Change Up
by
ensngre
"You know, Naruto…" Neji sighed and looked him into the eyes. "Girls're bad.""What do you mean by that?"
"Just trust me. You can never have a girl. Because you're mine, Naruto. You're mine."
"Good gracious… I'll kick you square in the nuts if you continue."
"…kick me and I'll kiss you back."
"You've lost it. Face it, man. You've lost it."
"You have no idea, baby."
Naruto sighed. "Anyhoo, TenTen and I are going to a date t'night."
"Oh, that. She won't show up."
"What? Of course she will."
"No… she won't. You'll see."
"Will I?"
"Yeah. You'll see."
"…somehow, I doubt you can envisionage the future."
"Just trust me, damnit! She won't show up; curse her."
"…and somehow, I doubt your curses will stop her."
"Not my curses. But of how I got an entire class of children kill themselves. All I needed was half-an-hour with the little rats, and the problem fixed itself. Well, actually no. I fixed it."
"Wow. Cruel. Say, how did you do it?"
"Don't wanna tell. Besides, it doesn't matter; she won't show up."
"You're screwing things up for me, don't you?"
"No, not for you… for your relationship with any other; yeah. Well, life's a dukka."
"Oh goddamnit, don't lecture me about that Buddhist-hippie-crap."
"Hey, watch it. Or I'll bind you up on my back and start screaming 'mineminemine' to the entire village."
"Not with your feeble body. You can barely lift yourself, you white, skinny guy."
"…awright, get a fucken MOVE on, stringers - epoxy team! Dog 'em, dog 'em!"
"Wh-what the hell?"
"Goddammit Petrov, why didn't you go out for the Red Cross or something? This fucken thing's not that fucken heavy."
"…alright?"
"Yeah. Watch it, or I'll hold your arms down and rape you."
"Pff. Wanna test me, you spineless piece of shit?"
"You bet."
Authors note…what the hell was that? I didn't know what happened, myself. Just dialogue (mostly), and if you think a certain part of this seemed familiar; c'mere and name it.