook?

Seifer: We also have fund-raising nights, field trips, stuff like that.

T. Kuja: (points at S.S., and charges up a) FLARE STAR!

Zidane: (to his troops) Let's go! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Trance Kuja fires Flare Star at S.S., but)

S.S.: (snaps his fingers, and makes the Flare Star disappear) What Flare Star?

T. Kuja: But…but…but… (S.S. snaps his fingers again, and Kuja's back to normal and chained up in the bullpen area of the stadium) Crap… (Zidane and his team fall as Kuja disappears)

Incubus Kitten: What happened to your "No fighting" rule?

S.S.: What? I didn't touch him. I sent him to the pen.

Aerith: (to Zidane) What's wrong, Zidane? You wanted to fight Kuja, didn't you?

Zidane: I was lookin' forward to it.

S.S.: Okay, now that that's taken care of-

(Seymour, just now, gets back to the stadium, hiding a bra in his jacket)

Seymour: Hello everyone, what did I miss? Where's Kuja?

Seifer: Where were you?

Seymour: Hey, don't change the subject. Besides, what happens at the Sexy Land, stays at Sexy Land.

S.S.: Hey! I'm trying to start here!

Seymour: My apologies. Do go ahead.

S.S.: Thank you. First up, another mainstay in Final Fantasy, there's always a ruling company, government, or religion that's causing part of the trouble that the good guys have to take care of.

Cloud, Squall, Zidane, and Tidus: YOU GOT THAT RIGHT, DAMNIT!

S.S.: So, here it is, the Evil Organizations! First up, from Final Fantasy X, run by Maesters Mika, Kinoc, Kelk Ronso, and Seymour Guado, the church of Yevon! (crowd boos)

Mika: Yevon loves you, and you love Yevon… or else.

Someone in crowd: Or else what?

Mika: Uh… we'll send you to the Via Purfico?

Someone in crowd: That place is dumb, it's stupid!

Mika: You're stupid!

S.S.: Moving right along, from Final Fantasy IX, Garnet's other hometown, Alexandria, ruled by Queen Brahme! (huge, gelatinous blob, known as Queen Brahme, snarls. Crowd boos)

Brahme: Oh, shut your traps, before I have Zorn and Thorn start using Eidolons!

Zorn: And, do it we will!

Thorn: And we will do it!

S.S.: Right. Next up, we have the country of Galbadia, from Final Fantasy VIII, run by Victor Delzing and Sorceress Edea! (crowd boos, Edea kills Victor)

Edea: Ha ha ha ha! Stupid fool, that Victor! I rule Galbadia!

S.S.: Uh… and finally, from Final Fantasy VII, we have the Shinra Corporation, run by Rufus Shinra! (brushes hair back, and winks. Some of Squall's Fangirls squeal for him)

Squall, uh Shinra Fangirl: I love you, Rufus!

Squall: HEY! … poser…

S.S.: Time for the next category. OK, it's the end of the game, and you've beaten the main boss, and you think you're done. But then…

I.K.: And I hate it when this happens…

S.S.: There's another frickin' boss, who has little or no relevance to the damn story or you don't hear about this boss until later in the story, and this is your only encounter with them, and you're totally unprepared! This is what we call the-

I.K.: "How In The Hell Are You The Final Boss?"

S.S.: First off, from Final Fantasy VII, we have Sephiroth's mommy, Jenova. I mean, seriously, aren't you supposed to be dead? Well, isn't she, Sephiroth?

Sephiroth: You forget, I am a go-

Cloud: Oh, shut up with that.

Tifa: Please. Gods aren't supposed to be beaten, right?

Sephiroth: …Shut up.

S.S.: From Final Fantasy VIII, we have Sorceress Ultimecia. (turns to Ultimecia) All we know about you is that you possessed people, and in the end, you weren't that hard to beat. Remind us, what's your purpose again?

Ultimecia: Kurse you, Shinigami. You're the irrelevant one.

I.K.: Mighty hard case of Dyslexia there, huh Ultimecia?

Ultimecia: Shut up.

S.S.: Next up, from Final Fantasy IX, we have Necron. I think I'll have Incubus Kitten vent on this one.

I.K.: How the fuck are you the final boss? You aren't mentioned at all throughout the entire game! Zidane and his gang beat up that thong wearing cockbite(points to Kuja in the bullpen, who gives her the finger), he destroys a crystal, and then you show up! What the fuck is your purpose?

Necron:… filler?

S.S.: And finally, in this section, we have Yu Yevon from Final Fantasy X. He's Sin. No one knows this until the end of the game. At least Shuyin was relevant… somewhat.

Shuyin: Hey, I have relevance!

Tidus: You're a ghost!

Shuyin: You're a dream!

Bahamut Fayth: You're both the same.

Shuyin and Tidus: SHUT UP!

S.S.: And finally, our last category.

Seifer: Are you certain? Don't you lie to me.

S.S.: Quiet Seifer. This one is another Final Fantasy staple. The summons! Now, instead of going down the entire list of summons because most of it is repetitive,

I.K.: You know, with Shiva, Ifrit, Bahamut, Ramuh…

S.S.: There's a great deal of summons, you know. Especially in VII, with that number-

Kuja: Get on with it.

Wakka: Yes, get on with it.

Squall's Fangirl Section: YEAH, GET ON WITH IT!

S.S.: Okay, okay. We'll give you the ultimate summons. Since the ultimate ones are usually the last ones obtained, from Final Fantasy X, we have Final Fantasy IV's reformed villains, Cindy, Sandy, and Mandy, the Magus Sisters!

Cindy: Hi, I'm Cindy

Sandy: Yo, I'm Sandy

Mandy: And, I'm Mandy

Magus Sisters: And we're the Magus Sisters!

S.S.: I just told them that.

Cindy: We like to do the presentation.

S.S.: Ah ha… moving right along, from Final Fantasy IX, we have The Ark! (The Ark roars) creepy… Next, from Final Fantasy VIII, we have Eden, the… well… uh… I'm not sure what Eden is, really. But, she's powerful as all hell.

Seifer and Ultimecia: You got that right!

S.S.: And finally, we have… man this is dumb…

Seifer: Oh, you finally realized it?

S.S.: Shut up, Seifer.

I.K.: What?

S.S.: They wanna introduce themselves.

I.K.: So? Let them.

S.S.: It's dumb, but okay. (calls to the booth) Yo, Meowth!

Meowth: Yeah, Shinigami?

S.S.: Play that tape, and spotlight on the stage in Center field!

(Meowth puts the spotlight on the stage, and puts in an instrumental of "Knights of the Round Table")

S.S.: Ladies and Gentlemen, from Final Fantasy VII…

KOTR: We're Knights of the Round Table

We dance when we'er able

We do routines, and chorus scenes,

And footwork impeccable.

We dine well here in Camelot

We eat ham and jam and Spam a lot.

I.K.: It's uh… it's not that bad.

S.S.: It's about to get worse…

KOTR: We're Knights of the Round Table

Our shows are for – mid – able.

But many times, we're given rhymes

That arequite un – sing – able

We're opera mad in Camelot

We sing from the diaphragm a lot!

Lulu: This is ridiculous

Kuja: (clapping) I like it.

Freya: You would. Wait, are they tap dancing.

I.K.: This is getting dumber by the minute.

Irvine: I feel dumber, just by watching it.

KOTR: In war, we're tough and able

Quite inde – fatig – able.

Between our quests, we sequin vests,

And impersonate Clark Gable

It's a busy life in Camelot

Lone Knight: I have to push the pram a lot…

S.S.: Okay… that was inexplicably bad… (to I.K.) See why I didn't wanna do it?

I.K.: Okay, you made your point. You happy now?

S.S.: That's all I wanted to hear.

Kimahri: Kimahri head hurt. Kimahri need Tylenol.

Red XIII: You and I both.

Steiner: Why are you people complaining? I liked it.

Zidane: That's because you look like one of them, Rusty.

Steiner: I do, don't I?

S.S.: Well that's it! That's the end! That's the end of this fic. I'd like to thank my partner in crime, Incubus Kitten, who held down the law. (crowd claps, she waves, and goes back to verbally abusing Necron)

I.K.: You're worthless! You're useless! You make no point whatsoever!

S.S.: I would also like to thank the cast members of Final Fantasy's VII, VIII, IX, and X/X-2 for being such good sports, and besides, we wouldn't have this, if not for them. (some cast members stare at each other, knowing that they will be fighting afterward)

S.S.: Thanks to my board operator, Meowth, and to you, the reader, Thank You, and Good Night!

Well, that's that. That's the end of this fic… or is it? Anyways, here's a recap of the categories:

Evil Organization: Shinra Corporation (FF7), Galbadia (FF8), Alexandria (FF9), Church of Yevon (FFX/X-2)

How The Hell Are You The Final Villain: Jenova (FF7), Sorceress Ultimecia (FF8), Necron (FF9), Yu Yevon (FFX/X-2)

Ultimate Summon: Knights of the Round (FF7), Eden (FF8), The Ark (FF9), Magus Sisters (FFX/X-2)

There we go. Now, you know what to do. Go ahead, and let me know which one you like. Stay tuned for another chapter: The Aftermath.

Read and review, y'all. See ya!