The Next Dark Lord
-A silly 1 shot about replacing Voldermort, with a presidential election!
At one of the various Death Eater Meetings the dark lord himself came hobbling in, carefully placing his dark bottom on the seat of his dark throne. All the death eaters gaped at him and all of his darkness.
"Well," he began darkly, "as you all know I'm getting up there in age and I believe it is time we choose the next dark lord." The Death Eaters continued to gape stupidly. "WE'RE GOING TO REPLACE ME!" Huffing Voldermort smacked his head. "Hullabalu!" He chirped casting a spell to create a large bar graph.
"Now, as you can see here I'm not as young as I used to be and I may be leaving soon."
"No Dark Lord sir what shall we ever do without you?"
"I haven't the foggiest." The Death Eaters looked around and began weeping singing a song called "my dark lord is dead (oh woe to me)." It was a dreadful tune.
"Hmf what a bunch of dunderheads."
"Aah Serverus is there something you would like to say?" Voldermort didn't like Snape because his hair had reached its' maximum greasiness. Something that Voldermort's balding head could never compete with.
Serverus stayed quiet and pulled out an old fashioned record player that played "The Doom Song" a large rain cloud formed over his head, yet his hair remained greasy.
"Snakey and I want to be your friend!" Lucius Malfoy yelled bobbing his arm up and down like Hermoine Granger in class.
"I don't want you to be my friend you have to be my heir."
"Sir, you're bald."
"I KNOW WORMTAIL!" Voldermort seethed as Wormtail pretended to writhe from the evil waves spitting from Voldermort's aura.
"Our dark lord's bald!" More crying ensued.
"I'm going to go brood in my room call me when you find my heir!" And with that Voldermort stomped into his pink ponies styled room and began talking to the littlest pony, Fluffikins. ("Oh Fluffikins sob why I am surrounded with such idiocy?" Fluffikins remained silent.)
Four hours later Voldermort realized that the Death Eaters were still searching for his heir. ("Oh Voldermort's haaair where are youu? Come out come out wherever you are!") It was getting on his nerves as he went outside to face them.
When he exited his room he saw all of his little death eaters combing the floor, literally, for his heir.
"The stupidity ends here I have chosen my heir!"
"Would you like Blonde or Red hair?"
"Shut up Wormtail you insignificant fool!" The writhing continued.
"It will be-"
"Oooh I know! Pick me your darkness!" Lucius Malfoy was jumping repeatedly.
"This looks like a fun game, pick me! Pick me!" The other death eaters joined in.
"I give up Malfoy, Snape would either of you like to be the next dark lord?"
Snape's eyes grew large and watery. "Really? I never win anything." He sobbed.
"But I wanna rule all of the evils of the world!" Malfoy started throwing a temper tantrum.
Voldermort trudged back into his room and began sniveling again to Fluffikins. ("Nobody understands me.")
When he came out of his room another two hours later he heard singing.
On the right side of the room he heard:
"Malfoy Malfoy he's our man,
he'll hit Severus with a frying pan!
He'll make the world bitter
cause he'll litter
oh Malfoy Malfoy he's our man!"
Voldermort smiled, still gripping Fluffikins and looked over at the other side of the room.
"Severus is scary Serverus is mean
He hates Potter and students and things.
He likes Potions and Avada Kedevra
He'll kill Malfoy with his bladder!"
"Oh my little death eaters are growing up I'm so proud." Voldermort used Fluffikin's tail to wipe away some stray boogers. Fluffikins did not look happy.
"I have chosen the winner," Voldermort began, "and I must say that I am very proud, very proud, of both of you. The next dark lord will be…me."
All the death eaters began cheering except for Malfoy and Snape.
"THIS-HAS-SOMETHING-TO-DO-WITH-POTTER!" Snape seethed and began to play with his My First Potions Set bitterness frothing from his greasy demeanor.
"Snakey we lost it's ok we will survive…Snakey? Snakey!" Snakey, Malfoy's snake staff had slithered over to Nagini and they were quite preoccupied at the moment.
"Finally," thought Voldermort, "a good Death Eaters meeting."
-End Please review
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